Worlds Apart.

After only a week of managing school, work, my internship, and what I had left of a life, I found that I was very drained. Mostly physically; I was tired. But also a bit mentally drained. Had I put too much on my plate? Maybe. But my only choice was to continue. I tried to make more time for sleeping, because I hadn’t gotten much because of all the assignments and homework I had to do for school.

A solid 5 hours of sleep was normal for me, and on a good night I got maybe 7 hours which felt nice but that only happened if Christina got home before me and had dinner in the fridge for me all ready to eat.

I didn’t expect my sister to do things for me, she just did, and that’s what made her awesome. Obviously there was no way she could do everything, especially since she was at her boyfriends’ house most nights. I didn’t blame her because they were all in love and whatnot and why wouldn’t you want to be around the one you love, right?
I sighed as I took a beer out of the fridge. I didn’t even like the taste of beer really, but it was refreshing every once in a while.

My papers were piling up but they weren’t due until the end of the month so I would be procrastinating until last minute like usual. I had a lot to do for my internship as well; which I didn’t think would happen. I thought I’d be busy at Sinclair Enterprises, not at home as well. But Carter was a hard man to impress. I needed to look good, speak well, and do literally everything he asked me to do or else I’d lose the internship.

He wasn’t an asshole or anything, he was just tough and very direct. He straight up told me to get a different pair of shoes. He didn’t like my shoes! So I took Christina with me to the mall and we both splurged on new clothes and shoes and I even got myself some headphones. I probably spent a whole paycheck that day at the mall but it felt pretty good to treat myself for once. I’d hate myself for it once all my bills needed to be paid but I’d get to that eventually as well.

“Jarrett your phone is blowing up up here. You have it on sound and it’s driving me nuts. Do you want me to bring it down to you?”

My sister sounded more concerned than annoyed. But I only came downstairs for five minutes max to get something to drink. How could someone be blowing up my phone?

And then my heart raced because for a moment I thought it was Carter trying to get my attention. I’d be so fired if he thought I was ignoring him.

“I’m coming up now sorry sis!” I called out to her as I ran up the stairs.

As I walked into my room my phone was ringing, and I had just missed yet another call.

I picked up my phone to learn that I had 3 missed calls and they all were from… not Carter.

They were from Billy.

But it wasn’t even midnight. Not even close to midnight actually. How could he be drunk right now? How even?

I decided to be a good person and call him back to see if he needed me to send a cab over to where he was at.

It rang only once before he picked up.

“Hey Jar, sorry I called so many times. I just. I was wondering if you could come over here.”

I took one more sip of my beer and then put down on my nightstand.

“Just tell me where you are and I’ll send a taxi to you. I can’t keep on picking you up Billy it’s not f-“

“Jarrett I’m not drunk. I’m not even out. I’m home. I want you to come to my house, please.”

And then I think to myself: do I really have the emotional capacity to deal with him right now?

The answer is I have no fucking idea.

“Wait, so if you’re not out, and you’re not drunk… then why do you need me to come to you? Is everything okay?”

I heard him sigh on the other end of the phone.

I guess that’s one thing that we have in common. Sighing all the time. We both do it.

“I know you’re angry, I know you’re done. I know that. But I’m checking myself into rehab and I want to see you before I leave. It’s a 30 day program and I plan on sticking with it the whole way through.”

And then I felt something in my chest pull.

Is he really going to get help?

He sounds so serious.

Fuck. Why couldn’t he have decided this months ago?

But- that doesn’t matter. It’s not about me, it’s about him. And I need to be supportive. He’s going to get the help he needs. It has nothing to do with us.

“Wait. You’re really doing this? Seriously?”

“Yes, Jar. I fucking drove home last night. I drove home completely wasted and I could have killed someone or myself. The fact that I didn’t even think about scares me. I didn’t call you I didn’t call anyone. I was so drunk I just got into my truck and drove. That was my wake up call. I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t do it. I’m going to die if I keep on like this. I just- Jarrett, please I know if I see your face it’ll give me the motivation I need. You were always there for me and now, I need you the most.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until I saw my jeans were darker in one spot.

Fuck.

I wiped my face and then bent over to look for my shoes.

“Shit Billy. Fuck, ok. I’ll be right there. Don’t move.”

I needed to be at Sinclair Enterprises first thing in the morning, but this was important. I needed to see Billy and make sure that he was stable enough to even make that kind of decision. I’d help him pack, I’d do whatever he needed me to do. And I know that he probably thinks that this means we’ll get back together but it doesn’t. He made some really bad choices in the past. We went through too much bullshit to even think about trying again. But if him thinking there was a chance was the reason to get sober? Then fine. I’ll live with that, and deal with the aftermath when he’s out of rehab. Because he’s right, he could have died last night, or killed an innocent person.

So I don’t care if he’s going in thinking there will be an ‘us’ at the end; as long as he’s going I don’t fucking care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I look like hell. I feel like hell.

Last night was emotional and hard and it took a toll on me. I got almost no sleep. I spent most of the night making sure Billy didn’t wait until I fell asleep to go get a drink. But we both made it through the night with no major issues. And at 7 AM his van came to pick him up to go to a rehab facility for 30 days.

He said that he wasn’t going to check himself out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw his face in a few days.

All I could do was send him on his way and wish him the best.

And as fucked up as it sounds, I’m just glad to have him away from my life for a while. I mean it in the best way possible.

But now I can focus on me and not have to worry about getting a phone call at 4 in the morning.

The worst part that I’m facing now is attempting to hide the fact that I got a horrible nights’ sleep from Carter. There was no way I could hide my sleep deprivation from him.

I was dressed appropriately, I had my new shoes on, and my hair wasn’t all over the place so I might be in the clear.

When I saw him I almost shit myself because I usually almost shit myself whenever I see him; but that’s beside the point.

“Mr. Hilton. Would you like to tell me what on earth happened to you last night?”

And then I quickly realize that I was so incredibly stupid for thinking he wouldn't notice.

My plan of action was simple.

Tell the truth and hope he doesn't send me home.

I scratched the back of my neck.

"It's a long story, Sir. I'm sorry I look this way. But I swear it's not going to effect how I do my job today, Sir."

He folded his arms.

"Mr. Hilton, tell me what happened. It looks like you never slept. Your eyes are sunken in, bags underneath as well. I want an answer."

I bit my lip. He didn't even yell at me for addressing him incorrectly. The least I could do was answer him.

"Well my ex is an alcoholic with huge issues and he took it really horribly when I broke up with him which probably caused him to drink more. So every time he called me drunk needing a ride I'd always answer. But last night he told me he wanted to get sober and I came over to make sure he didn't drink before heading off to rehab. So I was up the majority of the night. That's the honest truth, Sir."

Carter's arms unfolded.

He grabbed me by my arm and led me to the back of his office.

I thought I was going to be fired right then and there.

But he went into his closet and pulled out a blanket and pillow.

"You did a good thing for someone who didn't deserve compassion. I value that. So you take a nap and return downstairs when you wake up. Just don't tell anyone. See you in a bit."

And with those words he left his office, and he left me dumbfounded.