Broken Soldier

Jeremy felt an odd sense of Déjà vu when he stepped into the hospital room where London was lying in a medically induced coma. Her hair was spread out in all different angles on the pillow and her skin almost looked waxy and pale. There were dark almost purple like circles around her eyes and she was cut and bruised all over her arms. If it was all over her body and legs he wouldn’t know because she was covered with a blanket. He took a sharp intake of breath when he saw the monitor that kept track of her brain was basically almost nonexistent. She wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon.

He took another step into the room and he finally saw Taylor sitting next to her holding her hand and crying. Taylor wasn’t much of a crier but when it came to family she was a huge emotional mess. Michael stepped out from behind him and walked towards London, kissing her on the forehead. He stared at her for a moment before walking over to Taylor and sitting by her trying to comfort her.

Jeremy couldn’t seem to move towards her. She just looked so fragile that it physically hurt him to see her like this. How could he have been so fucking foolish to think he could live without her? She had only ever been kind, loving, and amazing to him and his family. She was basically already married into the family. Just not officially.

The heart monitor gave a faulty beat indicating that her heart either missed a beat or it was about to give out. He quickly moved to her and grabbed her other hand. It was so cold that he almost dropped it. He wasn’t even sure she could still be alive if her skin was that cold. He grabbed it with his other hand hoping to heat it up at least a little bit.

London gave no indication that he was even in the room. He could feel the pinching in the back of his eyes and he ordered himself not to cry. He had to be strong for her, just like she was strong for him when he first lost his legs.

“London. Please. You have to wake up. For me.” His voice turned into a pleading whisper as he held back the tears. “Please.”

He didn’t know why he thought that would somehow magically wake her up but he tried. He put her hand to his face and held it there, even giving it a small gentle kiss in case she was so fragile so would break. Taylor and Michael were watching him but he didn’t look at them or even acknowledge they were there.

He held her hand that whole night. Taylor and Michael ended up falling asleep in the chairs. Taylor must really be worried for London to leave her kids with her husband all night. He continued to look at her face, like he was trying to engrave it into his memory forever, just in case. There was a tube down her throat to help her breathe and needles in her arm. The IV just kept dripping silently away and her heart monitor soon just kept with a steady healthy beat. He ran his fingers over her stitches that she had in her arm and winced at how bad the cut was. He could only guess that when she went flying from the impact she slid across the asphalt of the road which would result in all the slashes in her body.

A tear in the end came running down his face and he wiped it away angrily. He saw in his head exactly what happened. She was probably thinking about what had happened just mere hours before and stepped into the road without looking because she was so angry with him that her own safety wasn’t even on her mind. He could see a car slamming into her and her flying backwards from the impact. He could also see in his mind her staring accusingly at him like it was his fault this even happened. And it was his fault. He squeezed her hand in sorrow before lacing his fingers through them. He had marveled at how perfectly they fit with his the night before. He remembered how she looked at him as well. With love. That was before he betrayed her and basically used her in his drunken state of mind.

He actually chuckled at how stupid he was. “Hey, London. Remember when you dated that asshole in high school? What was his name? Jacob? Martin? Kevin? No, I know. It was Gavin. Anyways remember when you just had to date him simply because I didn’t like him? You never believed me when I used to tell you to stay away from him because he was a jerk. That was only because he ever only showed you his ‘good’ side.”

He could remember it quite well actually. It was winter time and there had been a light snow the night before. He had driven London to school with him in his truck and they had been laughing about something. She was wearing a sweater he had bought her because her parents had been struggling to make ends meet and all her other ones were worn. It was a beautiful rich red color and it fit her body while also being big enough for her to snuggle in. She would have never taken it had he not lied and said it was an early Christmas present. She hated feeling like a charity case and she went out of her way to make it seem like it was no big deal that she was basically almost flat out poor. He had a part time job doing yard work for people around town to pay for his truck but he had been doing so well with business by shoveling snow and helping with whatever needed to be down around the homes that he decided to use his extra cash on his best friend. He looked at her now as she smiled out the window. He was glad he got it for her. For once she looked warm and full from the breakfast they just ate from the little diner in town.

When they had gotten to the school parking lot and started quickly heading for the school doors Gavin had approached them. Jeremy remembers basically staring at Gavin in disgust as he had eyes for only London. She was already shivering from the penetrating cold wind that all he wanted to do was usher inside the warm rooms.

“London! Don’t you look gorgeous this morning. Jeremy.” He barely nodded in Jeremy’s direction but kept a smile on his face for London.

“Good morning Gavin.” She smiled at him either blushing or turning red from the wind. He wasn’t sure.

“I was wondering if you were free this weekend? There’s this movie coming out that I wanted to check out and I was curious if you would want to maybe perhaps, maybe go out with me?” He started rubbing the back of his neck like he was all bashful and shy and not trying to play her to get in her pants. Jeremy rolled his eyes but kept quiet.

“Oh wow, um-.” She looked at Jeremy waiting for him to see if he would say anything but he kept quiet as he looked out towards the football field. “Yeah. Sure that would be great!”

“Great! I’ll pick you up at 7 on Saturday!” He grinned widely before developing a snug smirk for Jeremy to see.

As he sauntered away Jeremy turned to London with a frown. “I don’t like him. He’s only going to use you London.”

“Well then you should have said something before I said yes then shouldn’t you? Besides, Gavin’s sweet. I don’t know why you don’t like him.” She said starting to walk again. Jeremy matched her pace but didn’t drop the topic.

“I can’t tell you who can or can’t date London, but as your best friend I must object.”

“On what grounds Mr. Reynolds? I never say anything when you have your flings with the cheerleaders now do I?” He flinched at her slight judgmental tone but didn’t bite the bait for a topic change.

“London. You HAVE to trust me on this.”

“No. I’m going on this date.” She said stubbornly before stomping away in a huff. Jeremy had groaned at how badly that went.

London and Gavin ended up being together for less than a month before in one of his drunken states he tried rape her and when she fought back he ended up punching her in the face. The night that had happened London ran over to Jeremy’s house in tears and with clothes all torn. Jeremy had opened the door, took one look at her and knew exactly what happened. He had never been so angry before in his life that he had seen red and was ready to kill Gavin with his bare hands. London had begged him not to leave and to drop it. Jeremy never had the heart to say I told you so because he was upset at how right he was. He had hoped maybe with London’s gentle nature Gavin MIGHT change. Like the movies in Hollywood, but sadly he was wrong. That night London stayed the night, which wasn’t a first at all but that night she slept in his bed with him right next to her holding her close. She had sobbed herself to sleep clutching to his arms which were wrapped around her in a sort of embrace. No one said a word and he just let her cry herself out. When she was too exhausted to stay awake longer he kissed her just below her jaw bone and vowed to himself that he would always be there for her, protect her, and never hurt her. That was probably why he never tried to further their friendship. There were times where he slipped up, like out on the trail they run, where he was on top of her and they flirted but he never let it go past that.

He blinked out of his thoughts and looked at the current and present London who still hadn’t moved at all.

“I’m so sorry London. I broke all of my promises I made to you.” He whispered as he rubbed his thumb over her hand. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes.

“What promises were those?” Jeremy jumped completely forgetting that his siblings were in the room with him. Taylor was still passed out but Michael was looking at him trying to figure him out.

“Michael, I really messed up this time.” Jeremy said looking to his brother for answers. “Last night. London and I-.”

He trailed off not able to finish. He saw Michael’s eyes widen in disbelief but he didn’t say a word.

“We were both drunk and it just sort of happened. And this morning I freaked out on her basically telling her it was a mistake, it shouldn’t have happened, and that we couldn’t be friends anymore because I was with Evelyn.” Jeremy could see his brother trying to pick his words very carefully. He was trying not to psychoanalysis him since he was his brother but he also wanted to be very straightforward with him. “It’s my fault she’s here like-.” He indicated towards the woman before him.

“Jeremy. Why would you tell her it was a mistake? Don’t you love her?” Michael asked raising his eyebrow in question.

Jeremy sat and thought about it for a moment before answering. “I do.”

“Then why don’t you wanna be with her? What are you afraid of little brother?”

“I’m afraid I’m not good enough for her. I’m a disabled ex-Marine. I have a terrible temper. I can’t spoil her in the things she deserves. I also promised I would never hurt her and always protect her, yet I’ve pushed her down stairs, cussed at her, and broke her heart. She deserves so much better.” He whispered looking back at London. She was breathing in and out evenly due to the machines and it made him physically ill to look at. No one should be in this position, especially London.

“Well Jeremy I’ve always called you a fool and this just proves it.” Michael gave a sad and empty chuckle. “You both deserve each other. Think of it like Yin and Yang. You complete each other. Without one there can’t be the other. You guys have been together since you were 5 through thick and thin. You’re her rock. You make her feel safe. You make her happy Jeremy. And to you she grounds you, encourages you to strive for greatness. When it was you who needed someone she was there. She never gave up on you. She brought life back into your eyes after you lost your legs. So tell me again why you don’t deserve each other?” Michael asked. He stared at his brother quietly trying to figure out why it wasn’t as obvious to him.

“Because I slept with my best friend, told her I loved her, and then broke her heart all in 12 hours.” He said out loud letting his harsh words set in. His chest pulled tightly.

“Ah, so that explains where your fucking ass has been for the last day.” A sharp and cutting snarling voice said making both men jump. Michael’s eyes widened once more but he kept silent. The only thing Jeremy could think was ‘Oh shit’.

Evelyn.