And So I Begin
Journal Entry 1
Journal Entry Day 1
I never thought I’d be the person I am today. I have loved with a passion that has made me a better person. I have experience loss in so many ways I can no longer fathom it. I am twenty years old and I may be young but I have experienced life in so many ways.
I was born in September and I was chunky. I grew up fast. I remember being young and begging people in my family for food, because we didn’t have any in my house. I remember people talking about my mother and how she couldn’t keep up fed. I remember being young and innocent for a while. My dad was addicted to drugs, though he wouldn’t admit it even when he was caught with them. He’d blame my mother. My mother blamed us for his problems for him not being there for us. I was beaten down from a young age.
My mother use to hit me because I deserved it, I made my father leave, and my favorite you made him addicted to drugs. I was young I thought all that was my fault. I thought I deserved it. I thought this is what you get for letting him go. I would go to school with a random assortment of bruises and cut from the tools my mother punished me with. No one said a word. I was a child after all and I fell down a lot.
I had my bright spots though my grandparents love me unconditionally even though they didn’t know what my parents were doing to me. After all my parents concealed it very well. When I was just nine years old I was told I had cancer. I had to see all kinds of doctors, turns out I didn’t have cancer, but it could have turned into it. I remember my grandmother telling me every day that we thought I had cancer “I wish it could be me”. My grandmother was diagnosed shortly after with liver cancer and only survived for a couple months and then she died. My first bright spot was gone.
My grandfather I was very close too. We use to sit together on the couch eating Freeze-Pops.I would spend the night with him a lot, until eventually he had to be put in a nursing home because his medical conditions were too much for my family to take on. He soon died, and my last bright spot was taken away.
I grew up thinking I was a bad person. I thought the world was cruel and I deserved all the cruelty. As I got older I started to read. I would save all my money to buy books. They became my happiness. I loved to write poetry and fan fictions. I was the epitome of a nerd. I loved comic books and old movies. I was different. I had a punny sense of humor. I did well in school.
I hated book reports though it seemed when I actually read a book and did the book report I could not do very well. I decided I would start to make up things about the book report to see if I could do better. I made As on all these book reports. I found that my imagination was better than some of the books. Now I’m guessing you are wondering why I’m telling you all this? Why I’m telling you all these bad things that have happened to me ? I just want you to know that through all the bad I have survived. I want you to know there is love out there and I want you to continue to listen to what I have to say. I know no one may ever read this but if you do I hope I inspire you.
I never thought I’d be the person I am today. I have loved with a passion that has made me a better person. I have experience loss in so many ways I can no longer fathom it. I am twenty years old and I may be young but I have experienced life in so many ways.
I was born in September and I was chunky. I grew up fast. I remember being young and begging people in my family for food, because we didn’t have any in my house. I remember people talking about my mother and how she couldn’t keep up fed. I remember being young and innocent for a while. My dad was addicted to drugs, though he wouldn’t admit it even when he was caught with them. He’d blame my mother. My mother blamed us for his problems for him not being there for us. I was beaten down from a young age.
My mother use to hit me because I deserved it, I made my father leave, and my favorite you made him addicted to drugs. I was young I thought all that was my fault. I thought I deserved it. I thought this is what you get for letting him go. I would go to school with a random assortment of bruises and cut from the tools my mother punished me with. No one said a word. I was a child after all and I fell down a lot.
I had my bright spots though my grandparents love me unconditionally even though they didn’t know what my parents were doing to me. After all my parents concealed it very well. When I was just nine years old I was told I had cancer. I had to see all kinds of doctors, turns out I didn’t have cancer, but it could have turned into it. I remember my grandmother telling me every day that we thought I had cancer “I wish it could be me”. My grandmother was diagnosed shortly after with liver cancer and only survived for a couple months and then she died. My first bright spot was gone.
My grandfather I was very close too. We use to sit together on the couch eating Freeze-Pops.I would spend the night with him a lot, until eventually he had to be put in a nursing home because his medical conditions were too much for my family to take on. He soon died, and my last bright spot was taken away.
I grew up thinking I was a bad person. I thought the world was cruel and I deserved all the cruelty. As I got older I started to read. I would save all my money to buy books. They became my happiness. I loved to write poetry and fan fictions. I was the epitome of a nerd. I loved comic books and old movies. I was different. I had a punny sense of humor. I did well in school.
I hated book reports though it seemed when I actually read a book and did the book report I could not do very well. I decided I would start to make up things about the book report to see if I could do better. I made As on all these book reports. I found that my imagination was better than some of the books. Now I’m guessing you are wondering why I’m telling you all this? Why I’m telling you all these bad things that have happened to me ? I just want you to know that through all the bad I have survived. I want you to know there is love out there and I want you to continue to listen to what I have to say. I know no one may ever read this but if you do I hope I inspire you.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hope you like it.