I'm the Last One That You'll Ever Remember

Until then, Gerard wasn't finished saying what he had to say. Hell, there wasn't enough time in a single lifespan to make amends for what he did to the boy he loved, but he could at least take the first steps in the progress of healing. With his hand still resting on Frank's little red converse shoes, Gerard lowered his voice, trying his best to learn how to put emotions behind his words after spending most of his life nonchalant about everything because he never had a Frank in his life to awaken the human within the monster. “I never intended to impregnate you those many times to deal with on your own. I know I'm already a monster in your eyes, but trust me, even I have limits. Every monster does. If I had known you were capable of creating life, Frankie, I would have used a condom from the beginning.” At Frank's eyes widening, Gerard locked his own light brown eyes to his hazel orbs. “I know, I'm not suppose to say something like that. I shouldn't be admitting that I would have still slept with you those many times anyway, womb or not, but it's the truth and you deserve nothing but the truth. Had I known what your body could do...it wouldn't have change my desire to have you.”

Frank simply stared in awe at the grown man before him, not knowing what to say to all this. Gerard...or Poison, or whoever he prefers to go by was apologizing to him for all the things he put him through since they met and he had no idea how to respond to it. “I-I don't understand where this is all coming from. I mea-”

“After our long...session last night, I had some time to think. “Gerard recalled their endless lovemaking. “You slept like a log while I took care of Jasiah for you when he first woke up, and researched on the internet on how to be a proper father.”

“By making breakfast and braiding my daughter's hair?” Frank listed spitefully. “Is that all you've learned?”

Gerard shook his head, locking eyes with his lover. “No, there's a helluva lot more where that came from. Though I'll admit learning how to braid for the first time was hard but I eventually mastered it by practicing on my own hair.”

Frank looked away with a shake of his head to hide his endearing smile at such a cute image of Gerard staying up late to learn how to braid hair for their daughter. That touched the deepest reaches of his heart...but that was only because he was hormonal right now. Frank shook his head to himself, completely lost on what to do as he lifted his hands to rub his face. “God, this is all too much for me to deal with right now. I literally don't know what the hell I'm suppose to say to all the things you've just told me, it's just all too much.”

Gerard sighed in defeat, nodding his head in understanding. For any person this would be a difficult decision to make and so as frustrated as he was that Frank couldn't find it within himself to forgive him this very moment, he understood his hesitation at the same time. Opting to continue on to getting back into his true feelings, Gerard removed his hand from Frank's shoe and rubbed his palms together. “Frankie, I know this will be difficult for you to believe, but I have to say it because it's been long overdue.” Returning his eyes to Frank's distant form, Gerard tried to speak from his heart. “I'm in love with you, Frank Iero. I've been in love with you for a long time, but only realized it when you moved out of New Jersey. When you were gone and out of my reach...I lost it, but in a good way because my feelings for you all of a sudden clicked into place and for the first time I understood it all because it all made sense. I understood why I needed you the moment I saw you. I understood why I couldn't ever let you go and walk away for good. I understood why I risked my very life to be around you as often as I could. It's because I love you, and even though I just met my kids for the first time this morning, I can feel somewhere deep inside myself that I love them too and in due time it'll be as unshakable as my love for you. Right now, all I want is to be the father that those kids needed me to be all along, that you needed me to be, that I need to be. And I know it's asking too much but I...I do still want to be your husband...that is of course, if you'll have me.”

Frank kept his hands in front of his face to shield the incoming tears that were drenching his cheeks. At first he had control over his silent weeping but then it became too much of a challenge to rein it back and breath at the same time. Frank broke down into sobs again for what felt like the millionth time since meeting this man. The sounds of his lover crying was too much for him to bear watching and so Gerard scooted closer on the bench to wrap his arms around him and gather him against his side. It seemed like forever he wept, blubbering words he didn't remember saying. “T-This is so fucked up!”

“I know, love, I know.” Gerard cooed in Franks hair, gently rocking their bodies side to side to ease his lover's despair. “I wish it wasn't, truly, I do. It should have been perfect for you.”

“God, this c-can't be happening t-to me!” Frank cried to himself, pulling his hands away to wipe the wetness from his cheeks. “This has to be a dream! I-It's too fucked up to be real.”

“It is real. Poorly executed, I might add, but it's all too real.” Gerard confirmed, nuzzling his cheek in the soft silky chocolate strands of Frank's head. “Trust me, if I could, I'd go back and give you the Disney love story you deserve.”

“NO! God, you don't understand!” Frank rejected in self-loathing as he turned his head to glare up at Gerard. “This, EVERYTHING, is so fucked up not because it wasn't created by the team of Disney, but because...I've fallen in love with both Gerard Way, and Poison from the Killjoy family...and at some insane point in my life I wanted nothing more than to be with the both of you, and now you're here in my home throwing yourself at me.” He watched Gerard's lips part in awe at his confession. “Look, Gerard...you don't have to say anything else, okay? My heart believes every word you're trying to tell me despite my brain's resistance. And as much as I should I...I don't think I could deny you in the way that I should for me, and my family's best interest.”

“You mean...” Gerard couldn't bring himself to say it because he wanted to hear Frank say it.

Lifting a trembling hand, Frank tenderly cupped Gerard's cheek. “I'm stupidly in love with you too, Gerard.” He watched his baby daddy grin with excitement, but before he could open his mouth Frank placed his hand over it. “...but you're a monster, Poison.”

Gerard swallowed hard as he fought not to give in to the pain that remark did to his heart. He didn't want Frank to reject him. He wouldn't be able to survive that. “I-Is there anything I could do to show you that I'm a changed man? Anything at all?”

“I don't know.” Frank answered honestly, hating that he couldn't give him more than that to go on. He wanted Gerard to win him over so they could be the happy family he dreamed of but...he honestly didn't know how they could ever get there.

“How about I start with this?” Gerard offered, lifting his eyes to Frank's large ones. “From here on out, there will no longer be a Poison. From here on out, I'm just Gerard Way and only Gerard Way, no one else.”

Frank frowned, unsure if that was a good idea to denounce being a Killjoy. “But what about the other Killjoys?”

“Don't worry about them.” Gerard assured him, taking his hand in his to hold tightly in support. “Our family is safe, I swear it.”

“I-I still don't know, Gerard.” Frank shrugged, averting his eyes. “I don't know if this is a good idea, you and me together.”

“Let there be a trial run!” Gerard suggested, desperately grabbing at straws for a chance to be with his family once and for all. He didn't want to be asked to leave, and so he was willing to do anything he had to do to stay. Being married to Frank, and having his children with him was what he wanted now, and what he'd die fighting for. “Give me a chance to prove it to you and the kids that I be a better man. If at any time you want me to leave, just say the words and I'll go...for good this time.”

“Gerard, you don't even know how to take 'no' as an answer! Remember?” Frank recalled too many times where he rejected the man only for him to do what he wanted in the end.

“There's a first time for everything.” Gerard replied, still trying to convince him. “This time will be it.”

Frank was reluctant to believe him due to their shaky past. “And what if you don't listen? What then?”

“Call the cops and I'll turn myself in without a fight.” Gerard promised, meaning every word. “You'll surely never see me again then.”

“A-Are you serious?” Frank whispered incredulously, eyes wide in horror that he would suggest such a risky option that would permanently terminate their relationship and his own life.

“I am.” Gerard confirmed, his face trying to remain blank though the emotions inside him were exploding like dynamite.

“But you could be put on death row.” Frank brought up watching him closely for any sign that he feared the idea of his life being at risk of ending in the hands of the law.

“Death row would be a welcoming prison for a life not worth living without you in it.” Gerard answered honestly, his eyes glazing with a thin layer of tears that one wouldn't be able to catch if they weren't looking.

Touched by his words, Frank finally relented. “Okay, you can stay a week for your trial run. But we'll sleep in separate rooms, AND you'll have to get a job while helping me take care of the kids, AND you'll have a curfew at night on your days off, AND I need to know where you are at all times. And of course, I don't want to hear anything about the Killjoy business, understood?”

Gerard nodded with a small smile that didn't even come close to expressing how he felt inside. “Crystal Clear.”