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Chapter One
‘At some point in your life, you have to stop pretending that everything is okay. Whether it be when you’re sixteen or fifty-six or anywhere in between, you have to accept that things aren’t as alright as they once were.’
Alex’s day started out bad and was only getting worse as the minutes dragged on. The night before, he had decided to go to bed early, promising himself that he would do his History homework in the morning. It was a good plan, something he did often, but he couldn’t have possibly known that his alarm clock would malfunction and he would wake up thirty minutes late. Not only did he not have time to do his work, he didn’t have time to do much else, either, which is why he showed up to school in the sweatpants he slept in and a hoodie. As if looking like a bum wasn’t bad enough, it was as if everyone felt the need to point out just how disheveled he looked. By the time third hour rolled around, he had had countless people question him, all wondering why the usual put-together Alex looked, well, not put-together. It was more attention than he had gotten in a long time, which only added to his anger because one, he hated having to talk to people -it made him incredibly uncomfortable seeing as how he just knew they didn’t like him- and two, he hated negative attention.
That wasn’t that bad; he could deal with it for the time being. What really sent him over the edge was the pop-quiz his History teacher was giving them in fourth hour. Right as the bell rang, his teacher, Mr. Fulbright, had announced that they would be given a pop quiz over the materials they had learned the previous day, and insisted that if they did their assigned homework, they would ace the quiz. Too bad for Alex, seeing as how he didn’t do that homework, and how he definitely didn’t pass the quiz.
So by the time fifth hour had rolled around, Alex was in such a foul mood that he was ready to erupt on just about anyone that tried talking to him. Luckily, by this time, everyone had gotten the hint and left the aggressive boy alone -everyone but Jack Barakat. Jack and Alex had fifth hour together, shared the same table, even, and Jack just wouldn’t shut up about some video game he had bought the previous night. Alex almost didn’t mind this; he and Jack had been friends for years and he had learned to put up with the obnoxious ramblings. Not today, though. Without really thinking about it, Alex told Jack to shut the hell up. He didn’t mean to do it, honestly. It’s just that he was in such a nefarious mood, and Jack would not stop talking and it was only adding on to his already pounding headache.
He knew he had made a mistake almost immediately. Jack didn’t seem like the sensitive type, like he would be easily offended, but he most definitely was, and Alex knew that better than probably anybody. That’s what made it even worse to Jack: the fact that Alex knew how sensitive he was and how other people’s words affected him.
“Ah shit, I’m sorry, man,” Alex apologized. He was seconds away from banging his head on the table, because wow, this day was only getting worse, and it wasn’t even half way over.
“Oh, it’s fine. Know ya didn’t mean it,” Jack muttered solemnly. Alex could see right through the bullshit lie. It didn’t take a genius to see Jack was hurt.
“No, it’s not fine. I should stop and think before I blow up on someone, especially someone who is my best friend. Today just sucks, y’know?” Alex scooted over a little and bumped his shoulder into Jack’s, Jack laughed a little, and suddenly everything was better again. That was the good thing about Jack Barakat. He was easy to offend, but easier to make up with.
They didn’t talk any more that hour. Alex knew that Jack had forgiven him, so there was no reason to push on the subject, and Jack knew that when Alex was in one of his moods, it was best to avoid him and let him suffer in silence. It probably wasn’t healthy, suffering in silence, but it’s what Alex comfortable with, and he certainly wasn’t open to sharing his feelings with someone. He definitely wasn’t one for the sappy chick-flick moments where everyone spills all of their secrets and suddenly they’re all best friends and closer than ever. He knew stuff like that didn’t happen in real life. Sitting around, talking about feelings accomplished nothing, and he saw no reason why he should waste his precious time when no one really cared.
Even if he did want to share his feelings, he had no one to spill them to. The only friend he really had was Jack, and he most definitely wasn’t the listening type. Alex knew his lack of friends was his fault. He was a social pariah, and the only person to blame was himself. Had he not chosen to show off his number, maybe people would like him more. But he liked his number being seen, liked the idea of someone seeing it and having that sudden realization that hey, they had the same number. When it all came down to it, Alex would rather die for what he believed in than to conform to society’s expectations. It was a bit extreme, but Alex tended to be a bit melodramatic in most instances.
When the final bell screeched throughout the building that day, Alex all but shouted. It was music to his ears, though it should be the exact opposite. The bell at the school was exceptionally shrill and seemed to go on forever. He bolted from the class, nearly knocking down other students as he pushed his way through the door. He raced to his car and sped off as soon as he got the key into the ignition. He didn’t know why he was in such a hurry; home wouldn’t be much better than school was, but at least he would be away from prying eyes. Freedom from the confines of school, he concluded, was damn near heavenly, even if it was just for a measly fourteen hours.
When he arrived home, he had six texts from Jack asking where he was, and once again, he felt bad. In his rush to leave, he had somehow forgotten that he promised Jack he’d give him a ride home since his car was still broken down at the bowling alley, where it’d been sitting for weeks, and Jack’s mom couldn’t pick him up because she had work. He sent him some bullshit apologetic text saying how the ride had totally slipped his mind and how he would make sure it didn’t happen again. Without even bothering to wait for a reply, Alex turned his phone off and plopped down on his bed, hoping to just fall asleep and put this day behind him.
Alex’s day started out bad and was only getting worse as the minutes dragged on. The night before, he had decided to go to bed early, promising himself that he would do his History homework in the morning. It was a good plan, something he did often, but he couldn’t have possibly known that his alarm clock would malfunction and he would wake up thirty minutes late. Not only did he not have time to do his work, he didn’t have time to do much else, either, which is why he showed up to school in the sweatpants he slept in and a hoodie. As if looking like a bum wasn’t bad enough, it was as if everyone felt the need to point out just how disheveled he looked. By the time third hour rolled around, he had had countless people question him, all wondering why the usual put-together Alex looked, well, not put-together. It was more attention than he had gotten in a long time, which only added to his anger because one, he hated having to talk to people -it made him incredibly uncomfortable seeing as how he just knew they didn’t like him- and two, he hated negative attention.
That wasn’t that bad; he could deal with it for the time being. What really sent him over the edge was the pop-quiz his History teacher was giving them in fourth hour. Right as the bell rang, his teacher, Mr. Fulbright, had announced that they would be given a pop quiz over the materials they had learned the previous day, and insisted that if they did their assigned homework, they would ace the quiz. Too bad for Alex, seeing as how he didn’t do that homework, and how he definitely didn’t pass the quiz.
So by the time fifth hour had rolled around, Alex was in such a foul mood that he was ready to erupt on just about anyone that tried talking to him. Luckily, by this time, everyone had gotten the hint and left the aggressive boy alone -everyone but Jack Barakat. Jack and Alex had fifth hour together, shared the same table, even, and Jack just wouldn’t shut up about some video game he had bought the previous night. Alex almost didn’t mind this; he and Jack had been friends for years and he had learned to put up with the obnoxious ramblings. Not today, though. Without really thinking about it, Alex told Jack to shut the hell up. He didn’t mean to do it, honestly. It’s just that he was in such a nefarious mood, and Jack would not stop talking and it was only adding on to his already pounding headache.
He knew he had made a mistake almost immediately. Jack didn’t seem like the sensitive type, like he would be easily offended, but he most definitely was, and Alex knew that better than probably anybody. That’s what made it even worse to Jack: the fact that Alex knew how sensitive he was and how other people’s words affected him.
“Ah shit, I’m sorry, man,” Alex apologized. He was seconds away from banging his head on the table, because wow, this day was only getting worse, and it wasn’t even half way over.
“Oh, it’s fine. Know ya didn’t mean it,” Jack muttered solemnly. Alex could see right through the bullshit lie. It didn’t take a genius to see Jack was hurt.
“No, it’s not fine. I should stop and think before I blow up on someone, especially someone who is my best friend. Today just sucks, y’know?” Alex scooted over a little and bumped his shoulder into Jack’s, Jack laughed a little, and suddenly everything was better again. That was the good thing about Jack Barakat. He was easy to offend, but easier to make up with.
They didn’t talk any more that hour. Alex knew that Jack had forgiven him, so there was no reason to push on the subject, and Jack knew that when Alex was in one of his moods, it was best to avoid him and let him suffer in silence. It probably wasn’t healthy, suffering in silence, but it’s what Alex comfortable with, and he certainly wasn’t open to sharing his feelings with someone. He definitely wasn’t one for the sappy chick-flick moments where everyone spills all of their secrets and suddenly they’re all best friends and closer than ever. He knew stuff like that didn’t happen in real life. Sitting around, talking about feelings accomplished nothing, and he saw no reason why he should waste his precious time when no one really cared.
Even if he did want to share his feelings, he had no one to spill them to. The only friend he really had was Jack, and he most definitely wasn’t the listening type. Alex knew his lack of friends was his fault. He was a social pariah, and the only person to blame was himself. Had he not chosen to show off his number, maybe people would like him more. But he liked his number being seen, liked the idea of someone seeing it and having that sudden realization that hey, they had the same number. When it all came down to it, Alex would rather die for what he believed in than to conform to society’s expectations. It was a bit extreme, but Alex tended to be a bit melodramatic in most instances.
When the final bell screeched throughout the building that day, Alex all but shouted. It was music to his ears, though it should be the exact opposite. The bell at the school was exceptionally shrill and seemed to go on forever. He bolted from the class, nearly knocking down other students as he pushed his way through the door. He raced to his car and sped off as soon as he got the key into the ignition. He didn’t know why he was in such a hurry; home wouldn’t be much better than school was, but at least he would be away from prying eyes. Freedom from the confines of school, he concluded, was damn near heavenly, even if it was just for a measly fourteen hours.
When he arrived home, he had six texts from Jack asking where he was, and once again, he felt bad. In his rush to leave, he had somehow forgotten that he promised Jack he’d give him a ride home since his car was still broken down at the bowling alley, where it’d been sitting for weeks, and Jack’s mom couldn’t pick him up because she had work. He sent him some bullshit apologetic text saying how the ride had totally slipped his mind and how he would make sure it didn’t happen again. Without even bothering to wait for a reply, Alex turned his phone off and plopped down on his bed, hoping to just fall asleep and put this day behind him.