His Desire

Tina didn't know where her captor was. He could have left her to endure a slow and painful death, he could be in the room with her, or he could be doing any number of things that didn't hide the monster he was. She didn't know which she'd prefer. Being without her sight terrified her. Never had she realised how safe she felt being able to see where he was until he'd robbed of her that ability.

Being unable to move made it worse. The cuffs that kept her hands firmly behind her felt like the ones he used during the night. When he'd first forced her on the chair and bound her she'd tried so hard to free her hands. That only grew when he covered her eyes and placed what felt like ear muffs over her ears. She couldn't hear his footsteps but if she spoke loud enough she could hear the muffled words as she tried to plead for forgiveness. There was no hope for that but if she didn't plead then she'd scream, and his warning about screaming echoed in her mind.

When he'd put her on the chair she'd been disorientated, having been taken straight from over his shoulder to sitting upright, so the cuffs had been a relatively easy thing to slip on her, but she fought against the blindfold. Since then he hadn't touched her and that only heightened her fear. There was going to be a punishment, of that she was certain, but it felt as if hours had passed. Was this her sole punishment? She didn't think so. He said she'd scream and she knew better than to believe that those were just words.

Her arms ached and she could still feel the overuse of her legs that had made her crumple to the ground. One thing she was faintly grateful about was that whatever he'd used for the blindfold wasn't rough. Her face hurt enough as it was and if it'd been something that pressed against it then that'd only inflame the pain.

A hand on her thigh made her jump as it pushed the material of her dress, bunching it as close to her underwear as possible. She trembled, not knowing what he was going to do. "I'm sorry," she said, but she didn't say it loud enough to penetrate the muffs.

He ran his hand over the skin that he'd uncovered before removing it, leaving her once again without the knowledge of his whereabouts. What was he doing? This couldn't be her punishment. He was livid and if she experienced pain when he was angry, she would definitely experience pain while he was furious.

Suddenly the muffs were removed and she could hear as her captor walked around her. "Please forgive me," she whimpered.

"Be quiet," he said, his voice so close to her ear that she jumped. "If I thought you were sorry then I might be inclined to be lenient, but you didn't drop the knife."

"I was scared, please I'm sorry!"

A hand covered her mouth and breath touched her cheek. "Shh," he murmured. "Do you really wish to disobey me more? As much as I enjoy your voice, another word and I'll have to punish you for that as well."

Her lip trembled, the blindfold making his words seem more threatening. Pleading for forgiveness felt like second nature for her since having been taken and the words often tumbled from her lips before she could think. She was certain she was going to slip up and she was also certain that he knew that too.

His hand laid against her thigh, fingers pressing into her skin. She pressed her teeth together to stop her fear running off with itself. "I thought long and hard about what your punishment could be," he said, running his fingers up her thigh. "I forgave you easily last time because it was partly my fault for not feeding you, but I rectified that and yet you still decided to run. Maybe I shouldn't have been so easy on you. I recall promising to break your leg if you tried it again, and while I'm not retracting my promise, it would be terribly inconvenient to do it here so I had to think of something else."

Tina took a sharp breath at his words. Breaking her fingers were one thing, breaking her leg was an entirely different thing. If the pain she felt when he broke her fingers was anything to go by, the pain a broken leg would bring her would be double, if not more. He might have said he wouldn't be doing that now but she knew well enough that he could change his mind suddenly.

"Then I remembered that you said you'd use the knife on me." Her mouth went dry as he spoke, all too aware that her life would be balanced precariously if he used a knife, and despite her pleas when she lost his sick game, her desire to live was still there. "But I wasn't sure that's what I wanted. As much as it is very tempting to run the blade up your lovely thigh, the mess is not very appealing."

She knew better than to find relief at his words. He could be tormenting her, making it seem as if he wasn't going to do that and then suddenly decide to punish her that way to remind her that while she couldn't use a knife on someone he could do so at ease. As it was she couldn't fight him, not even in a pitiful way. She was completely vulnerable and anything he chose to inflict she couldn't even attempt to protect herself from.

"So I decided something simple," he said, his hand now coming to rest on her knee. "You will get to choose your own punishment."

She felt sick. How did he think she could even do such a thing? But she already knew the answer. He would force her to choose one and remind her once more that all her actions had a consequence, and any attempt she made to free herself would always end disastrous even if she planned meticulously. It would be yet another way for him to emphasise his painful control, the one that always put him five steps ahead of her.

"Cold or hot?"

"Don't do this, please. I promise I won't do it against, just please don't do this," she sobbed, shaking her head. She needed to change his mind, to somehow escape the punishment.

"I need an answer, Tina." The way he said her name made her pull at the restraints that kept her ankles bound to the chair. The anger was back. It had scared her that she couldn't hear it as he was speaking but now she wished that it was gone again.

"I'll do anything. Please. I can make it up to you, I swear." The result was swift, one moment his hand was on her knee and the next it's around her throat, her head pressed against his body. "I'm sorry!"

The hand pressed harder and she could feel his cheek brush against her head as his breath touched her ear. "I don't want your apologies. I don't want your pleas. All I want is your answer," he said lowly, his fingers slowly curling into her throat. "I gave you more than one chance to drop the knife but you wouldn't listen. I warned you before to never run from me but again you didn't listen. I give you chance after chance to listen to me but for some reason you choose to defy me, and that simply can't continue."

It was getting harder to breathe, partly because of his hand pressing harder and harder against her throat and partly because her fear was doing its best to paralyse her. Should she have got used to feeling this way? It felt as if she had been his captive for a really long time, long enough that she was struggling to remember what it was like to not have to worry about whether her words or actions were going to evoke a punishment. The constant state of fear she was in was tiring.

"Hot or cold?"

Tina shuddered, curling her fingers into her palms at the choices. She couldn't think of what he could mean, of what punishments she was being forced to choose between. "I-I, I choose c-cold."

His hand ran down her neck and over her chest, brushing over her breasts. "Very well," he said before his hand left her and she felt him move from behind her. For a moment she was tense, expecting for something to happen, instead all that he did was put the muffs back over her ears. What had she chosen?

It felt like hours had passed before she felt her ankles be freed and he was behind her once more, his hands going to the cuffs and releasing one of her wrists. Before she could begin to move her aching arm he grabbed her, hauling her up from the seat and making her stumble forward. She had no sense of direction or balance and felt her legs wobble dangerously as he forced her to walk. She didn't know where she'd been restrained or where he was taking her.

She almost fell when she was stopped suddenly and had no way of preventing him from taking her legs out from beneath her by grabbing her underneath the knees, breaking her contact with the floor. It was as she was being lowered into something cold that she began to realise what her punishment was and tried to fight, but it was of no use and she could only screech loud enough to hear above the muffs as the ice-cold water soaked through her dress. She tried to push away from him but all that did was allow him to grab the hand free of the cuff and lay it next to one of the handles she knew was on both sides of the bath. He cuffed her wrist to that one and then did the same with her other, effectively locking her in the bath as the water began to sting her skin. It was so cold.

His hand fell on her shoulder and tried to push her back but she fought against it, desperately wanting to stay sitting. She could feel small things brushing past her in the water and with how cold it was her only thought was that they were ice-cubes. The grip on her shoulder tightened and pushed hard, throwing her off balance and sending her head into the water. She struggled as the coldness bit at her face and the water began to fill her mouth, gasping hard when he pulled her up, freeing her head. She wanted to sit up but his hand kept her lying down, her head resting against the curve and her fear of being plunged back under heightening.

"I-I-I," she tried, her teeth chattering as she tried to form words. She could feel her toes begin to hurt and her breathing was heavy, making her unable to even think as her body screamed out against the coldness, begging for some reprieve. She couldn't speak, couldn't beg for mercy. Even if she could, he wouldn't give it to her. She wanted to promise to obey him, to swear she would never run again, to tell him anything that he wanted to hear so long as she was able to leave this water. The numbness that was beginning to take hold was enough for her to want to beg to be beaten instead.

The water lapped up to her collarbone and she wasn't sure whether the dress was providing some protection or making it worse. She couldn't stop her teeth chattering as her breathing grew heavier. Words seemed like a foreign concept to her and yet she still tried to talk, to beg him to show her mercy, but she couldn't form whole words, let alone an entire sentence.

After what felt like eternity she felt her left wrist be untied and she managed to curl her fingers around the handle to stop her arm from drooping into the water. When her other wrist was freed she felt herself be lifted from the water, not having felt his hand grab her beneath the knees. She gasped and heart raced frantically as the skin beneath her dress grew chilly, the water making the material reminiscent of the iciness she had just been taken from.

For the first time she was grateful about being against her captor's body. His warmth pressed against her side and she knew she'd do anything to be warm again. Having only her head submerged under water was beginning to seem like a tame punishment, one she'd choose over the ice water if ever given the choice. As she was beginning to regain feeling in her toes, she realised that choosing hot would have meant being burned. It had to be if cold meant feeling as if small shards of glass were piercing her skin. She wasn't sure which would be worse.

Tina panicked when she felt herself be placed back onto the chair and clung to her captor's clothes in an attempt to stop him putting her arms behind her. "No, no, no," she said, shaking her head and holding on tighter as his hand encased one of hers, trying to prise it from the material. "Please, no, I'm a good girl, please!"

Her hand came loose from the material as she tightened her other hand's grip, determined not to allow both her hands to be pulled free. It seemed as if he only need to give a tug for her hand to leave his clothes, and as he pulled them behind the chair she kept fighting it. She gave a sob as she felt the familiar bonds encircle both wrists. Wasn't her punishment over? Hadn't that been enough? She didn't want to endure anymore.

The muffs were pushed down around her neck as she was able to completely stop the chattering of her teeth. "I'm so cold," she pleaded.

"I know," her captor said, hand brushing against the wet strands of hair that were covering her face. "That was your choice."

She heaved, dropping her head against her chest. "I-I was wrong to run, but I-I couldn't, couldn't," she broke off, a sob catching in her throat. "I didn't t-think and was being d-d-difficult. I-I'm sorry."

"I believe you," he said, placing his hand under her chin and lifting her head. "But you're smarter than this, your apologies don't make up for your actions. How am I to know you won't do it again? You broke my trust and you're going to have to do more than apologise to make up for it."

"I-I'll do anything!"

"Are you sure about that?" She felt his breath brush against her lips. Would she do anything? She could barely think about what that might entail.

"I promise."

His hand dropped from her chin and slowly trailed down her chest. "So you will be more receptive in bed? You'll return my touches?"

Tina couldn't stop the sharp breath she took at his words and she recoiled from his touch, her back now straight against the chair. He wanted her to participate in her daily rapes? The idea made her nauseous and for a moment she thought she might actually be sick. After all this time she still struggled with that the most. Whereas she actively tried to obey him the best she could during the day, whenever he would force her on the bed she couldn't just accept it. She knew it would pass quicker if she dulled it her mind but when his hands would move between her legs and push their way inside her, she always tried to stop it. She could swallow and will it out of her mind whenever he would caress her breasts but not when he was inside her.

It didn't always hurt - but it was always uncomfortable - and she knew he was gentle, almost tender, most times, but the idea that she would have to respond to that in any way other than disgust and reluctance repulsed her.

"Tell you what," her captor said, his tone the same one he used to torment her with, "if you agree to that - and I will test you - then your punishment is over. I'll let you up, put your chain back on you and forget about what happened. There'll be no broken plate, no knife, no disobedience."

His hand found its way back to her chest, fingers running across the wet material and tracing her breasts. "Remember, I promised to make you scream."

She wanted to see his face, to see whether he was telling the truth. She didn't want to suffer any more pain but the only way to avoid it horrified her. Everything she had learnt told her that it would involve more than just limp touches, that she'd have to feign willingness and enthusiasm and it'd be a daily occurrence. Could she really do that? She was certain she couldn't, but if it was between that and more pain than she had ever felt, would she actually be able to force herself to do that? Would she actually choose pain over pretending?

The hand was back on her thigh and she could feel the wet dress be pushed up once more, his fingers brushing between her thighs. She had to stop herself from squeezing her thighs together or even kicking out. He hadn't bound her ankles back to the chair and it was hard to not react.

"I need your answer," he said, his fingers now against the wet material of her underwear. Even that action made her want to start resisting. She'd do anything if it meant he'd never rape her again, and yet she knew that'd never happen. The only time she got reprieve from that was on her period and it made her, for the first time ever, wish that her period was regular.

"I-I--" She stopped, swallowing thickly. She had to choose one or the other when she'd prefer to choose none. He might have said he won't break her leg but he could break more fingers or her wrist or another part of her body. He made her choose between hot and cold but that didn't mean he wouldn't burn her as well. He could do anything to her, inflict an unimaginable amount of pain, and the only option she had to get out of it was another form of torture in itself.

"Y-you'll forgive me?" she asked tentatively.

"If you mean it."

The chill that was still stuck to her skin was a reminder that her punishment wasn't over with. If she turned down his offer then she could remain on this chair for hours more. "I do mean it," she mumbled.

His hand moved from between her legs and she felt fingers against the blindfold. She held her breath as the fabric was removed and she blinked quickly at the sudden light. Seeing her captor's face made her stomach turn and she instantly regretted her decision. He took the muffs from around her neck and moved behind her, making her bow her head forward. What had she done?

When her wrists were free she wrapped her arms around her torso and sunk her teeth into her lip. She couldn't even attempt to plead her way out of this.

"Time to strip," he said, coming back round to in front of her. He pried one of her arms away from her torso and pulled her up, making her sway slightly.

She could see a scratch was running down the side of his face and she felt her mouth go dry. If she made that there was no way he wouldn't punish her, she was sure of it. "N-Now?"

A hand grabbed her chin, fingers digging into her cheeks. "You're not forgiven yet," he said, bringing his face close to hers. "Now I want you to strip, then you're going to undress me. Or do you have a problem with that?"

"No!" Tina gripped the hem of her dress and he let go, stepping back and watching as she slowly pulled the dress up, the wet material pulling against her skin slightly. The icy chill that stung her skin made her want to pull the dress back on, but she couldn't. She let it drop from her hand and moved to unclasp her bra.

"Completely," he reminded, and she had to remember to keep her eyes open as she dropped her bra and started pulling her underwear off. She could do this, she had to do this. She could feel his eyes watching her every movement and when she stepped out of her underwear, he pulled her forward and pressed himself against her, making her shudder. "If you don't do it well enough, I won't be able to forgive you."

And she'd be punished, worse than it would have been. It was as if she had trapped herself in a net, one that had begun to close in when she'd agreed to pretend. She couldn't back out now, couldn't tell him that if she had to touch him in the way that he wanted she'd be sick, and yet he was watching her, constantly taunting her with the other option. Part of her was sure he was just stringing her along, giving her this way out of being punished only to turn around at the end of it and say she hadn't done it good enough. With a surge of dread, she began to wonder whether this was just another part of her punishment.

There's no pain, there's no pain, she told herself as she felt him guide her shaking hands to his belt. It's just pretending. This is nothing. His gaze was heavy as she undone his belt and jeans, and she tried to convince herself that she was doing good, that she'd managed to do that action without her fear and repulsion being too evident. She remembered the chains as she pulled them down, having to lift each foot to slide them off completely, and her fingers tingled as a reminder of the broken bones as she stood and took his top off. She remembered how terrifying it was when he would submerge her head and that made her shiver as she pulled down his underwear. Just pretending.

They were both naked and she was suddenly so afraid.

"What's the matter, Tina?" her captor asked, gripping her chin once more. He was too close. She could feel her resolution dying, her desire to spare herself the pain was fading as the reality of the situation hit.

"I'm still cold," she mumbled.

"Get on the bed."

Her heart was thudding quickly as she backed away from him, the knowledge that she was trapped all too clear. He was waiting for her to change her mind, to turn away from his touch, and she feared what would happened when she did. She was so desperate when she agreed but now she felt more desperate than ever. If she resisted now he'd still force her on the bed, it'd hurt more than any of the other times and she would still face whatever punishment he decided to choose. If she tried to pretend a little longer then he would make her touch him and if she managed to detach from the situation it might even be gentle, but then it would end and he would say that it wasn't good enough for him to forgive her.

She stared at the bed and under his stare, crept over to it. She didn't want to suffer anymore and if she could relieve herself of even just one form of pain, it had to be worth it. Right?

Tina was perched on the edge when he strode in front of her and pushed her onto her back before climbing on top of her, putting his face by her neck. "What's the matter now?" he whispered against her skin.

A hand grabbed her breast while another settled itself between her legs. Her breath hitched. "N-nothing," she stammered.

He raised his head and placed a kiss against her jawline. "You sure about that?"

She bit down on her tongue when she felt his fingers inside her. No pain, no pain, she repeated as she struggled to keep her breathing as steady as possible. Her fingers dug into the quilt beneath her. "I promise."

"Is that so?" he mused and she squeezed her eyes shut as he began to kiss down her neck and her chest. No pain, no pain, no pain. Her lip trembled as she fought to keep her hands down. She could do this, she had to do this. "So if I were to do this" - he punctuated his words by slipping another finger inside her - "is it still nothing?"

The words died in the back of her throat. She had to pass this test and if she spoke she would break. As it was her hands were shaking with how hard she was gripping the quilt. He wanted to punish her but she wanted to escape the pain more.

She felt the fingers leave her and her captor propped himself up so that he was now looking at her. "You have to do more than just lay here," he said, bringing a hand to the side of her face. "Or do you not want me to forgive you? I'm more than willing to remember the knife and the plate and the disobedience."

Now she had to reply and she steeled herself, counting to three in her mind before daring to open her mouth. "W-what would you have me do?" she asked hesitantly.

He ran his thumb over her lips. "That is a very good question. What could you do?" As he spoke she felt his other hand enclose over hers, prising it from the quilt. "This?" he said, guiding her hand between their bodies and pressing it flat between her legs. He watched her intently as he used her fingers to subject herself to humiliation. "Or this?" He withdrew her hand and moved it against his thigh, the hair tickling her palm as he inched it up. Her heart caught in her throat and she couldn't help but yank her hand away.

The hand that was on her cheek shot up and grabbed her hair, pulling her head to an angle. "Oh dear, what was that?"

"I didn't-didn't mean to!"

"That's the thing, I don't believe you." He moved so that their noses were almost touching. "I think you lied when you said you would do anything, and do you know what else? I think you lied just so that you could get out that chair."

She was crying now. She had failed and there was no doubt she would end up back on that chair. "No, please, I swear I didn't," she cried. "You don't like liars so I didn't, I wouldn't!"

He tightened his grip on her hair. "I don't like plates being smashed over my head but you did," he hissed, his other hand moving to her neck. "I don't like you running from me but you did. I don't like having knives pointed at me but you did. So tell me, Tina, just how much you wouldn't do something just because I don't like it. Please do continue to just lie to my face."

Her hands flew to her neck as he increased the pressure. "I'm sorry!"

"Did you really think you could lie and apologise your way out of punishment?"

She sunk her nails in his hand, trying to pull it away. "I want to make it up to you, I swear!" she choked out.

His hand let up but before she could think it was for a good reason, he used his grip on her hair to twist her upper body before completely turning her so she was lying on her stomach. His hand now let go of her hair and pressed against the back of her head, crushing her cheek to the bed. "That's a lie," he murmured.

She struggled to pull her hands out from beneath her, the weight of his body making it difficult. "No, please, no, no, no," she cried, most of her words muffled against the bed.

"This could have been nice for you but you just had to lie," he said, and she knew what was to come.

"I didn't, I'm a good girl, I promise!" She was gasping heavily and her hands being crushed beneath her made her kick her feet desperately. One small slip-up and he wasn't letting her redeem herself. Now she was certain he wasn't going to let her escape punishment no matter what she'd done. "I can do better!"

His hand ran over her bum and she buried her face in the quilt when he dug his fingers into the flesh. "I know you can do better, but you won't and that stubbornness is getting quite on my nerves," he said, letting his hand up from her head.

She managed to release her hands and now she grabbed at the quilt, knowing that getting out from beneath him would be impossible. She turned her head to the side and saw his hand was resting on the bed and without giving it too much thought, she reached out and grabbed it before lifting her body slightly and guiding it to her breast. "I'll do better, I swear!" she pleaded.

His hand tightened around her breast. "It's too late for that."

When his hand slipped from her grasp she turned her head to bury a sob and clung back on to the quilt. Any hope she had that he might be gentle was destroyed when he pulled her legs apart roughly and put his hand on the back of her neck.