My Heart Races for You

Approaching my apartment door I could feel vibrations along the floor, getting stronger and stronger. I realized it was just music coming from inside that was a bit too loud. I knew at least one of my roommates was still awake.

I unlocked the door and opened it to find the living room dark and lit up faintly from the TV screen, which displayed a game of Call of Duty. My roommate Josh was planted in the middle of the couch, holding an Xbox controller, with his eyes glued to the screen. It was obvious he had been doing this for a couple of hours with the empty bags of chips and Mountain Dew cans lying across the table in front of him.

“Josh what the hell are you still doing up?” I asked while turning the speakers off that were blasting music by Earl Sweatshirt.

“I usually go to bed this late,” He responded monotonously without moving from his original spot. It was true. As of right now Josh didn’t have a job. He went to college for two and a half years for computer arts & design. He was forced to drop out before finishing his bachelor’s degree due to certain circumstances. Around the area we were in, the types of jobs he was trying to get involved with were more into people who finished college or went further with it to get a Master’s degree.

Josh was a good guy though. He can be an ass at times but he and I have been friends since Kindergarten along with our other roommate Emmanuel. The three of us have kept in contact our whole lives. I consider them more like brothers at this point.

Josh was a pretty lanky guy. He stood about 5’8 and pretty much liked to play videogames all day when there’s nothing else to do. And then there was Emmanuel. He finished a degree for architecture. He was actually a really good architect, which made it so easy for him to find jobs wherever we go. He was around 5’10, dark skin, short hair, and pretty athletic. He and I went to the gym almost daily.

“What are you doing home so late? Usually you get back at about 9 or something. At least on weekdays you do anyway,” Josh finally put the controller down and walked over into the kitchen area where I stood.

“I was on that date that Emmanuel made me go to remember?” I reached into the fridge for something to drink. Sadly the fridge was almost empty.

“Oh I get it. Getting it in huh?” He let a huge grin stretch across his face while bumping my arm with his elbow.

“Actually no, the date never happened,” I leaned back against the counter on my elbows.

Josh took a second to process what I was saying. “Then what the fuck have you been doing? Playing with yourself?”

“You are such an ass. Is Emmanuel up still?” I asked walking past him heading towards Emmanuel’s room. I peeked into his room and found him at his desk, wearing Beats headphones on his Macbook. He noticed me and removed the headphones from the top of his head.

“I’m assuming your date with Sasha went really well?” He stressed the word ‘really’ to hint that we did something sexual.

“It didn’t even happen,” I rolled my eyes and turned around to return to our small living room and take a seat on the one-seated couch. Both Josh and Emmanuel followed and fell back onto the two-seater.

“What do you mean it didn’t happen?!” Emmanuel asked, raising his voice a bit higher than he probably wanted.

“He was playing with himself,” Josh made sure to answer before I could.
I furrowed my eyebrows and squinted my eyes at Josh. They both sat there and chuckled. I knew they were just teasing. I then explained how the how the night went, including everything about Letty.

“You whore,” Josh laughed. I couldn’t keep myself from cracking a smile and chuckling.

“I’m not a whore! I didn’t really want to do this date anyway. I only said yes to Manny giving Sasha my number so I could see what she was like. She’s pretty and I said ‘why not?’ But she’s crazy. I can tell just by texting her. Plus she’s so into herself” I defended myself. Manny was a nickname we gave to Emmanuel.
“John is gonna give me hell for this,” Manny said while pushing his face into his hands. John was the coworker who was Sasha’s brother.

“It’s whatever. Just drop kick him as soon as he starts talking about it. She probably would have been a pain in the ass,” I suggested jokingly while leaning forward in my seat.

“So this other girl you were talking about. Is she bangable or what?” Josh asked while making a semi creepy facial expression. He was often this inappropriate. However Manny and I’s immaturity showed because we found it comical a majority of the time.

“Her name’s Letty. And I say that you stay the fuck away from her,” I pointed at Josh. “And you too” I added moving my aim at Manny.

“At least let me grab her ass,” Josh joked waiting for my response. I grabbed one of the many empty cans lying around and threw it at his head.

I knew that neither of them would try to interfere with my whole situation with Letty. They weren’t those types of people. They only joked around like that because they like to see my reactions, which were never serious. We’re more of sarcastic assholes to each other.

I felt weird. I couldn’t stop thinking about Letty. Not for a second. I missed her even though I barely know her. It’s troubling my mind. Not because I liked her so much already, but because she may not even feel the same way to any degree. I didn’t even know if I would see her anytime soon, if not ever. I’d be lucky to get any sleep tonight.

“I think I’m just gonna take a sick day tomorrow,” I said standing up and making my way to my room.

“Damn, you’re that love struck already?” Manny asked turning to follow me with his eyes.

I didn’t answer. I just continued to my room to collapse on my bed and eventually drift off into sleep. Very. Very. Slowly.

~~ Letty’s POV~~

I walked through the front door and closed it behind me very carefully, making sure I wouldn’t wake anyone. I entered the kitchen and nearly jumped when I heard Mia call my name. She leaned against the counter, crossing her arms across her chest.

“You scared the shit out of me. What are you still doing up?” I asked while opening the fridge and pulling out a water bottle.

“I got a little worried. You normally don’t stay out this late. You left your phone here too. I just wanted to make sure you got home alright,” She pointed to the light colored wooden table, which held my cell phone on it, right where I had left it.

“Well I’m fine. Time just kinda flew by I guess,” I sat in a seat at the table.

Mia then joined me by sitting in the chair across from me. “So why were you out so late? I know you wouldn’t just sit there alone at the bar,” She questioned.
“I was talking to a new friend,” I smiled to assure her that I wasn’t using the term “friend” in a sarcastic manner.

“A new friend? That’s not like you to just meet new people. Was it a guy?” Mia smirked, raising an eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes, “Yes, but it’s not like that.” I knew what she was thinking.

“A cute guy?” She continued hinting to the topic of dating or romance.

“Mia, you know I’m not looking for something like that,” I sighed and sipped my water. “I’m not ready. Or at least I don’t think I am.”

“Letty, it’s been two years since Dom died. I miss him just as much as you do. But-“

“But nothing. I’m not sure if I want to move on or even date again. I don’t think I could find someone who I could ever love as much as Dom. That’s gonna bother me and I could hurt someone else because of it. Pretty much every guy in this world is a pig and an asshole. I’m not looking for some short term relationship that leads to me looking dumb for investing time and effort into someone who doesn’t deserve it,” I cut her off.

“I’m not saying that you need to start dating now. I’m just saying that you should stay open minded about it. You’ve been different since Dom’s been gone. You barely smile and you don’t even race anymore. That’s not the Letty I know,” She paused. There was a long moment of silence between us. “He would want you to do whatever it takes to make you happy. You know that. I can see it in your eyes, you’re lonely, Letty and that’s okay. It’s normal to start feeling that way.”

“I guess,” I sounded unsure. I really didn’t know what to do anymore. Dom was the most important person in my life and now I’ve been left to live without him. I haven’t raced since he was alive. It reminds me too much of him when I try. The feeling of sadness is too overwhelming. “I don’t know. I don’t think I could just forget Dom like that.”

“It’s not forgetting him. You’ll always love Dom and miss him. There is no replacing him. But you can move past this. Find someone who fills that void left in you. That person that will make you feel whole again. I’m not telling you to go out and devote yourself to look for the person that could do something like that, but I think if he happens to come along, you shouldn’t be afraid to try to make something happen,” Her smile faded into the concerned look on her face.

I took a deep breath. Mia was right. I can’t just push everyone away that tries to come into my life. Even though I hate a majority of the people. “I guess I’ll think about it.”

Her expression changed to a soft smile. That made her happy. I knew she was only trying to help. The problem is whether or not I want to take her advice, even if she is right. “Now tell me what happened tonight,” She smiled.

I explained everything that happened. Arriving at the bar, talking a little to Chris, meeting Caleb, and talking to him all night.

“Sounds to me like he has a bit of a crush on you,” Mia raised an eyebrow at me.

I couldn’t prevent myself from cracking a small smile at the corner of my mouth. “I think he’s just a friendly guy. Plus he’s not like the typical asshole who would hit on us when we go out.”

Whenever Mia and I would go out for a drink or just out in general, there would always be at least one guy to try and get us to go home with him. They were the reason I assume almost all men are pigs.

“Yeah and Brian would get angry when they try talking to me,” She giggled.

“Where is he anyway?” I asked, becoming a bit curious.

“He got called in late again.”

Brian had some of the most trouble dealing with Dom’s death. They were practically brothers. It was hard for all of us. He didn’t really know how to deal with it. He hasn’t had time to. Him and Mia have been putting most of their time into their two kids. That’s probably one of the few things that are making Brian smile. He got involved with working for the LAPD (Los Angeles Police Department) again. He could never stay away from the thrilling lifestyle for too long.

“I think I’m gonna get to bed,” I yawned and stood from my seat.

“We’ll talk more tomorrow?” She asked before I could leave the room.

I knew what she was referring to. She wants to know more about Caleb. She probably thinks I like him a little more than a friend. He’s definitely different than most guys, at least as far as I can tell. But I barely know the guy. He could be a serial killer for all I know. “Yeah, sure,” I nodded, smiled, and then exited the room to finally get some sleep.