Scars Don't Heal When You Keep Cutting

I did try to get Ben to smile. He just wouldn't do it. I eventually gave up, and asked him if he was ready to eat his dinner. He refused once again. But that's okay, my mom didn't cook it, it was just cheap fast food.

But some pretty damn good cheap fast food. Especially the fries.

"Hey, uh, what time is it?" Ben asks me, who was laying next to me again. I pull my phone out and turn it on.

"8:37."

"Fucking hell, what’s Dad gonna think?" he asks quietly to himself. I can’t help but be shocked by his use of profanity. "I should've known it was getting late! It's dark out!"

I turn my head to the right to look at Ben as he continues to ramble on and on about the time and how his parents would kill him for staying out this late and not telling them. I sigh.

"Well," I start, shutting him up. He quickly averts his gaze to me with hopeful eyes, "you could always call him real quick. I mean, tell him why and stuff."

He lets his eyes wander to the right a bit, then back to my own. He quickly moves them down, avoiding eye contact.

"Um...would it be okay to spend the night?" he asks quietly, a small shade of pink tinting his cheeks. I smile at him and admire how cute it was before replying to his question.

"Of course!" I chirp, his eyes and stare into mine, "You know you're always welcome!"

He nods his head before shyly and hesitantly getting up. "I, uh, I'm gonna go get some of my stuff," he mutters quickly before shuffling to the door. I get up too.

"I'll go with you," I offer, walking over to him. He turns to face me, his eyes pleading.

"No, just stay here, I won't be long, I promise you."

I nod, but follow him out the door anyway. We walk downstairs, him heading to the front door, me heading to the kitchen. I step into the kitchen as the front door closes, and much to my dismay, my parents weren't in there. I sigh, I have to walk around the house and look in every room in the process just to find them. God, I'm so fucking lazy. I walk around the house and find Mom in her room. Well, at least I found one of them.

"Hey, is it okay if Ben spends the night, 'cause I already told him he could," I ask her. Well, I was pretty much telling her he was staying. She laughs a bit and smiles warmly.

"Why not? You boys have fun, I'm off to bed now!"

I nod in thanks and leave the room, closing the door behind me. By the time I'm back in my room, the front door opens and slams shut. Probably Ben unless my dad was out doing something. My door slams open, and Ben scurries in, closing the door behind him.

I finally turn my head to look at him. His face was a bit red and he was panting. I cock an eyebrow at him.

"You alright?" I ask him. He nods quickly, dropping the small bag he had by the door.

"Ran...to the house...ran back…" he manages between pants, making his way to my bed before throwing himself on it. I carefully lay next to him, trying to think of something to start up a conversation.

"What's in the bag?" I ask him when his breathing calms down.

Really, Danny? You ask him what’s in his fucking bag? God, you pathetic, lovestruck mess.

"Eh, nothing much, just a toothbrush, toothpaste, iPhone charger, my diary thing, pointless stuff," he lists, counting off his fingers.

Diary. I can’t help but smirk as a mischievous idea comes up. Ben seems to notice and frowns at me disapprovingly.

"Don't bother planning on reading my notebook, I'm not leaving it unoccupied," Ben informs, I groan in disappointment.

"But I must know more about you!" I whine.

"Well, what do you wanna know?"

I look to him, him looking back at me. I suddenly feel awkward, not even knowing what to ask.

"Anything," I answer, giving up on thinking of a question. He shrugs, telling me that he didn't know what to answer.

We just lay there and stare at each other, the only sounds heard being our breathing and that slight buzz you always hear in a quiet room.

Then a buzz from Ben's phone, scaring the shit out of him. So, there's two buzzes!

Haha! Right?

No, Danny. Just, no. Please stop.

I couldn't help but giggle a bit at him for being so easily scared, causing him to blush. He sure does do that a lot. Not that I'm complaining, it's pretty damn cute…

He sits up a bit and pulls his phone out of the pocket of his black hoodie, which I now notice is a little big on him, making him seem smaller. I also notice a small red stain at the hem of his white shirt that peeks out from underneath his hoodie.

He reads his text message, a look of sadness on his face. I lean closer to see what it said, but he turned his phone off.

"Nosy Danny!" he says playfully, trying to hide his sadness, but I heard.

"I'm not being nosy, I'm trying to help a friend. Whatever you read hurt you."

He stays silent, thinking. He turns his phone on and taps in his password, I try to remember.

6-2-1-2

He shakily hands me the phone, I read it.

Unknown: Don't forget what I said :D

Um...what? How should I feel about this? Angry? Happy? Confused? I'll go with the third and ask Ben, duh.

"Benji, who is this? Don't forget what?" I ask calmly. He shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it," he says. I frown instead.

"No. I won’t. Who the fuck is it? Don't forget what?" I kinda snap at him, making him flinch. I sigh, regretting my tone.

Danny, just keep in mind that he's sensitive.

"It's an old friend. He uh...told me...nothing, really-"

I cut him off. I know he's fucking lying to me.

"Ben, that's bullshit. Tell me the fucking truth," I snap at him again, forgetting about his sensitivity, "I can't help you if you're lying to me."

He pulls his knees to his chest and cries into them. I start to regret my actions as I watch him. I’m so fucking used to talking to my old friends like this that I do it to Ben too.

"Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you, but I just wanna help you. I hate seeing you like this."

He nods, understanding, I assume.

"Okay, now, can you look at me?"

He shakes his head no.

"Please, Benji?"

Same response as before.

I grab each side of his head and pull it up and away from his knees, forcing him to look me in the eyes as I stare into his bloodshot ones.

"Tell me what's going on. Who sent the message, and what did this person say that they didn't want you to forget?" I ask as calmly, yet seriously, as I can. He stares at me for a few minutes before opening his mouth to speak.

"I wasn't lying when I said he was an old friend."

I nod, telling him to continue.

"Earlier this afternoon, a few minutes before you met me at my locker, he told me something..."
"Benji, what did he tell you?"

Tears pool in his eyes again, "I don't think I wanna talk about it."

I sigh. I let go of his face and gently wipe his tears away. I really don't wanna see him cry, so I'm gonna let it go for now.

"Tell me when you do," I say softly, almost pleading. He nods. "Now, don't cry. It makes Danny here wanna cry himself."

"Danny's not allowed to cry," he sniffles, looking away.

"Benji's not either," I giggle a bit. "If Benji doesn't cry, Danny won't cry. How's that sound?"

He looks to me again and nods. I smile wide.

"Wanna get into our pajamas and go to bed?"

"Uh...I don't have pajamas, forgot to grab some," he says, "I'll just wear what I'm wearing."

I shake my head, "No no, I have pajamas you can wear!" With that, I get off the bed and walk over to my dresser and pull out sweatpants and a t-shirt for him.

"Ha, I just throw all my clothes in my closet," Ben says from next to me, scaring the shit out of me, rather than the other way around. When I recover, I start to laugh a bit.

"Whoa! You're a ninja!" I breathe, holding the clothes out for him. I also kinda ignored his random statement. Actually, I kinda didn't. I mentally giggled. I then mentally kick myself for mentally giggling.

"Yeah, I guess I am. Oh, and I don't need the shirt, I can sleep with my hoodie."

I shrug but put the shirt away anyways. He takes the pants and leaves the room, I'm guessing going into the bathroom. I pull out my favorite t-shirt and another pair of sweatpants. I take off my shirt and jeans, and notice my fucking shirt is inside out. I struggle a bit to make it right side out, succeeding the third time.

Then the door to my bedroom opens then closes.

And I'm only in my boxers.

Ben stands there awkwardly with a blush, staring at me. I smirk at him.

"Like what you see?" I chuckle, causing his face to go as red as a tomato. I chuckle again and step into my pants and put my shirt on.

"Uh...so do you want me to sleep on the floor, or…" Ben awkwardly starts, shifting his gaze to his feet.

"Nah, you can sleep in my bed with me," I answer him, he shyly looks back up at me.

"Um...well, just don't…uh," His blush deepens. I'm quite sure my face went a deep red as well.

"Oh, no! Why would I?!" I quickly reply. God, this took an awkward turn…

"Let's just pretend I never said that…" Ben mutters awkwardly as he drags his feet to the bed. I giggle and nod, even though he can't see me. I crawl under my covers on my bed, followed by Ben.

"Hmm...your bed is warm," he sighs contently. I smirk, getting an idea.

"What if I told you I just farted?"

Of course I didn't.

"You fucking gross, nasty man!" Ben snaps and attempts to roll out of bed. I grab his arm, stopping him from leaving, and throw the covers over his head.

"Dutch oven!" I shout. I fucking hear him laugh.

"You didn't fart!"

He laughed, dammit!

I throw the covers down again and quickly look at his face. Unfortunately, his smile vanished. Didn't even get to see it.

"You okay?" he asks me.

"Yeah. You laughed, but I didn't get to see you smile," I answer him, indirectly requesting to see him smile, but he wasn’t having it.

"Oh," he says, allowing himself to get comfortable as he rolls so his back is facing me. "sorry Danny."

Looks like he's not letting me see his smile.