Christie Road

I felt a tinge of anxiety as I pulled onto Windward Drive. It had been 4 long years since I had been on this street, and the peeling paint on all the homes and the ever growing weeds in the unkept lawns told me that I didn't miss much. As I continued to drive down the street, a group of kids raced past me on their bikes, shouting and laughing. Oh, the innocence. Those were definitely the days. I glanced into my rear view mirror and all I could see was the setting California sun behind me, the reflection causing the golden specs in my green eyes to dazzle. I smiled a sad, sweet smile; I hadn't seen a California sunset in a long, long time, and boy, was it as beautiful as ever.

I pulled into the driveway of a small yellow house. The shingles were disheveled and rose bushes were horribly overgrown. The drain pipes were slightly rusting and concrete on the driveway was cracked so badly that you could see the dirt underneath it. Yet, this was my home sweet home: 758 Windward Drive. I wanted to just go in and sleep in my old bed, but I knew that I couldn't because my parents were throwing a huge welcome home party for me, their little college graduate. As far as I knew, the entire neighborhood was invited to it. I glanced down at the clock in my car to check the time. 3:15pm. Good, that meant that I still had a few more hours before the party began. I got out of my car and walked around to my popped trunk to grab my essential luggage. Realizing that my entire trunk had been shifted through my crazy driving, I had to dig into the back of the trunk to get my luggage.

"Aurielle D'Amelio. Didn't think I'd ever see your face around here again. Thought you were too good or somethin, right?"

I jerked my head up to the direction of the voice. Before even looking about the person, I already knew who it was; I could recognize that voice in the middle of a battlefield. I'll admit though, I was still taken off guard when I looked up. There he was, leaning against my car, cigarette hanging from his mouth. He had definitely grown up since I last saw him. He now had bleached blonde hair and I could also see a few tattoos peeking out from underneath his tshirt sleeve. His green eyes pierced through me, judging me. He had changed, yes, but he couldn't fool me...he could never fool me.

I looked him up and down slowly and smirked. Smacking my lips, I said to him,
"Well fuck you too, Billie Joe."

I have known Billie Joe Armstrong since I was in diapers; that's how far back we go. I was two when he and his family moved into the house across the street. I was 5 when my older brother, Anthony, began hanging out with Billie Joe all the time and Billie Joe was seen at my house at all hours of the day. I was 13 when all the girls in my grade could only talk about how handsome and funny Billie Joe was. I was 15 when I lost my virginity to Billie Joe and began sleeping with him regularly for the next 3 years after that. Being with him like that was like a wildfire; dangerous and destructive, but I couldn't stop it. I hated how he pretended that nothing was going on between us in public and I hated how he flirted with other girls in front of me. But I loved how he kissed me in places that made me blush when we were alone. I loved how we used to laugh underneath his bed sheets and how he told me things that I felt he would never tell anyone else. I felt so special around him because I felt like I knew him on a level in which everyone we knew could never know him on.

I was so confused with my feelings and often times felt angry toward him. Yes, I understood that we established a "no dating" policy between us when we initially began sleeping together, but damn, did all those years mean nothing to him? I knew he cared for me because he told me. He always told me he valued and loved me as a friend...yes, we were great friends, but I was frustrated with the fact that he didn't value and love me enough to be with me. Was there such a difference between the two relationships? No, the single difference was one has a label of "girlfriend" and the other had one of "just friends." As much as I denied it, I did like him more than a friend. I knew it in the jealousy I felt when he would have other girls on his lap at parties. I knew it in the way I'd sometimes look at him and feel an urge to kiss him. I just knew it...I also knew that I needed to distance myself from him in order to reclaim myself.

After graduating from high school, I applied to colleges as far away from California as possible, New York University being one of them. When I got accepted to NYU, I felt free, happy and so depressed all at the same time. California was my home and yes, it seemed stupid to leave home for a guy, but I had come to resent Billie Joe. We had reached such a low point in our relationship. We argued constantly about the littlest things. I knew he was getting tired of me, and silly me, so in love with him, I tried to keep him around. He was always telling me that we needed to stop being seen with each other in public and that I was cock blocking him. Meanwhile, I was constantly picking fights with him, telling him that he belittled what we had, telling him that I was hurt. He would then sit me down and tell me that if I couldn't control my feelings, we would need to stop what we were doing. I was so hurt by him, and I wanted to hurt him so badly. Except I didn't know how. He was so intertwined in my life. He was my brother's best friend, my family loved him...he lived right across the street for fuck's sake.

When I left for New York, I didn't even bother saying goodbye to him and we were going through this awkward falling out stage. We stopped hanging out, but in public settings, we would just act normal. I still wanted him in my life, but I knew it was no longer healthy for me. I just had to cut him off and we never even had a conversation once I left. He tried to reach out to me a few times, but I would never respond. On the days in which I missed him, I would reach out to him, but by then he'd stop picking up the phone as well. I think the problem with Billie and I was the fact that we both were very proud people, and I feel like when we get hurt, we just act like the hurt never phased us.

But now out of college, I headed back to Rodeo because I missed California and my family; I missed my home. I also felt like I was over Billie. I had met so many people in New York and I realized that the world's so much bigger than Rodeo and bigger than Billie Joe...but after seeing Billie, I wasn't sure how I felt anymore. I honestly just felt like I took a million steps back and was now back in the same place when I had left. Oh well, I only have to endure him and Rodeo for a summer and then it's back to New York for me.