Worlds Apart.

Do you ever feel like you're standing still when the world is just spinning around you? Do you feel like you're just... stuck? How about, feeling so stressed out that you don't know what to do with yourself except lock yourself in your room with nothing but your books and a good station on Pandora?

That's me. I feel like that every day.

I'm a 20 year old business management major living away from my parents and with a full time job that I hate. I'm approaching my senior year of college and I'm feeling the heat that comes with graduating on time.

I took a few stumbles along the way. I partied too much my first year. Got into some bad relationships. Wrong crowd. Distractions. No motivation. No sense of direction.

But then somewhere around junior year I got my shit together and decided that it was either put up or shut up. I just did my work. Ended my toxic relationship at the time. Stopped partying (as much). And I found my motivation.

My sister kicked my ass into gear. She was older than me by 3 years. She had her life somewhat together. Christina was the glue that held our family together, so when she moved out I came right with her. She wanted me to. For security and company. And we were close; we always were ever since we were younger. I annoyed her to no end back then but once I hit 16 we started to finally click.

She worked during the day as a hair dresser, and some nights at her boyfriend's restaurant called "Swept Away," it was a nice seafood place that I'd probably never be able to afford. Sometimes Christina brings me home food from there and I want to just hug her until morning because my diet basically consists of .99 cent noodles from the dollar store and Taco Bell.

Christina worked two jobs so I didn't have to; not like I could because of my hectic schedule already but still. She didn't have do, she could have moved in with her boyfriend a long time ago but chose me instead. Just until I graduate and get my life more settled.

Me, I work at a shipping company. My job is to load up trucks and make sure everything had the right labels on them and send them on their way. 7 hours a day, 6 days a week. My only day "off" is Wednesday but that's only because that is the day I have most of my classes.

My phone started to ring and I pulled it out of my pocket to see who it was.

It was Christina so I picked it up as soon as I could.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing really. I just am waiting for Vinny to get home from work and I'm bored."

I shook my head at her and smiled to myself.

She was funny sometimes.

"Well I have about ten minutes to occupy you because I have a paper due at midnight and I haven't gotten very far yet."

She sighed.

"Jarrett, you need to do your work on time don't worry about me! I'll watch some TV or something. I'll see you later ok?"

I was glad that she was so understanding. But I felt bad that she was bored. Hopefully her boyfriend wasn't closing.

We hung up and then I got started to work on my paper.

It was a stupid paper about marketing and sports stadiums and I was pretty much bullshitting the whole entire thing but as long as I got a B on it I really didn't care since I was acing every test so far.

I sort of let time escape me and ended up finishing the paper 20 minutes late, so I had to email the professor and make up some sort of excuse as to why I had to turn it in late. Online classes were easy but I hated how most things were to be turned in at a specific time and if they were late the section to drop it in closed.

Lucky for me my professor was a night owl like myself and got back to me before one in the morning to tell me not to worry about it because several other students also handed in their papers late because they found it challenging. Definitely lucked out on that one.

I closed my laptop and started to get ready for bed. I had to be up early in the morning for class, story of my life.

My sister still wasn't home but I figured she was still at Vinny's house so I didn't bother to text or call to ask her where she was. We tended to give each other that freedom unless we started to get worried; which was rare for us.

My bed was my favorite thing in my room besides a few other things that had semi-sentimental value to me. Can't really think of any off the top of my head because I'm so damn comfortable.

And then of course my phone rings.

And I know exactly who it is.

I know why they are calling too. Because I get one of these calls every once in a while. Very often these past few weeks though.

I rolled over onto my stomach and picked up the phone. Didn't even say hello. Just waited.

"Jar. I need you. To come. Pick me up. From Tap Room."

Slurred speech, all too familiar.

"Billy this is the second time this week that you've asked me to come pick you up because you got too drunk to drive yourself home."

"But you said I could always call you! Even though we're not together anymore. That's what you said. You said-"

I couldn't listen to it anymore.

"I know what I said. But you're taking advantage Billy. I have to be up early tomorrow and it's not fair for me to be doing this. You need to learn to manage yourself better. This is why we aren't together anymore. Because I can't fucking stand being the responsible one. I can't keep rescuing you. I can't."

I heard him hiccup on the other side of the phone.

"I need help Jar. I'm fucked up what do you want me to fucking say?"

I couldn't do this. It was the same conversation over and over again. Insanity. The same thing just repeating.

But I couldn't leave him in the state he was in. Even though I was pissed and mentally drained from all of his shit. I just wouldn't forgive myself if god forbid he got in his car and tried to drive home.

I knew just what would happen: I'd go there. I'd drag him out of the bar; buckle him up in my car. Drive him to his house and sneak him into his room. Then he'd try to kiss me and tell me how much he misses me and loves me and is so sorry for everything. I'd kindly deny him and tuck him into bed. And then he'd have absolutely no recollection of any it when he woke up.

I'd be exhausted in the morning, but it would be worth it.

Fuck me for trying to be a good person, right?