I've Got Just One Regret to Live Through

It was raining heavily as Darcy rode Acorn, her mare, through a shallow marsh to the south of the Shiganshina District. Even though the mud and heavy thunderstorm were obscuring everything, the girl still reached up to brush the muck out of her eyes quickly before turning around to see Levi on her tail. He was on his horse Buttercup, a black stallion specifically bred by the Scouting Regiment. She was surprised to see his face looked fearful, with wide eyes and a pale complexion.

“Eyes forward!” He shouted loudly to her over the downpour and thundering hooves. His eyes focused on her green ones. “Don’t worry about behind you, just focus on moving as fast as you can!”

Darcy nodded just as lightning touched ground to their right side. The darkness completely vanished in that second, revealing the landscape around them. Hundreds of horses from the rest of the Scouting Regiment crew spotted the ground, all carrying a member or two of the Corps. The dark green hoods and Scouting Regiment symbol donned every member.

There were mountains far to the left of the team and open land everywhere else. The tall grass of the marsh blew roughly in the wind for miles. Even from here, only a few minutes from the gate to the land all humans called home, the Wall Maria was completely invisible.

And there, right behind Senior Leader Levi, stood a towering titan.

Darcy gawked, eyes completely wide and mouth agape, at the roughly eighteen-meter male-like monster behind the couple. The thing was sickening with long arms and short legs carrying a rounded body. The eyes weren’t completely lifeless, but they were completely void of intelligence. All in all, the titan looked somewhat human, besides this unbearable hunger in its eyes as it stared down at the black-haired officer.

Tongue rolling out of its gigantic mouth, the monster reached forward and swiped at Levi.

“NOOO!” Darcy demanded, jumping off of her horse and diving at the monster. As she rose in the air, her hands gripped two gun shaped objects, simply called handgrips, which she aimed at the titan and pulled a trigger on either device. Around her waist wrapped a harness carrying two rectangular objects on either side that housed numerous blades and steel wire. Upon triggering the handgrips, the wire shot out of either side and dug into the legs of the titan in order to connect Darcy to the beast and pull her in towards its heel. Darcy spun around effortlessly as she maneuvered through the air, gaining momentum and swinging herself around the feet of the monster. She used the handgrips to attach two blades, which she readied and aimed at the monster’s Achilles tendon.

Levi, still on his horse, grabbed the reins to Acorn and turned to watch his subordinate as she swung through the downpour.

Darcy’s gear and momentum carried her closer to the monster. It felt like hours to her. Time slowed down, allowing her to think ahead and try to position her body in brace of the hit to the titan.

She was yards away, now feet, now inches from the gigantic form. Her blades caught the small visible light and flashed in the darkness. Finally she was upon the monster, centimeters from slicing the skin and muscle and immobilizing the beast.

And then, at the last second, the titan’s foot caught the wire to which she was connected and her direction completely changed.

The titan’s foot swung the cable upwards and Darcy screamed as she felt her body fly outwards in a spiral. She could hear Levi call her name as he jumped off of his steed. At this point all the redhead could do was detach herself from the wires that connected her to the titan and hope for the best. There were no trees or houses or anything else for her to connect onto and avoid the crash landing.

As she fell, Darcy saw Levi spin blindingly through the air as he attached himself to the monster. His harness carried him up and over the shoulder to the nape of the neck, where he quickly swung his blades to slice out a huge portion. The titan fell, lifeless, to the muddy waters of the marsh.

And then a pain erupted in Darcy’s knee as she connected with the ground. Blinding white light lit up her vision and a loud ringing echoed in her ears. Water flew up around her, cooling her, but a burning fire blazed through her left leg. She heard a voice – a scream maybe? Was it she who was screaming or was that Levi? – as she rolled to a stop in the mud.

Levi was next to her then, covered in steaming titan gore and mud. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her onto his lap. “Are you okay?” He demanded, brushing off her face.

“…No,” she ground out, grabbing her left leg. Her hands dug into the skin in any attempt to ease the torture. The pain was the most agonizing sensation she had ever experienced. Her teeth ground together and she gasped for air. Levi pressed her leg to test for breaks and she screamed loudly, angrily.

“Darcy, look at me,” he said. “Look at me.”

She refused. Colors were blinding her vision behind her eyelids.

“Look at me, Darcy.” No – she couldn’t. Everything was too intense. “Darcy. Darcy.”

“No.”

“Darcy.”

“NO!” Darcy screamed, jumping up in the bed. Her eyes were wide open, scared. Sweat covered her body and soaked her nightgown and the sheets below her. The first thing she heard was her heavy, labored breathing in the quiet room. She looked around expectantly, looking for the marshy waters, the heavy rain and thunderstorm, the titan’s dead body a few meters away. But all she found was her sweating form sitting up in bed and her husband Levi sitting in front of her.

She caught his grey eyes as her chest heaved. Levi waited, his right hand on her left leg and his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

“It was just a dream,” he said softly and reassuringly. His voice was slightly muffled, yet assuring. And still yet monotone, just like it normally was. “You’re not there anymore. It’s over.”

Darcy did not, or maybe could not, respond. Instead she glared down at her leg, the faint pink scar running across the top of her knee, as hot tears began streaming down her face. Her fists balled up and gripped the blanket tightly until her knuckles were completely white. She bowed her head.

“Really?” Levi asked as he maneuvered to pull her face into his chest. His strong arms wrapped around her heated body. His hands rubbed up and down her back. “Darcy, there’s no need to cry.”

“It’s painful, Levi,” she cried softly, her voice shaky. “That night is my worst memory.”

“I know. I know,” he responded simply. His hand inadvertently began rubbing her left leg. He felt her body shudder against his chest at his touch, and he hugged her harder, closer, and placed his chin atop her head. The toothbrush grazed her hair.

This was usual in the Ackerman household. Darcy often had nightmares about the night she broke her kneecap and tore a tendon in her thigh, nearly taking away her ability to walk. When Darcy awoke screaming in bed, Levi always made sure to be there to comfort her. Sometimes she had a tough time realizing it was only a memory and would run to him, asking if he was okay, asking if the titan had injured him at all. The whole day or two following the nightmare, Darcy also became much more reserved, as if shell shocked.

The injury definitely took away her ability to continue on with the Scouting Regiment. That expedition would be Darcy’s last after serving three years with the corps. He knew Darcy felt like she had so much more to offer for the group, that she had expected to be with the corps until her death, but being unable to efficiently use the three-directional maneuvering gear meant she was done.

Darcy looked up at Levi when she was done crying, her face swollen and red. The faint lines of drying tears stained her face. She could tell he was fighting the urge to tell her how gross she looked and instead he stood up and walked to their shared dresser. He dug through the drawers before returning with an outfit, which he handed to Darcy.

“Here, get dressed. I’ll go start breakfast since I’m off work.”

He walked out, leaving Darcy with only her thoughts.

When Darcy finally made it downstairs after cleaning herself up, Levi was kneeling before the fire, and the aroma of pancakes and sausage filled the apartment.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked quietly.

“Slightly better than ten minutes ago,” Darcy responded and sat at the kitchen table, intently watching her husband. She bit her lip and picked at her fingernails. “…I…I want to go to the stables today.”

Levi turned, ignoring about the food, and looked at the redhead. “Are you sure? I’m here today, I just have to write a report, but I can forget about it. I can write it at work tomorrow.”

Darcy shook her head slowly. “No, it’s okay. I want to take Acorn out. I haven’t seen her in a while and I think she misses me.”

Levi was quiet as he plated up the food and brought it over to the table. He carefully made his wife her plate, setting the food down in front of her as if finishing a masterpiece. He leaned down to kiss the top of her forehead, his hand resting on the small of her back. “I’m sure Acorn does miss you, Darcy.”

Darcy knew she wasn’t acting like her normal self either, but she didn’t know how to make herself feel normal. She left the house, not completely full but at least with something in her stomach, turning down Levi’s offer to walk with her to the Scouting Regiment’s headquarters. She wanted time alone in order to come to terms, again, with breaking her kneecap and tearing the tendon in her thigh. The nightmares always felt so real, no matter how much time had passed. She could feel his eyes on her from the window as she made her way out of the apartment and down the street.

Before she even realized it Darcy had made it to headquarters and checked in with the office about volunteering at the stables. The older lady at the front desk babbled on and on without Darcy even hearing a word, but she must have responded subconsciously because the woman did not seem taken aback by her distance and attitude. Afterwards, Darcy walked quietly and slowly down to the stables, where more than six hundred horses were kept.

“Good morning, Darcy!” a high-pitched voice cried, making the solemn redhead visibly jump. Darcy looked up to see Hange Zoe, a tall brunette woman, walking towards her from the back of the stable. She was dressed in the standard scout uniform: white pants, harness, and brown jacket, but with her typical yellow button-up underneath. Brown glasses covered her eyes with a special band wrapped around her head to keep them in place. “How are you today?”

“Oh…” Darcy stalled, taken aback by the abrupt welcoming. It had been a while since she had seen Hange, about a month or two since Darcy’s last visit to the stables, but the women had always gotten along well and had worked together outside Wall Maria on numerous occasions. When Darcy was part of the corps two years ago, Hange and her had always been partnered together, be it training, scouting missions, and everything else in between. “…Good morning, Hange.”

“Is everything okay? You seem pale.”

Darcy shook her head slowly and stared at her former teammate. “I just…had a bad dream last night. I needed to get away from the house.” Darcy walked over to the stable where her brown mare Acorn was sleeping. She gently brushed her long snout to wake her up.

“Must have been a bad nightmare to bring you here, huh?” Hange asked softly. “If I had to guess, given that you’re volunteering here, I’d say it was about that night.”

Darcy mentally cursed; Hange had always been smart and more than apt to figure things out. She stopped, bowing her head and trying to end the images from flooding back. Acorn began licking her outstretched, frozen hand. She set her jaw to try and stop crying, but Hange’s reassuring hand on her shoulder made that difficult.

“Can I tell you something, Darcy?” Hange asked quietly after Darcy had finally calmed down. The redhead nodded slowly.

The brunette took a deep breath and avoided eye contact as she spoke her next sentence. “…You were the reason I joined the Survey Corps.”

Darcy wiped a tear from her eye and stared up at the soldier incredulously. “Seriously? Me? Of all people?”

“Yeah, I know it’s pretty strange,” Hange said, smiling and chuckling. “I know Erwin was the one who changed your mind; you joined the corps early enough to see him become a captain and really change the way the corps functioned. But when I left the Trainees Squad, I was planning on joining the Military Police…until I saw you practicing with the 3DMG gear at the southern training grounds.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Darcy whispered, her face flushing. She didn’t think anything special of herself when she used to use the gear, but obviously Hange held her in high regard. “I wasn’t that good.”

“No, you were great!” Hange laughed, gently nudging her shoulder. “I’m serious. The way you maneuvered through the air was beautiful and honestly I’ve always tried to recreate that. And that day I saw you; I just had to join to the corps because…well, I wanted to learn from you. And I didn’t care about the costs, about killing titans or being killed by titans or whatever else there may be. You turned out to be one of my best friends. And joining the Scout Regiment is the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’ve got you to thank for that.” This time it was Hange’s turn to blush.

Darcy didn’t know what to say. She kept her eyes to the ground, one of her hands resting on Acorn’s snout and the other falling limply by her side. The tears had stopped a while ago, but fresh ones threatened to creep up for a very different reason. Finally Darcy’s green eyes found Hange’s brown orbs and she smiled the biggest, cheesiest smile she could possibly manage.

“That means a great deal to me, Hange,” Darcy laughed. It felt like Hange knew exactly what to say to make her feel better, to make her forget the torment of her leg. “You’ve become a great soldier too. I mean that a lot; you’ve really improved since two years ago. And I’ve heard they’re looking for a replacement for Leader Roman since he’s retiring in two months. Erwin told me you were in the running.”

“Are you serious?” Hange asked excitedly. She jumped up, throwing her fist into the air. “It’s an honor to even be considered!”

Darcy laughed. “You really know how to cheer a person up!”

Hange smiled back with a similar expression. “Of course, Darcy. Besides, Levi can’t possibly be able to cheer you up with him always being so depressing! So I guess that job falls onto me.”

“Levi isn’t terrible. He can be there for me when he feels comfortable doing so. It actually has taken him quite some time to learn how to open up, though. I mean, it took him almost a year and a half to say he loved me, and even now he doesn’t say it often. But I know when he means to say it.”

“Darcy, you know you can always come to me, right? And in confidence too? E-even if it’s about Levi.”

“Yeah, I know, Hange. I’m happy we’re friends and glad that I can rely on you.”

The brunette smiled cheerily again as Darcy opened the gate to Acorn’s pen, allowing the mare to trot out. Darcy grabbed the saddle hanging over the back wall of the pen and placed it over her horse in order to buckle the seat securely. “Would you like to come ride with me, Hange?” Darcy asked, to which the brunette grinned again and proceeded to bring out her own horse.

Levi Ackerman was sitting at the table in the kitchen when Darcy returned home later that afternoon. He was out of his uniform and instead dressed in a simple cream shirt and grey pants. The wife smiled kindly at her husband and his small piles of paperwork neatly stacked by his complex organization. Though Levi did not return her smile, he did not stare at her as uninterestedly as he would anyone else.

“Did you enjoy your alone time?” he asked as he stood up from the table and walked over to take her jacket from her. He placed it in the closet, neatly folded by her old regiment cloak.

“Immensely,” she nodded, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Hange and I rode to the lake and back.”

“Hange, huh?”

“Yeah, it was a pretty fun day. Hange’s getting better at horseback riding too, she only fell off of her horse once.”

“Hm.”

“You wanna know what she told me?” Darcy asked as she sat down at the kitchen table, Levi taking his previous seat next to her. She gently moved a stack of papers up the table to make room for her elbows, but her husband pushed her arms back and moved the papers to their original position. When Levi didn’t respond to her question, she continued anyways. “Hange said I was her reason for joining the corps. She said that I was really good at using the gear – almost like it was an art form.”

“It is,” Levi agreed. Then he turned up to stare into his wife’s eyes. “And you were good. Extremely beautiful. The least repulsive thing I’ve ever observed.”

Darcy blushed. It may not seem like a compliment, but Levi had a weird way of admitting feelings. This was probably the closest thing to commendation she would ever get from her husband.

“I want to try to re-learn the equipment.”

“Not a chance,” Levi immediately shot down, bowing his head to his report. Darcy visibly huffed and stood up.

“Fine. Then I’m making fried steak and potatoes tonight for dinner.”

Levi looked up at his wife with wide eyes and grabbed her hand to stop her from heading to the stove. “No.” She looked down at him, smiling. She knew that was the meal she burned every single time she made it. In fact, Darcy had even started a small fire and nearly brought the house down in flames the last time she had tried to make that dinner. She was trying to egg a response out of the black haired leader.

Levi frowned, even though he felt happy inside. He was glad his wife was back to normal, at least for the most part. She may still be sad, but she definitely was in a better position than the one she left in this morning. He was thankful to Hange for being there for her in ways he couldn’t be there. And he was grateful that his wife knew she was a terrible cook because there was no way he could lie to her about that like a noble husband should.

“You’re an idiot.”