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American Candy

Now We're Drowning

Nirvana wrapped her arms around Ross' neck as he picked her up to move toward the nearest bed. She silently thanked the management teams for making sure they were in hotels more often than not. She would not have been enjoying the man as much if they were confined to the small bus bunk or a green room. No here, anything was pretty possible. There was plenty of room and the beds were California Kings.

Ross knew that this was a bad idea. He knew the instant that the girl looked him over that it was a really bad idea. His hormones were raging, and Nirvana was persistent. She was very difficult to say no to. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that X would find out. Ross knew that he was playing with fire, however, he didn't have much self control at the moment. He had been going mad.
Of course the pair did, multiple times throughout the night. When they finished, finally, Ross got himself dressed. He wanted to make small talk with the girl but she was slowly dressing herself as well. She didn't want to talk about it, from the look on her face. It was pretty obvious. She wanted to be alone.

"I'll just be leaving now..."

"Already?" She questioned; shocking Ross greatly. "You can actually stay, if you would like?"

Ross raised a bushy eyebrow at her. He was surprised by the girl's admission.

"Are you sure? Rumor has it that you don't do sleepovers or talks after sex."

"I'm turning over a new leaf, Ross." She winked playfully. "So tell me about yourself,"

Ross just shrugged.

"There's nothing too interesting about me, besides the band,"

"What's been going on with you personally then? I hear you're the ladies man of the tour."

He shook his head and thought again. If only Nirvana knew who the real ladies man was, she wouldn't have said it to him. It didn't make sense to him that this girl, the one with sultry eyes and unashamed lips, had no idea about Matty and his extra activities.

"I wouldn't call me that, really."

Nirvana rolled her eyes at him. Ross felt awkward.

"Oh, whatever, MacDonald."

"I was being quite serious!" He laughed along with her. "I'm not always like this. It's a new development, really. I just... I'm avoiding conflict of interest."

"You mean X, don't you?" She really didn't even have to ask. Ross' face gave it away. He stared, confused about how she knew. He couldn't will himself to say anything. "It's painfully obvious,"

"Then why would you do this to me or her?" Ross questioned. "Why me?"

She huffed and shook her head.

"Ross, you're a fantastic human being. Anyone would be crazy not to see that, okay? X included. Plus, you are sexy."

Ross was rather quiet. Nirvana was patient, waiting for him to respond. He had so many questions swirling around his head. He didn't know what to do or what to ask. Finally, he came up with something.

"Why are you so scared to love people?"

He didn't know what he was getting himself into.


Adam was trying his best to sleep in the bed that he had just laid down in. He couldn't though, with X and George laughing ridiculously loud. He wasn't sure why Ross made him vacate his room, but he was really wishing that he hadn't. It was hard to fall asleep when the two were shouting every five seconds. They weren't actually shouting; Adam just felt like they were.

When he couldn't handle it anymore, Adam grabbed his trousers from the floor to slip on. He didn't care that he was nearly naked. He walked across the hotel room in his pants and nothing else on. George gasped dramatically and covered X's eyes. It was a bit comical, considering that George was rather quiet. Something about X brought it out in him. It was kinda mental.

Adam dressed in his black skinnies, and a white vest, or tank top as Americans called it. He walked toward the elevator. Once in the elevator stopped on the lobby floor, Adam went searching for the pool. He didn't want to swim, but he needed to just breathe. He didn't expect to be this stressed out on tour. Then again, they never had a girl band on tour with them before. He had never felt so over-ran by females in his life. They were everywhere.

As if predicting the future, Adam walked into the pool area to see Lark pacing back and forth. She was on the phone with someone important. Adam didn't mean to, but he was eavesdropping. He approached quietly, staying a far away as possible.

"I love you so much, Beau." She sighed. "I miss you." Adam slowly turned toward her and her back was to him. "Did you have fun? That's great.... Yeah, I'm having fun. Are you behaving yourself?" She giggled a little at the response that Adam couldn't hear. "Okay, yeah it is late here. I love you. I promise that I will call before you go to sleep. Bye."

Adam promptly turned around and made a louder noise, as if trying to trick her. He didn't want her to know that he had been there the entire time.

"Oh, Hi." He spoke for the first time. Lark jumped and turned toward the man.

"Gees! You scared the frack out of me," She nearly yelled, placing her hand over her heart and then rubbing her face. "I’m so paranoid tonight."

"What were you doing?"

"Just calling home," She smiled sadly. Adam almost asked her who Beau was, but he didn't want her to know that he had been listening to what she was saying on the mobile. "What about you? What brings you to the pool?"

"I needed some peace and quiet." He sighed. "I got booted from Ross' room, so I was in George's and he and uh... Matty were just being so loud. I had to get out,"

“They are rather obnoxious, aren’t they?” Lark laughed lightly. “So now you end up out at the pool with a paranoid teen,”

Adam rolled his eyes lightly.

“Okay, sure,”

“I am,” She sighed sadly, looking at the water that was ever so dark. “Do you remember your childhood?”

“Yes…” Adam trailed off with a small laugh. “What kind of question is that?”

“I mean do you remember what it was like being a kid? One that went to summer camps or just played in the dirt? Do you remember if your parents ever went on business trips and you wished that you could go along? Did you ever go along? Stuff like that,”

He was taken back slightly.

“Uh...yeah, I mean i remember. I don’t think I remember that detailed, though, if I’m quite honest.”

“I remember being five years old and terrified of water. I don’t know what it was, but I just assumed that there were monsters in every body of water. It didn’t matter where I went with my parents, I refused water,”

Adam chuckled a bit.

“It’s just water,”

“No, it represented my anguish as an adolescent. I was terrified because I couldn’t live day to day, not knowing what was coming next. It’s much more than water. It’s my fear….worry….heartbreak,”

“You’re so weird,” He laughed. “There is nothing in that water. It’s just chlorine.. There’s nothing to it. You’re going to be okay if you dip your feet in,”

Lark rolled her eyes.

“You’re missing my point,”

“I think you’ve missed mine,” He countered. “You’re scared of the unknown instead of providing the cold, hard facts. Nothing too big could fit in there, and nothing too small would be floating at the surface. They can not survive in the chemicals,”

“No, it’s the metaphor. It’s the what ifs and should have’s that I’m worried about. I’ve been living my life day to day, worry by worry ever since I was fourteen years old. It’s much more than cold hard facts, Adam. It’s my life,”

“But you’re sitting beside me now,”

“But my feet aren’t in the water, are they? I don’t take risks, Hann. It’s far too dangerous,” The silver-haired girl said cryptically before pulling her body even further away from the edge.

“What happened to you?” Adam asked softly. “What happened that made things like this?”

Lark scoffed, bringing her knees into her chest and wrapping her arms securely around her legs.

“So much, really. I wouldn’t know where to start. It’s a long story,”

“I’ve got time,” He smiled encouragingly.

So Lark began telling Adam bits and pieces of her story. As it unfolded, Adam felt sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to be there anymore. He didn’t want to know so much about the girls. He would have preferred to sit further on the sidelines than be close to them. However, it seemed as if he had earned some sort of trust with the girl because she was honest with him. She didn’t exactly beat around the bush and she told him about her nightmares, dreams, and the earth shattering experience that left her more of a mess than she was before. Adam understood her band’s lyrics much more now than he ever thought that he could.


“I don’t love people because I’m not lovable,” Nirvana shrugged. “It’s as simple as that, Ross. I’m just...I’m just me, and I’m okay with that,”

“That’s not the honest response,”

“What do you want me to say, Ross?” She sighed heavily.

Ross was beginning to notice just how much Nirvana looked her age. She looked worn and stressed out already. The girl didn’t even been talking to him for five minutes before she began to look exhausted.

“Tell me your life story,” He repeated.

Nirvana pulled her long hair back into a pony tail.

“Okay….uh… My name is Nirvana Grace Smith… random, I know. I was born in Seattle, and I still live there. I met the girls while we were all in Kindergarten, so we’ve been friends since we were between five and seven years old. When I got to middle school, I started to figure out that I was developing quicker than the other girls. I...I got teased for it, and I just felt so bad about myself. Long story short, I developed a pretty serious eating disorder.”

Ross furrowed his brows and leaned into the girl even more.

“Really? You? You’re bloody gorgeous,”

“Thanks,” She tried her best to shrug it off, but Ross knew that his comment meant something to her. “I eventually had to drop out of school to go to a rehab facility in Florida, and I spent over ninety days there. It was hell, honestly. I had never been that far away from my family. Our band was still very young, and we were just taking hit after hit with just awful circumstances. There are just some things that have seriously happened, and I guess I snapped. I was having anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns. They were hellish.”

Ross nodded along.

“I’m glad you’re here now, though,”

“If I didn’t go to rehab, I don’t know where I would be, Ross.” Nirvana answered honestly. “I don’t think I’d be alive,”


“I don’t deserve your support or pity. That’s what happened, and I’m okay with it,”

No she wasn’t, not in the slightest. They were barely three months in and Ross felt like they were all going to drown.

Yes, Ross definitely wasn’t ready for her response.
♠ ♠ ♠
New chapter to post on this cryptic day. Not sure what's going on, but RIP The 1975(as we know them)

xx R