His Desire

It had begun to rain as Tina Worthin turned the corner. The hood of her jacket obscured her face as she hunched into herself, trying to appear as small as possible. Although she had done this walk several times before, it never got easier. Halfway down the street sat her intended destination, and upon reaching it, she took a glance around before pushing the door open and stepping inside. As soon as the door shut, she felt a weight lift from her shoulders and straightened up as she walked through the short hallway and entered the room that was at the end of it.

"Hey, girlie," an elderly woman greeted, nodding at her from where she sat cradling a bowl of soup.

Tina gave a small smile. "Still no luck?" she asked.

"I'm old, not many people think we're worth helping at this age." A deathly cough racked her body and she fumbled for her handkerchief. "Get some food and then we'll chat."

Tina obeyed and shuffled towards the counter where volunteers stood to dish out food. She wasn't a regular like most of the others that frequented the shelter, but most of the regular volunteers knew her by appearance. It was unsettling to know that these strangers knew that she had reached the bottom of society and was having to survive off of donated food, especially as they were able to go home at the end of their shift and buy their own food. It was different having the other people who had to come to the shelter to eat know about her because they were in the same position, if not worse. They were less judgemental.

The older woman who was dishing out the soup gave her a smile as she picked up a bowl. "How're you today?" she asked, scooping up a ladle of soup.

"Okay, I guess," Tina mumbled, accepting the soup.

"Things will get better."

She didn't reply, instead picked up a slice of bread from the tray next to the woman and headed towards the table that the elderly lady sat. She was still cradling the bowl as Tina sat down. As much as it pained her to see such an old woman struggling, there was nothing she could do to help. She barely had any help herself, and while she had been saving what little money she could scrounge up to buy a ticket to go see her father, part of her wanted to use that money instead to buy the lady a warm coat. It just wasn't fair to see someone of her age reduced to the streets when she had worked her entire life.

Tina slid into the chair opposite the woman and sat her bowl on the table. "I used to hate soup," she admitted, folding her slice of bread and dipping it into the liquid.

"It's funny how your tastes change when you're forced into a situation beyond your control," the old woman mused.

She nodded and tore a chunk out of the soggy bread, chewing it slowly. It was her first meal in a few days and she wanted to savour the taste. It took a lot to have the courage to visit the shelter for food and she didn't know the next time she would find that courage.

"But your mother should never have kicked you out. Her ignorance has led to this. It's shameful." The old woman shook her head and slurped a shaky spoonful of soup. "If you were my daughter, I would never kick you out."

"I always knew she would get tired of me."

"Girlie, no real mother would tire of their child. Heck, no real mother would kick their child out for loving the same sex. I might not agree with it, but there ain't no reason to disown your child. You love them through thick and thin, no matter how they end up."

Tina stayed silent, taking another bite of her soggy bread. She didn't like conversations about how she ended up on the street. It was a sore topic with her and since being kicked out, she hadn't once spoken to her mother. All her personal items were still at home but she had nowhere to take them and didn't think she would even be welcome to collect them. It was hard to cope when one minute she had a home and the next she was being thrown out onto the street because only men and women should love each other, not women and women. She didn't even know how her mother had found out, but all she wished was that she'd had some kind of warning before the last argument they'd had.

The elderly woman continued speaking about mundane topics and Tina gave simple answers at the right times, but her focus was on finishing the still hot soup and being able to leave the shelter. Although she felt safer being there, she had always felt uneasy around all the people inside. She didn't know any of them, even the ones who she knew the names of and spoke to regularly.

She finished sooner than she would have liked and had to refrain from scooping out every single last slither of the soup. She might have been desperate but she wasn't prepared to lower herself that far just yet. Instead she pushed the bowl away, gaining the woman's attention.

"Seconds are always available," she said, nodding towards the food counter.

"Oh, no. I'm full, thanks," Tina lied, failing to even convince herself.

The woman tutted and went to say something else but she cut her off by standing and saying that she had to go. It was obvious that she wasn't believed but she didn't stick around long enough to be told of that disbelief. She didn't even take her bowl for cleaning before she hurried out of the hall. She couldn't understand how people could visit that hall and act as if their lives weren't entirely messed up because no matter how much she tried, she could never stay there longer than it took her to eat the meal. A lot of people stayed for the warmth and shelter, but the idea felt strange to her. She might not like being on the street but she hated being around those people more.

The rain had picked up and she fumbled with her hood as she stepped out into it. She wrapped her arms around her body and ducked her head, walking briskly away from the shelter. If she just kept walking it shouldn't take her too long to find a place where she could seek cover from the rain without being around people.

She had just turned the corner and headed down a narrower street when a person exited the car just ahead of her. She slowed automatically and got ready to cross over when the person spoke.

"Tina?" the man said, making her look up sharply. "It's me, from the homeless shelter."

"Oh, um, hello," she replied, tightening her grip around herself. She never remembered people from the shelter except for the old woman, but clearly this guy recognised her. He had probably served her food, much to her chagrin.

"Have you just come from there?"

She nodded, trying to look anywhere but him. Why was he talking to her? Did he pity her and think that she needed someone to talk to? Because she didn't and wouldn't ever need someone to talk to. She could deal with her problems by herself. Being dependent on someone for anything wasn't how she was raised, and being no longer able to even remotely depend on her mother just reinforced the idea that the only person she could rely on was herself.

"Do you want to sit and talk in my car? Just so that we're out of the rain? Or we could even go back to the shelter, if you'd prefer," the man suggested, making her tense up. "It's just for a friendly talk. I do this with everyone who frequents the shelter. I just haven't been able to approach you."

"Will it take long? I have to be somewhere."

He smiled and turned to his car, opening the door and gesturing for her to get in. "It won't take long, I promise."

Although she didn't want to get into his car with him, she did want to get out of the rain for a little while. Plus, if he was speaking to everyone who went into the shelter, she might as well get hers over and done with. No use prolonging something that seemed to be inevitable.

She jumped when the door was slammed shut and had barely enough time to compose herself before the door on the other side was opened and the man got in. He shook off some of the rain, rubbed his hands together and looked at her. "Mind if I put the heating on?"

She shook her head and watched as he fiddled with a knob on the dashboard. A moment later heat began to circle her feet. It felt nice.

"Would you like a toffee?" the man offered, making her look at him strangely. "I've found that most are grateful for the freebie."

With a strained smile, she took the offered sweet and unwrapped it, painfully aware of how he was watching her. Hesitantly, she placed the sweet in her mouth and sunk her teeth into it, immediately overwhelmed with a foul tasting liquid seeping out of the burst sweet. She couldn't keep the grimace hidden.

"How are you feeling?"

Not sure what to do with the wrapper, Tina scrunched it up and shoved it into her pocket. "Warm," she said.

The man chuckled. "I'm glad. I can't imagine what it's like to have to sleep in the cold. It must be pretty horrible."

He just wanted to pity her. She wished that she could just walk away but they were in his car, leaving would be too awkward. "It's not nice, no. But I have nowhere else to go, so it'll do."

The man nodded, his stare beginning to make her feel nervous. She should have opted to speak to him at the shelter, that way there would be other people around. She knew that it was more likely she'd suffer some kind of assault as she lived on the street, but getting into the car was now looking to be a bad idea. How stupid could she be?

"Have you been in touch with the various organisations that help out young people on the streets?"

She shook her head. "I thought the organisations were a last ditch attempt, so I've just stuck to applying for housing and jobs. Neither have been successful, though," she muttered, her eyes suddenly feeling heavy.

Turning away from the man, she rubbed her eyes and blinked several times, trying to shake the tired feeling. She hadn't been feeling tired before she got in the car, but then she rarely ever was overcome with fatigue when she was cold. This car was warm and if she had the chance, she would choose to sleep in it.

"Are you okay?" The man's question made Tina turn back towards him, but instead of answering she rubbed her eyes again. Her sight was now a little fuzzy and she couldn't shake how tired she'd suddenly become. She fumbled to her left, trying to locate the door handle. If she could let some air in, maybe it would help. Before she could find the handle, a hand reached over and gently grasped her wrist, stopping her movement. She turned her head suddenly to look at the man and instantly regretted it when her head began to pound.

"Shh, Tina. Just relax," the man said as she felt her limbs grow heavy. "That's it."

"S-stop," she mumbled, failing to pull away from his grip.

"Shh, it's okay. Just sleep."

The next thing she knew, her head had fallen against something warm and hard, and her eyes were closing despite her battle to stay awake. Her struggle was futile and within a few moments, she was unconscious.