Breathing Under Water

"You're beautiful, Lilly," I repeated softly and hoped she wouldn't be pissed off at me.

She didn't look angry, just surprised. I wondered if anyone had ever called her that before. I would be happy to repeat it every day if she wanted me to.

I would call her gorgeous, radiant, brilliant, and any other adjective she desired. She was all of those things and a million more. I don't think she realized it, and I wanted her to.

I let my hand drop from her shoulder to move down her arm. Then I caught her left hand and laced her fingers through mine. Lilly's skin was soft and cool. (I felt like my palms must be sweaty and gross by comparison)

She didn't complain though or pull away from me. She smiled and said,"According to your mom, you think that I'm stunning. "

I groaned and asked,"Can we please not talk about anything my mom said ever again. "

She gave me the, oh please like that gonna happen look and said, "Let's get back to the books."

Lilly wasn't going to make a big deal out of what I said, so I didn't either. I wasn't going to push her. Our relationship had been a series of very small steps.

I liked the direction we were heading and we didn't need to speed up pace. Yes, I wanted to kiss her, hold her, and do all kinds of other inappropriate things to her. It wasn't the right time though and I respected that.

Lilly sat down and grabbed the book that I'd been using. She looked at the problem I'd been stuck on and started to work her magic. What a girl...

What an intelligent, sensitive, lovely girl. Watch yourself, Sean, I warned myself. If I wasn't careful, I would fall in love with Lilly and I had a feeling there would be no going back from that.

"Oh, c'mon that one was easy!" Lilly teased as she triumphantly wrote the answer. I sat down beside her ( a little closer than usual, so our knees bumped) and said, "Whatever brainiac, I could whoop your little butt any day on the track."

"Hey, I might not look athletic, but you'd be surprised..." She grumbled a little haughtily.

I continued to poke the bear and retorted, "Surprised by how out of breath you get in the first half mile?"

She hit my arm playfully and just like that something changed. The touch barrier felt broken. I did an internal fist pump/ touchdown dance.

Lilly had a wall that rivaled China's built up around her. Jerks like myself had helped lay every brick. Every unkind word and hateful glance made her wall just a little bit higher until she couldn't see over the other side.

I couldn't knock the whole wall down.There was no way that I could erase all the experiences that created it. I could try to tunnel underneath it though and prove to her that she didn't have to be alone.

"So, are you gonna back that up and meet me for a race?" I asked her.

Lilly smirked and replied,"Only if you pass your pre calc exam with at least a B."