Status: Active.
I've Got Just One Regret to Live Through
Expedition
It was still fairly early in the morning on a random Thursday when Levi and Darcy Ackerman walked into to the Scout Regiment’s stables. Yet for being so early, the place was packed with soldiers getting ready for the day’s expedition outside Wall Maria. The many rows of horses were packed with brown jackets and green cloaks, the voices easily floating through the air and creating an eerie, loud buzz.
Levi began to make his way through the stream of people to the third row of stables where his horse was kept. As the soldiers saw the Senior Lead coming, their voices hushed and they quickly picked up their work. Many moved to the sides to make room for the short leader. But as soon as he had passed, they would slow down and the rumble of voices picked back up.
In one of Darcy’s hands she had Levi’s green cloak folded neatly over arm and she carried a small brown satchel. With her other hand she grabbed for her husbands fingers in order to keep track of him in the sea of men. She did not feel him pull his hand away, but was slightly disappointed that he refused to hold her hand in return. It was uncommon for him to hold her hand in the first place, but she figured he wanted to seem in authority over the men.
Levi led his wife to the stable that housed his horse, identifying the black stallion by the name on the gate. Even though it read “Buster”, Darcy affectionately greeted him with the name “Buttercup”. Immediately she felt her husband’s glare on the back of her head.
“Buster is such a mean name,” Darcy laughed, feeding the horse a carrot she had picked up from one of the cadets. “I mean…he’s a sweetheart. He couldn’t hurt a fly.” Her hands trailed up and down the horse’s snout.
Levi quickly set to work preparing his saddle. The wife watched as he stuffed numerous different colored flare cannisters into a satchel and a few supplies for his maneuvering gear into a pouch on the horse’s back. She watched curiously, her mind travelling back to the days when she would also be joining the Regiment on the mission.
Darcy looked over her shoulder, back towards the sixth row of horses where Acorn, her mare, was housed. She had had a much lower rank, so her stable had been placed in the back. She figured one of the newer cadets had been given Acorn and would probably be there now, preparing the mare for the expedition. This worried her slightly. Acorn was her horse and the two had connected while Darcy was part of the corps. Without realizing it Darcy sighed and ran her hand through her frazzled red hair. She felt Levi’s eyes on the back of her head again.
“…You can go home now,” he said softly, but forcefully.
Darcy smiled at her husband’s tone.
“What, Levi, are you embarrassed of me?”
“Why would I be embarrassed of you?” He answered quickly, naturally.
Darcy stopped, her heart swelling at Levi’s question. She felt like there were many things about her for him to be embarrassed, such as her unruly hair, her pale complexion, her hurt knee, her constant nightmares, or the fact that she was a terrible cook. The list was numerous. She knew she wasn’t a perfect wife. She was also hard on herself for these things. In her eyes, Levi was the near perfect being, and she paled in comparison.
To hear her husband ask her why he would be shamed made her feel special and important, as if maybe she wasn’t as imperfect. Maybe her hair wasn’t as unruly as she made it out to be, or maybe her complexion wasn’t so unbeautiful. Maybe she was a great cook after all.
No, Darcy thought sarcastically in her head. She was a terrible chef.
When Darcy did not respond, Levi looked up only to find his wife’s face blushing pink and a shimmer to her eyes. “What?” he asked expectantly.
“…Levi…” Darcy breathed, walking to her husband and wrapping her arms around his chest in a tender hug. Levi stiffened, but slowly wrapped his arms around her waist to appease her. He looked down at the female, eyes wide, as if asking why she was displaying affection in public.
Levi frowned as Darcy pressed her cheek against his chest. “I want you to go back home because you need more rest. You were up most of the night worrying about me and this expedition.”
Darcy opened her mouth to respond, but before she could utter a syllable, a feminine voice floated through the air and distracted the couple. “Aww, Levi, I’ve never seen this side of you. You look very compassionate!”
Darcy spun around in Levi’s arms to find Hange Zoe at the gate to the stable. The brunette was dressed in the typical cloak and had her hair in its signature ponytail. Her glasses were pulled up to rest on the top of her head. She held the reigns to her horse in one of her calloused hands.
Darcy smiled kindly while Levi glared daggers. “That’s Senior Lead Levi to you, shitty brat,” he spat.
Darcy turned to swat Levi’s arm for using such foul language. He didn’t seem to even notice her attack and instead pulled his arms away from her waist. “Levi, that is completely rude! There’s no need!”
Levi ignored his wife and instead pointed to the front of the stables in the general direction of the entrance. “Go find Squad Leader Erwin. Tell him our team will be ready in ten.”
Darcy smiled apologetically at Hange as she turned to strut away without so much of a salute or response to Levi’s order. The redhead shook her head slightly.
There was a pregnant pause before Levi broke the silence, although the ruffling of his cloak signaled he was finalizing his packing. “I need to talk with my team,” he stated, referring to the team leads underneath him. He began to pull the reigns to Buster. Darcy jumped and frantically looked around for the satchel she had brought with her.
She found it lying against the wall on the stone floor. “Wait, Levi, wait.”
“What now?” he asked darkly. Darcy didn’t know what it was, but something about Hange’s comment had made her husband frustrated and angry. It was most likely because she had caught him showing affection, something that Levi rarely did in public.
Darcy shot him a glare before opening the pouch and pulling out a sandwich wrapped in wax paper. She walked over to Buster and gently placed the food in a pocket on the horse’s saddle. “I got up early this morning and made you lunch. I didn’t have to cook it so it should be good. It’s your favorite: turkey.” She then placed an apple in the pocket and secured it.
Turning away from the horse, Darcy found Levi standing by the front of the stall. His gaze had softened considerably, although the short leader still had some anger etched on his face from Hange. He walked over to the redhead, his boots echoing on the hard stone, and placed a quick, dry kiss to her temple. “Thank you. Now go home and get some rest. I’ll be back before sundown.”
Darcy bowed her head although she gave her husband a soft smile and gazed up at his grey eyes through her hair. She wanted to give him a kiss goodbye, a real one, but decided not to press her luck. Hange had already angered him enough and no doubt she was probably still lurking around the corner somewhere. So Darcy slowly walked out of the stable, heading towards the entrance as Levi made his way in the opposite direction to search for his team.
On her way out she found Erwin, who was slightly taller than most of the soldiers and therefore easier to notice. He placed a hand on her shoulder as he passed, practically shouting ‘good morning’ to her so she could hear him over the roar of the soldiers. She pointed in the direction Levi had headed and let him know he was meeting with the team leaders. She also gave him a firm hug around the waist, her eyes tight, wishing him good luck on his mission.
After Darcy had made it through the obstacle course that was the packed stables, she slowly walked home in the morning dew. The air was heavy with fog and slightly dark. The sky was barely beginning to grow pink when she opened the door to the apartment and made her way up the stairs. She fell into a pile on the bed and was just able to throw the covers over herself before she passed out, exhausted.
The ginger awoke some time later, bright sunlight now gently falling into the room through the windows. Voices from the street floated through the thin panes, as well as the sound of chirping birds. The female laid in bed a second, adjusting to her surroundings. Everything seemed peaceful and carefree.
Then a knock came on the door, rapping hard against the wood. Darcy jumped before throwing herself out of bed as she realized the visitor had most likely been the reason she awoke in the first place. She rushed down the stairs and opened the door to find a towering man staring down at her.
The giant rose up to at least six-five, which was taller than even Erwin. He had dark grey hair and a frown that seemed to be permanently etched on his features, further illustrated by the frown lines on either side of his mouth. The man seemed to hold himself with authority, his hands firmly clasped behind his back and his nose in the air as if Darcy disgusted him.
Darcy started, frightened by the man and the stiff authority he seemed to hold. Her green eyes noticed he was wearing a brown jacket similar to her husbands, but instead of the blue winged symbol on the arm, she found a green horse, the insignia of the military police.
The military police were the King’s men. Granted, all branches of the military indirectly served the King, but the military police directly served the crown. They normally resided in the interior, the inner of the three walls. It was strange to see one so far out, literally at the border of civilization. Now Darcy understood why the man seemed repulsed by her. He was used to living in the life of luxury, and Shiganshina was literally the furthest thing from the capital in terms of distance and extravagance.
“…How can I help you?” Darcy quietly asked, her cheeks flushing against her wishes. The man’s heavy brown eyes bore down on her for a minute before he spoke.
“I wish to speak with a Mr. Levi Ackerman.” It wasn’t a request, even though the man worded it so.
“I’m sorry, but my husband is not home at the moment. I-Is there something I can help you with?”
The man sighed slightly and produced a letter from behind his back with the seal of the king stamped on it. He held it out but kept a firm grip. Darcy dared not reach for the envelope. “I assume you are Mrs. Ackerman?” Darcy nodded in response. “See to it that Mr. Ackerman receives this letter as soon as possible. By orders of the King himself.”
A shaky hand reached out to take the letter from the man’s firm grasp before the giant turned and headed down the walkway to a waiting carriage. Darcy quickly noted the expensive design of the car as well as the well-groomed horse pulling the reigns. She was too frightened to even move from the doorway. She could not wrap her head around why someone from the military police would be here to serve papers when they could have sent them by post. She figured they must be extremely important.
After the carriage drove off and Darcy regained use of her shaky legs, she hurriedly buried herself inside the apartment. She closed all the curtains and locked the door. She laid the letter on the center of the dining table and sat beside it on a stool, the house dark around her.
Inside, the redhead was fighting against herself. She desperately wanted to know what the letter said. With such a mysterious man giving it to her, and him being sent from the capital, she needed to know what it contained. On the other hand, the letter was not addressed to her; it was addressed to Levi. It was his mail, for his eyes only, and she had no right to look at it.
Well that’s not completely true, Darcy thought to herself as she turned her head to the side and bit her lip. I’m Levi’s wife. Technically because that letter is addressed to him, it is also addressed to me, she reasoned internally.
But Levi would most likely kill her if she began to read his mail. And he may not even be mad at the fact that she read his mail, but instead be completely frustrated that she tore the envelope the wrong way. Darcy always figured his cleanliness and neatness would be the death of her some day. Maybe that day would be this one.
Darcy glanced towards the window, trying to figure out the time. It was before noon for sure. Levi would not make it home for another few hours. She couldn’t wait that long to find out what the letter contained. Slowly she reached across the table and picked up the off-white envelope, eyes grazing over the important seal. She bit her lip again as she gently tugged one end of the fold up to break the waxy red seal and reveal the letter.
After she had it opened, her green eyes quickly scanned through the cursive scrawl, trying to wrap her head around the message. Almost immediately she felt like she was in a spiral as the words came to life around her and she felt one of her worst fears come true. Her stomach jumped into her throat. The room seemed much smaller now, as if it were closing in and suffocating her.
Tears formed in her eyes. How had Levi hid this from her for so long? To be sent a letter from the throne meant this had to have been going on for quite some time, at least half a year. Darcy felt her face flush red and she fanned herself to cool down. Salty tears flowed down her rosy cheeks.
Darcy remembered her sister’s advice from a few weeks ago when they had dinner together. It seemed like a distant memory now, but she could remember exactly what had been said that afternoon as they discussed Darcy’s monetary worries.
“I’m sure Levi hasn’t told you anything because there’s nothing to tell. Trust him.”
But how could she trust him now? They had been served papers letting Darcy know just how deeply her husband and her were in debt. Darcy was not sure this was something they would be able to pay off for years.
Darcy stumbled on shaky legs upstairs to the bed where she fell in a heap. The room spun around her and made her feel nauseous. She hesitantly closed her eyes, but couldn’t fall asleep. Her heart was racing too fast. She needed to speak with Levi.
Later that night, Darcy sat in the darkening hallway of the Scouting Regiment headquarters. She had tried everything to get her mind off the letter from the king to no avail. She had even scrubbed the house top to bottom twice. The tears had finally stopped flowing but her cheeks seemed to be permanently puffy and red. She looked like a mess with her hair finding any possible way to undo its braid and red blotchiness of her cheeks.
She had come to find Levi, who would by arriving any second now. She had heard the bells when the Regiment had returned, but had not gone down the main street to see the arrival of the soldiers. Instead she headed straight to the headquarters and found a bench outside Levi’s office, where she firmly planted herself.
As if on queue, an echo sounded from down the hallway. Darcy turned to find her husband’s silhouette briskly walking down the empty corridor. His boots drummed rhythmically on the marble floor. The man himself looked disheveled, his green cloak roughly pulled around his dirty uniform and there were faint red splotches all over his clothes.
As Levi came upon Darcy, he blinked and stared coldly, as if realizing just now that she was in front of him.
“You shouldn’t have come,” his deep voice reverberated.
Darcy’s eyebrows knitted together. Her stomach clenched tighter, if that was even possible. She could only gawk at her husband, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Levi normally was not like this upon return from expeditions. Normally he welcomed her, albeit not with open arms, but he never told her she should not have come to walk home with him. He always relayed to her the information they had discovered, or the information they had hoped to discover as they walked through the city.
Levi’s form turned and he unlocked his office. The dark space illuminated as he opened the curtain beside his desk. The short leader began ruffling through papers on his desk, selecting specific ones and discarding all else to the trashcan with a flourish.
Darcy watched and it slowly dawned on her that the mission had been a failure. A bad failure. It was normal for the corps to not return with much useful information, and it was normal for there to be a great number of lives lost; this had been true even in Darcy’s days as a member. The redhead came to the conclusion that Levi’s team had been decimated and he was taking it rather badly.
Her green eyes softened considerably. She felt bad for the man. She knew he tried to keep up a front of not caring about anyone, even going so far as to hide emotions from his own wife, but Darcy knew that deep down Levi could grow attached to people. And then to suddenly have these people, his co-workers, his own soldiers lose their lives…
The door to Levi’s office shut rather loudly and Levi himself began briskly walking down the hallway. Darcy rushed to catch up to him. No words were spoken. Levi’s frown remained etched on his features.
“Levi, what happened?” Darcy grew the courage to finally ask as the couple passed over the bridge on their walk home. They had been perfectly silent aside from their shoes meeting the stone streets.
The dark haired man did not answer. He wouldn’t acknowledge her in any way. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, keeping Darcy from looping her fingers through his. She could not even remember him looking at her since they had met in the hallway.
The redhead was growing impatient, not only with the silence, but also because she couldn’t figure out the correct opportunity to ask Levi about the letter. She desperately needed to know what was going on. Was it a mistake on the throne’s part? Were they seriously in trouble? Would they lose the apartment? Would Levi be arrested? These questions circled in her head, now joined by the growing inquiry of the mission. She desired to understand, but she needed Levi to be in the right mood to have any sort of discussion with him. It did not seem like that would be happening tonight.
They were nearing home now, and Darcy’s opportunity to speak with her husband was coming to a close. She knew that as soon as Levi walked through that door, he would either bury himself in paperwork, or he would lock himself in the bathroom to bathe. By the time he would emerge, she would already be asleep. Levi would try to avoid the discussion altogether, and she did not know when the next opportunity would come. Generally when Levi acted like this he would begin to spend copious amounts of time at headquarters for “training”. At times like these, Darcy did not even feel like she was married to the man.
Darcy’s lip was beginning to sting from her biting it, so she took that as a signal to speak again. “…L…Levi…. Please…”
That was all it took for Levi to react. He quickly whipped around to face the woman, staring down harshly at her. His eyes were very cold and distant. Yet his gaze bore down on Darcy and made her feel small, tiny, and insignificant. She immediately regretted saying anything.
This was the side of Levi she wished to never see.
Levi took two swift steps to close the distance between them. Darcy braced her body in response to some unknown attack. Would he slap her? Would he grab her arms? Would he throw her to the ground?
Why did I even ask in the first place?
Darcy squeezed her eyes shut and cowered down in front of Levi, tucking her head closer to her shoulders. She felt Levi’s hands slither over her, up her arms, her shoulders, up her back by her hair.
And then she was pulled forward, her nose hitting hard against Levi’s clavicle. One of his hands pushed on the back of her head until her face was tucked into the bend of his neck while the other appendage firmly gripped the shirt on her back. It was balled into a fist to hold the clothing. She felt Levi’s whole body shiver.
Now Darcy understood. Without verbal queues it was hard to read Levi, but as he held her in a tight embrace, as he practically squeezed the air from her lungs, she felt pity for the man and all the pain he was in. Even though Levi did not cry and refused to admit that he was upset about the deaths, that did not mean that it didn’t affect him. He was only lying to himself.
Darcy slowly snaked her hands around Levi’s muscular frame. She felt hot tears burn her cheeks as she cried for Levi. She felt his pain and physically reacted in a way he denied.
“…Don’t leave me,” Levi’s unwavering voice whispered in her ear. She felt his breath on her ear. His fist was still tightly gripped to her clothes and she could feel his hand trembling. More tears spilled from her eyes and ran down Levi’s chest, where they were caught up in the fabric of his dirty shirt. “…Don’t leave me, Darcy…. Farlan…. Isabel…. I can’t afford to lose you…”
Darcy saw the image of Levi’s old friends. The small redhead and the brown-haired boy who had joined the survey corps with Levi. She had only know the duo for a few short days before they passed away on a scouting mission, but in that short period of time she had discovered how deep the friendship between them and Levi had truly developed. Levi had been a wreck after their passing.
Darcy pressed her burning lips to Levi’s, wet tears transferring to his skin. She had a death grip on Levi now. Her eyes were pressed so tightly shut that she began to colors flash before her dark eyelids. When she pulled away, there was only one sentence she could think of to try and calm Levi.
“I will never leave you.”
Levi began to make his way through the stream of people to the third row of stables where his horse was kept. As the soldiers saw the Senior Lead coming, their voices hushed and they quickly picked up their work. Many moved to the sides to make room for the short leader. But as soon as he had passed, they would slow down and the rumble of voices picked back up.
In one of Darcy’s hands she had Levi’s green cloak folded neatly over arm and she carried a small brown satchel. With her other hand she grabbed for her husbands fingers in order to keep track of him in the sea of men. She did not feel him pull his hand away, but was slightly disappointed that he refused to hold her hand in return. It was uncommon for him to hold her hand in the first place, but she figured he wanted to seem in authority over the men.
Levi led his wife to the stable that housed his horse, identifying the black stallion by the name on the gate. Even though it read “Buster”, Darcy affectionately greeted him with the name “Buttercup”. Immediately she felt her husband’s glare on the back of her head.
“Buster is such a mean name,” Darcy laughed, feeding the horse a carrot she had picked up from one of the cadets. “I mean…he’s a sweetheart. He couldn’t hurt a fly.” Her hands trailed up and down the horse’s snout.
Levi quickly set to work preparing his saddle. The wife watched as he stuffed numerous different colored flare cannisters into a satchel and a few supplies for his maneuvering gear into a pouch on the horse’s back. She watched curiously, her mind travelling back to the days when she would also be joining the Regiment on the mission.
Darcy looked over her shoulder, back towards the sixth row of horses where Acorn, her mare, was housed. She had had a much lower rank, so her stable had been placed in the back. She figured one of the newer cadets had been given Acorn and would probably be there now, preparing the mare for the expedition. This worried her slightly. Acorn was her horse and the two had connected while Darcy was part of the corps. Without realizing it Darcy sighed and ran her hand through her frazzled red hair. She felt Levi’s eyes on the back of her head again.
“…You can go home now,” he said softly, but forcefully.
Darcy smiled at her husband’s tone.
“What, Levi, are you embarrassed of me?”
“Why would I be embarrassed of you?” He answered quickly, naturally.
Darcy stopped, her heart swelling at Levi’s question. She felt like there were many things about her for him to be embarrassed, such as her unruly hair, her pale complexion, her hurt knee, her constant nightmares, or the fact that she was a terrible cook. The list was numerous. She knew she wasn’t a perfect wife. She was also hard on herself for these things. In her eyes, Levi was the near perfect being, and she paled in comparison.
To hear her husband ask her why he would be shamed made her feel special and important, as if maybe she wasn’t as imperfect. Maybe her hair wasn’t as unruly as she made it out to be, or maybe her complexion wasn’t so unbeautiful. Maybe she was a great cook after all.
No, Darcy thought sarcastically in her head. She was a terrible chef.
When Darcy did not respond, Levi looked up only to find his wife’s face blushing pink and a shimmer to her eyes. “What?” he asked expectantly.
“…Levi…” Darcy breathed, walking to her husband and wrapping her arms around his chest in a tender hug. Levi stiffened, but slowly wrapped his arms around her waist to appease her. He looked down at the female, eyes wide, as if asking why she was displaying affection in public.
Levi frowned as Darcy pressed her cheek against his chest. “I want you to go back home because you need more rest. You were up most of the night worrying about me and this expedition.”
Darcy opened her mouth to respond, but before she could utter a syllable, a feminine voice floated through the air and distracted the couple. “Aww, Levi, I’ve never seen this side of you. You look very compassionate!”
Darcy spun around in Levi’s arms to find Hange Zoe at the gate to the stable. The brunette was dressed in the typical cloak and had her hair in its signature ponytail. Her glasses were pulled up to rest on the top of her head. She held the reigns to her horse in one of her calloused hands.
Darcy smiled kindly while Levi glared daggers. “That’s Senior Lead Levi to you, shitty brat,” he spat.
Darcy turned to swat Levi’s arm for using such foul language. He didn’t seem to even notice her attack and instead pulled his arms away from her waist. “Levi, that is completely rude! There’s no need!”
Levi ignored his wife and instead pointed to the front of the stables in the general direction of the entrance. “Go find Squad Leader Erwin. Tell him our team will be ready in ten.”
Darcy smiled apologetically at Hange as she turned to strut away without so much of a salute or response to Levi’s order. The redhead shook her head slightly.
There was a pregnant pause before Levi broke the silence, although the ruffling of his cloak signaled he was finalizing his packing. “I need to talk with my team,” he stated, referring to the team leads underneath him. He began to pull the reigns to Buster. Darcy jumped and frantically looked around for the satchel she had brought with her.
She found it lying against the wall on the stone floor. “Wait, Levi, wait.”
“What now?” he asked darkly. Darcy didn’t know what it was, but something about Hange’s comment had made her husband frustrated and angry. It was most likely because she had caught him showing affection, something that Levi rarely did in public.
Darcy shot him a glare before opening the pouch and pulling out a sandwich wrapped in wax paper. She walked over to Buster and gently placed the food in a pocket on the horse’s saddle. “I got up early this morning and made you lunch. I didn’t have to cook it so it should be good. It’s your favorite: turkey.” She then placed an apple in the pocket and secured it.
Turning away from the horse, Darcy found Levi standing by the front of the stall. His gaze had softened considerably, although the short leader still had some anger etched on his face from Hange. He walked over to the redhead, his boots echoing on the hard stone, and placed a quick, dry kiss to her temple. “Thank you. Now go home and get some rest. I’ll be back before sundown.”
Darcy bowed her head although she gave her husband a soft smile and gazed up at his grey eyes through her hair. She wanted to give him a kiss goodbye, a real one, but decided not to press her luck. Hange had already angered him enough and no doubt she was probably still lurking around the corner somewhere. So Darcy slowly walked out of the stable, heading towards the entrance as Levi made his way in the opposite direction to search for his team.
On her way out she found Erwin, who was slightly taller than most of the soldiers and therefore easier to notice. He placed a hand on her shoulder as he passed, practically shouting ‘good morning’ to her so she could hear him over the roar of the soldiers. She pointed in the direction Levi had headed and let him know he was meeting with the team leaders. She also gave him a firm hug around the waist, her eyes tight, wishing him good luck on his mission.
After Darcy had made it through the obstacle course that was the packed stables, she slowly walked home in the morning dew. The air was heavy with fog and slightly dark. The sky was barely beginning to grow pink when she opened the door to the apartment and made her way up the stairs. She fell into a pile on the bed and was just able to throw the covers over herself before she passed out, exhausted.
The ginger awoke some time later, bright sunlight now gently falling into the room through the windows. Voices from the street floated through the thin panes, as well as the sound of chirping birds. The female laid in bed a second, adjusting to her surroundings. Everything seemed peaceful and carefree.
Then a knock came on the door, rapping hard against the wood. Darcy jumped before throwing herself out of bed as she realized the visitor had most likely been the reason she awoke in the first place. She rushed down the stairs and opened the door to find a towering man staring down at her.
The giant rose up to at least six-five, which was taller than even Erwin. He had dark grey hair and a frown that seemed to be permanently etched on his features, further illustrated by the frown lines on either side of his mouth. The man seemed to hold himself with authority, his hands firmly clasped behind his back and his nose in the air as if Darcy disgusted him.
Darcy started, frightened by the man and the stiff authority he seemed to hold. Her green eyes noticed he was wearing a brown jacket similar to her husbands, but instead of the blue winged symbol on the arm, she found a green horse, the insignia of the military police.
The military police were the King’s men. Granted, all branches of the military indirectly served the King, but the military police directly served the crown. They normally resided in the interior, the inner of the three walls. It was strange to see one so far out, literally at the border of civilization. Now Darcy understood why the man seemed repulsed by her. He was used to living in the life of luxury, and Shiganshina was literally the furthest thing from the capital in terms of distance and extravagance.
“…How can I help you?” Darcy quietly asked, her cheeks flushing against her wishes. The man’s heavy brown eyes bore down on her for a minute before he spoke.
“I wish to speak with a Mr. Levi Ackerman.” It wasn’t a request, even though the man worded it so.
“I’m sorry, but my husband is not home at the moment. I-Is there something I can help you with?”
The man sighed slightly and produced a letter from behind his back with the seal of the king stamped on it. He held it out but kept a firm grip. Darcy dared not reach for the envelope. “I assume you are Mrs. Ackerman?” Darcy nodded in response. “See to it that Mr. Ackerman receives this letter as soon as possible. By orders of the King himself.”
A shaky hand reached out to take the letter from the man’s firm grasp before the giant turned and headed down the walkway to a waiting carriage. Darcy quickly noted the expensive design of the car as well as the well-groomed horse pulling the reigns. She was too frightened to even move from the doorway. She could not wrap her head around why someone from the military police would be here to serve papers when they could have sent them by post. She figured they must be extremely important.
After the carriage drove off and Darcy regained use of her shaky legs, she hurriedly buried herself inside the apartment. She closed all the curtains and locked the door. She laid the letter on the center of the dining table and sat beside it on a stool, the house dark around her.
Inside, the redhead was fighting against herself. She desperately wanted to know what the letter said. With such a mysterious man giving it to her, and him being sent from the capital, she needed to know what it contained. On the other hand, the letter was not addressed to her; it was addressed to Levi. It was his mail, for his eyes only, and she had no right to look at it.
Well that’s not completely true, Darcy thought to herself as she turned her head to the side and bit her lip. I’m Levi’s wife. Technically because that letter is addressed to him, it is also addressed to me, she reasoned internally.
But Levi would most likely kill her if she began to read his mail. And he may not even be mad at the fact that she read his mail, but instead be completely frustrated that she tore the envelope the wrong way. Darcy always figured his cleanliness and neatness would be the death of her some day. Maybe that day would be this one.
Darcy glanced towards the window, trying to figure out the time. It was before noon for sure. Levi would not make it home for another few hours. She couldn’t wait that long to find out what the letter contained. Slowly she reached across the table and picked up the off-white envelope, eyes grazing over the important seal. She bit her lip again as she gently tugged one end of the fold up to break the waxy red seal and reveal the letter.
After she had it opened, her green eyes quickly scanned through the cursive scrawl, trying to wrap her head around the message. Almost immediately she felt like she was in a spiral as the words came to life around her and she felt one of her worst fears come true. Her stomach jumped into her throat. The room seemed much smaller now, as if it were closing in and suffocating her.
Tears formed in her eyes. How had Levi hid this from her for so long? To be sent a letter from the throne meant this had to have been going on for quite some time, at least half a year. Darcy felt her face flush red and she fanned herself to cool down. Salty tears flowed down her rosy cheeks.
Darcy remembered her sister’s advice from a few weeks ago when they had dinner together. It seemed like a distant memory now, but she could remember exactly what had been said that afternoon as they discussed Darcy’s monetary worries.
“I’m sure Levi hasn’t told you anything because there’s nothing to tell. Trust him.”
But how could she trust him now? They had been served papers letting Darcy know just how deeply her husband and her were in debt. Darcy was not sure this was something they would be able to pay off for years.
Darcy stumbled on shaky legs upstairs to the bed where she fell in a heap. The room spun around her and made her feel nauseous. She hesitantly closed her eyes, but couldn’t fall asleep. Her heart was racing too fast. She needed to speak with Levi.
Later that night, Darcy sat in the darkening hallway of the Scouting Regiment headquarters. She had tried everything to get her mind off the letter from the king to no avail. She had even scrubbed the house top to bottom twice. The tears had finally stopped flowing but her cheeks seemed to be permanently puffy and red. She looked like a mess with her hair finding any possible way to undo its braid and red blotchiness of her cheeks.
She had come to find Levi, who would by arriving any second now. She had heard the bells when the Regiment had returned, but had not gone down the main street to see the arrival of the soldiers. Instead she headed straight to the headquarters and found a bench outside Levi’s office, where she firmly planted herself.
As if on queue, an echo sounded from down the hallway. Darcy turned to find her husband’s silhouette briskly walking down the empty corridor. His boots drummed rhythmically on the marble floor. The man himself looked disheveled, his green cloak roughly pulled around his dirty uniform and there were faint red splotches all over his clothes.
As Levi came upon Darcy, he blinked and stared coldly, as if realizing just now that she was in front of him.
“You shouldn’t have come,” his deep voice reverberated.
Darcy’s eyebrows knitted together. Her stomach clenched tighter, if that was even possible. She could only gawk at her husband, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Levi normally was not like this upon return from expeditions. Normally he welcomed her, albeit not with open arms, but he never told her she should not have come to walk home with him. He always relayed to her the information they had discovered, or the information they had hoped to discover as they walked through the city.
Levi’s form turned and he unlocked his office. The dark space illuminated as he opened the curtain beside his desk. The short leader began ruffling through papers on his desk, selecting specific ones and discarding all else to the trashcan with a flourish.
Darcy watched and it slowly dawned on her that the mission had been a failure. A bad failure. It was normal for the corps to not return with much useful information, and it was normal for there to be a great number of lives lost; this had been true even in Darcy’s days as a member. The redhead came to the conclusion that Levi’s team had been decimated and he was taking it rather badly.
Her green eyes softened considerably. She felt bad for the man. She knew he tried to keep up a front of not caring about anyone, even going so far as to hide emotions from his own wife, but Darcy knew that deep down Levi could grow attached to people. And then to suddenly have these people, his co-workers, his own soldiers lose their lives…
The door to Levi’s office shut rather loudly and Levi himself began briskly walking down the hallway. Darcy rushed to catch up to him. No words were spoken. Levi’s frown remained etched on his features.
“Levi, what happened?” Darcy grew the courage to finally ask as the couple passed over the bridge on their walk home. They had been perfectly silent aside from their shoes meeting the stone streets.
The dark haired man did not answer. He wouldn’t acknowledge her in any way. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, keeping Darcy from looping her fingers through his. She could not even remember him looking at her since they had met in the hallway.
The redhead was growing impatient, not only with the silence, but also because she couldn’t figure out the correct opportunity to ask Levi about the letter. She desperately needed to know what was going on. Was it a mistake on the throne’s part? Were they seriously in trouble? Would they lose the apartment? Would Levi be arrested? These questions circled in her head, now joined by the growing inquiry of the mission. She desired to understand, but she needed Levi to be in the right mood to have any sort of discussion with him. It did not seem like that would be happening tonight.
They were nearing home now, and Darcy’s opportunity to speak with her husband was coming to a close. She knew that as soon as Levi walked through that door, he would either bury himself in paperwork, or he would lock himself in the bathroom to bathe. By the time he would emerge, she would already be asleep. Levi would try to avoid the discussion altogether, and she did not know when the next opportunity would come. Generally when Levi acted like this he would begin to spend copious amounts of time at headquarters for “training”. At times like these, Darcy did not even feel like she was married to the man.
Darcy’s lip was beginning to sting from her biting it, so she took that as a signal to speak again. “…L…Levi…. Please…”
That was all it took for Levi to react. He quickly whipped around to face the woman, staring down harshly at her. His eyes were very cold and distant. Yet his gaze bore down on Darcy and made her feel small, tiny, and insignificant. She immediately regretted saying anything.
This was the side of Levi she wished to never see.
Levi took two swift steps to close the distance between them. Darcy braced her body in response to some unknown attack. Would he slap her? Would he grab her arms? Would he throw her to the ground?
Why did I even ask in the first place?
Darcy squeezed her eyes shut and cowered down in front of Levi, tucking her head closer to her shoulders. She felt Levi’s hands slither over her, up her arms, her shoulders, up her back by her hair.
And then she was pulled forward, her nose hitting hard against Levi’s clavicle. One of his hands pushed on the back of her head until her face was tucked into the bend of his neck while the other appendage firmly gripped the shirt on her back. It was balled into a fist to hold the clothing. She felt Levi’s whole body shiver.
Now Darcy understood. Without verbal queues it was hard to read Levi, but as he held her in a tight embrace, as he practically squeezed the air from her lungs, she felt pity for the man and all the pain he was in. Even though Levi did not cry and refused to admit that he was upset about the deaths, that did not mean that it didn’t affect him. He was only lying to himself.
Darcy slowly snaked her hands around Levi’s muscular frame. She felt hot tears burn her cheeks as she cried for Levi. She felt his pain and physically reacted in a way he denied.
“…Don’t leave me,” Levi’s unwavering voice whispered in her ear. She felt his breath on her ear. His fist was still tightly gripped to her clothes and she could feel his hand trembling. More tears spilled from her eyes and ran down Levi’s chest, where they were caught up in the fabric of his dirty shirt. “…Don’t leave me, Darcy…. Farlan…. Isabel…. I can’t afford to lose you…”
Darcy saw the image of Levi’s old friends. The small redhead and the brown-haired boy who had joined the survey corps with Levi. She had only know the duo for a few short days before they passed away on a scouting mission, but in that short period of time she had discovered how deep the friendship between them and Levi had truly developed. Levi had been a wreck after their passing.
Darcy pressed her burning lips to Levi’s, wet tears transferring to his skin. She had a death grip on Levi now. Her eyes were pressed so tightly shut that she began to colors flash before her dark eyelids. When she pulled away, there was only one sentence she could think of to try and calm Levi.
“I will never leave you.”