Scars Don't Heal When You Keep Cutting

Ben and I decided to have him spend the night again tonight. He said he needed to get some stuff from his house before he could and I offered to tag along. He refused just like last time, but being the stubborn little fuck I am, I went with him anyways.

So here I am, walking to Ben’s house with him. He seems kinda off about this which made me feel bad. I had asked him what was bothering him but he only told me that I went against his wishes and went with him anyways. It’s probably not even the truth but I left it at that anyways.

We finally arrive at his house after a while. His house isn’t far from mine, but not close either. It must be hell having to walk to and from school every day, just saying.

As we approach the house, Ben turns to face me, looking serious.

“Try not to make a single sound. Be as quiet as possible,” he whispers seriously. I nod and he turns around and stealthily walks up to the door, me following in the same manner. When he slowly opens the door, I hear two people yelling. I recognize the two voices to be one male, one female. I also pick up on the weird scent of the house. I give Ben a questioning look but he doesn’t see it. Ben sneaks up the stairs and motions for me to stay but I follow him instead. I’d feel awkward standing in his smelly living room while I listen to who I assume to be his parents yelling at each other.

I follow Ben into his room. When I step in, the smell of cigarettes hit me. I also noticed a couple of empty bottles on the nightstand. I recognize some of them to be Monster and others some sort of beer. Ben notices me in the room and frowns a bit disapprovingly. I smile apologetically and he shrugs his reply.

“Sorry about the mess,” he whispers quietly as he moves to lock the door behind us.

“So, you drink and smoke?” I ask out of nowhere, forgetting to whisper. His eyes widen as he scurries over to me and covers my mouth with his hand.

“Yes, and you gotta be quiet!” he whispers panickely. He pales and freezes on the spot when we hear the door knob twisting as if someone was trying to get in.

“Ben, who’s that in your room?” a raspy voice growls from the other side of the door, making Ben freak out. I think the voice got angry when Ben didn’t do anything.

“Benjamin Paul Bruce, open this fucking door now!” I see tears start to well up in his eyes and I realize the situation we’re in.

I look around the room for a window to climb out of. No fucking windows. I do see a closet, and drag Ben over to it. I open it quickly before shoving Ben inside, closing it quietly.

I can’t go in there with him since they already heard me. If I’m missing too, they’ll look and definitely find Ben.

I walk away from the closet just as the door flies open, an angry man stepping in and glaring at me.

“Who the fuck are you?” he spits at me, looking me up and down before glaring at me once again. Hatred, disgust. He must not know what ugly is if he looks at me like that, God damn...

“I’m Ben’s friend. What the fuck are you?” I mock him and his tone.

“Friend? How does that faggot have friends?”

“Faggot? You may as well be the faggot if you’re gonna call him one,” I growl at him, annoyed by this prick who looks like one of the goblins jumped out of the TV while I was watching Labyrinth. Those ugly ass things gave my ass nightmares.

Who fucked this guy and why???

“I’m no faggot, boy! He’s the one who decided he wanted to shag other boys!” he barks at me. I grit my teeth as my fists clench.

“Ew, another fucking homophobic asshole. I kicked so much homophobic ass before I moved, it’s ridiculous!”

“What-the-fuck-ever, where the fuck is Ben?”

“He’s at my house. He wanted me to get his stuff.”

“Well, tell him to hurry up and come home. My friends are coming over later, and this house needs to be cleaned. Don’t suck each other’s dicks too hard while you’re at it, fags.” Before I could back Ben up again, he slams the door shut, before opening it again. “And hurry up and get the fuck out of my fucking house, you faggot!” Then the door is slammed shut again. I stick up my middle finger at the door, like that’s gonna do anything.

It kinda makes me feel a tiny bit better.

I make sure he’s gone before opening the closet door again. I see Ben sitting there, eyes wide, gaping at the floor.

“Ben? You okay?” I ask, staring down at him with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, getting up and walking out of the closet.

“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No, I didn’t want you to find out that way. I wanted to tell you myself,” he tells me. “I didn’t want you to think of me as a faggot, so I wanted to make sure you weren’t homophobic first. I’m sorry, Danny.”

“I’d be hypocritical if I was homophobic. I’m gay, too, Benny-boy.”

A small silence.

“Oh, Danny?” he asks, turning around to face me. He was blushing a bit.

Oh, shit! He’s gonna ask me out, I just now it!

“Yeah?” I ask him with a blush of my own.

“Uh...can you...not tell Sam?”

Danny, just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he loves you. Chill the fuck out and move on.

“Yeah, I’ll keep it a secret,” I smile at him, feeling quite disappointed.

“Thanks.”

“Well, let’s try to get you to my house before he comes back, okay?”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”