Feed the Flames

--celine’s pov—

The trick to moving through crowds I’d learned long ago was to just walk. Just go. Ignore the people around you; make your path known through how you carry yourself, and you can get to where you needed to go with little to no resistance. It was how I now made my way through the lunch crowd to dispose of my tray. I’d learned it first in public school; how to become a ghost in the hallways. If you ignore other people, they’ll ignore you, and that was just how I liked it. Though luckily the crowd at Bal Voyeax du Leon was much less hostile and savage than the public school I had attended now seemingly long ago.

Bal Leon wasn’t perfect by any standards. I’d been here long enough to see through most of the facades they’d love for you to believe. Being a metaphorical ghost in the hallways helped. The school seemed pretentious and too fancy for its own good from the outside, but on the inside, the principle and teachers still worked just as hard to keep students in line. Students snuck into each other’s dorms after curfew, drug testing was becoming more and more frequent and the charm of the school that had first pulled me under had long worn off. It was a school, just like any other, though it was slightly more civilized than the rest. I still enjoyed not thinking about the majority of the building. I’d been here for a year and yet still no one knew my name.

One might say it was part because I didn’t socialize with everyone else like a normal student may. I simply preferred to keep to myself. Stick with my own thoughts. My thoughts can’t hurt anyone, my words can. Sometimes I still believe though that perhaps a few words of truth could set a few people in the halls straight.

Finally breaking free from the lunch crowd, I made my way back upstairs to my dorm, looking forward to the silence I’d have for another day. Tomorrow my first roommate would arrive. Since I’d been at Bal Leon I had been lucky enough to have a dorm to myself, but yesterday some boxes had arrived and I was informed I would be sharing a dorm with a roommate whom I knew nothing about.

I pressed my thumb into the pad and in the same movement I put some weight against the door, and as it opened I stepped inside, and paused. The TV was on, the smell of cafeteria food littered the room, the doors to my roommate’s room were open and on the couch in front of the TV was…my roommate.

My hand slipped from the door behind me and it shut, the noise causing the girl on the couch to turn and look at me, and I stood there, my throat closing off, and my heart racing. Either the days had gotten away from me like they so often did, or she arrived early. Either way, I was rather unprepared.

“H-hi.” She spoke softly, a smile coming to her face. She uncrossed her legs and sat her tray on the coffee table, turning sideways on the couch in order to see me better, I supposed. I wanted nothing more than to dart into my room and dive out the window. “I’m Ronan.” She introduced herself, and I opened my mouth, knowing I’d have to speak.

My words were quiet, but I was aware this Ronan girl was going to be spending more time around me than anyone else in the school. I’d already told myself I was going to have to talk to her, be friendly, though my words still attempted to betray me. “Ce-Celine Pavus.” I managed without throwing up, which was nice. Two words. Well, that was more than I’d said in days.

“Nice to meet you, Celine.” She offered another polite smile, and I shook my head.

“Cell, j-just…” I stopped, wondering why I even attempted to speak more, and she opened her mouth as she slowly nodded. I simply pursed my lips as I stood there, frozen in place.

“Just Cell, then?” She asked and I nodded, grateful that she seemed to note my inclination to silence. Or was it just the inability to speak properly in front of strangers at this point? “Alright, well, nice to meet you, Cell.”

I smiled, lowering my head before I began walking towards my room, opening a door and slipping in, catching a glimpse of Ronan going back to her food as I closed the door. I turned and leaned back against it, letting out a shaky breath, closing my eyes. Four words. That was friendly, right? That was polite. I-I did okay. I did just okay. Running a hand through my brown bangs I kept breathing slowly. I had another ten minutes before I had to get to class. I looked around my room, and sighed.

Nothing much had changed in my room from the day I arrived. The walls were still the same crème color, and there were plain white sheets on the bed. My only addition to my room had been books. The bookshelf had been filled up the very day I arrived, and over the year my collection had grown. From floor to midway up the wall, books were stacked against every wall, stacks upon stacks in no particular order. I read in my free time. I’d go through at least two books every weekend I spent holed up in here. I always opted out of any extracurricular activities because I had reading to do. From thin books that were only a hundred pages to thick books that well exceeded four inches and a thousand pages.

I went over to my bed, getting up and sitting at the head, my back against my pillows as I looked at the few books scattered about my bed. I’d always been a big reader but my reading had flourished within the year I had been at Bal Leon. I found solace in books and words. Particularly words that somebody had put thought into. I picked up a book I’d been reading lately, ‘Heaven’s Horsemen’ by an Irish author named Calum O’Trite. Ten minutes to read, I could get through the last couple chapters to the end of the book at least.

My eyes were flowing over words, soaking in each one like a sponge, and time flew by. Before I knew it my phone was beeping. I kept reading as I stood from my bed and took my phone from the pocket of my sweater, not letting my eyes leave the page as I turned off the alarm, my thumb unlocking the phone and pressing the off button for the alarm. I made it to the end of the page –and the end of the book- and smiled a little, satisfied with the ending. No matter how sad it was with the fact that the two characters that loved each other so much would never see each other again. Betrayal was a petty thing.

Putting the book on the stack next to the door, grabbing the few things I needed for my remaining classes, and making my way from my room. I froze again, breaking my step as I saw Ronan on the couch watching TV. I looked at my phone in my hand and saw classes were starting again in just a few minutes. If I took the moment to tell her I would be late, but if I didn’t she would surely be late. Did she even have classes today? Do new students have classes on the day they join? I arrived on a weekend, so I didn’t know the answer.

Against my better judgment I went over to the notepad below the clock on the wall next to the kitchen. I felt like if I said anything else I’d wind up being sick. The notepad was still nearly brand new. I grabbed the pen from atop the pad, and scribbled a note at the bottom. Don’t you have classes?I wrote and then tore the small slip of the paper off before walking over and hesitantly handing it out to Ronan. She looked over at me suddenly, and I shook the paper slightly, and she took it from me. She looked down, reading over the question that had too many words for me to simply speak.

Shaking her head, she smiled slightly again. “No, I don’t have classes until tomorrow, luckily.” She grinned then and I nodded and turned, walking off and out of the room, letting out another breath I hadn’t known I had been holding. I looked at my phone again and then shoved it into my sweater pocket before I broke out into a run. Everyone else was already in their classes.
______

I hadn’t been too late, but when I walked in for the first time ever I got a rather sharp glare from Mr. Brooks. After class he gave me another glare, silently telling me I was not to be late again. It was strange being acknowledged by the teacher. I was usually nonexistent, it seemed.

I had a fifteen minute break after I left class. It was meant for students to get things together for their next class, but I already had those things and planned on spending it in a particular bundle of trees in the far corner of the courtyard. I made my way through the throngs of students, ignoring them as they ignored me, allowing me to pass with ease. Going out into the courtyard the students dissipated, I was able to walk along the winding path towards the edge of the courtyard with ease. I didn’t get so much a glance from anyone as I finally walked off the path, heading for the corner where a group of five trees formed a tight knit circle. It was a nice little place. Quiet and out of the eye of other students.

Dropping my backpack on the ground before I sat against a tree with my back to the rest of the courtyard, I reveled in the silence for a moment. Things were nice and quiet, the bundle of trees being far enough away so that the roar of voices from the students was only a quiet drone in the background. I grabbed the next book on my reading list from the stack of binders and notepads. ‘The Calling’ by a woman named DeRosa Taper.

“Hey,” I jumped, raising an arm in a defensive way, my fingers sinking into the five-hundred page book in my other hand. I stared wide-eyed at the boy peeking around the tree I was sitting against. “Woah there,” He calmed, smiling calmingly. “Didn’t mean to frighten you, I just noticed you sitting here all alone.” What did that mean? Noticed me? No one notices me.

I didn’t speak as I stared at him, bringing my arms down, watching him wearily as he stepped out from around the tree.

“Quite the little place you got here.” He said, looking up at the canopy of branches ten or so feet above us. He put his hands into the pockets of his slacks, and I noticed the grey tie around his neck was loosened under his sweater vest. That was well against dress code. He was my height, not tall in any way. Short. Black hair, hazel eyes, dark bangs swept over one half of his face. He ran a hand through them and brushed them back, and then looked at me again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude I just notice you sit here every day, yeah?” He offered a lopsided smile as he looked down at me. I found myself still staring at him, my heart beating faster and faster. I had no intention of speaking to him. “I figured, ‘Hey, she sits alone every day, probably doesn’t have any friends, hell, maybe I should go introduce myself.” He held out his hand. “I’m Frank.” I continued to clutch my book with both hands, staring at him, feeling almost like a child looking up at an adult.

Slowly, he let his hand fall, and pursed his lips. “Quiet, right?” His smile grew almost caring. “I gathered that. That’s cool…” He took a deep breath, his hand going back into his pocket, seeming at a loss for words. “I’m sure I talk enough for two people anyhow.” He muttered, looking back around at the trees around me for a moment, and I continued staring at him like a deer in headlights. “Are you alright?” He finally asked, and I managed to nod then, and he raised his eyebrows. “Wow, okay, I didn’t think I’d get any kind of response. That’s a start.” He said, his smile turning into a grin, and I fought a laugh at his words. Whenever anyone talked to me they seemed surprised when I didn’t speak. He was just surprised I acknowledged him. That was a change of pace. It was usually the other way around. “Well, I’ll just…leave you to your-” He stopped, looking at the book in my hands. “DeRosa Taper. Hm, good choice. I like Asunder myself.” He smirked and walked off behind me before I could do anything.

I turned, putting a hand against the hard bark of the tree, watching the guy walk off, hands in his pockets. He liked DeRosa. I’ll be damned. I have something in common with one of the parasites in this place and yet I am too afraid to speak to said person. That seemed like it was just my luck.
______

Finished reading a couple chapters, got to my very last class early, and left with no glares from the teacher. A success, if only a small one.

“Hi, again.” I jumped, and slammed my back against the wall next to the door. It was the guy from the courtyard. Frank. His hazel eyes filled with sympathy, and words poured from his mouth quickly. “Jesus Christ, I’m sorry. You’re pretty skittish, huh?” I relaxed, letting the bottom of my binders rest against my stomach as I let out a sigh. I began walking, not wanting to stick around. I wanted to get to my room and get back to reading. “Hey wait up,” He jogged after me and I could hear him bumping into a student here and there. He finally got to me, walking next to me, his shoulder brushing against other students. “If one didn’t know you, from the way you walk they’d think you own these halls.” He chuckled slightly, but then stopped, looking over at me as I walked, staring straight ahead. “I’ve been thinking about talking with you earlier. Well, talking at you, at least.” He kept his eyes on me, watching me. I could feel them burning into me and I wanted to turn and look at him and ask him questions. I wanted to pepper him with questions and fluent sentences and ask him why the hell he was talking to me, but I couldn’t. At just the thought my heart sped up, and I quickened my walking pace. He matched it.

“You don’t talk to anyone at all, do you?” He asked me, and I shook my head at that. At this point it was a feeble attempt to get him to leave, but in a way I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to ask me questions and talk to me even if I had no intention of answering. “I’ll take that as a silent but firm ‘no’, then.” He smiled crookedly as we got to the steps, and he stopped, grabbing my arm gently. It took me even more by surprise as I turned to face him, and he let go of me. “I don’t even know your name yet.” He said, and I could tell he at least wanted that from me.

I wasn’t sure what his intentions were towards me, but I opened my mouth to speak. For a split second I thought all these questions and answers may come pouring out without my consent, but instead, nothing came out. I found myself staring into those hazel eyes, and finally when I felt my cheeks getting red I shut my mouth and turned, high-tailing it up the steps. “Hey-wait- I-” Frank’s questions finally ceased as I heard him call after me, but I was already up the stairs, making my way past other students as I got to the second floor and to my dorm.

I pressed my shoulder to the door and my thumb to the pad, my books clenched to my chest as I nearly fell into the apartment, panting. I stood there for a second, and noticed my roommate was nowhere to be seen. I took the moment to lean against the door, and let out a sigh. I was a wreck. I felt like a wreck. An absolute wreck of a human being as I stood there, out of breath from running up the stairs, my heart still racing; blood pumping hard and hot through my veins. I ran a hand through my hair, brushing it behind my ear.
______

After I got into my room and finished up any homework I’d been assigned, I made my way into the shower. I still felt strange. I was tired- no, I was exhausted, and I rarely ever actually felt exhausted from a day unless I’d stayed up all night the previous night reading. Being tired was such a part of my life I never really took notice of it. I could go two days without sleep and be fine, but today I felt absolutely beat. Maybe it was the whole four words I’d spoken to my roommate, who I felt I was going to be sharing more than just those few words with, or perhaps it was having to deal with the social encounters of Frank.

I let the water run cold, enjoying the frozen feeling that usually shocked some tire out of me, but not today. I placed my hands against the shower wall, and closed my eyes, letting the cold water run over my head. But as I closed my eyes I only saw those damned hazel ones. I opened them at that, and ran my hand through my hair, brushing it back out of my face, letting the water roll down my back.

As I soon realized the cold water was not helping wash away the events of today I got out of the shower and pulled on a pair of panties and an old plain white shirt.

Pulling my covers back on my bed, a couple books fell off and into the floor. I got under the white comforter and sheet and reached over to the nightstand, turning off the light. I didn’t want to sleep, but it appeared I actually needed some rest.

My mind shut off as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I was quickly drowned in a dreamless slumber.