Feed the Flames

..::^~Ronan~^::..

Have you ever thought about how quickly your life can change? Sometimes, it changes for the better; you grow prosperous and fortunate, you progress in your goals, you fall in love, and you find that everything you’ve wanted, and everything you didn’t know that you wanted, starts ending up in life. Then, in a blink of an eye, you can lose everything. In my experience, the most painful part of losing something, or even someone, was regretting how much you took that thing, or person for granted. One day you wake up, and they’re just…gone. No goodbyes. The constant thought in the back of your head that you’ll never see them again. All that’s left are your memories.

As I lay with Gerard on his bed, my head resting in the crook of his neck while he caressed the bare skin of my arm, I thought about my mom and brother. I took my family for granted more than I should have – something I still beat myself up for. I expected my mom to always cook breakfast and dinner. I expected my brother to stay the hell out of my room. I expected them both to come back from the fair. Now, I’d just be happy if I could hold them again, even if only for ten minutes.

While it was the most traumatic experience of my life, it taught me to never take anybody for granted again; recently enforced when we had to go to Italy to save Mason and Mikey. I listened to Gerard’s voluntary breaths; we didn’t need oxygen, but he’d do anything to feel human. I took in the moments I had with him as if every time was our last, even though I still hoped that I’d be free to crawl into his arms whenever I wanted to.

We didn’t need to talk to each other. We didn’t need to think to each other. As long as I could be by his side, and feel the love radiating from him, I was fine. We were fine. However, it seemed scary, now that there was a chance we might not have forever. Neither of us wanted to be what we were; Vampires. I’d choose my humanity over an eternity in a heartbeat; something I coincidentally didn’t have. Mikey still needed somebody from the group to volunteer, since this procedure had essentially never been done. It was high-risk, and there was a chance that it didn’t work.

I was willing to take that risk.

I tried to bring up the courage to tell Gerard, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, the words were lost; completely gone. I knew he wouldn’t let me do it without being sure that it would work, and I guess I understood. I knew that I would be far less than okay with the idea of him doing it. From what I had heard, though, nobody’s actually stepped up, but I wanted to know. I need to know. I was going to take one for the team.

“What are you thinking about?” Gerard asked, sounding deep in thought himself.

“Just about the cure,” the answer was honest, even though it was vague. His arm stopped moving up and down my arm for a moment, but continued after a few seconds.

“Yeah, Mikey’s pretty fucking smart, isn’t he?” it sounded as if he was smiling, proud of the fact that he and Mikey were related.

“Yeah,” I agreed, still in thought.

“I don’t know why, but I’m just so-” Gerard was interrupted by his own yawn, and while he tried to finish his sentence before that, he had to stop talking for a moment, “-so tired.”

“Go to sleep, Gee,” I cooed, waiting for him to fall asleep. The moment he fell asleep, I was going to slip out of his room and go find Mikey and Cell. I just wanted to get the ordeal done and over with, and I couldn’t think of a more perfect time than when Gerard was asleep. Not only that, but I really didn’t want him to watch what I would be going through. Thankfully, Gerard snored lightly when he was asleep, signaling that I was good to go.

I was reluctant as I slipped out of his arms. I don’t know what I was supposed to pray to, but I prayed that I would be back in his arms soon, next time human. I planted a soft kiss on his lip, and he turned to his side slightly. He cuddled his face up against his pillow with his mouth slightly open. He looked at peace, causing me to smile as I looked down at him.

“The burgers,” he moaned quietly in his sleep, “they’re…they’re coming.”

I walked out of the room, especially quiet as I closed his door, walked through the common room, and walked into Mikey’s. His door had been open, revealing Mikey sitting on his bed as he read through an old book.

“Mikey,” I said, causing him to look up at me, “Mikey, I want to do the thing.” He furrowed his eyebrows, and a small smirk appeared on his face.

“Aren’t you Gerard’s girlfriend, now?” He questioned as he cocked an eyebrow. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose as I let out a deep sigh of frustration.

“Not that you fucking pervert,” I clarified, and then regained my stature as I walked over to him and sat down on the edge of his bed. I will admit though, I was glad he was back – he was still my best friend.

“I want to volunteer,” there was partial disdain in my voice, but I looked at him calmly.

“You sound like you’re volunteering as tribute. Prim, no!,” I laughed as he mocked Katniss from Susan Collins’ ‘The Hunger Games’.

“There’s the risk, Mikey, that I might not make it,” I said, causing the corners for his mouth to pull downwards.

“Something tells me that you haven’t told Gerard you’re doing this,” he looked at me in a serious manner.

“Well that something is obviously right, which means we have to go before Gerard wakes up,” I stood from the bed, hoping he’d follow.

“So you want me to go behind his back?” he asked, folding the corner of his book before he closed it. I looked at him expectantly, and he let out a defeated sigh, “I guess either way, it wouldn’t change your mind. Come on, let’s go get Cell. We’re going to the spot that was discussed,” he informed, and I gave a curt nod.

“Meet me in the woods,” I thought towards Frank. He would know where, since he’d been a part of the large meeting we had in order to talk about the situation.
_______________

Frank and Bob were waiting in the small clearing, nearly a mile into the woods.Standing between them were two tables that were maybe three and a half feet tall. They were long and wide enough to lay somebody down on. As a matter of fact, a human lay on one of the tables. They were kept in place by duct tape; however, their breathing was calm. This led me to assume that they had been knocked out and then dragged out here.

“This won’t kill them, will it?” I asked Mikey, not sure if I was okay that I’d be taking somebody else’s life.

“I’m – I’m not actually sure,” Mikey admitted, “I guess that’s on the list of things we’ll be finding out today.” I pursed my lips as I thought about it. I was willing to risk my life for this, but was I willing to risk somebody else’s? I had to think positive; despite the fact that it went against all of my morals, being a vampire was even more against my morals, and the only way to kill a vampire was to rip out and destroy their heart; that took suicide away as an option.

“I guess so,” I agreed. Frank walked over to me – he held the roll of 100mph tape in his hand. I noticed that Cell was keeping her distance from him, and was surprised that Mason wasn’t out here.

“Ronan,” Frank said softly, “Are you sure this is something you want to do?” He looked as if he was totally not okay with the idea, but I shrugged.

“Even if I die, Frank, it’s better than being what I am,” I tried to weigh out the pros and cons, but every time, that’s what my mind said. Anything and everything would be better than being this. I couldn’t live like this.

“What about Gerard?” his voice was still soft, but I could tell he was worried about what Gerard would have to go through if I didn’t make it.

“I really wish you’d stop talking about this like I’m definitely going to die,” I was starting to get annoyed, even though I completely understood where he was coming from.

“But, you might-” Frank started, but I was quick to cut him off.

“I’m still going through with it, Frank,” I said harshly, causing him to look down at the ground.

“Well, we better go ahead and get you taped up to that table,” Frank plastered a fake smile onto his face. I took a deep breath and nodded.

“Yeah,” I agreed, and then the realization hit, “Wait, why do I have to be taped up?”

“Because something tells me this isn’t going to be pleasant,” a smirk replaced his fake smile, but it quickly fell. There were no more words as I walked to the table, where I lay down. The distinctive sound of the adhesive side of the tape separating from the rest of the roll sounded in my ear before another louder and angier sound met my ears.

“What the FUCK,” Gerard yelled as he entered the clearing. All of our heads snapped in his direction in order to look at him, all of our faces contorted into terror. I could still think of nothing more horrifying than a pissed off Gerard, and worse, he would be pissed off at me. He looked at me, at the now conscious human, and back at me. He walked over to me, grabbed my bicep, and then led out of the clearing and further into the woods. This was probably to discourage the others from hearing us. This also meant he was probably going to yell.

“Please don’t be mad,” the words slipped from my mouth, but I didn’t know what else to say. In reality, I hadn’t meant to say those words out loud, but after I said them, the anger disappeared from his face and was replaced with a deep feeling of hurt. I would have been surprised if I was even able to feel worse at that point.

“Why? Why would you do that to me?” He question, and his words pulled at my heartstrings.

“Gerard-” I started to explain, but he didn’t let me finish.

“What if that doesn’t work? What if you die?” each word stabbed at me in a different way.

“Newsflash, Gerard, I’m already dead; thanks to you,” I didn’t mean to snap at him, but it was beginning to upset me that people believed they had the prerogative to get mad at me for my decisions.

“I didn’t push you off that roof, Ronan. You got yourself into this mess,” he pointed at me, the tip of his finger less than an inch from my chin.

“You’re the one who changed me into…this,” I accused. How dare he get mad at me? His angry expression fell again.

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it a thousand times; I don’t want to lose you,” It sounded as if he nearly choked on his words. He stuffed his hands into his trousers, and turned so that he was facing in the opposite direction of me. Tears began to well up in my own eyes, and I felt ashamed of myself.

“You’re not going to lose me,” I said. I moved so that I was standing in front of him again, so that I could look at his face. I found that he hadn’t been crying, but his eyes were red. I closed the distance between us as I wound my arms around his torso, and he didn’t miss a beat to wrap his arms around mine.

“I hope that true,” I mumbled into my hair.

“I’ll do it,” I turned my head around to look at Frank, who was standing just a few feet from us. I looked at him, puzzled, wondering what he meant.

“Do what?” I asked, letting go of Gerard.

“I told Mikey I’d be the first to try the transfer, to see if it works, you know?” He clarified, and I looked at him in horror.

“No, you can’t,” I said, all the reasons I didn’t want him to being selfish.

“Yes, I can, and I will. I have nothing else to lose, Ronan. Don’t get me wrong, I have great friends, and I’m so lucky that I got to meet you; one of my own decedents. But let’s be honest, you and I shouldn’t have ever met, because it’s not natural. The only two people out here that should still be alive are you and Cell. I lost my reason for living when my wife and boy died, and I thought I found another reason for living. As it turns out…I was wrong. I can’t do this…this lifetime of pain and hurt. A lot of people can handle it, and embrace all of the good times and work though the hard times. There’s just too much heart ache. So if it works; that’s great. I’ll be able to live a normal fucking life where I don’t drink blood and I’m not half-fucking-bird. If not, I’m okay with that, too.” I could feel tears stinging at my eyes. Frank, he looked so happy all of the time. I felt bad for failing to notice that he was going through pain.

“Okay,” Gerard said, and I gave him a dirty look.

“What the hell, Gerard?” I snapped, again.

“If nobody else does, I know you will,” he whispered harshly at me.

“Don’t fight about it, guys,” Frank said, sympathetically, “I’m doing it, whether you agree or not. Think about it this way, either way, you guys will live happily ever after,” he half smiled. He turned on his heel to head back out to the clearing, and I grabbed Gerard before dragging him in the same direction.

Bob wrapped the tape Frank’s forehead, shoulders, hands, hips, knees, and feet to the table, the tape wrapping all the way around the flat top and Frank, ensuring that he wouldn’t be able to move. I notice there was tape over the human’s mouth, and felt a twinge of guilt.

“Alright, so we’re going to cut open a vein in this arm,” Mikey said as he pointed towards Frank’s arm, which was opposite the human, “And once the blood is nearly all out, Cell is going to transfer the human’s blood into your veins.”

“How will you know when it’s almost all out,” Frank questioned. He was obviously nervous.

“We’re fucking vampires dude. Trust us, we’ll know,” Bob said. Mikey produced a surgical scalpel, and walked towards Frank’s arm, the one facing away from the human. He slit into his vein and placed a clamp in his arm so the wound wouldn’t self-heal, and as soon as the opaque black liquid started seeping out, Cell focused so that the blood came out quickly. The blood fell onto the ground, and dissolved as the sun hit it. The veins were prominent in Frank’s neck, and his eyes bulged from his head, meaning he had felt all of it; and it obviously didn’t feel good.

While Cell was focusing on removing Frank’s blood, Mikey walked between the two tables, and cut open Frank’s other arm, placing another clamp to avoid the self healing. He then cut into the human’s arm, and he began to scream. The tape around his mouth caused the screams to come out severely muffled, and I felt bad for him.

As soon as we were able to tell Frank’s blood count was extremely low, Cell refocused on his other side, and blood moved from the human’s vein into Frank’s arm; it looked as if the blood was going through a tube from one arm to the other. The muffled screams got louder as the kid started trying to squirm around, but to no avail. Bob started applying pressure on Frank’s other arm in order to stop the bleeding – without the vampire abilities, Frank’s wounds would need to be stitched up.

The human’s squirming slowly began to subside as his own blood count began to drain; his muffled screams subsided as well. A few final moans escaped from his body before his eyes rolled towards the back of his head, and his head lolled to the side. His skin was a few shades paler than it had been in the beginning, and I couldn’t help but feel a morose sadness for the boy. Bob immediately walked to Frank’s other side, and began wrapping his arm up tightly after removing the clamp.

Frank hadn’t begun moving yet. Actually, his eyes were still closed, and there was no rise and fall of his chest. Goosebumps rose on my skin as we all waited in silence for what seemed to be the longest second in my life.

“I didn’t work,” I breathed the words. I didn’t believe it – Frank was dead.

“No,” Mikey said, walking over to Frank, “NO!” Mikey started hitting Frank’s chest with his fists, urging Frank to wake up. Mikey looked into his eyes and placed his palms flat on Frank’s chest, and began screaming. Frank’s body began to convulse, leading me to believe that Mikey had some ability to summon electrical currents. Mikey removed his hands from Frank’s chest, and wiped tears from his face. His hands went back to his chest as he started yelling again, and Frank’s eyes shot open. Mikey removed his hands again, and wrapped his arms around Frank’s neck, bringing him up into a hug.

“Who used a fucking defibrillator on me,” Frank coughed, and looked like he’d just been put through hell.

“Oh, that was Mikey,” Bob interjected, patting Frank heavily on the back.

“Did it work?” he asked, sounding like he barely had use of his voice.

“It worked, dude,” Mikey said. I didn’t know that I had been crying, but wiped my tears away as I fell them fall down my face.

“He’s human.” Gerard stated it with no emotion, yet looked at him in complete surprise.

“Which means I need to start stitching him up,” Bob said, starting to peel away Frank’s bandages.
______________

“HE FUCKING DID IT AGAIN,” Ray yelled after he kicked my door open.

“Did what?” I looked up at him.

“He fucking sent me to the Sahara Fucking Desert,” Ray exclaimed, causing me to grin like an idiot, “I’m going to go find that fuck. He’s done for.” Ray exited as quick as he had entered, earning a few laughs from Gerard and I.

“Stop picking at those,” Gerard said softly into my ear. We sat on the couch in my common room watching the Lost Boys, but I couldn’t pay attention to anything else but how much the stitches in my forearms itched. I hadn’t seen him even start to scratch around his stitches, and I was jealous he was so tolerant of it.

“Stop picking at those,” I mocked him, and he rolled his eyes at me. I stretched my neck out so that I was able to kiss him, causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

“I love you, Ronan,” he said behind a smile that turned out to be contagious.

“I love you most, Gerard,” I said, and nuzzled up against his neck. I had been trying to act happy for the past couple of days, since we were transformed. The truth was; we killed three other human beings just so we would be able to regain our humanity. Mikey’s words still rung around in my head.

Either they die, which they’re going to at some point, anyways, or you live for the rest of for-fucking-ever, he had said, causing me to decide to do it. I felt terrible, but obviously not terrible enough, because here I sat; a human. However, things were…different than before I turned into a vampire. I could still feel people’s feelings, and I could read them like a fucking book. My vision was still perfect meaning I didn’t have to go back to wearing glasses. However, I had a heartbeat. I could feel pain. My wounds were still healing, two days later, where before, they healed instantaneously.

“Maybe Liam will come back, and he can turn back, too,” I said, excitement in my voice. I hadn’t brought up Liam since the night he left, but I couldn’t help but still think of him as at least a friend. Still, Gerard’s jaw clenched tightly, and then unclenched.

“He’s not coming back,” he said through almost gritted teeth.

“How do you know?” I teased, tilting my head to the side and cocking an eyebrow.

“Because I fucking killed him,” he hissed. I had not expected that answer. No, not at all. As a matter of fact, I had trusted him fully when he said Liam had just run off without me. I didn’t know what I felt most; pain or anger.

“You lied to me?” I stood up and looked down at him. Realization of what he said swept over his face.

“Ronan, you were going to run off without even telling anybody,” he said, standing up, and I stalked off into my room. I slammed the door in his face, turning the lock on the knob so he couldn’t get in while I began to pack my things. “Ronan, he would have killed me the first chance that he got,” his voice came through as a plea. I zipped up the bag, and flung the handle over my shoulder. “Ronan, I love you,” I swung the door open and looked him directly in the eyes.

“Don’t come looking for me,” I hissed, and brushed past him. I quickly left the dorm room and snuck past the police, past the football field, and to the quickest entrance to the tunnel. I found Mason’s room, noticing that it was a lot harder to see through the dark. I opened the door to find Mason and Cell sitting down on an extravagant bed; I wasn’t sure where that had come from. The both looked up at me in confusion, but I didn’t give them any time to question why I was there, “I need you to send me somewhere.”

“Where?” Mason asked as he stood up from the bed.

“Anywhere,” I couldn’t be here anymore. Frank was here, and Mikey was here, and I still loved Gerard. However, I could handle that lie, or the deceit. All of my friends here were like my fucking family, but there was no way I could look at Gerard in the face and not think about how…how he could hurt me like that.

I was leaving; there was no other choice.

©Shannon