Everything Has Changed

FRANK’S POV

I walk into Belleville High School for the first time as a freshman. I’ve always been small but seeing everyone older than me doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m even supposed to be in my sophomore year but I got held back, not to mention my birthday is in October, so really I could be in my junior year right now if I started school a year earlier and didn’t have to repeat the first grade. So even though I’m older than the other kids in my grade, I’m still the smallest.

Shitty, I know.

As I struggle to find my locker and hold my shit at the same time some boys that are probably seniors (I guess because they look like they’re 20) shove me to the ground.

“Faggot!” they yell, kicking me on their way past.

Oh, one more thing.

I’m gay.

~ ~ ~

Fast forward a few months, I crawl my way into the school bathroom and cry. Everything hurt. I had just gotten the living shit kicked out of me. I dig my hand into my pants pocket and grab my pocket knife. I start to slice my already cut wrists, blood running down my arm. The door opens and I see a boy who’s in my art class. I think his name’s Gerald but I’m not sure. No one ever talks to me.

Ever.

“Oh u-uh, s-sorry.” he runs out.

Just like I thought, no one cares.

~ ~ ~

Fast forward 2 months. The word that I’m ‘emo’ has passed around the school so it’s just gotten worse there. I decide that I have nothing to lose. I walk into the living room where my dad is.

“Um...dad..I need to tell you something.”

“What, Frank? Spit it out!”

“Um..uh..I-..I’m gay.” there was silence before yelling. Next thing I knew I was on the ground getting kicked and punched. I was used to this by kids at school but not my own father.

“No son of mine will be a faggot!!” I curled up in a ball as I felt a vase being smashed on my head. I eventually passed out.

That morning I woke up at about 6:30 am. I limped to my room and into my bathroom and looked at the damage. I had cuts all over my hands and face. I was black and blue. The stuff the boys at school did I could handle and hide but I can’t hide this.

I tried to cover up the damage and pick out the glass but I had to head to school or else I’ll be late. I just throw on my infamous black hoodie and put the hood up and brush my hair into my eyes.

I’m late to art so my usual spot is taken and the only other spot is next to the long haired boy who’s name is Gerard, not Gerald.

I’ve learned more about him: he’s dating a really popular girl, Lindsay, he’s amazing at art and has a good relationship with the teacher, and he’s a senior with decent grades.

I just kept my head down and doodled in my sketchbook.

“What happened to your hands?” I hear a voice next to me. I was surprised because no one ever talks to me. I look at my cut filled hands then put my head down more. There’s so many cuts, you can barely make out my ‘HALLOWEEN’ tattoo on my fingers.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter.” I mumble, pulling my sleeves over my hands. There’s a moment of silence before he breaks it again.

“You’re not alone.” he says.

“It’s whatever.” I mumble. We’re both silent until the bell rings. I wait for everyone to leave but Gerard wasn’t leaving. I started to think he wasn’t going to when he went up to the teacher’s desk. I make my way out of the classroom. Since I wasn’t looking up I ran right into Noah, who was one of the boys who like to pick on me.

“Watch where you’re going, fucker.” he says, before realizing it’s me. He tears down my hood, exposing the damage and laughs.

“Stop it, let me go!” I try to get away.

“Oh, looks like your daddy beat me to it.” he comments on the cuts on my face. I did everything in my body to stop tears but they still escaped.

“We all know you’re secret, Iero! You’re just a filthy emo faggot! Do the world a favor and just kill yourself!” his words slice me and hurt more than any punch. He shoves me to the ground and I look up when I hear a voice. I realize that Gerard has been there the whole time.

“Noah, lay off.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“Just leave him alone.”

“Whatever, you’re not worth the trouble. I’ll leave the beatings to your daddy.” he says, spitting on me and leaving. I curl up into a ball.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I-I’m..It’s whatever.” There’s silence then I hear a sigh then footsteps walking away.

Like I said, no one cares.

~ ~ ~

Fast forward to 2 weeks before the end of school. I walk into school with a determined look on my face. I have my father’s gun and it’s loaded. I knew exactly what I was going to do. Step A: Revenge, Step B, Relief. By lunch Noah and his friends normally see me and target me. I hold the gun firm in my jacket pocket. The hallways are thinning out quickly.

I’ve got nothing to lose

When the hallways are clear, I pull the gun out. It’s a powerful hand gun. Practically a hand-cannon.

Seeing as Noah and everyone aren’t hear I’ll skip step A and go straight to step B. I put the gun up to my own temple.

“Goodbye.” I mumble before I hear the click of the safety coming off. I take a deep breath through my salty tears.

Finally.

As my finger moves to push the trigger the gun is ripped from my hand.

“What the fuck!?!?” I hear someone yell. I look up and it’s the Gerard kid.

“Give it back!!” I scream, tears running down my face.

“No!” He takes the bullets out of it and throws them into the nearest trash can, then puts the gun in a random locker. “Taking your life isn’t the answer.”

“Easy for you to say!! The world is better without me and why should I suffer when I can just end it!”

“Cuz there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!”

“Not for me!! I’m motherless! My father is a abusive alcoholic! I suck at everything, I can’t even kill myself right! And I’m a fucking faggot, and no one fucking cares! You have something going for you! You have a girlfriend! You’re good at art, and you’re probably going to go to college, and get married and have kids and a family while I’m gonna be stuck with nothing! You don’t get it! And you’re never going to!!!” I burst. He’s silent for a moment.

“I go through more than you think. You’re not alone. You just have to wait out the storm and you’ll get to the other side. You just have to trust me.”