If I Lose.

Four weeks, it had been a total of four weeks since Steve had left; I was going mad. The dreams had taken a turn for the worse and I had some how managed to break the device that Tony and I made, I had been doing my best to not sleep by staying awake with Bruce while he worked over night. I drank coffee and energy drinks, I barley ate and I showered a lot to keeo myself awake. However I dozed off twice ending up with a shard of glass in my arm from falling in the shower and breaking the door.

Everyone was losing sleep because of me, Bruce even tried to make a serum that would force me not to dream;but it didn't work. Everything would be black for a few hours and then hit me hard like a brick to the face. I was annoyed, angry, numb and irritated.Mostly everyone stayed away from me, including agent Hill and Fury when they came to visit.

Tony and I would get into huge blow outs and he would be forced to dart me, thus causing the dreams to take control for the entire time. Once he realized how bad it effected me and everyone else, he stopped and stayed away. I was tearing everything apart, I was tearing myself apart.

"Come on, eat something." Clint placed the burger in front of me and all I could do was stare at it, my stomach didn't growl and I felt no urge to eat the meat in front of me, not even the fries dipped in cheese. Even though it was one of my favorite meals, I refused to touch it. I looked away from the plate and Clint, focusing my eyes on Sam. He had been good, they tested his blood once a week to see that everything was getting better. But they needed Steve to come back, they needed him to make sure it worked on him.

I stood, wobbling a little and Clint brought me back to my balance with a sigh. Shoving him away, I made my way back to my room; not like I needed anything. Not like I would sleep or even sit down, instead I stood in the middle of the room. Hoping that something would change, hoping for a miracle.

"You can do this anymore," I head Natasha but didn't move, "your killing yourself, if Steve comes back and your dead; he's gonna kill us all for a fact." I felt the anger bubble in my stomach as I turned to her and snapped.

"Don't you see, he's not coming back!" My tone got higher, "He left for a reason! He should have stayed." My voice got low at the last part as tears brimmed at my eyes "He should have stayed." I felt Natasha wrap her arms around my shoulders and lower herself to the floor, I was practically curled up in a ball on her lap as she cooed to me and ran a hand through my hair. For someone who could have kids, she sure was motherly.

"I have an idea," I slowly looked up at her and she held a half smile. "Let's bring Steve back by force." My eyes widened, everyone had refused me to go after him, so why now? "You just need to eat something, please I feel fat around you." I took a deep breathe and slowly nodded.



I looked at myself in the mirror, even though I had showered my face was pale and sunken in, my body was thinner and I looked tired. My clothing was loss on me and I was always cold, looking to my right I saw Natasha and Clint walk into the jet. Clint gave me a nod as I sat down and buckled in as they started off.

"His last known location was bulgeria, I don't know why; but that's where we are going." I heard Nat yell back to me and I nodded, with the jet we were in within four hours we would be there. I let out a sigh, what if he was been captured by HYDRA? What if he went AWOL and didn't remember us? I shook the thoughts out of my head and looked out of the window.



We stood out side of the cabin, it was cold and it looked to be empty. Had we come here for no reason? I took a step and shoved Clint's hand from my shoulder when he tried to stop me, once at the door I didn't knock. Turning the knob I walked in, there was a small fire going but no one in the living room. I walked farther in, it was cozy but empty. Looking to right I froze as I stared down the barel of a handgun, Steve didn't do guns.

Looking past the gun I stared at the blue eyes, harsh blue eyes staring at me. My mouth opened as Nat and Clint walked in with weapons ready, but Bucky slowly placed his weapon down. Reaching over he handed me Steve's coat, it must have had the device in it. He didn't say anything as he shut the door behind us, I watched him the entire time.

"So what does this mean? How do we find him?" Nat spoke up and Bucky looked her, his face being lit up by the fire allowing me to see his features. He hasn't shaved since I last saw him but he looked fed, he glanced in my direction and then back at Nat.

"Вы не найдете его" He spoke in Russian and I just stared at him, hearing Natasha sigh. His eyes went to me and he spoke again, "Стив никогда не был с женщиной, думаю, что он не такой красоты" A sigh escaped his lips and Natasha smirked.

I narrowed my eyes and slowly pointed at him, "You met with him, where was he going? Why did he stay?" My voice held anger to it, but he didn't budge or feel threatened.

"Steve," He paused, "Он любит вас, но он знает, что вы бы его отслеживания. Он рассказал мне почему он работает, я ему сказал ГЭС. Он имеет шанс жить, иметь семью и быть счастливой. Вместо этого он игнорировал меня и влево, в результате чего его покрыть. Упрямый как всегда"

I didn't think before I acted and my fist hit Bucky right in the jaw, he didn't flinch or act as if it hurt but I saw a glint in his eye; a glint that wanted to snap my neck at that moment. "Don't talk to me in fucking Russian." I spoke with venom dripping from my words, my hand shook a little bit from hitting him and the two behind me stared at me in shock. I think Clint even whispered that I had a death wise, Natasha agreeing with him.

"Feisty." He rubbed his jaw as he held out his metal arm twisting it around in the light, "He left, won't be back. Move on." His words were stern with a hint of flirtation and I sent him a glare.

"Fuck you." It wasn't long before I was held up off the floor against the wall by his metal arm, nat and Clint both aiming at him. He leaned forwards slightly against my ear and I could feel his hot breath. ""Что вы делаете здесь? ". I felt a shiver go down my spine as I knew those words were only meant for me to hear and not Natasha, not like I understood what be said. It still felt like my body knew, like I had hear it before.

He dropped me to the ground and I rubbed my neck while avoiding his stern gaze, his chest was raising softly under his shirt and I couldn't help but to tell just how fit he was. Shaking my head I turned, grabbed Steve's coat and left the cabin.