Breathing Under Water

I kissed her smiling face and pulled her into my embrace. My arms more than circled her small frame and she folded into my chest like a missing puzzle piece. When her head nestled against my breastbone, I knew that everything was as it should be.

"Sean," she whispered into my button down shirt. "This is perfect. I'm so happy right now."

I hugged her a little closely and replied, "I'm not good at expressing myself. I always say the wrong thing and words never come out the way I mean them...

I hope I can make it clear though that I really care about you. "
Her hands snaked up my neck and buried into my hair. She pulled my head down and I met her hungry mouth. I didn't need air. All I needed was her.

"Lilly," I groaned as I kissed my way down the line of her neck.
Then she pushed me away. Her hands shoved again my chest and she stepped out of my arms. In that moment I saw who I was holding.

It was another girl from school named Beth. She was wearing a long blue prom gown. I didn't remember asking her to prom.

It was supposed to be a Lilly...

I wanted it to be Lilly.

When I opened my eyes, my heart was pounding. It was the second dream I'd had about Lilly in a week. I thought the one that I had by the lake was a fluke, but obviously not.

I stared up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. I would have to talk to her. I had no idea what I would say. I knew I should probably apologize again.

I had made Lilly feel less than human. I'd made her feel like a female body who didn't have an identity. She was just another girl with tits and a vagina. Of course I didn't know her name.

In truth, did I want to know her? Would an apology do Lilly good or just sooth my guilty conscious. Was it better for me to leave it alone and just try not to act like such prick in the future? I still hadn't answered those questions when I saw her again.

It was third period pre-calculus. Mrs. Evans was talking and writing on the black board. Her arms cut through the air like a windmill as she passionately described a subject that made most of us drool.

Clark was rubbing his temples and staring into space for the answers on his worksheet. He sighed or groaned every few minutes and looked my way for sympathy. I mouthed the words college applications and gave him a thumbs up.

Then I casually scanned the room to see where Lilly was sitting. I was thinking she should be easy to spot with her bright red hair. I was not thinking about the math problem on the board until Mrs. Evans called my name.

"Sean, " she shouted. "Perhaps you could help us out with this one."
I squinted and tried to make out her writing. What was that squiggly line on the left? I had no clue and it must have shown by the blank look on my face.

"Anyone else?" Mrs Evans said scanning the faces in front of her.

A hand raised up from the right side of the room and I heard Lilly give the correct answer. She was in an advanced class and getting questions right that had everyone else scratching their head. Lilly was smart and probably very aware of it.

She was technically a year ahead in mathematics. She was a sophomore and most of the class were juniors. Despite feeling a little more concerned about the worksheet in front of me, I felt a little less concerned about Lilly. I realized that I had a legitimate reason to talk to her. I needed her help.