Broken Soldier

The sound of rustling stirred my from my blissful dreams. I was on my stomach with my head propped up on a pillow and my comforter was draped around my body. I smiled into my pillow before I slowly opened my eyes. Last night had be utterly amazing. Jeremy was finally coming around to being with me over that witch and everything would be in working order again. Maybe I could convince him to let us go for round three. After the second round we both passed out from all the drinking we did. His arm had wrapped itself around my waist and held me close. With my hand we locked fingers and slept together for the first time as something other than best friends.

I stretched my hand over to the other side of the bed and felt it still slightly warm but empty. I felt my eyes focus and I was confused. Where was he? I sat up slowly holding the blanket to keep myself modestly covered and looked around. As I sat up the rustling stopped and I found him at the farther corner away from me trying to get dressed as quickly as he could.

“Shit.” Was all he muttered as confusion muddled my brain. Why was he getting dressed?

“What are you doing? Come back to bed.” I said smiling slightly and rubbing the tiredness from my eyes.

He could only shake his head and look at me sadly. “You know I can’t do that London.”

I sat up slightly straighter. His pants were on and so were his shoes but he still had his shirt left which was what he had been in the process of outing on when I sat up. “Jeremy? What’s wrong?”

He just kept shaking his head no as he slowly backed up. His back hit the wall and for a moment I thought he was going to cry. Why was he gonna cry? It was too damn early in the morning for all this nonsense.

“Jeremy!”

He flinched at my shout and looked away. He muttered something quietly which I didn’t quite catch. He looked back at me and noticed my eyebrow was raised in question. It was then I looked on my dresser beside him and noticed a note had been left on it loosely folded in a haste. It finally began to dawn on me what was happening.

“I’m not one of your little one night stand hook ups from high school asshole. There is no smash and dash in this house. What the hell is going on?!”

He took a huge breath and looked at the ceiling away from my face. “We can’t be friends anymore London. I’m sorry.”

I could literally feel the color drain out of my face. My heart started to pound a mile a minute and all the sounds around me seem to deafen except for the blood racing in my ears. The back of my eyes started to sting and I felt my throat close up like someone was choking the life out of me. I had to grab onto the bed to keep from falling out because the room began to spin like some carnival ride at the fair. I tried to say something but no sound escaped past my lips.

He took a step toward me but then thought better of it and he quickly moved back. “London, I’m so sorry. I’m getting married to Evelyn. Last night was,” he paused to grasp for the right word he wanted to use. “Last night was a huge mistake. I betrayed Evelyn’s trust and I cheated on her. I don’t know how I’m ever gonna tell her. She’s going to hate me so much.”

I almost started laughing. A kind of maniac psycho laughter because I think I string finally snapped inside my head. A mistake? Making love to me was a mistake? He, the one who initiated it, though having sex with me was a mistake. I felt the tears spring up but I swallowed down the sob that was screaming to burst free. “You know you’re supposed to wake me up to breakfast, not an apology of how last night was a mistake. Why am I not good enough for you Jeremy? Was it the sex?”

“No! That’s not-.”

“Am I not good enough for you Soldier?” I stood up not caring that I was naked. I was vulnerable by now and had nothing else left to loose. My dignity died the moment he said I was a mistake.

“London stop-.”

“Oh, I know! It’s because I’m not a trash skank of a blonde who says she’s going to photoshoots but is really having sex with men she’s comes across at the country club!”

“That’s not-.”

“SHUT UP!” I screamed at him. I picked up the house phone that was next to my bed and threw it as hard as I could at him. I heard it shatter against the wall so I knew it didn’t hit him but I was already throwing other objects at him. “GET OUT!”

“London no-.”

“Go to hell you MOTHERFUCKER! I hope you and Malibu Barbie have a fucking WONDERFUL time together. If this is how you really are you’re saving me a lot of time and effort. I hope you both fucking die and rot in hell.” By now I had run out of things to throw but I had only managed to hit him once with my hairbrush. Next I would have hit him with my fists but I didn’t want to go anywhere near him and touch him. “You should have fucking died over there. Careful not to drink with Alcoholic Evelyn because you might push her down a set of stairs there stumpy.”

I knew that was a low blow even for me because the color drained from his face as heat was rising to mine. The hurt intensified in him and he couldn’t look at me anymore. I could feel my chest heaving with effort to not keep screaming at him. Because honestly? I felt dead inside. There was no more life in me.

He went to open his mouth but I just quietly interrupted him and told him to get out. “I never want to see you anymore. Have a good life.”

I opened my bedroom and walked out before him making a quick left into my bathroom and closing the door. I just hoped in the shower and turned it on as hot as it would go and sat down the floor of the tub. I left the water run over my body turning everything a sharp shade of pink and red but I felt nothing. I heard nothing except the sound of the water spraying past me. I think maybe a few tears dropped from my eyes but I don’t remember. And I stayed like that till the water had turned ice cold and even then I stayed in it for a bit too long. Only when my body started to shiver did I turn off the water and get out. I had no idea if he even left or not so I just dried myself off in the bathroom and stood there in front of my mirror staring at myself. This time my eyes weren’t all puffy from crying. This time my voice was still intact. This time I was going to move on and pretend like he never existed.

This time I was going to be the one leaving.

I don’t really remember what else happened throughout the day. I know for a fact that I did end up leaving my house to go on about the town. Jeremy hadn’t been in my house when I opened the door so I had went to my room and got dressed. Next thing I knew I had my paintings in the car and I was driving to all the museums and art galleries auctioning off my work. Out of all of my paintings they were all awestruck by the one of the woman in the field crying away from the stars. When they asked me what I would call it the word sprung to my lips like I was saying to Jeremy myself.

Goodbye.

By about a little bit after 5 I had sold all of the paintings from my house and I had made quite a bit, especially from the Goodbye piece of work. All together from all 43 paintings I had made $200,000. That had to be the most I had ever gotten.

It was definitely enough for me to move out of the country and never have to step another foot in Arkansas again. Not to mention the other thousands of dollars I had saved in the bank and the savings in my house as well. I was set.

All I had to do was pack.

I finally felt tears spring to my eyes as I thought about everyone and everything I was going to be leaving behind. When my family first moved me here as a kid I was devastated. A whole new state with new people I didn’t know and everything. To a 5 year old that was a huge change and shock to me but my dad had gotten some better job opportunity so he took it. When my parents decided to move down to Florida after their retirement I had decided to stay here because my life was now here. Now I had nothing but memories that I just wanted to forget.

The first day of Kindergarten had been brutal. I had been out at recess getting picked on and called a dumb Yankee because we had moved from New Jersey. My tan skin and dark hair made me stick out like a sore thumb to all the little country kids with their small southern drawls. I had started crying and asking them to please leave me alone when one of them had picked up a stick and threw it at me. I hit me in the arm and I started crying more except this time I wanted my mom. One of them to call me something when this boy walked up and stood in front of me crossing his arms and blocking the bullies from seeing me.

“Ya’ll need to leave her alone before I tell the teacher.” He had said and now as I’m older it still caused me to smile sadly because telling the teacher was a huge threat at that age.

“You wouldn’t dare!” The biggest boy said trying to see if the boy in front of me was bluffing.

“Watch me then.” He took a step towards the group of teachers that were talking to each other and the other kids scattered like little ants. I watched them run away and felt a sense of relief wash over me.

“Thank you” I muttered to the boy and went to walk away.

“Hey wait up! What’s your name? I’m Jeremy!” He pointed at himself with a huge infectious smile. When I didn’t say anything his smile faded. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head trying not to cry again. I just wanted to go home but we had the whole rest of the day. “I wanna go home.”

He looked at me for a second puckering up his lips in thought. “If you go home I can’t tell you my secret.”

“Secret?” My interest was peaked and he motioned for me to follow him to the swings that were right underneath the shade of the giant Oak tree in the school yard.

“Yes my big secret! What’s your name though first off.” He winked at me.

I ended up giggling and blushing. “London Prescott. My name is London.”

“You wanna be friends London?” He asked me offering me his hand to help me step up onto the black plastic thing that surrounded the swing set.

I thought about it for a second and nodded me head in agreement. “Yes please.”

He smiled at me and played together for the rest of the day. And the next day. And the next. It wasn’t long before we became best friends. The teachers would look at us with knowing smiles, other kids would make fun of us and our parents loved that we seemed to always be there for the other. The start of a beautiful friendship.

There was a loud honking that seemed to never end and a bright light that seemed to blind me as I woke up from my thoughts. I had no time to even think or move. The massive SUV was speeding towards me. In my daze and trip down memory lane I had stepped into the busy street without thinking and now I was done for.

The person behind the wheel was slamming on the brakes but it was already too late. I felt the impact of the SUV hit me and next thing I knew was that I was flying backwards.

Then darkness filled everything.