His Desire

The longer she thought about it, the more Tina realised that she had never been a good daughter. From a young age she had butted heads with her mother and it always came down to the resentment she held about her parents splitting up. Her mum was always picking fights with her dad and that didn't stop when they split up and he moved out. When it wasn't arguing over money, it was arguing over her. All her anger shifted to her mum because that was who she lived with, only seeing her dad whenever it was the weekend or during the holidays.

She had never attempted to understand that the split wasn't her mum's fault. As she grew older she did come to realise that there were more issues with their relationship than she'd first thought, but by then her relationship with her mother had intensified past the resentment she'd held about that. Maybe if she had tried to understand it earlier, if she had tried to see that her mum wasn't solely responsible for them splitting up, maybe their relationship wouldn't have imploded like it did. Maybe she wouldn't have been kicked out.

Was this her punishment for being a terrible daughter?

She wondered what her parents were doing. She hoped that her dad now realised that something must be wrong for her to not have contacted him in so long. If she could cling onto the hope that he was now worried about her then she could get through this. The knowledge that she wasn't forgot about would make her more determined to eventually manage to outsmart her captor. But she didn't have that knowledge and for all she knew her dad could be thinking that she was going through her period of self-isolation again, thinking nothing of the prolonged silence from her.

If only she had got over her aversion to the shelter, to seeking help, maybe the old woman she saw frequently would've noticed when she didn't return. Maybe if she had been friendly then the old woman might've spoke up when she didn't return. Thinking about the old woman reminded her that he'd been there too, watching her and the people she had spoken to. Would he have dared to take her if she'd been there often, socialising with many of the people who went there, right in the centre of attention? If she'd suddenly one day disappeared after attending daily someone ought to have noticed and maybe she wouldn't be in this situation right now.

There were so many things she wished she could go back and change. Things that seemed small to her back then were important to her now, reminding her of how she had contributed to her own abduction. If she was given the chance she'd go back and reconcile with her mum. That thought brought her some comfort whenever she'd think about a different reality. Maybe one day it would have happened but being here, barely even her own person, made that wish impossible. She knew she shouldn't give up hope of escaping but it was getting difficult to keep it alive.

Tina shifted, bringing her knees closer to her chest as a cramp tugged at her stomach. The bed had long since passed being comfortable but it was still above the chair. It was painful to lay constantly on her side but laying on her back pulled at the cuffs that had her wrists secured to the bed frame and she wasn't allowed off the bed. She was still in punishment.

There was a slight shift on the mattress and she knew he was there before his hands were removing the muffs that she was all too accustomed with and then rested his hand her hip. "I'm sure you're eager to know that you've earnt a reward," he said, rubbing his fingers over her skin.

She was relieved at his words. Gaining a reward meant that she had been good, good enough win back some of what he called her freedom. After the two days of hell he had subjected her to, he'd stripped her of every single little piece of freedom and she had only managed to earn back having her feet be freed. Now she was able to walk to the toilet herself and curl with her knees to her chest. But she'd gained that freedom at the very start of her punishment and hadn't managed to gain another reward in the three others time she'd had the chance.

He didn't allow her to speak unless he asked her a question, she was blindfolded the entire time unless he took her to the toilet, her hearing was muffled unless he wanted to speak to her, he didn't bath her or let her feed herself, and she was cuffed to the bed all night and all day. He washed her body every two days for his benefit but her hair stuck to her head with how greasy it was. The only food she was allowed was porridge and soup and there were no clothes for her. How she was supposed to earn all those back, she didn't know.

Being good enough to earn a reward was hard. She had first assumed it was going to be reliant on how well she listened and obeyed him, but she had been sorely mistaken. If he decided to beat her, she had to remain completely silent and thank him for it when he was finished, and if he told her she wasn't allowed to sleep at night he'd remove the blindfold and she would have the struggle of remaining awake while he slept beside her. She didn't dare think she could get away with sleeping while he was unaware but sometimes she was too exhausted and couldn't stop the darkness from lulling her in. When that happened she was always woken by a slap to the face or breast or thigh.

"Which reward would you like?" he asked.

She shifted her head so that her words wouldn't be muffled by the bed. "I think I've got my period," she said quietly.

The fingers on her thigh dug in slightly before the hand moved to the band of her underwear and pulled them down slightly. Despite not having earnt back the privilege of wearing clothes, he allowed her to keep the underwear, something that she was immensely grateful about. "You've stained your knickers," he said, pulling them back up.

"I can get it out."

A hand smacked her thigh. "I don't remember asking a question."

She sank her teeth into her lip and stayed quiet. The weight on the mattress was lifted and a moment later hands were on her wrists, undoing the cuffs before removing the blindfold. She squinted against the light and felt disorientated as he pulled her to her feet, making her wince from the movement. She clung to him with one hand as he guided her to the bathroom where he removed her underwear before seating her on the toilet and leaving to retrieve a new pair of underwear and a pad.

He left her after that, the way he always did when she had to deal with her period. She was thankful that being in punishment didn't mean it'd get ignored. The light was still a bit bright but as she used the toilet she could see the blood that was leaving her. She never had heavy periods, something which had been another benefit that went along with not having a monthly one, but she could see clumps of blood that sat in the toilet and it worried her. Was something wrong? Had the cramps and nausea been a sign of something being wrong with her? She tried to think of a reason her period could be heavier than usual. Could it be stress? She knew stress could make someone skip their period but could it double the blood flow? She could easily write off the cramps and nausea as being from the change in diet and lack of movement. Going from proper food, even in small portions, to porridge and soup had to take its toll somehow.

Tina grabbed some tissue and wiped before inspecting it. It looked like blood clots. Should she tell him? No, she didn't want him to think something was wrong with her, wrong enough that he might not want her now. She hastily flushed and pulled the new underwear up before washing her hands and opening the door. Her captor was stood with his arms crossed, making her look to her feet. He grabbed her by the upper arm and guided her back to the bed, making her sit on the edge. "Well? Have you chosen your reward?"

"Does my sight and hearing count as one?"

"You know they don't."

"Can I earn the other?"

For a moment she leaned back, his expression having gone blank, but when he just picked up the blindfold and the muffs she sat forward once more. He rubbed the blindfold between his fingers. "You're in punishment," he said. "Do you really think you're in any position to get an extra reward?"

She bowed her head in defeat. "No," she said quietly. "Can I have my hearing back please?"

The answer came in the form of the blindfold being pressed against her eyes and the muffs not being put back on her before she lied back on her side so that her wrists could be cuffed again. Now that she didn't struggle the cuffs only left marks from where they'd been instead of scrapping off her skin. Her arms still ached and she hated being restricted but there was nothing she could do. She'd been in punishment for such a long time but it didn't seem like he was going to let up anytime soon.

His hands left her and she could now hear as he walked around the bed, the mattress creasing as he sat down. She stiffened slightly as she felt him lie behind her, his clothed body pressing against her bare back. His hand came to her head and turned it so that the back of her head was against the bed and her cheek was facing him, letting her feel his breath. He then moved his hand so that it was resting against her stomach and slowly began to stroke her skin. "So inconvenient," he murmured, pressing his nose against her shoulder. "Your period means there's certain things I can't do, in punishment or otherwise, which is such a shame."

It didn't sound like a question so she remained quiet, focusing on keeping her breathing as steady as she could. Regardless of the flow, she was grateful that it had come now. Not only would her underwear remain on for the entire duration, but he might also beat her lighter. That would be such a relief.

"I've been thinking about ways I can stop you getting one and one way is looking very appealing right now. It'll make you far more compliant which is a lovely extra," he said, running his hand up her chest and cupping a breast. "But I'm still thinking so don't fret."

Tina bit the tip of her tongue to stop herself speaking. She was grateful that she wasn't gagged but remaining silent was hard, especially when he said things that were normally used to bait her for a reaction. Hopefully he wouldn't remain with her long. With how she wasn't allowed to speak, she couldn't see how he would want to stay much longer now that he couldn't violate her.

He kissed along her jaw. "Give me a smile," he said. She gave him a painfully weak one. "Good girl."

He stayed beside her for a while. His hand kept shifting across her body and his lips stayed by her jaw. Since being blindfolded she had come to discover that being unable to see him helped her accept his touches. It still terrified her that she couldn't watch where he was but being unable to see as he controlled her body brought her some comfort.

There was silence between them except for the occasional whisper of how she was such a good girl, and when he moved away from her and she could hear him walk around the bed, she wondered how long he'd been with her. "I'm going to be gone for some time but you're going to be good, aren't you?"

"Yes," she said. He stopped moving and she knew she hadn't said the right thing. "I'll be very good, I promise. I-I'm your good girl."

"I won't be long." His footsteps moved away from the bed and then she heard the door close. A few moments later she heard the front door shut and she was alone.

She wondered what he did when he left the cottage. Before her last escape attempt he would leave at least once every six days, leaving her unconscious on the bed. Now she was sure her inability to move from the bed allowed him to leave her more often. He didn't even have to take extra precaution because he made her struggle and attempt to get loose when he first cuffed her wrists to the bed frame and there was no budge, no way for her to slip her wrists off the frame.

Her legs hurt as she stretched them out, trying to relieve her body of the tense position she was in. She rolled her shoulders and winced when the movement strained her arm. Her legs had passed the stage of being stubbly and she knew there was at least three months' worth of hair growth that signified her length of captivity. Three months made her curl her fingers around the bed frame. It could be longer. She couldn't even ask because of the punishment but even if she wasn't in punishment, she didn't think he'd appreciate that question.

She would turn twenty in July and it horrified her that she might spend it with her captor. If her dad didn't think anything was up now, he would when it came to her birthday because she always phoned him and they would talk about his mother who had died two years before she had been born. They shared the same birthday and her middle name was a tribute to the nan she'd never met. If she didn't call him about that then he'd think something was wrong and contact her mum. She was certain of it. But what good would that do for her? They wouldn't know where she was or what she was suffering through.

If by some miracle she managed to escape, how would she ever be able to look her dad in the eye? To look at him and pretend that she hadn't been degraded and violated? Her captor was trying to make her his in every aspect of the meaning and though she fought against it as best she could, she knew she was losing the battle. He was doing everything possible to break her will and she couldn't see how she could manage to stop him.

Tina shifted again. Her shoulder pressed into the mattress painfully and she ended up slowly edging her way onto her back, trying to angle her arm so that it wasn't being strained too much. She moved several times, trying to find a comfortable spot, before allowing herself to fall asleep.

It was hours later that she was startled awake, her arm jerking painfully. She could feel her heart beating frantically in her chest as she tried to listen for what had woken her. The answer came in the form of the bedroom door opening. "Maybe I've been a bit excessive with your punishment," her captor said, his footsteps coming over to the side of the bed she was on. "What do you think? Have I been too hard on you?"

It was a trick question, she knew it. If she agreed with him then he'd get angry but if she lied and said he wasn't then he'd get angry about her lying too. It was safer for her to just not answer.

A hand landed on her cheek, startling her. "I asked you a question."

"I-I deserve to be punished."

The hand moved to hold her chin. "That's not what I asked."

"Sometimes," she said meekly. She expected to be hit again but instead the hand let go of her chin and moved to stroke her cheek.

"I agree," he said, his voice close enough to her ear to scare her. "But I just get so mad whenever you disappoint me. I already do so much for you and yet you struggle to do this one simple thing for me. I know you've been so good lately but all I can think about is when you chose to disobey me. I wanted to lift your punishment earlier but knew that if I did you'd just disobey me all over again, and we can't have that."

She knew he didn't mean what he was saying and took a sharp breath when his thumb ran over her lips. "Do you remember those words you wouldn't say?" he whispered, his nose trailing across her cheek. "If you say them now, I can forgive you. I know, it's your stubbornness that stops you and that's already been such a pain, but I'm sure you would like to be trusted again. Your clothes, your sight, even your wrists being free, can be given back to you if you just say those three little words."

The thought of those words made her press her lips together. He'd tried to make her say them only yesterday and even with them being hollow, she still could not bring herself to speak. But now he was taunting her, dangling the things he'd taken from her just out of her reach. "I-I," she began, stopping as her mouth went dry.

"Come on, be a good girl," he murmured.

She thought of her dad and let out a shaky breath. "I-I love you," she said quietly.

Seeing his face made her feel sick and she felt him trail the blindfold down her body before he freed her hands, causing her arm to ache as she straightened it out. Sitting up reminded her of her period and she was now able to tentatively walk to the bathroom alone, allowing her the solitude of not having her captor in the bathroom with her or even outside the door like he did for her last toilet visit. She took a sharp breath when she saw how much blood covered her pad and she hastily changed it, wrapping the used one in several layers of tissue before dumping it in the bin. The cramps hadn't let up and the blood seemed to be thicker but she couldn't think of anything other than the stress and fear she'd endured relentlessly.

When she returned to the bedroom a dress was lying on the bed and her captor was going through the drawers. "Get dressed then go into the kitchen," he said, and she obeyed.

The kitchen looked different and as Tina stared about it, she couldn't work out what had changed. She ran her fingertips over the sides and tried to picture how they'd looked before she'd tried to escape. It came to her suddenly and she stepped away from the units. The clock was missing. To keep to the schedule there was a clock that would sit on the side in the kitchen and tell her what she could expect next. Why had he moved it?

She shifted on her feet, the prolonged time on her legs making her sway and she grabbed the unit. After having only used her legs to use the toilet for days, she could feel her legs wanting to buckle. Would he be mad if she sat down? He'd only told her to go into the kitchen and she had but he hadn't come out yet. It wasn't being disobedient, she was sure of it, so she slowly sank down to the floor and brought her legs to her chest. She wasn't chained so she could attempt to run but she knew better than that.

He came in a little while later and she obeyed when he beckoned her to stand, but when she saw what he was holding in his hands, she stayed in her spot. "I haven't done anything wrong!" she protested, gripping her arms tightly.

"Did I say you had?" he said.

"No."

"Then come here."

She was beginning to think that sitting down had angered him and when she was close enough to him, he raised the blindfold and wrapped it around her eyes. Was this no longer classed as a freedom? He promised her everything back but now she was vulnerable.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

He pulled on the blindfold. "Stop apologising." She fell silent and once he had secured it his hands fell to her shoulders. "If you had let me explain, you would know that I'm not giving you the choice of the boot this time."

"W-where're we going?" she asked tentatively.

"Home."

The word made her shudder. She could only assume that the place they had previously been in was what he was referring to. She could remember the room that she was locked in before and wondered whether she would be locked back in there. Or would he chain her and let her roam free? She thought about the brief moment she'd been out of the house and knew that even though the houses had been detached, they were still close enough. Would he take that chance? She knew if it had been a terrace then her screams could be heard through the walls and she would have a better chance of being discovered, but that must have been why he chose detached. But even with it standing alone, would he take the chance and let her roam?

He led her forward and stopped for only a few moments before she was pushed outside, the gravel crunching beneath her bare feet. If he had brought her to this cottage because the police had attempted to follow up, why was he now taking her back?

She tensed when she heard a door open and a hand went on her head to guide her into the car. The seat was more comfortable than the boot was but she still wanted to be there once more. He grabbed her left wrist and for a fleeting second she thought he was going to break a finger, but instead she felt something enclose around it. Dread engulfed her knowing that she was cuffed to the car. When he closed the door she felt along the handle and discovered that she was cuffed to the door.

Her captor didn't get in straight away. She tried to think of the positives of going back to the house and the only thing she could think of was that they would now be around people. The police knew him but if she managed to escape again and stumbled to someone's house, she could give a different name and ask to use their phone. It might work and it might not, but she was certain that she couldn't try the police again.

She felt as he got in the car and held her breath when something was slid over the top of her blindfold. "Almost forgot these," he said, giving her cheek a pat.

The engine was turned on and then the car began to move. She was now trapped in a confined space with him and she could barely breathe. At least when she was in the boot the journey had passed by painlessly. Her inability to keep track of the time had helped her disassociate from her surroundings and circumstances, but now she didn't have that luxury. She was all too aware of her captor sat right next to her and at any moment he could touch her or hit her or torment her in a different way.

Tina kept her free hand on her lap, her fingers clenching her dress. It felt as if they had been in the cottage for ages, though it also felt as if she'd been his captive for a lifetime. Her memories sustained her but they couldn't help her while he beat her or violated her. If she didn't know they were real they would be nothing more than a hopeless dream.

After an agonisingly painful silence, a hand landed on her thigh. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you, or do I have to guess?" he said.

"I-It's no--"

"If you continue that sentence, I will pull this car over right now and I'm sure you don't want that."

She was silent, her teeth now tearing the dry skin from her lip. What did he want her to say?

"Now, let's try that again. Am I supposed to guess what's bothering you or will you be so kind as to tell me?"

If only he wanted the actual truth. Instead, she stopped with her teeth as the skin flakes began to gather on her tongue. "I-I, I thought," she begun hesitantly before stopping.

"Yes?"

"My sight..."

His fingers drummed against her thigh. "I didn't go back on my word," he said, and she struggled to distinguish his tone. "It's only temporary, as is the cuff. While you have been good, I'm afraid I couldn't quite trust you for this journey. The temptation would have been too much for your stubbornness and then your progress would be gone, just like that."

It was frightening at how right he was but she told herself that he must've spent an awfully long time thinking about all the ways she would try to escape. All the precaution he had already taken was an indication of just how much thought he'd put into abducting her. Concocting a new identity for her, befriending the police to the extent that they'd believe him over her, having a cottage in the middle of nowhere for him to try to break her in, none of that could have been done if he'd simply chose her the day he had taken her. In fact, just the knowledge that the sweet he'd given her was filled with a drug was a sign he had planned to give her a false sense of safety in order to successfully get her to eat it. She didn't want to think of what he might've done had she turned it down.

"C-can I talk?"

"You're no longer in punishment, remember?"

"Can I ask questions, like before?"

That made his fingers curl into her skin. "Do you remember why I stopped you? It wasn't because of me, Tina. I'm not the one who asked a question I didn't like the answer to."

"I can do better now," she said, desperately wanting him to agree. She couldn't handle the silence, not with being so close to him. It was different to being cuffed to the bed.

"It's simple then. For every three that you ask, I ask one of you and if I think for one moment that you are lying to me--"

"I won't, I swear!"

"You'd better not."

She tried not to think of his threat as she bowed her head slightly, her thoughts racing as she tried to decide what to ask. "W-why are we going back now?"

"I wasn't aware that you were fond of the cottage," he said. "Unfortunately, it can only be rented for short periods so until it's free again, we have to go back."

He was planning on taking her back there. Between now and then she had to try and prove that she was obedient enough to not be cuffed and blindfolded, and if she was successful with that then nothing would stop her from crashing the car in a crowded place. Into a wall or a fence or even a tree, it didn't matter where just so long as people were present. It'd hurt but he wouldn't be able to convince those who witnessed the crash to let him take her while she was fighting against him, and that was all that mattered.

"Why did you take me on the day you did?"

His increased his grip on her thigh, making it so that it now hurt, before flattening his hand. "That's an odd question," he said lowly.

The threat made her breath catch in her throat before she blindly tried to neutralise it. "I-I just wanted to know why it was then and not b-before. You could have got me before but you didn't so I just w-wondered why."

"And why do you want to know that?" His hand left her thigh and she felt it trail up her arm and behind her head, fingers latching on to her hair and pulling tightly, making her head tilt. "That is a very stupid question to ask. You're supposed to be smart."

"I-I didn't mean anything by it, I swear. I didn't think-"

"No, you didn't. Make sure you do from now on."

Tina took a shaky breath as he let go, making a note to never ask that again. Why would he be angry about that? She didn't think it had been a stupid question or even one that could be taken as suspicious, but she'd been proved wrong. Was she missing something?

"How old are you?"

"Are you sure you really want to ask that?" her captor said, but his hand didn't come back on her thigh. She opened her mouth only for him to continue speaking. "Think long and hard about it. I would hate to have to stop the car because you don't like the answer."

That made her stop. Could it really be that bad? She had an age for him in her head but what if she was wrong? He wouldn't warn her against it if it wasn't that bad...right?

"No, you're right, I don't want to ask that," she said quietly. He'll remain thirty-three in her head.

"That's what I thought. It still counts as a question, though, so that's three been asked. Now I want to know why you no longer use my name."

She frowned. "You said Henry wasn't your real name."

"You had no problem saying it when you wanted to be released from those chains. I would understand if you had anything else to call me but you don't," he said, his hand coming back to rest on her thigh, fingers gently rubbing against her skin. "Names can be used so endearingly, I'd hate to think that you don't wish to be affectionate after being so intimate."

She had to bite her tongue hard to stop the response that had almost tumbled out. There was no way she was going to take the bait. She'd never said the word rape in front of him but she had a distinct feeling that his reaction would be similar to how he was if she called him crazy, and after everything he had done to her, she didn't put it past him to actually cut her tongue out.

"Do you have three more questions?"

"I-I know you said they were temporary and I am grateful you stopped the temptation, but...my sight, I don't understand, you cuffed me, so I--"

He cut her off. "I'm sure if you think a little harder, you'll discover the answer."

"I can't. And I'm not trying to question you," she said quickly, picking her words carefully. "But what could my sight do when I can't - and wouldn't - do anything."

There was silence and she began to tear at the skin on her lip again. She'd made him mad, that was all she could think of. Her words had been chosen so carefully, her tone had stayed steady, and yet he was angry. It wasn't even something she'd thought he would get mad over.

His hand left her thigh. "Either you think I'm stupid or you're being stupid. Did you know we've driven past over fifty cars? Do you honestly think you would have been able to listen and not looked at any of them? I know you, Tina. I know how stubborn you are and I thought I'd save you the chance of disobeying me, but clearly you don't appreciate it," he said.

"I do!" she protested, tightening her fingers around her dress. Her palm was sweaty but she didn't dare wipe it. "I just-I just don't like not having my sight."

"And I don't like being rough with you. But it always comes down to your actions, Tina."

The rest of the journey went by in silence. Trying to guess the length was futile but Tina was certain she had been next to her captor for longer than she'd been in the boot. Could the journey be longer or was it that she was now too aware of being in the car that the time couldn't slip by quickly? She didn't think the cottage could be too far away from the first place, not with the amount of times he'd left her to go back. But surely with how rural the cottage had been, it can't be too close either. A patch of land that big couldn't be that close to civilisation if no one could hear her screams.

Her anxiety began to grow at the prospect of being back in the place that her nightmare had first began. She was sure she'd be relatively safer considering there were neighbours but she'd already experienced the dark room with the chains and wasn't certain whether he had more ways to punish her. If his actions were any indication, he definitely had other ways to try and break her.

She felt as the car began to slow and for a moment she wanted to refuse to leave it. The room was like a prison cell with no means to escape and even though she was going to try and convince him that she wouldn't ever run again, if she was given the chance and it was feasible, she'd take it. That was doable in the cottage but here she'd be upstairs and the only way down would be through a window.

The car came to a stop and she held her breath as she heard him get out and close the door. Her fingers itches to remove the blindfold but she knew he'd be at her door soon, taking her back to her prison. If her dad could see her now, would he tell her to try and escape as he took her from the car? Had she not recently had a failed escape attempt, he might've told her to try, but she was certain he'd tell her to survive. To fight and be sure to keep that fight hidden so that her captor didn't know it was still there.

She obliged when he guided her out the car and went to remove her blindfold only to be stopped. She had to rely on him to guide her and when he directed her to some stairs she knew she wasn't going to get the luxury of roaming. There went her chance to find a way out.

Despite being unable to see, Tina knew the moment she stepped back into the room. It was as if she could feel it enclose about her as he pushed her in, signalling that she was now more trapped than she had been when forced to be constantly around him. He murmured by her ear before removing what he'd put on top of the blindfold. He stepped away from her and a moment later she felt her ankle be shackled, further emphasising just how imprisoned she was. When his fingers left her she counted to five before reaching up and removing the blindfold.

She was back in the room, chained to the radiator and all alone.