I've Got Just One Regret to Live Through

“I’m leaving,” Levi Ackerman called sharply throughout the open apartment, signaling he was tired of waiting. There was a certain ring to his voice that echoed off of the walls and signaled finality. He spun around to the door, glancing at the small stand with a pile of shoes completely unkempt. He sighed and fought the urge to tidy the shoes and instead reached for the doorknob. As he unhooked the door latch, he heard quick feet bounding down the stairs. He turned to look to the landing.

Darcy Ackerman jumped down the last few steps, looking completely out of sorts. “Waitwaitwaitwaitwait,” she called loudly as she quickly moved into the common area and kitchen, in search of something. Her curly red hair did messily into a braid bounced up and down on her right shoulder as she ran around the small abode. “I can’t find my shoes.”

“Tch,” Levi scoffed, not completely satisfied with her answer. He made for the door again. “Shadis won’t accept this as an excuse. It’s not my job to take care of you.”

“In sickness and in health!” Darcy called back sweetly. Levi could hear her throwing things around in the kitchen and his look soured. A second later she was back around the stairs, exclaiming as she saw the pile of shoes. She dug through them quickly, throwing some over her shoulder into another pile. All the while Levi glared down at her angrily.

Just as Darcy found the pair of shoes she was tearing up the house for, Levi turned and headed out the door without so much as a goodbye. “HEY!” Darcy called as she struggled to quickly tie her shoes. “LEVI!”

Levi kept walking, turning onto the street in front of the apartment, and headed towards the open area of land near the gate. Wall Maria rose fifty feet above his head, casting everything in a dull bluish-grey shadow. At this eyesight it seemed as if the wall was a straight line across the landscape, but Levi knew how it slightly curved, encompassing a vast amount of land.

Most people felt small compared to the wall. It was a giant structure that safely protected the large town of Shiganshina from the massive human-like monsters just on the other side. But Levi, who was a member of the Survey Corps, the only military team allowed outside of the wall, felt huge in comparison.

Yet he was still grateful the wall was there. No one knew the origins of the wall, such as who built it or exactly when it was built. But the protection it served keeping Darcy safe, he could never afford to lose that.

“LEVI!” he heard Darcy call behind him, and he stopped and turned to look at his wife. She had made it down to the street, walking towards him, looking flushed and spiteful. “Will you wait? I can’t run!”

Levi patiently waited for the redhead to catch up to him, taking a moment to revel in her beauty. The small woman was only a few inches shorter than him. Levi thought she had great curves, but could never admit that that was one of his reasons for marrying her, for fear of being castrated. The way she walked was also beautiful, in a very fluid motion, besides for a slight delay on the step of her left foot – remnants of a broken kneecap. She had mesmerizing green eyes – when they weren’t glaring angrily at him – yet Levi loved to set her off and watch them darken on him. He also glanced at the ring glinting on her left hand, and felt his ego swell slightly to know that she was his, and only his.

Even though he made her angry, sometimes purposefully, sometimes not, Levi knew he loved Darcy and would do almost anything to keep her with him.

“That house better be damn spotless when I get home tonight,” Levi threatened as Darcy finally caught up to him, signaling one thing he would not give up for her: his cleanliness.

Darcy huffed, her cheeks still slightly flushed. “Yeah, yeah.”

The couple was silent on their way into town. It was still fairly early, but most everyone had already awakened to begin his or her day. The smell of freshly baking bread and pastries wafted through the air, and Darcy begged Levi to buy her some. At first he said no – they had bread at home, and although not this fresh, it was still good – but finally caved in. She decided on a butter pastry and offered her husband half, which he begrudgingly took and savored.

As they crossed the river, Levi felt soft fingers loop through his calloused ones, and knew Darcy had completely forgiven him for earlier. Foolish woman, he thought. Yet he didn’t pull his hand away.

“Millie will be coming over tonight with Adair,” Darcy filled the silence. She was referring to her sister and brother in law. “We’re having dinner together. So if you could come home a little early, that would be helpful.”

“Will Millie be helping make dinner?” Levi questioned, looking at his wife. She caught his gaze and immediately squinted her eyes.

“…Very suspicious, Levi. Are you afraid of my cooking?”

“Slightly,” he said, not offering any condolences. “You generally burn everything.”

Darcy turned her nose to the air. She really wasn’t surprised. Deep inside she knew she was a terrible cook, but kept thinking that maybe Levi would eventually be forced to love her burnt meals for lack of anything else to eat. She also wasn’t surprised at his truthful answers; the Survey Corps, Levi in particular, were known for being no nonsense and completely truthful. Even if that meant hurting Darcy’s feelings.

“I do not burn everything. I didn’t burn the salad last night.”

Levi snorted. “Only because you didn’t have to cook it. Besides, you burnt the oatmeal this morning.”

“So what if I like my oatmeal dry? All that water is too much.”

“You like your oatmeal dry and completely black?”

“It wasn’t all black! Furthermore, burning food gives it a nice flavor. It’s yummier that way.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Your opinion doesn’t matter until you begin cooking your own meals, mister. Since I cook, and you always eat it even if it is burnt, I think you really actually like my cooking. So there,” the young woman finalized, sticking her tongue out at her husband. Levi looked down upon the redhead with indifferent eyes, although inside he was trying not to smirk. There was the spitfire he had married, the one he loved to piss off. Though Levi could be the harsher one, Darcy had her moments when she would push against him in an attempt to be alpha.

“Such a lovely countenance, Darcy,” a deep voice resonated behind them. Darcy quickly pulled her tongue back into her mouth as she spun to face the newcomer. She was met with a pair of stark blue eyes and wavy blond hair atop a tall, well built man.

“Oh,” she laughed softly, her cheeks flushing. “Good morning, Captain Erwin. Nice morning, huh? Great view.”

“I’ll say,” Erwin Smith said, not even glancing at the pink sky above them. He continued to smile down at Darcy kindly. “Have you come to help take care of the horses again?”

Darcy shook her head. “No, no, unfortunately not. I have to head to the market today. And clean the house. And apparently take cooking lessons,” the redhead finished, breaking eye contact with Erwin. Instead she glared at Levi, who looked back unresponsively.

Erwin Smith, who was dressed in the green Scout Regiment cloak overtop the military-issued nude jacket, shook his head disappointedly. “Such a shame. I’m sure the horses miss you, especially Acorn.”

“And Buttercup!” Darcy laughed as she referred to Levi’s black stallion.

“Stop calling him that,” Levi scoffed quietly.

“Yeah, Buttercup too,” Erwin said, also ignoring Levi. “Anyways, you should stop by my office sometime. It’d be great to catch up. I’ll always have a hot cup of tea with your name on it.”

Darcy smiled kindly and nodded her head. “Sounds great. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Erwin turned to the Scout Regiment headquarters, which now happened to be just on the other side of the cobblestone street. Darcy watched his broad shoulders as the captain walked away to the entrance, thinking back to the days when she was in top shape and didn’t have a hurt knee to worry about. For a moment the young woman was pulled into her memories, but then she felt a pair of warm lips on her temple and turned up to Levi.

“Clean the house, Darcy” he ordered, turning to the entrance to headquarters.

Darcy waited as Levi’s hand slipped out of hers. She instantly felt cold and alone standing on the corner as two of her best friends turned their backs on her. “…I love you too, Levi.”

In the end, it turned out to be a pretty busy day for Darcy, and she had soon forgotten about the lonely walk to the marketplace. After finishing shopping for dinner, she returned home to completely scrub down the house from top to bottom (“We’ll see if that bastard complains now!” she kept exclaiming.) and get in some sewing time before Millie, her sister, knocked on the door in the beginning of the afternoon.

As the stew boiled over the fireplace, the two women gossiped away at the kitchen table.

“So when am I going to be seeing some nieces and nephews?” Millie asked forcefully. Generally Millie, who was the older and taller sister, began all conversations with Darcy like this. It was only a miracle that the two had made it through the full preparation of supper before the questioning started.

Darcy laughed softly, sipping on some tea. “I should be asking you the same thing. You and Adair have been married for a year and a half now.”

“Yeah, but Adair also runs his own shop at the marketplace,” Millie skirted. She looked a lot like Darcy, with the same green eyes and round face, but did not have the bright red hair and freckles. Instead she had a darker auburn that shined gold when caught in the right light. “So he’s generally pretty busy and we have no time to even discuss raising kids. Isn’t Levi just an officer though? So you guys should have tons more time than Adair and I.”

Darcy shook her head. “No, Levi is a Senior Team Lead, so he’s in charge of eight other team leaders. He’s actually quite busy. And he only gets a couple of days off each week, which he makes me spend cleaning of course. Anyways, I don’t think it’s the right time for kids for us.”

“Why not?” Millie frowned.

“…Well…you know how they say the timing just seems right?” Darcy asked, caught up in her thoughts and not really paying attention to her sister. “…It just doesn’t seem right for Levi and me. Not that I’m having second thoughts about our marriage, not at all. I love Levi with all my heart. It’s just that Levi doesn’t seem like he wants to have kids now, and I think he’s too busy to think about having kids. Besides, I can’t even cook my husband a decent meal, so how am I supposed to feed an infant something that won’t kill them?”

Millie laughed wholeheartedly with a big smile flashing across her face. “That’s the perfect time to have kids! You guys are just in the final stages of being newly-weds for right now.”

“We’re not that newly-wed. We’ve been married for eleven months,” Darcy pointed out.

“Besides, Levi doesn’t seem like the guy to marry you if he didn’t love you. I’m sure he has to be damn sure he loves you to even say the words ‘I love you’. Marriage leads to kids, Darcy, its just fact.”

“Then where are your kids?” Darcy laughed.

“What else is there,” Millie asked as she pointedly ignored her sister’s question, “to you not wanting to have kids?” This time the older sister stared Darcy down intimidatingly, as if looking directly into her soul. As much as Darcy wanted to look away, she couldn’t. Her sister always knew how to force information out of her.

Darcy started slowly. “…It’s just…the Scouting Regiment…” The redhead bit her lip as she stared down at her reflection in her cup. “Levi, he won’t say anything to me. He never does. But I know for a fact that the budget for the Scouting Regiment was cut drastically this year, and I know that even Levi’s pay was cut. I don’t know by how much, of course he won’t tell me. But he won’t even tell me if it’s serious or not. Levi gets paid quite a bit, enough to definitely support him, but what about us? What if there are money issues and he won’t tell me because I can’t work anymore?”

It was quiet in the kitchen afterwards as waterworks threatened to flush Darcy’s eyes. Millie watched her sympathetically. The redhead’s breathing had picked up, her chest heaving slightly as she fought her tears. As her face began to match her vibrant hair, Millie softly squeezed her sister’s hand that wasn’t gripping tightly to her teacup.

“…And that’s why they call it marriage,” the auburn spoke quietly. “I’m sure Levi hasn’t told you anything because there’s nothing to tell. Trust him.”

The problem was that Darcy did trust Levi, but this wouldn’t have been the first time he had lied to her about something serious. In fact, there had been numerous occasions where Levi had told her lies, in which he thought it was for her wellbeing. In the end he had always confessed, but after she had conceded to believing him. And only after he was finally backed into a wall. It wasn’t until it was necessary that he finally told her the full and total fact.

There was also the problem of Levi’s personality. He was hard-wired to always tell the truth, especially if it was bad news. That was something he had learned while in the Capital and was ground-in during training for the Scouting Corps. Why he felt the need to lie to her, she could never figure out. So it did create slight distrust when it came to bigger issues. Darcy would always beg Levi to tell her the truth, and he said he was being completely truthful, but days or weeks or months later, the real truth would eventually find it’s way into the open. It always threw Darcy through a loop.

“Dinner was delicious tonight,” Levi whispered softly, kissing up her bare shoulder as the couple lay in bed later that night. “And you cleaned the house well. Thank you.”

Darcy was lost in her own thoughts from the earlier conversation, though she did feel one of Levi’s hands grope gently at her left hip. She lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling.

“You’ve been pretty quiet all night,” his deep voice cut through the silence again, sending shivers down her spine. “I even had to entertain our guests at dinner, and you know how much I hate entertaining people.” His face came to hover over hers when she still did not answer. His dark grey eyes found her green ones, although she seemed to look right through him. “Are you okay, Darcy?”

She rolled onto her side to look at husband, staring up at him with wide eyes. “…Levi…?” she asked slowly, still contemplating her question.

“Yes, brat?” he responded, gingerly kissing her lips.

She didn’t know how Levi did it, but he always made her feel special and important, even when he was fighting with her. It must have been something to do with him even putting in the time to argue with her, when he could have ignored her completely. But as he caressed her naked body, she felt amazingly beautiful. She felt like no other man could create these feelings inside her. She knew that Levi always had her best intentions at heart, even if sometimes he did hurt her feelings or lie to her.

So why was she having these thoughts about money if she also felt like Levi had honest reasons for lying to her? Why was she so caught up in the middle of it, unable to fight one way or the other?

“Levi…is there… Do you want to have children?” she skirted at the last second, deciding to not ask Levi about money whatsoever.

“Do you want to have children?” He asked, although he seemed slightly surprised. She couldn’t see him completely, but his wide eyes stood out in the darkness.

“…Yes,” Darcy spoke softly, digging her face into Levi’s neck and wrapping her arms around his chest. “I want to start a family with you.”

“…Okay, Darcy.” Levi responded, his hands roaming her body. He flipped her over so he hovered over her body, gently trailing fingertips down her stomach and creating goose bumps. The look in her eyes, amazed and confused that Levi had agreed, was apparent on Darcy’s face. The giant smirk Levi showed was completely evident in the darkness, and Darcy wondered if she could actually feel his ego grow as she stared up at him helplessly. He leaned down to kiss her, gently at first, but beginning to grow rough. “Let’s start a family.”