Scars Don't Heal When You Keep Cutting

It was now around nine in the afternoon, and Ben was snuggled into my side as he played some game on his iPhone. I watch as he drags his phone around his screen, guiding some sort of worm towards the colorful circles, and touching a button to make the worm dash away whenever a bigger worm tried to circle around it. The game seems to be a bit laggy, and he groans and curses whenever he runs into another worm, threatening to throw his phone against the wall (I had to grab his hands a couple times to stop him from doing so a couple times).

He's a big worm now, and he's circling and trapping another smaller worm, but the game jumps, making him accidentally run into the small worm. Ben's worm turns into a mass of colorful circles, which the small worm (along with others that seemed to dash out of nowhere) ate what was left of him.

“You know what, fuck you!” Ben yells at it as he turns his phone off. I can't help but laugh at the smol boy, who looks to me with a pout.

“You’re so cute, Benny!” I murmur into his ear. He sighs, and I subconsciously begin to pet his hair.

“That game is hard as a bitch. Never playing it again,” he whines again as he scoots closer to me, toying with the sleeves of his hoodie.

I don’t like his hoodie. I feel that it probably carries too many bad memories.

“Benji, how long did you have this hoodie?” I ask him gently as I pet his hair out of his face as best as I can.

“Since I was a freshmen,” he answers simply.

“Can I get you a new one?” I ask him. He blinks at me before shrugging.

“Why not?”

"Sweet," I respond as I get up and go over to my closet, pulling one of my favorite hoodies out. I think I got this thing last year, from one of my old friends I no longer know the name of. Something along the lines of Polly or Piper or something. I remember she was really sweet, but we ended up hooking up somewhere along the way, and she hasn't spoken to me much ever since. Bitch ass hoes being my friend just for some dick... pathetic.

I roll my eyes as I turn to Ben and walk over to him, handing him the hoodie.

“One of my favorites,” I smile at him as he stares lovingly at it.

“You sure, Danny?” he asks me as he sniffs it, making me laugh. He's so weird and it's so cute, dude.

I sit on the bed next to him and tell him again that yes, he can have it.

He gives me a look, and I turn to face the other way, respecting his privacy. He tells me that it's okay to look now, and I turn back around. I notice that it’s pretty big on him, bigger than his old hoodie, which was already oversized. I mean, I expected it to be big, but not quite this big. I consider getting him a new one until I notice how much Ben seems to like the hoodie, as he smiles wider and hugs himself with it. I smile wide at him, trying not to spontaneously combust with how fucking cute my fucking boyfriend is and how much I fucking love every little fucking thing about him.

“You really like this old thing, huh?” I ask as I lean my head onto his shoulder, gazing up at him through my eyelashes.

“Yeah, it was yours. It smells like you.”

I peck his nose, and he blushes furiously, typical Ben behavior.

“I’m glad you like it, babe.”

“Danny, I’m tired,” he says as he leans his head onto mine, letting out a yawn.

“Alright, sleep then. I’m gonna go take a shower real quick.” I pull some clothes out of the dresser and head into the bathroom across the hall.

Now that I think about it, it’s really been a while since I last showered. I do what I bet any of you would do: sniff my pits.

“Pretty funky,” I grimace as I turn on the shower. "How did Ben stand being around me?"

I take my much needed shower and do all the post-shower activities before exiting the bathroom.

I go across the hall and into my bedroom, seeing that the light is already turned off, and Ben was already in bed. I know he's asleep too once I get closer to him, hearing the soft and quiet sound of his snoring. I crawl into bed next to him, pressing myself against his back, where I fall asleep moments later.

<><><>

When I wake up, I frown upon seeing that Ben was no longer in my arms. I also notice how dark it still was. I groan and let myself roll out of bed, hitting my head against the nightstand. I groan again, this time in pain, as I get up and grab the closest phone to me, which turned out to be Ben's. I turn it on to check the time.

2:27 am.

Dammit.

I decide to look for Ben. I turn my light on and wince at the intensity of the light after being in the dark so long. I let my eyes adjust to the light before walking out of the room.

I noticed the bathroom door closed, and light shining from under it.

Ben's probably in there.

I knock in it, and his voice answers.

"Are you okay?" my worried voice asks him.

"I'm fine, Danny! I just had to use the bathroom!" Ben tells me, his voice cracking a bit. I try the doorknob, and it turns out that he didn't lock the door. I push the door open to see him standing in front of the door, as if he was trying to leave before I came along. I could also hear that his breath was a bit shaky as well.

"I swear I didn't do anything. I went to the bathroom."

"Not gonna flush? Or wash your hands?"

He says nothing for a few seconds.

"I was just getting to that," he murmurs as he avoids eye contact and turns back to the toilet.

“Heh, all done. Back to bed now.”

He turns to the door again, but I block the exit before he can get far. I gently set my fingers under his chin, tilting his head up, making eye contact with him. His eyes are pink and puffy, tears staining his flushed cheeks.

“Benji, baby, you're not telling the truth,” I start, gazing into his eyes. “I can’t help you if you lie.”

He stares back for a few seconds, until I catch tears welling up in his eyes again and he buries his face in my chest.

“I’m sorry, Danny,” he whispers dejectedly as I wrap my arms around him, a loving embrace.

“It's gonna be okay,” I tell him. “I’m gonna try everything I can to help you.”

I feel him nod against my chest as he hums.

"Good. Now, let's get you cleaned up."