Scars Don't Heal When You Keep Cutting

My eyes flutter open to darkness, which let’s me know that it’s only the middle of the night. My front is also oddly warm. When my vision clears a bit, I notice that Ben’s back is pressed to my chest, and also that there’s light shining dimly from in front of him, letting me know that he’s not asleep at all. He’s writing in a notebook, shining light from his phone at his page.

“Ben?” I yawn sleepily. He quickly writes something before slamming the book shut, and I confusedly raise an eyebrow.

Oh yeah, his diary thingy. Forgot about that.

“Yeah, Danny?” he asks as he moves out of my arms and I pout as he does so.

“Why are you up? What time is it?” I ask. He checks his phone.

“It’s around eleven thirty.” I yawn again as I try to get comfortable without Ben’s warmth that was previously against me. I roll onto my back, I like sleeping that way.

“Benji, go to bed. We have school tomorrow.”

He whines, which was pretty damn adorable in my opinion.

“But we only get to see each other in Ms. King’s class and at lunch!” I sigh, tomorrow’s gonna suck.

“Yeah, that sucks ass, huh?” I answer. I barely see him nod.

“You’re my only friend, Danny,” Ben mutters sadly, scooting closer to me and resting his head on my shoulder.

His hair smells good...

I smile sadly at him even though he probably can’t see it. “Well, everyone else doesn’t know what they’re missing because you’re one of the coolest people I know.”

“You think so?”

I nod. “Yes, Benji. Now go to sleep so you’re not tired in the morning.”

“‘Kay, just let me finish writing this. Please don’t read it,” Ben pleads. I roll my eyes. I wanna sleep now anyways.

“Alright, I’m going to sleep now, though. Don’t stay up all night.”

“Alright, Mom,” I hear Ben sarcastically say before I drift off to sleep.

<><><>

I wake up again about ten minutes before my alarm should be ringing. I had my arms wrapped around Ben’s waist with his head snuggled into the crook of my neck, and I couldn’t help but think that it’d be nice to lay this way forever like the sappy highschooler I am. At least I can hold him for another ten minutes, yeah? I smile and pull him even closer, sighing into his hair contently.

Unfortunately, those sweet ten minutes were over in no time and it was time to get up for school. I let go of Ben and get out of bed. I softly grab his shoulder and shake him gently until his eyes flutter open.

“Time to get ready for school, Benji!” I whisper to him with a slight smile.

“Ew,” is all he says before pulling himself out of bed, earning a small giggle from me.

He walks out of the room and I notice that he goes to the bathroom. A few seconds later, he enters my room once again, wearing jeans instead of sweatpants. He must’ve left his jeans in the bathroom then.

“Hey, are you gonna wear that hoodie again?” I ask him, motioning towards it with a nod of my head. He nods as he walks over to my closet and pulls out his shoes. I tossed them in there yesterday.

“Can you get my boots out of there too, please?” I ask, he does so. I thank him when he hands them to me.

“I can’t believe today’s only Tuesday,” Ben whines as he sits on the floor, slipping one of his shoes on. I sit across from him and begin pulling my shoes on as well.

“Yeah, well, we can still hang out during the week, though!” I cheer, hoping it makes up for only being able to see him in math class and lunch during the school hours. He nods, agreeing.

“Danny, thanks for being my friend,” Ben mutters quietly as he slips on his second shoe, me doing so as well.

“It’s no problem at all! You’re great!” I laugh as I get up, admiring my boots happily.

“Ah, cool,” he says as he finishes tying his shoes. He gets up and follows me out into the kitchen where my mom was leaning against the counter, sipping from her cup of- smells like coffee. She smiles when she sees the two of us.

“Good morning, Danny! Good morning, uh, was it Grant?” my mom greets, forgetting Ben’s name already. Where the fuck did she get Grant from?

“B-Ben,” Ben stutters a bit, “Good m-morning, Mrs. W-Worsnop.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, sweetie!” she apologizes with a sheepish giggle. “And you can call me Sharon if you’d like.”

Ben nods and stands awkwardly next to me. I turn to him.

“Well, I guess you can eat anything you find,” I offer Ben food. he nods a thanks before turning around and opening the fridge. He pulls out an apple and closes the fridge once again. He turns to me again.

"Got any crackers?" he asks as he takes a bite out of his apple. I nod and open one of the cabinets, revealing a box of saltines.

"How many?" I ask him, taking the box down.

"Two or three, I guess."

I get seven out- three for him, four for me- and put the box away. I give him his and shove all mine in my mouth.

"Morning, Sharon, Daniel, Bill," Dad greets as he walks into the kitchen and flings the fridge door open. Is it really so hard to remember his name is fucking Ben? And why can’t he just call me Danny?! Ugh.

"Philip, honey, his name is Ben," Mom corrects him for Ben. Philip looks to Ben and smiles sheepishly.

"Sorry bout that, Ben," my dad apologizes. Ben nods, accepting his apology. I open another cabinet, revealing a lot of snacks. I get a few chocolate bars for lunch and turn to Ben.

"Want anything for lunch, Benny?" I ask him as he takes another small bite from his apple. He shakes his head. I shrug.

"Okay, but I have three chocolate bars if you change your mind!"

He nods as I leave the kitchen and head back up to our room to get our book bags, which were by the foot of my bed. I go downstairs to Ben and give him his book bag. He took it and put it on his back as I did the same to mine.

"You about ready to go?" I ask him. He nods, and we head out.

"Bye, Ben! You're welcome any time you wanna come!" my mom shouts after us, "Bye, Danny!"

"Bye!" we both shout in unison as we leave the house and start walking to school. The walk there was quiet, until someone runs over to us.

"Hi, hi, hi! You're the new kid that just started going here yesterday!" the guy shouts at me enthusiastically, causing me to smile a bit. "I'm Trenton! What's your name?"

"Danny," I answer him.

"Do you recognize me, Danny?" he asks with a huge smile. I study him as I think hard about it.

Lunch.

"Yeah, I saw you at lunch yesterday," I answer, my smile widening, but only a little.

I feel something tug at my arm, and look to the left. Ben was holding on to it for dear life, his head hung low. I frown at him.

"Ben? You okay?" I whisper.

"Aw, he's fine!" Trenton cuts in, grabbing my arm and yanking me away from Ben. "We should get to class!"

With that, Trenton drags me the rest of the way to school. But I was lucky and managed to grab Ben's collar before I got too far, dragging him along with me.

This probably looked awkward to the other people walking about, yeah?