Feed the Flames

..::~^Ronan^~::..

You know how sometimes, you just wanted to…give up? You had the feeling that you didn’t have something pulling you along, something to give you meaning? Essentially, you had no meaning. There was only emptiness. Whether I walked down the halls of Bal Voyeux, which bustled to life with students, or sat at lunch with both my orthodox and unorthodox friends, whenever I was with somebody; I was alone.

My date with Liam on Sunday was amazing. Actually, it was more than amazing. He had knocked on the door to our room as soon as I put in my contacts. He had a picnic basket in one hand, and a rose in the other. He smirked as he gave it to me, and I was sure my face was a deep shade of red. It was weird, being out of school uniform. He dressed casually; dark jeans with a flannel and red converse. I didn’t dress up much, either. I stuck to a green thigh-length dress that had lacey accents, and a black pair of TOMS.

He held his hand out to me, and I hesitated for a moment before I took it. I looked behind my shoulder to see if Celine was in the common area. She wasn’t, so she didn’t see what an awkward mess I was. I took in Liam’s smell. It reminded me of being on a mountain after it rained. I wanted to nuzzle my nose into his chest so I could smell him more deeply.

While still holding on to my hand, he led me out towards the football field, and then past it. It was a beautiful day outside. The sky was a shade of bright blue, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky to cover it. He placed the basket down in the grass, and unfolded a blanket, also laying it out in the grass. I watched his every movement, my face still red. I followed his actions when he sat down, and dragged the basket a little closer.

He had done most of the talking, and I took every opportunity to look at him. He had been very animated, putting life into his every word. The longer I was there, the longer I wanted to be there; it almost scared me. When he started asking me more questions, I had given him simple answers. I just wanted to hear him talk. When he talked, it felt like spreading warm butter on a piece of toast – it was deep, and smooth. He spoke with clarity and confidence, adding to his attractiveness.

We sat there talking until the sun started going down, and the sky became darker in hue. Liam stood up suddenly after looking at the sky, “I should probably get you back.” He seemed slightly hesitant.

“I don’t mind being out here at night,” I said as I started to clean up.

“This place can be dangerous at night,” he said, and I cocked an eyebrow.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” I said as I stood up. He stared into my eyes for a moment. He took a half step so he was closer to me. One of his hands slid up my neck and his fingers tangled themselves into the hair that was just behind my ear. I leaned my head in closer causing our lips to connect. He dropped his hands, placing both of them on the small of my back. My arms wrapped around his neck, bringing him closer. The kiss had probably lasted longer than a minute, but when he pulled away, it felt like it had only lasted seconds.

“I’m still taking you home,” he breathed. He folded the blanket sloppily before he picked the basket back up. He reached his hand out once again, but this time I didn’t hesitate before I grabbed it. I followed him back to the dorms. He had walked me up to my room, and kissed me once again, this time quick and softly, before I retreated into my room. I couldn’t help the smile that was on my face.

The next day, Liam wasn’t in Geometry, the one class that we shared. He hadn’t been around during lunch either, so I sat with the guys.

“So you’ve already started whoring yourself out, huh?” Gerard asked as soon as my butt hit the chair. I looked at him, dumfounded for a moment. I then grew slightly angry, despite the fact that I was a generally calm person.

“You heard me,” he said, pointing an accusing finger, “I saw you with that Fallory kid.”

“Liam?” I asked, “How the hell is Liam, or any other aspect of my life your business, Way? You really need to grow the hell up.” I picked up my fork, and stabbed it into my pasta. It should have signaled that I was done with the conversation.

“You don’t know anything about hell or growing up,” he sneered before he shot up from the table and stalked away. Who gave him the right to be mad about anything I did? It didn’t involve him. It didn’t involve anything that involved him. At the same time, I felt bad for being the cause of his anger. I looked around the table, now only to see three guys.

“How come Frank is never around,” I said between forkfuls of pasta.

“Oh that reminds me,” Ray said before standing up and grabbing his tray in order to dispose of it. Mikey, Bob, and I watched as he left the cafeteria, and sat in silence for a few minutes.

“We don’t know what has crawled into Gerard’s butt and died,” Mikey said, breaking the silence, “He’s never actually like that. I promise that he’s capable of human emotion besides anger.” I tried to shrug it off.

“I just don’t know what I did,” I could feel that my voice was weak, and so I had felt weak.

If looks could kill, I would be dead. I had faced the stink eye and the poopy face from Gerard all throughout art class. As much as I tried to ignore it, it was as if he was right in my face, reminding me about how much he hated me.

Dance had done nothing to calm my nerves either. Abigail was in there, and to my dismay had not heard from Liam either. She let me know that she had been worried. When the last bell rang to dismiss the students for the day, I wasn’t ready to go back to my room. I felt worried, lonely, and exhausted. I sat down in the grass of the courtyard, and searched my bag for a book.

“What is it with you, Cell, and books,” Frank said as he sat down beside me. I looked at him as he wore a cocky grin and smiled back. Almost immediately, my worry and my loneliness vanished as if they had never been there. It had been as weird as when I got annoyed with Liam while Frank was around.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged and adjusted my glasses, “I guess it’s the new worlds they create. At least, that’s how it is for me.” He sighed contently at my words.

“So Dahl, that’s an interesting name. Have you looked into the origin of that?” he asked, offering a surprising change of topic.

“It’s Scandinavian,” I said with a short smile.

“Oh. Do you know the history of your family?” he asked hesitently. His hazel eyes sparkled with interest and…something else. I didn’t quite know what it was.

“I just know I have a lot of Viking and Irish in my genes,” I informed him, crossing my legs. I eyed the courtyard to look for Liam, who still couldn’t be found. Maybe I would have a call or text on my phone when I got back to my room.

“Irish? What a coincidence, I am also very Irish,” he said.

“FRANK,” both Frank and I snapped our heads in the direction of the yell to see Gerard. He was alone and walking towards us. He looked extremely pissed off, and it scared me a little.

“Well that is my cue to leave,” I said, grabbing my bag and standing up. I began walking away just as Gerard reached the spot we were sitting at.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You’re going to screw…” his voice faded as I walked away. I hoped Gerard wasn’t pissed because Frank had decided to talk to me. This time around, I didn’t hesitate before walking to my dorm. I was also eager to check my phone. I had pressed my thumb to the pad and opened the door within a heartbeat. I nearly threw my bed on my desk as I walked over to my phone, which was sitting on the charger. I unlocked it to see that I had no new messages, causing my heart to drop. I decided to call him instead of waiting around, but the phone went straight to voicemail. I automatically assumed he was avoiding me, but I doubt that he would skip class in order to do that. Plus, I couldn’t have scared him off that much, could I? I shook the though off and put my phone back down. I had homework to do, and my exhaustion compelled me to go to bed.

I quickly worked through my assignments, and started thinking about this week’s dance assignment: emotion. I was given violence, which was ironic given my peaceful nature. I decided to choreograph the dance to ‘Mother’ by Danzig. I quickly took a shower and lay in bed with my earphones in. There was a miniature me in my mind, putting the puzzles together on how my body would move with the song. Trying to thrash about and look graceful at the same time would be a small challenge. The sixth time I played through the song, I started drifting off to sleep.

When I woke up, I was on the roof of the castle. I stood on the ledge, overlooking the courtyard and the trees. The moon shone brightly on me. I looked all around, finding myself completely alone. I stared at the mountains that were off in the distance. I wondered what had been on the other side of them. If I were a bird, I’d be able to fly over them and see.

In that final moment, I knew that I had given up. I spread out my arms as if they were wings. For this one last time, I would let them be wings. I would let them catch the wind. My toes were clinging to the edge of the platform I was standing on, and my body leaned forward. I tilted my head back, keeping my wings spread out. I was a bird. The wind went through my hair, through my spread fingers, through my toes. However, it didn’t catch my body – the ground had.
_______________

My alarm clock went off, waking me from my sleep. I went to hit the snooze button of the alarm clock, my hands in a fist. However, the clock shattered under the blow. I opened one eye to look at the little crime scene. I still wasn’t used to the sound of the clock, however I was happy it woke me. My dream had been weird – it was a dream, right? I mean, you don’t just survive a six story fall and wake up in your bed the next day perfectly fine. The weird part was how real it felt. I could remember how the wind felt against my body. I sat up on my bed, realizing I had a horrible headache. I quickly went to find some painkillers and a glass of water. As I put the glass under the faucet, I noticed a rather large bruise on my wrist. I turned the faucet off and took the painkillers before I started to examine it. The bruise was bad. It was a large oval shape and nearly black. I don’t remember doing anything that would give me this. How would I keep this hidden in dance? Surely a teacher would notice it and send me to the nurse.

I remembered that I had a coverall, and would have to use it until the bruise was gone, or less noticeable. By the time I was done getting ready, I had nearly have an hour left until I had to leave for class, and didn’t quite know how to fill that time. I decided to open up a book and read until I had to leave. My eyes flew over the words of the page. Once I reached up to my face in order to adjust my glasses, there was nothing to grab. I closed my book and looked in the mirror to find out I wasn’t even wearing my glasses. Having horrible eyesight, I know I could have what seemed to be perfect vision without my glasses.

Perhaps I slept with my contacts in and didn’t realize it. I quickly did an examination and found out my contacts were not in either. During the examination, I noticed that my irises almost looked like…green glitter. I stood back and looked at myself. There was a subtle difference, but I was unable to exactly place the distance. I checked the time on my phone, since I had hulk smashed my alarm clock. I had to leave now or I would be late to class. I grabbed my bag and left the room. Cell’s light was off, meaning she was probably in class. Once I stepped outside, I was nearly blinded by colors. Everything was so bright and colorful. Upon my brisk pace to the castle, Mikey and Frank ended up on either side of me.

“How are you feeling?” Frank asked with concern.

“I’m alright?” I asked, a little weirded out.

“Franks just losing his mind,” Mikey guaranteed, “He decided to watch a horror film last night.” I’ve never been good at reading people, but if I didn’t know better…it seemed as if Mikey were lying to me. The next thing I knew, Frank grabbed my arm, and began examining my wrist.

“Ah-ha. I knew it,” he declared, “I’m going to kill him,” he said before running off. I didn’t really know what to do but watch him run off in a different direction. I still couldn’t stop because I had to get to class. I looked at Mikey to find that he was gone as well. I tried to forget about the whole incident as I walked into classes. Once I sat down, I tugged the sleeve of my sweater down so that there were no more close calls, or any more people finding the mystery bruise.

Today was going to be a long day.

©Shannon