I'm the Last One That You'll Ever Remember

Frank flung his head back with a loud moan as Gerard rammed a particularly solid thrust deep into his body, making his body arch from the heightened shot of euphoria battering through his system. His legs were fastened around the older man’s waist, his arms clinging around his neck. He adhered to him for his release, out of fear of losing him to the unknown, and for those dark secrets that were presently taking a toll on his stability. There was so much Gerard didn’t know about what was going on and Frank couldn’t inform him. Holding the truth back from the man he loved wasn’t the tough part in all this, it was what was being sent in their mail in the forms of threatening letters that was. Frank was convinced the Killjoys would never cease terrorizing his family. More letters were coming day by day and the things he’d recovered in them...it had gotten to a point where he couldn’t open all of them anymore, and only selected a few that were harmlessly flat. The envelopes that were bulgeed were immediately tossed for they held...pieces. Oh, he didn’t want to think about those pieces right now! It shouldn’t be possible when he was saturated so deeply with ecstasy he was drooling out of the corners of his mouth with his eyes rolling back in his skull. Never could he think about anything at all when Gerard made love to him, then again he’s never been sent death threats privy to either. Perhaps that’s why the mush that was his brain never thought of anything before because nothing else was as serious as those prized moments.

“Fuck, you feel so good, baby.” Gerard groaned tenderly from where his face was burrowed in the crook of his neck. Their limbs were slick with sweat on the living room floor as they remained fixed to one another. His body quaked as Frank’s hips moved in splendid symphony against his. Seeking his lips out, Gerard trailed his lip up to his lover’s ear to nibble on then across his cheek to claim his mouth as his.

“G-Gee.” Frank managed to whisper before his lips were conquered, suppressing the rest of his response. HIs nails dug into the pale muscles of Gerard’s back, craving him to make him feel alive again. He was tired of wandering around like a zombie that lurched at the littlest of sounds. He wanted to be himself again! The good old merry Frank who felt safe in his own home that protected his children just as well. He just wanted to go back to the good times before he discovered those letters because ever since then he hasn’t been the same. With the many letters that have been coming in, Frank was terrified he’d never feel the same ever again.

Gerard’s hands rose up from gripping onto Frank’s behind to cup the young man’s face. He hadn’t expected to feel wetness on his temples and so his hips froze as he jerked his head back to gaze down at his boyfriend. “Frankie?”

The faint moonlight reflected off only one of many tears Frank hadn’t known he’d shed. His mind was so afflicted by his secrets he could hardly focus on what they were doing despite the euphoria sluicing through his veins. Gazing back up at Gerard, Frank was speechless. He felt like he was just suddenly put on the spot for something, but had no idea what for. Gerard didn’t read minds last time he checked. “W-What is it?”

Propping himself on his elbows on either side of Frank’s head, Gerard reigned back the beast in him that wanted to proceed with claiming the young man as his. Instead, he fixated on swiping his tears away with the pads of his thumbs. He took his time with it too to selfishly postpone for time so he could conjure the words to say. He had come back home from his nightly outing with his brother and found out more about these threatening letters his lover had been trying to conceal from him. Michael had no idea who was sending him these letters and so he returned home with no more answers than when he left. Frank had been waiting for him, and was so emotionally distraught Gerard didn’t have the opportunity to console him before he was seduced...and seduced well. Frankie didn’t have to do much to have him on his knees like a puppy, and so now here they were, making love on the living room floor. Frank’s tears, however, broke the spell over him and now he was sober as if they hadn’t ever taken off their clothes in the first place. He was back to soothing his vulnerable boyfriend. Whispering tenderly, Gerard locked eyes with him and held them there. “Shh, baby. It’s going to be okay? No one will ever come close to harming you or our family as long as I’m here, you hear me?”

It took a moment for Frank to acknowledge to his vow, and when he did, he was dumbfounded. Gerard knew about the letters!? But how? He had been so meticulous in disposing of every scrap of evidence! It wasn’t possible for him to know! “Y-You...know?”

Gerard nodded down at him, not a trace of resentment directed at him for keeping this secret from him. “Yes, Frankie, I know about the letters.”

“But how!?” Frank barely exclaimed, his hazel eyes wide with alarm as he shook his head. “How did you find them!? I thought I b-”

“That night when I came downstairs to feed Milo after discovering you down here in front of the fireplace.” Gerard notified him honesty, his thumb still stroking his temples damp from tears. “I salvaged the remains of the burnt letters and pieced them back together.”

“But…” Frank began before spurning that ridiculous question. Gerard was a Killjoy! That’s how he’d know to go snooping undetectably. Frank felt a weight lift from his shoulder now that he could finally talk about it with someone. But that would have to wait for another time, right now he needed Gerard to promise him something important. “Gerard, what if one day something were to happen to me?” He swallowed past the lump in his throat in order to finish. “To our childr-”

“Don’t! Don’t you ever think that way again, you understand me!? Fuck!” Gerard snapped bitterly. Not being able to stand touching him for asking him such a mortifying question, he swiftly drew himself from his lover’s body and retreated. Sitting himself down, he rested one arm on his knee and glared down at the carpet as if it had been the one that threatened his family. “How many times do I have to tell you that I will never let anything happen to you for you to believe me!?”

Sitting up with him, Frank shook his head frantically, his arms coming up to encircle around Gerard’s waist. He selfishly nestled his face against his pale sweaty bicep before lifting it to reply. He refused to let this conversation go no matter how uptight Gerard got. “No, Gee, not me! Our children. They are more important than saving me.” When the older man remained firmly mute, Frank crawled around to sit in front of him. Cupping his face in both hands, he leaned his forehead against his and pleaded. “Please, Gee. I need you to promise me. I need to hear you promise that if it ever came down to us being in danger that you will save our babies first and foremost. No matter what happens our children need to survive.”

“I don’t need to because nothing will ever happen to our family!” Gerard growled, lifting his molten eyes to glare at Frank. How dare he ask him to make a choice like that? “I will decimate every single one of those motherfuckers first!”

“I love you, Gee.” Frank whispered, hoping his declaration of love would weaken the older man so he could cooperate. He felt some tension abated somewhat when he placed his hands on his broad shoulders. “I love you so so much. But I won’t let this go until you promise me you’ll put our family first and leave me behind. Please, promise me this. Please!”

Gerard tried to close his eyes to shut out the many ‘please’ Frank recited to him after, but he couldn’t when they were thickening with tears. By the time Frank was crying before him, he knew this wasn’t a battle he was going to win. To make a decision on who lived or die in his family was enough to break Gerard as a man. He loved his children and their mother with an unhealthy magnitude. He didn’t want to choose one over the other. Sure, once he could quarrel that he would save Frank in a situation like that before his kids because they could always make more of them and Frank was one in a million...but as the days flew by and he became much closer with his children, he can no longer side with that. His children have their own personalities that are unique to them. They couldn’t make another Lorenzo, another Venetia, Jovani or Milo. He couldn’t have them back if he chose Frank. Damn near close to tears himself, Gerard relented with an aching heart. “Yes...I-I promise I’ll save our children first.”

Beyond overjoyed than he thought he’d be, Frank gently laughed with bliss as he lifted his head to stare serenely into his lover’s somber eyes. “Fuck, Gerard. I’ve never wanted to be yours forever as much as I want to be right now in this moment.”

Gerard smiled tenderly and reminded him. “You’re already mine, remember?”

“No.” Frank shook his head. “I mean I want to marry you. Right here and now.”

Struck speechless, Gerard gaped at him for a moment. “As in right this second?”

Frank eagerly nodded, trying to keep the smile on his face. “Yes, before...before something does happen to me. If I’m going to die, I want to die as your husband, and bearing your last name.”

Unexpectedly swayed beyond belief, and plagued by the reminder of his death, Gerard had to look away to obscure the tears falling from his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he composed himself again. “Okay, we’ll get married. Soon. Not tonight. But...soon.”

Finally at peace, Frank closed the distance to straddle Gerard’s lap and continue their love making.