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American Candy

Nirvana's Story

Adam Hann was certainly looking forward to his bonding time with Lark. A few days had passed since Matty’s birthday, and frankly he was sick of Maize. He literally almost asked why she was still here, but then remembered that she happened to be the drummer of the band that they were touring with.

When Maize was cool, she was cool. However, when she wasn’t the girl was a bloody nightmare.
He couldn’t handle the tension that passed everyone. Ross was tense most of the time, and X kept sending glares in Nirvana’s direction. Now it seemed that George and Matty had gotten into a row, because now they were avoiding each other. Again, Adam’s head spun. He really, really needed a holiday. Lucky enough, they were all scheduled a week and a half off soon. He fully planned on sleeping and being completely alone. He was sick of being surrounded by women and drama.

“Right on time, Hann,” Lark smiled at the male guitarist as he joined her on the couch. Weekend Misery just finished a radio interview, and it looked like everyone else had disappeared rather quickly. “Maize actually just went looking for you. Ross offered to help to keep her away,”

Adam laughed, genuinely.

“Good. Can’t bloody stand the bird right now,”

“Then why put up with her?” Lark questioned innocently. “I mean, if you dislike her then there is no real point in keeping her around is there?”

Not that Adam was about to expose his hidden sex life, but that’s exactly why Maize was still around. They both were really, sexually attracted to each other, and it worked. Maize got attention from a male, and Adam got a warm body to hold. It was a fair trade, and it was one that they were pretty okay with. Maize was really cool once she stopped being so neurotic. They both enjoyed video games and sex. It was working for him.

But Adam didn’t say any of those things out-loud to Lark.

“I don’t know,” He sighed instead.

“I know you’re lying to me,” She stated matter-of-factly. “I’m not going to ask you why you are, because it’s not my place. I just wanted you to know that you are very readable.”

“We all can’t be like statues,” He joked, making the girl laugh in return. “’s Beau?”

Lark smiled a tiny bit.

“I’m not telling you about Beau, Adam.” She stated simply. “He’s….I can’t. He doesn’t deserve that,”

Adam furrowed his brows.

“I think...have you told Matty?”

“God no,” She sighed, playing with a strand of her hair. “He’s being kind of weird and moody.”

“Welcome to being the girlfriend of Matty Healy,” He joked.

Lark’s eyes shot up and she turned toward him quickly.

“I am not his girlfriend,” She stated. “We just like to hang out a lot.”

“Larkin…” Adam trailed off, noticing the small blush on her pale cheeks. “Oh, my...Does Lark have a crush?”

“Shut up!” She nearly yelled; punching him in the arm.

“Ow!” He laughed. “What was that for?”

“What do you think?” She hissed.

Adam laughed and ruffled her hair.

“Oh stop it, kid.” He smiled at her. “No one goes through the trouble of throwing a birthday party for someone that they don’t like,”

“Are you done?”


Adam was right though, Lark would admit. She’s not too fond of telling Matty about her feelings though. She wanted to keep those to herself for as long as she possibly could. Matty was more than obvious with his affections, but it had all but stopped the past few days. Lark felt like Matty didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. She felt like last month’s toy and now he was looking for the shiny new one.

“Matty doesn’t….like get rid of people quickly, does he?”


“You hump and dump?”

Adam chewed on his bottom lip.

“It honestly depends on the girl…” He trailed off. The look he saw on Lark’s face was enough to break his heart. Not her. Matty could break any girl’s heart that he wanted to, but Adam would not stand for Matty breaking Lark’s heart. The girl had been through too much already and she didn’t deserve it. He wasn’t saying that the girls who have had their heart’s broken by Matty did, but Lark was something else. She had more to lose than just her heart.


“Hey...let’s talk about something else,” He stated. “What do you plan on doing once we take our break?”

“Honestly?” She thought about it. “I think I’m going to fly home to Seattle for a while.”

“That’s a solid choice. See your family...see Beau?”

The silver-haired girl rolled her eyes.

“Yes, see my family and Beau. What about you Adam? What does the legendary Hann have planned?”

“It’s all a bit shit,” He laughed. “I plan to sleep,”

“I’d kill to sleep.” She shrugged.

“What do you mean?” He laughed.

Lark sighed the sigh that was becoming very familiar to him. She moved her feet, clicking her heels as she thought about what she was going to say next.

“Sleep is a beast; polar and bare.” She shrugged. “I just can’t sometimes.”


Adam didn’t have a chance to elaborate because one drunk Matty Healy walked into the room. It was early, considering the show didn’t start for another hour, but there he was with a wine bottle in his hand and a dazed smile on his lips.

“Hello Hann,” He stated, taking a gulp from the bottle like only Matty could. “Hello, Larkin. How are you two today?”

Lark shrugged.

“We’re okay,”

“Okay? But darling, the sun is out and the crowd is huge. You should be elated.”

“I’m going to go now,” Adam sighed. There was never a use of being around when Matty was there. The conversation would have gone nowhere, and Lark would not be able to pay proper attention. So much for bonding, Adam thought. Just when he was having a conversation with someone who was like a sister to him, Matty comes in and steals the show.

As soon as Adam left, Matty pulled himself upright and sat down slowly beside of Lark. He only looked at her for a minute before the two of them started to laugh.

“Matty, you’re ridiculous,” She stated.

“Thanks,” He snickered. “Well, it worked didn’t it?”

“What worked?”

“I needed to get you alone,”

Lark shook her head slowly.

“You only have to ask me, and I’d willingly give you time. You don’t have to do that…”

“But it was fun,” He laughed, drinking some more of the wine. “I’m not bloody drunk yet. He should know better. That’s like….half past from now when I usually start drinking.”

“What do you want, loser?” She asked him straightforward.

Matty had yet to tell Lark that he slept with Nirvana. Yes, it was killing him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to actually tell her. He wanted to, but he just never found the words. He wanted to tell Lark everything that he’d done since the beginning of the tour.

“We...really need to talk,” He laughed. “That sounded weird, didn’t it? Well we do…”

“About what?”

“,” He sighed. “You see, I do this thing where I don’t really think before I act. I’m very much an ‘in the moment’ kinda guy. I don’t really care about what will happen because of my decisions either,”

The girl looked away because she felt so awkward under his gaze.


“Yeah, and well...I’m really trying not to be that person, ya know. But I can’t really bring myself to. I still just kind of screw up all of the time. I don’t mean to, but I hurt a lot of people around me because I just dig myself too deep. That’s the funny part, innit? I try but I end up killing a piece of me even more.”

“I’m following you but what does this have to do with you wanting to talk to me?”

Matty paused and seriously tried to weigh his options.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for...the shit I pull on you. That about covers it?”

“Okay….” She trailed off. “I swear, you just keep getting weirder. It must be a talent,”

Matty laughed awkwardly. He patted her shoulder twice.

“I’m glad we had this talk,” He said, and then he was off.

“What just happened?” Lark asked, noticing that Matty left behind his wine bottle.

So Lark drank it instead.


Ash sighed heavily as she looked over at Nirvana. The girl was eating all alone, and she looked like shit. She looked like she could use a friend. Slowly, Ash got up. It wasn’t easy moving at the moment. She felt gross and bloated, but that was expected for a woman who was expecting. Ash was lucky. After two miscarriages, she was finally pregnant again. Louis had been amazing the entire time. He was such a good father to their first child, William. Ash just knew that the new baby was going to be a good thing. Being pregnant however, was not her favorite thing.

“Hey stranger,” She stated simply, looking down at Nirvana as she approached.

“What do you want?”

The fatigue was evident in her voice. Ash could tell instantly that something was bothering Nirvana.

“How are you feeling?” She asked instead, sitting down across from her.

“I’m fine,”

“Obviously because you’re all by yourself and you keep glaring at everyone.” She retorted. “What happened?”

“Weren’t you there?” Nirvana sneered. “I don’t need a fucking pep talk, Ash.”

The purple-haired woman looked slightly shocked.

“You need a fucking attitude check.” She stated instead.

“I learned from the best,” Nirvana sneered back.

“Nirvana, I’m serious,” Ash sighed. “Your attitude can make you or break you. I know, and I mean it, that you’re going through some shit right now. I know that this is tough, but if you would please just talk to me?”

“I’ve literally screwed everything up,” She stated. “And I can’t fix it.”

“Why not?

“Because I’m clearly the worst person in the world. I only make mistakes and messes.”

“Hey now!” Ash stated. “You can’t talk to yourself like that. You’re only going to make it worse.”

“I literally don’t see how it can get any worse from here.” Nirvana admitted, pulling her dark hair up. Up close, Ash could see how much this all was taking a toll on her. She looked miserable.

“It can get better though,” Ash encouraged. “You can change things, and fix them.”

“I fucked Matty, Ash.” Nirvana stated harshly. Her voice broke at the end. “I royally messed up. Lark is going to kill me. I can’t just tell her,”

“I….damn,” Ash sighed. “Ni, you can’t keep doing this shit! Look at where you are. Do you want to be here?”

“Yes.” She stated firmly. “Maybe….no...look I don’t know, okay?”

“Maybe you should really try to figure that out.”

“Why should I?” She asked calmly.

Ash reached over, gripping her hand for a moment.

“Because you have no one else.” She stated. “You’re alone Nirvana, and it’s about time that you admitted it to yourself and other human beings. You need to apologize and tell the truth. Starting with Lark and Matty.”

Nirvana scowled as Ash got up to leave her, and she realized that she didn’t want to change. She’d rather stay right where she was because it was comfortable. Nirvana didn’t want to change, because honestly, she didn’t know who the real her was. She was terrified to find out.


“George Bedford Daniel,” Ash sighed, sitting down on the tour bus couch. “You are one difficult man to track down. I’ve been everywhere looking for you,”

George moved his legs and sat up.

“Well, you’ve found me. You here to yell at me as well?”

Ash sighed.

“No...I’m actually here about Nirvana.” The tall man visibly stiffened. “Don’t worry, she’s not showing up with me today. I’m going to share more of her background with you okay?”

“Okay.” He replied slowly. “What about her?”

“I’m sure you’ve wondered why she’s like this, haven’t you?” George shrugged, trying to appear indifferent. Ash rolled her eyes before looking seriously at the male. “Nirvana was in rehab when she was fourteen,”


“Listen, please?” Ash begged. “I was in the same rehab facility. That’s how our two bands are connected. I was in there for drugs and alcohol. I have one hellish past, but this isn’t about me. Anyway, I met Nirvana, and we were roommates. She was fourteen and I was around seventeen. I don’t really remember because it’s so hazy. Needless to say, I got to know her very well. The treatment center she went to, it was her last hope. She was that bad, George.

She grew up in a good home. She wasn’t neglected like we were. She had family, and she had people who loved her. Shit just happens. She was teased because she developed before everyone else. There were girls that would lock her in custodial closets because they didn’t like the way that she looked. It was all because of jealousy that she started to go down the dark path. Her friends, Maize, X, and Lark all forced her to go. Her parents didn’t notice because she had been little her entire life. It took a lot for them to understand what was going on.

Nirvana was so sick that every bone in her back was visible. I know sometimes that’s normal for skinny girls, but she should have had curves at this point. She did before she started to starve herself. She told me her story and I shared mine. The Nirvana that I met in the rehab facility was just a scared little girl, who desperately wanted to be accepted and loved.

When she got out and they came on tour with us, we started to hang out a lot. Eventually we picked up each other’s personality traits. She saw me living my rockstar life, and suddenly it’s what she wanted to. Again, it stemmed from her not understanding that this was the root issue. She didn’t know that she was trying to hid herself behind a persona.

George, you have to give her a chance. She’s scared and alone, and she has no idea what she wants. She needs people around her right now, even if she’s hurt all of you. What do people do when they’re hurt? They lash out. She’s lashing out because she’s so deeply wounded. She cares so much for you that you can’t understand. She didn’t want to say what she said to you. She was doing it so that you don’t get close enough to her to see her battle scars.” Ash finished.

George really surprised himself by realizing that his heart actually hurt for her. He chewed his bottom lip and looked away from Ash. He refused to make eye contact.

“I do expect an apology.”

“You will get one,” Ash assured. “Nirvana is sorry about Matty. She knows that she royally messed up.”

“Good,” George sighed.

Now it was his move, and he had no idea what to do first.


Lark met Matty in his hotel room after the show. The male was surprisingly sober, and happened to be wallowing in self-pity. He tried his best to avoid the girl who was currently standing in front of him, but he couldn’t stay away. He couldn’t avoid the silver haired girl like he wished. It’s hard to hide from someone you really care about anyway.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Lark asked him slowly.

Matty’s attention snapped from his thoughts toward the girl.


“Matty? are you okay?” She asked slowly. “You’ve been acting like you don’t want to be around me…”

“What?” He asked, taking in those hazel eyes. “, Lark. No, please don’t think that. Please?”

“I...then what am I supposed to think?”

“Baby..” He trailed off, pressing his lips to hers slowly. “I’m so sorry. I am. I can’t believe what I did. I’m really fucked up actually. I’m a perpetual walking, talking mid-mid life crisis.”

Lark pulled away from him.

“Are you okay?”

Matty realized that this was his one and only chance to really tell Lark the truth. He didn’t want to. He hated confrontation to an extent and he didn’t want to break her heart. He wanted to hold her and do cute things. He also wanted to do really, really dirty things to her as well. But that was besides the point.

“No,” He answered honestly. “I slept with Nirvana.”

The girl pulled back from him and out of his grasp as quickly as she possibly could. It was as if touching her had burnt her skin.

“What?” She stated. “What did you just say?”

Matty pursed his lips together.

“It happened the night of my birthday party…..” He trailed off, letting everything match up in Lark’s head before he moved on. “I...I don’t even remember walking you to your room. I was plastered. Apparently she seduced me. I don’t remember. All I remember is waking up, and hating myself for it,”

“I can’t be here…” Lark trailed off, walking quickly toward the door.

“Lark, don’t!” He yelled, but the door slammed. Matty instantly kicked the door, and that wasn’t enough. He walked toward his own suitcase and grabbed his favorite bottle of wine. He downed some before messily wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. Matty started to tear the room a part. He threw things, he turned over the couch and he kicked the lampstand over. He was utterly raging. Of course he expected the reaction out of Lark. How could he not? His tantrum only lasted ten minutes before he decided that he wasn’t going to let her just walk like that. He turned and walked out of his room, slamming the door behind him.

Lark walked as quickly as she could toward Nirvana’s room. She passed Adam on the way, and he tried to talk to her.

“Lark? What are yo-”

“Shut up, Hann.” She stated before standing in front of the room that she was going to share with her best friend. She started knocking on the door. No one answered, and her anger grew. She started to knock harder. “Open the fucking door!”

When the latch kicked, Lark backed up. She was disappointed to find Ross standing there.

“What’s up?” He asked slowly.

“Tell that sultry bitch to get out here.” Lark demanded.

Ross would have found it cute if her voice wasn’t so angry. Short girls were adorable when they were angry. Ross noticed Adam and then Spencer come around the corner. This was not going to be good.

“What?” Nirvan asked, rolling her eyes.

Lark slapped her before anything else could be said.

“Fuck you! Fuck you and your damn ego. Fuck you and you’re insecurity. Fuck you and you no damn respect for me or anyone else around you!” Lark yelled, making George slowly emerge from his room, followed by X. Maize even walked out.

“What the hell?!” Nirvana yelled back, hold her cheek. “What in the actual fuck?!”

Lark scoffed. She didn’t noticed that not only where Reckless Little Hearts out of their rooms, but Matty had showed up as well.

“Like you don’t know?! You’re my fucking best friend, Nirvana! You’re my best friend who knows every single detail of my life. You fucking know what it’s like for me to even be comfortable around someone enough to let them touch me. You know that I hate people putting their hands on me, and you know that the second that I let Matty that something was different. I can’t believe you could do something so damn…..heartless” Lark yelled and by this time, it was like the girl was close to tears.

“Matty, really?” Nirvana laughed. “Like he isn’t going to use you like he did Maize. He used us all, Lark. Don’t walk around and act like you are so special. What makes you think that you are any different from all of us?”

“Maybe it’s the fact that she’s not telling everyone that we’re shagging about,” Matty stated, moving from the spot where he was leaning against the wall. “Or that she had tact enough to only be with me,” He shrugged.

“Oh please!” Nirvana yelled. “You guys started on cocaine and ecstasy! Reallll basis for a relationship right there!”

“Nirvana…” Ross warned, putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t even!” She yelled, smacking his hand off of her.

Lark was still fuming.

“You have pulled a lot of shit over the past few years that I have kept my mouth shut about. You have done some seriously screwed up things. We all have, Ni. But I can honestly say that I was starting to trust people again, and you just screwed it up. I can’t believe this…” She stated, her voice getting lower.
X chewed on her bottom lip nervously. Maize looked franticly between the two. George noticed the remorse in Nirvana’s eyes, even if she wouldn’t admit it.

“Oh so now what? Because I’m the one to blame.”

“Did you or did you not purposefully seduce Matty, knowing fully that he would say no if he was sober.”


Matty walked just a little closer to the two girls.

“I hate you,” Lark stated, turning around and walking right past Matty. He looked at Nirvana and shrugged. He had no sympathy. He turned and quickly followed the silver-haired girl back toward the room. Slowly, everyone started to walk away.

“Oh yeah, stare at Nirvana. Like she’s some big freak.” She stated, rolling her eyes. Almost everyone was gone, except for George. He walked toward her slowly and she held her breath. She couldn’t handle anymore verbal attacks at the moment. “What?”

George slowly placed a kiss on her forehead.

“I forgive you,”

And that was the point of breakdown for Nirvana. She had come to the end of herself and realized that she needed a way to get out of the grave she dug herself.

May it revolve around only one,
or everyone all at once

Affairs will start,
games will ensue

Oh, what’s a lonely heart to do?
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm not sure what to say except for Sorry

xo R