Breathing Under Water

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We had only been studying for maybe two hours, when I noticed that I was losing Sean. He was fighting to look interested, but I could tell he was running out of steam. He’d been staring at the same problem for the last 15 minutes without any attempt to solve it.

“Need some help with that one?” I asked gently.

He groaned and pushed himself back from the coffee table. We had set up our books on it and were both seated on the floor. Sean leaned against the plush couch behind him and said, “I’m not sure if there is any help for me. At this point I’m thinking of dropping out of school and becoming a Vegas showgirl. I’ve got the legs, right?”

I rolled my eyes at him. He sounded like Clark. At least he was making an effort though and trying to at least pass the class.
Maybe it wouldn’t be with flying colors, but it didn’t have to be. It wasn’t like he was planning on being an accountant. Not to my knowledge anyway.

Thinking about it made me curious so I asked him, “Well, assuming you do get though school, what are you going to do with yourself?”

Sean pulled his hand tiredly though his longish brown hair. He did that a lot, especially when he was nervous or thinking. Pursing his lips he looked up at the ceiling and shook his head.

“I’m not sure,” he finally admitted. “I don’t want to sit behind a desk and look at numbers all day. Maybe something in law enforcement.”

I nodded and said, “I could see that. You’re so good compared to so many of the kids at school. You’re not out partying or smoking weed.”

Sean grimaced and said, “I sound like a stiff. For me it’s not even about being good. I just want to be doing something. I get restless.”

“You don’t say?” I commented smartly as I eyeballed the abandoned book across from me. I was sitting on the opposite side of the table and was still semi working though a problem.

My back was sore though from hunching and my tailbone hurt from being on the floor so long. So I gave in and stood up to stretch myself out. I rolled my shoulders and wandered over to the pictures hanging on the wall.

They were family photos. There was Sean at various ages, his parents on their wedding day, and people who were probably friends or relatives. They were all smiling, hugging, holding onto each other and happy.

I wondered what it was like to have so many people to care about. I pictured what Thanksgiving and Christmas must be like. Everyone would probably be crowded around a table full of food and talking at the same time.

Sean stood up to look at the pictures with me. He pointed out his Aunt Mary and Uncle Jeff. They lived in Washington by the ocean. He loved visiting their cabin in the Summer.

Then there was his grown Cousin Dana. She worked as a tax attorney. She was getting married soon and Sean was going to be in the wedding.

One of his favorite pictures was of his Grandpa. He was a thin wrinkled old man with a wide grin. He had died a little over a year ago.

When Sean told me that, his mouth turned down and his eyes darkened. I wanted to reach out to him...because I knew his expression very well. I'd worn it myself more than a few times. I knew all about loss and the pain it entailed.

“I live with my Grandmother,” I said keeping my hands to myself. “My parent both died when I was really young.”

I spoke the words quickly, but they still hurt coming out. Sean and I didn’t talk about our private lives so it wasn't something that I'd told him before. I felt like I could trust him with the information though.

It wasn’t like he could do anything with it right? Even if he told other people, they wouldn’t give a shit. No one was interested in my personal history.

The only people my parents deaths mattered to was me and maybe my grandmother. She never talked about them though, so I wasn't totally certain that she cared. It seemed more like she was trying to forget that they even existed.

“There aren’t any photos of my parents in the house. I’m starting to have a hard time remembering what they looked like. I know my Mom had red hair though, like mine."

Sean reached out and lightly touched my hair. It was the smallest of gestures, but it made me want to turn into him and just hide myself. I was strong though, wasn’t I?

I didn’t need someone to hold me. I wanted it though. I couldn’t remember that last time someone had actually hugged me.

While other girls were out getting pregnant, I just wanted a fucking hug. That wasn’t to much to ask for was it? That wasn’t making myself too vulnerable.

Sean’s hand trailed from my hair to my shoulder and stopped there. I waited for him to say he was sorry or something equally trite. He suprised me though.

He opened his mouth and said very matter of fact, “I’m sure your Mom was smart and beautiful, like you.”

Sean had told me I was smart before and said my freckles were adorable. Beautiful was a new one though. I had never once in my life felt that word applied to be in any way.

“Excuse me?” I asked, mostly because I wanted to hear him say it again.
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Longer update than usual! What a productive two hours. Hope this scene didn't feel forced. I don't want to rush the romance with these two.