Who Will Fix Me Now?

<><><>josh’s pov bc it’s been a while<><><>

“So, uh…” I start sheepishly as I twist the key in the lock, struggling to pull it out after it’s unlocked. I manage to get the key out after a moment of humiliation and push the door open. “My living room isn’t the cleanest at the moment.”

Oli steps into the house, glancing around briefly, and I should really be ashamed of myself for inviting someone over to see my home in such condition. I had to babysit Vanessa yesterday for Elissa and Bradley, and to put it simply, I couldn’t tame the beast. Elissa and Bradley dropped her off at noon and didn’t pick her up until after fucking midnight (like what the literal fuck were these two doing for them to leave that heinous monstrosity here for twelve hours?), so I didn’t have any energy to clean up Vanessa’s shit after she left and fell asleep where I was on the couch. I woke up today to Rachelle knocking on the door, since we were supposed to be hanging out at that time. I’m sure you know what ends up happening not long after. Rip.

Oli shrugs at the mess apathetically and sits down on the couch as I lock the door behind us, sitting next to him on the couch.

“My bedroom gets worse,” Oli eventually says, staring blankly at the tv a few feet away from us, which was left on all day after I left. “What is this?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” is my response as I watch people make comments as they explore some tiny ass house. “This is some bullshit Rachelle put on when she came over.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…” I trail off awkwardly. “Well, wanna watch whatever this is, or find a horror movie?”

“Uh, I don’t care, you pick,” he says, averting his gaze to his lap. I shrug and grab the remote from the coffee table between us and the tv and press the apps button and going to Netflix, and to the horror section.

<>

We’re well into the movie I put on, and it has me on the edge of my seat, and the bean next to me looks as if he’s gonna burst into tears as he grips onto my arm as if his life depended on it, as cliche as it sounds.

I’m not gonna say what happened, but some freaky shit happens, and it’s the freakiest shit I have ever seen, and Oli shrieks and leaps onto my lap, just like he used to when we would watch horror movies together.

Except he was never this light when he would.

Before I can stop myself, I pause the movie at a not so flattering scene and guiding Oli off my lap so I can face him better.

“I, uh, think we need to talk about something,” I say, tone firm and serious. Oli noticeably tenses at that and averts his gaze back to his lap once again, twiddling with his own hands. He hums quietly, giving me the cue to begin saying what I need to say.

“Well, first, back during Xavier’s little house party, you ate pretty much nothing, and all you were willing to eat today was a smoothie, and I noticed how different you felt when I lifted you earlier and when you jumped onto my lap, and you don’t even look the same, so like… it’s safe to say that there’s something wrong.”

But Oli only shakes his head and says, “Nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine.”

“And my hair is green- that’s bullshit, Oli.”

He twitches and his hands move to wring around the hem of his hoodie, and there’s a pang of guilt knowing that what I said to him was maybe a bit harsh.

“I’m okay.”

“There’s nothing okay about an eating disorder, Oli-”

“I don’t see why you’re complaining,” Oli interrupts firmly, irritation and pain simultaneously laced in his tone as he speaks, and it catches me off guard for a moment.

And then his words hit me, and I’m overwhelmed with hurt and confusion.

“W-what? Dude, you’re suddenly so small-”

“And you’re fucking upset about it!” Oli cries out all of a sudden, snapping his head up to finally look at me. His face is flushing red and contorting from the emotions that must be overwhelming him right now, tears welling up in his eyes, and he looks as if he’s about to lose it. “First I-I’m too fucking big, now I’m too fucking small, and- what the fuck am I supposed to do, Josh?! Why is it so fucking hard to please you?!”

All I do is gape at him as his outburst hits me like a punch to the face, leaving me momentarily speechless. He gawks back at me in shock for a moment before he bursts into tears, burying his head in his hands as he weeps, “I don’t understand,” and he sounds so pained, and I’m so confused, and my chest aches as I scoot closer to him and pull him into a hug that doesn’t get returned. He only continues to weep the same thing over and over dejectedly, and the atmosphere of the room seems so frigid now.

“Oli? Is this over our breakup?” I ask as realization starts to finally sink in.

“I-I heard that you only liked skinny people, and Rachelle said that you wouldn’t even consider me again i-if I wasn’t skinny the next time you guys broke up. She t-told me how she got so skinny and suggested I did the same.”

And I’m so overwhelmed now with so many emotions. Grief and anger stand out the most against all other emotions right now, and I just can’t believe those words just came out of his mouth. I can’t fucking believe Rachelle was cruel enough to even consider telling Oli these things and encouraged him to fucking ruin himself the way he did. I can’t fucking believe I actually left Oli for her. I’ve made such a huge mistake. I fucked everything up so bad.

“Oli, we’ll… We’ll work this out, okay?”

Oli shakes his head, “Please take me home.”

<><><>

<><><>also we’re back to oli’s pov<><><>

I don’t register Mom’s warm greeting as I head upstairs and into my room, habitually locking the door after me. I’m too distracted and overwhelmed and I’m itching for that temporary release I haven’t felt in so long. My hands are shaky and my skin is tingly, but Xavier made me flush them all when he found them. He managed to find all my best hiding places and made me get rid of them all.

And then my phone dings, shocking me out of my stupor enough for me to fish it out of my pocket.

I’m not exactly sure who it is because the username is O==3 and for a moment I think it just looks like a chicken leg, but then I realize that it’s Alex, because Alex always changes his Kik name to something weird (Jack does too, but his username has been jagk for the longest time versus Alex changing his username twentyfour seven).

O==3: Hey Oli! Finally got some time to sit down and talk

me: Hey, nice chicken leg

O==3: Chicken leg?

O==3: That’s supposed to be a dick, dude

me: But it looks like a chicken leg

O==3: It was 8==D before but you told me it looked like a fish bone >:(

me: Sorry, so how’s college?

O==3: Difficult. How’s bumming?

me: I should get a job so everyone stops calling me a bum

O==3: You know I love ya

me: Yeah. Meet any cool friends?

O==3: No. Anxiety is not on my side. I’d rather meet a coffee pot anyways

me: You could always get to know and amazing coffee pot

O==3: I’ll marry it and we shall have cappuccino babies

me: And I’ll be at the wedding and baby showers?

O==3: You will be my best man and shall also be the godfather

me: I’m honored

O==3: Hopefully my bride won’t be a whore

me: And no one chimes in with a “haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door

O==3: Maybe she’ll just be nasty

O==3: And run out the back door

O==3: God damn I love her anyway

me: References for days

O==3: Maybe she’ll remember me for centuries

O==3: Or just say thnks fr th mmrs. And move on

me: Omg

O==3: So I’ll say so long and goodnight as we look at each other one last time. I’ll say “I’ll have the ghost of you in my mind but right now honey, this mirror isn’t big enough for the two of us. After what you’ve done, I’m not okay. So, thank you for the venom. Mama was right. Summertime love

O==3: Jack is an asshole and didn’t let me finish typing and just hit send out of nowhere >:(

me: I still appreciate this in all it’s emo trinity glory

O==3: Jack just reminded me about our essay due so I guess I’m not as free as I thought… Sorry Oli

me: It’s okay, it was great talking to you again

O==3: Take care of yourself and I’ll talk to you again when I can. Bye Oli :)

me: Bye chicken leg :)

And now my mind’s at peace, if even just for a little while. Alex has always been able to sooth me without even really knowing I needed it or trying, and I’m so glad that he happened to text me when he did…

Despite it still being kinda early, I change into something more comfortable and crawl into bed. I’m still drained from today’s events and sleep sounds really good about now.