Golden Eyes

“Well I’ll be damned. Welcome back my friend.” I said releasing a huge grin as Barton stepped out of the restroom behind Natasha. Steve was standing behind already fully equipped and in uniform. Natasha looked totally unprepared. I stepped around her and threw my arms around Barton’s neck giving him a hug before stepping back. “You feeling okay? Because honestly I wasn’t under Loki’s power as long as you but I came back feeling nauseas and slightly hallowed out.”

He gave me a tired turn up of the lips. “No I’m okay.”

I looked at him and knew he was lying. He knew that I knew he was lying. But I wasn’t going to push it. So I gave a simple response. Okay.

“Okay, time to go.” Steve said stepping around me. I still needed to change. I needed to be Tigress Vanessa, not Agent Carson.

“Go where?” Natasha asked. I forgot she wasn’t with us before.

“We’ll explain on the way there.” I said walking around them and into the locker room. I headed straight for locker 119 like a homing beckon. I opened it to find my suit inside and I ran my fingers over it. The smooth leather material felt cool to the touch. I hadn’t had it on since Loki had control over me. I shivered. I never wanted to go through that again.

I heard the door and then shut but I didn’t move. I knew deep in the back of my mind I needed to hurry but something was weigh on it and I wasn’t sure what it was. I needed to get something off of my chest but I didn’t know what.

“You decent?” I looked up to where I could see Steve’s back but he couldn’t see me. He wanted to let me know he was there in case I was still dressing. I smiled sadly. Ever the gentleman.

“Steve turn around.” He did as I told him and when he saw I was still in my Agent outfit his hero looked melted away to one of confusion.

“Why aren’t you dressed yet? We have to go.”

“I-I have something to ask you.” I said. I felt my chest tighten and I knew now was NOT the best of times but after what happened today I felt I needed to finally say something before I never got the chance.

“Is everything okay?” He walked up to me looking me over like he was looking for a wound. I nodded my head.

“When all of this over. If we live-,” He raised his eyebrows at my choice of words. “Just listen. If we live I was thinking of leaving SHIELD.” I paused and took a deep breath. God I was so flipping nervous! “And I was hoping you could with me.”

Silence.

Complete stunned silence.

“Steve?” I asked softly.

“Where is this coming from? And you pick now of all times to ask me something like this?” I felt my face turning hot from embarrassment but I wouldn’t back down. I didn’t know if I would survive after today and knowing I at least tried to be with the one man I loved made me feel semi better.

“I know I know I have shitty timing but I did wait 70 years.” This wasn’t going where I wished it would. I was hoping he would say yes, declare his love for me, throw me against the lockers and…and…and I don’t know. Just something other than this.

“We have an alien out there with Godlike tendencies, who thinks he should rule the world. We need to stay focused and come up with a plan of attack to take him down. I need to be able to take him down.” Steve was getting angry. Like actually angry with me and I was blinking back the stinging in my eyes. I refused to cry.

"Steve you can't be so reckless anymore. People need you." I felt like my world was crashing down around me. How was this not going how I planned?

"Oh yeah? Like who? Who needs me? My family is dead. My best friend
died because of me and the woman I loved doesn't even remember me
because it's been 70 years. So tell me Vanessa, who needs me?" He said
rounding on her in anger.

"I do." She whispered feeling like she meant nothing to the man she stayed for. Take about a knife to the heart.

“I’m sorry but I can’t. You know I can’t. The people who need me are generally the ones who want to use me. And all this time you have had feelings for me and never said a word. Why? Why now Vanessa!” He was shouting the last few words at me and I was sure everyone within a few feet of the other side of the door could hear us.

I looked away taking my suit out. “I just feel better knowing I at least said something in case something happened today.”

“That’s not good enough.” It would have been better if he had slapped me. Less painful even.

Do. Not. Cry.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” I couldn’t face him. “Now if you’ll excuse me I need to change.”

“Vanessa-.”

“Get out!” I screeched at him.

He stood still for a moment longer than needed before he quietly left the locker room. I couldn’t stop myself from falling to my knees and just flat out screaming in anger into my hands. My heart was being ripped out of my chest. He still loved Carter, even after all of this time. All those moments with me that I thought meant something meant nothing to him. It was like the world was playing a sick joke on me. I didn’t remember doing anything to it to piss it off. I was a good kid growing up. Sure I was in trouble here and there but nothing too terrible. I had even been a vegetarian at the time until after my kidnapping. The tiger blood in me craved meat a little too often for me to ignore so I started eating meat again after the experiments. When I was rescued I lost my friends, whether to the war or age was a whole other story. I lost my family. I lost the man I loved. Not to mention I didn’t fucking age so I was doomed to live a lonely life as it was. Why couldn’t SOMETHING go fucking right for once?!

I stood up punching my locker repeatedly to let out all of my anger and frustration. I screamed and just kept going at it till I felt someone slam into me from behind, stopping me from further hurting the locker or myself.

“Vanessa, stop! No!” Natasha grabbed at my hand and held them down at my sides and I just leaned against her wanting to cry but knowing it would do good as she started gliding her hand softly down my hair. “Shh. Shh, its okay.”

“No its not. He doesn’t want me Natasha. He doesn’t even care!” I said feeling my face harden as a sharp pain slid where my heart was. Love. What a tricky bitch.

She slapped me.

I stopped seething and just looked at her funny. The fuck was that for?!

“Get yourself together V. We are about to face a power we don’t know if we can defeat and you’re worried about whether or not Rogers likes you?” When you put it like that…

“I’m leaving SHIELD after this. But you are right. Maybe it’s time I started worrying about what really matters. Besides my momma always taught me that the right boy would come along some day. Maybe that someday just isn’t today.” She smiled sadly at me. Yes. Leaving SHIELD would be good for me. Even healthy. Some remote island sounds good. Endless beaches and fruity alcoholic drinks with tiny umbrellas.

“Your mom sounds like a smart woman. I wish I could have met her. But right now I need you to get ready. The jet is up and running. We need to move, and fast.”

I nodded feeling my anger melt away, ‘Give me 5 minutes. You fly on ahead, ill be you at the tower.”

She left me.

“Good talk Tasha.” I whispered as I quickly undressed and put on my skin tight suit. I no longer felt powerful and proud in this suit. I just felt like a girl who suddenly realized she was too old to play dress up.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My dark framed my slim face in massive waves and my golden eyes almost looked molten. I wanted to cry so bad, and it showed, but my pride wouldn’t let me. I already cried today, but not anymore.

My dark lashes made my eyes stand out even more and I quickly added make-up to complete the effect. If I was going out I was going out in style.

When I was done I had given my eyes a smoky look that made the gold pop and I could help but smiling sadly. Yes, I would go out with a bang.

“Now or never V!” I said with an empty smile and I dashed off to the air launch. Security jumped in my way and I dispatched them quickly. I was guessing Natasha and them and already left.

Good.

Hoping into the Quinjet, I started flipping the switches. I put my headset on and began to move towards the mouth to shoot out.

“Carson!” I flinched.

“Yes Director?”

“Kick some ass.”

“With pleasure, sir.” I smirked and began my journey to New York. “Tasha.”

“Well its about time. We’re just outside the city limits now.” She said with a smirk as her face showed up on my screen like we were video chatting on a cell phone. “You ready to get your revenge?”

“Roger that my friend. What’s your ETA?” I was flipping switches to get the Quinjet to move just a tab bit faster. Oh this button looks promising.

Turbo.

Oh yeah, I was going to like this.

“Estimated time of arrival is 5 minutes.”

“Ten four.”

And 3…2…1…

I hit the button.