Breathing Under Water
She Has a Name
I didn't see little red the rest of the school day. We didn't share any other classes and I didn't spy her in the lunch room. I glanced around a little more than usual, but she wasn't sitting at any tables I walked past.
It was easy to lose someone in such a large high school. There were kids from three different towns that attended and teachers roaming the halls as well. I didn't think anything about it until I was walking out the main exit doors around 3:00 in the afternoon. I still hadn't received any kind of an answer.
She hadn't approached me or messaged me via Facebook. I'd checked my phone a few times under my desk. It was starting to dawn on me that I'd been shut down by one of the least popular girls in school.
My embarrassment must have distracted me as I walked through the parking lot. I was shaking my head and moving to unlock my Jeep Cherokee. I didn't notice her until I her a soft voice behind me say,"Excuse me."
I turned and she was standing right behind me. She was probably 5 foot 1' at most so I had to look down to make eye contact. I couldn't help noticing that she did have nice eyes.
They were big and really blue. The kind of eyes that belonged on a movie star with legs for days. They were almost out of place on such a tiny girl with such small features.
Her nose was small and covered in a dusting of little freckles. Her chin was small with a sharp point at the end. Even her lips were small and turned down in what appeared to be a scowl.
"Was this meant to be some kind of a joke?" She asked thrusting the note Clark had written out to me.
I accepted the crumpled paper and loudly cleared my throat. It was suddenly extremely dry. I shook my head and looked down at her feet.
Her toenails were painted blue. There was a design on the big toe I couldn't identify. Maybe an anchor?Forcing myself to me her gaze again, I shrugged and said, "It was just an idea."
Her eyebrows raised and she asked, "What's my name? "
Goddammit. She would ask that of all questions. What did it matter if I had the wrong answer though?
Hurting a girl's feelings was inevitable and not a life changing event. At least that's what I told myself as I wracked my brain for her name. It didn't sound quite right, but I went with my initial instinct and said, "Jess."
She leaned in closer and said, "My name is Lilly. Like the flower. I don't expect you to remember it and I don't expect us to be friends. I would just ask that you have the decency to leave me alone."
Her S' were just a bit off. The lisp was hardly there though and the meaning of her words was exquisitely clear. Any hope I was holding onto of not feeling like a douche bag had disappeared completely.
"Hey listen, Lilly. I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I didn't have a date to prom yet and... well you're cute. I thought us going would be a good idea."
"Sorry, Sean. You're just not my type," she said pulling her ridiculous floppy sun hat into place. She smiled at me for the first time and walked away. It seemed that Lilly knew exactly who I was and what my game was.
I got into my Jeep feeling uncomfortable with that knowledge. I turned the radio up a little louder than usual and started towards home. I'd change and go out for a jog once I got there. That always cleared my head.
The fast hard pound of the pavement and the earth coming up to meet my feet. Nothing else mattered as my calves pumped and my body propelled forward down my street. I was free and the world was unlimited.
I lived in a neighborhood with sidewalks and well kept yards. I moved past them to where the sidewalk ended. There was a dirt path and a lightly wooded area that would lead me to the lake.
It was the perfect place to go in the summer time. It was late April and the water was just a little too cool, but in July it would be like bathwater. Jumping in after a difficult run was the perfect end to my workout.
The trees cleared and I saw the water spread out before me. It was big and blue like that little girl's eyes. I tried not to think how proud and hurt she looked handing me back that note.
Lilly, she'd said. Like the flower. The name fit her nicely. Her skin was pure and white like a Lilly. Except for the constellation of freckles on her nose.
There could be more freckles hiding on her shoulders or her chest, but I was never likely to see them. She covered her body in long skirts and flowing tops. It was impossible to tell what her proportions were.
I'd seen the defined collar bones and knobby knees. I knew she was probably slender to the extreme. I wondered if she worked out to be that way or it came naturally.
I walked out to the water's edge and sat down. The ground was soft and there was a tree to lean my back against. I let my thoughts drift away and in only a few minutes I fell asleep.
In my dreams there was a girl with very long red hair. Her hand reached out to mine and our fingers locked together. I felt my chest tighten when she smiled up at me.
She pulled me toward the lake and I followed her in. The water was just as cold as I knew it would be. It was too early in the year to swim, but she was urging me forward.
The water was up to her hips and her skirt was soaked through. It was tangled up in her legs and she staggered more with every step she took.
Eventually the water came up to about her rib cage and I felt her fall forward. Her hand gripped mine even tighter, but I didn't try to free myself. I fell with her and followed her under.
It was easy to lose someone in such a large high school. There were kids from three different towns that attended and teachers roaming the halls as well. I didn't think anything about it until I was walking out the main exit doors around 3:00 in the afternoon. I still hadn't received any kind of an answer.
She hadn't approached me or messaged me via Facebook. I'd checked my phone a few times under my desk. It was starting to dawn on me that I'd been shut down by one of the least popular girls in school.
My embarrassment must have distracted me as I walked through the parking lot. I was shaking my head and moving to unlock my Jeep Cherokee. I didn't notice her until I her a soft voice behind me say,"Excuse me."
I turned and she was standing right behind me. She was probably 5 foot 1' at most so I had to look down to make eye contact. I couldn't help noticing that she did have nice eyes.
They were big and really blue. The kind of eyes that belonged on a movie star with legs for days. They were almost out of place on such a tiny girl with such small features.
Her nose was small and covered in a dusting of little freckles. Her chin was small with a sharp point at the end. Even her lips were small and turned down in what appeared to be a scowl.
"Was this meant to be some kind of a joke?" She asked thrusting the note Clark had written out to me.
I accepted the crumpled paper and loudly cleared my throat. It was suddenly extremely dry. I shook my head and looked down at her feet.
Her toenails were painted blue. There was a design on the big toe I couldn't identify. Maybe an anchor?Forcing myself to me her gaze again, I shrugged and said, "It was just an idea."
Her eyebrows raised and she asked, "What's my name? "
Goddammit. She would ask that of all questions. What did it matter if I had the wrong answer though?
Hurting a girl's feelings was inevitable and not a life changing event. At least that's what I told myself as I wracked my brain for her name. It didn't sound quite right, but I went with my initial instinct and said, "Jess."
She leaned in closer and said, "My name is Lilly. Like the flower. I don't expect you to remember it and I don't expect us to be friends. I would just ask that you have the decency to leave me alone."
Her S' were just a bit off. The lisp was hardly there though and the meaning of her words was exquisitely clear. Any hope I was holding onto of not feeling like a douche bag had disappeared completely.
"Hey listen, Lilly. I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I didn't have a date to prom yet and... well you're cute. I thought us going would be a good idea."
"Sorry, Sean. You're just not my type," she said pulling her ridiculous floppy sun hat into place. She smiled at me for the first time and walked away. It seemed that Lilly knew exactly who I was and what my game was.
I got into my Jeep feeling uncomfortable with that knowledge. I turned the radio up a little louder than usual and started towards home. I'd change and go out for a jog once I got there. That always cleared my head.
The fast hard pound of the pavement and the earth coming up to meet my feet. Nothing else mattered as my calves pumped and my body propelled forward down my street. I was free and the world was unlimited.
I lived in a neighborhood with sidewalks and well kept yards. I moved past them to where the sidewalk ended. There was a dirt path and a lightly wooded area that would lead me to the lake.
It was the perfect place to go in the summer time. It was late April and the water was just a little too cool, but in July it would be like bathwater. Jumping in after a difficult run was the perfect end to my workout.
The trees cleared and I saw the water spread out before me. It was big and blue like that little girl's eyes. I tried not to think how proud and hurt she looked handing me back that note.
Lilly, she'd said. Like the flower. The name fit her nicely. Her skin was pure and white like a Lilly. Except for the constellation of freckles on her nose.
There could be more freckles hiding on her shoulders or her chest, but I was never likely to see them. She covered her body in long skirts and flowing tops. It was impossible to tell what her proportions were.
I'd seen the defined collar bones and knobby knees. I knew she was probably slender to the extreme. I wondered if she worked out to be that way or it came naturally.
I walked out to the water's edge and sat down. The ground was soft and there was a tree to lean my back against. I let my thoughts drift away and in only a few minutes I fell asleep.
In my dreams there was a girl with very long red hair. Her hand reached out to mine and our fingers locked together. I felt my chest tighten when she smiled up at me.
She pulled me toward the lake and I followed her in. The water was just as cold as I knew it would be. It was too early in the year to swim, but she was urging me forward.
The water was up to her hips and her skirt was soaked through. It was tangled up in her legs and she staggered more with every step she took.
Eventually the water came up to about her rib cage and I felt her fall forward. Her hand gripped mine even tighter, but I didn't try to free myself. I fell with her and followed her under.