Status: I have a life- therefore slow updates

The Stranger From the Bridge

Chapter 5

“Jess?!” I shouted into the house we shared with each other, “Where are you?”

“In the kitchen, honey.” She replied, equally as loud as I shouted to her. Before padding over to the other room, I slipped off my shoes in the hallway and placed them neatly by the wall. I also took off my thick jacket which was protecting me from the cooler weather outside, and placed it on the bottom of the banister.

“Hey, how was it” She asks, ever so nicely to me once I made it into the same room as herself.

Can I really do this to her?

“Alright, I guess… could have gone better to be honest” I sigh off, not wanting to do what I really should do. I sat down though opposite Jess, knowing that I needed it get it over with; for both of our benefits.

“But do you feel better after you’ve seen Joe?”

“To an extent…” Shit, now or never. “Fuck, I don’t want to do what I’m about to do.” I mumble to both myself, and her too; but I was hoping she wasn’t going to catch it, but of course she does.

“What? Why? Has something happened?” Jess worries, and I can’t help but smile at her.

“Ermm… well… Jess. Fuck. Sorry I’m a bit of a mess right now. As you’ve probably gathered. Like you’ve seen me, I’m conscious that I’m not doing great right now. I’m getting upset again, and I don’t know exactly why. I have a few theories though.”

“Do you want to elaborate?” She asks, reaching across the table to hold my hand. I can’t deny it. I need her right now.

“I should. I really really should. We’ve known each other for ages now, but you don’t know a hell of a lot about me. I feel really guilty about it. I’m sorry…” I’m looking down, feeling embarrassed. So so embarrassed. She’s going to judge me. I won’t even have to dump her. She’ll do it to me instead. I kept mumbling sorry to her whilst looking down to the table, the guilt consuming me.

“I’m sorry, so so sorry,” I carry on.

“Jack, look at me.” She instructs, breaking my string of apologies. I do so and she is looking a me, studying my expression, which wants me to shy away again, but as soon as my head begins to duck down again, she coughs, immediately grasping my attention. “Now, whatever it is. I’m. NOT. Going. To. Be. Mad. Frustrated? Yeah maybe, but that’s because I want what’s best for you; whatever you’ve not told me, it’s hurting you. And we can’t let that happen, can we?”

I shake my head no, as I feel a few tears leave my eyes. “Do you know where the tissues are? I probably will need them.” I mumble out.

“I’ll just get them for you.” She says, letting go of my hand to get up from where she’s sat, to the other side of the kitchen to get them.

“Here” She says, pushing them to me after sitting back down. Immediately I grab one and wipe away my tears, and then blow my nose. “Shit Jack, how loud?” Jess laughs, at the loud, elephant like sound which escaped me as I attempted to clear it. I couldn’t help but laugh though.

“Sorry, can’t help the inner elephant it me,” I joke back, a smile remaining on my face, before I realise what we should be talking about. “Sorry, I’m getting distracted.”

“Don’t worry about it, take your time.” Jess says, grasping my hand again. “Just know that I’m not going to hold any of it against you. Unless you’ve killed someone. Then I will not be held responsible for my actions,” she jokes again, causing another small, delicate smile to spread across my lips.

“Alright, well here goes. Please don’t be mad.” She nods, and smiles reassuringly again. After taking a deep breath, and trying to compose myself a little more, I just spill. Blurt out. Nothing could stop the words from falling from my mouth. “I tried to kill myself.”

Simple. I did it right?
Let’s run away now.

“Oh Jack…”

Shit she feels sorry for me.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to hate me from keeping it a secret from her, and end up splitting up with me

“Why? Oh Jacky,” she cried, before getting out of her chair and coming over to the side of the table and kneeling down in front of me, holding both my hands, looking at me with such a mix of emotions; sadness, despair and confusion. “Jack…” she sighs of, still with both eyes fixed on mine.

“I was sad.” I answer to her question she asked a few minutes prior. “Had been forever, couldn’t remember not being sad. Felt like the only option.” I say monotonously, breaking my eyes away from her’s to stare at the wall opposite. “I sorta wish I did still.”

“Damn,” I hear Jess mumble quietly to herself. I also hear her taking some deep breaths to try and calm herself. I want to look down at her to reassure her that I’m a bit better, but I can’t. I know I’ve been getting worse recently; but if I see her upset and crying which I know she silently is, the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes, will do so.

“Why didn’t you?” I hear her mumble, “like, you seem so emotional about it. Did it not work?” She mumbles off?

“Someone stopped me.” I answer shortly.

“Who? Do you still speak to them? Do you know their name?” She asks again, rubbing the skin of my hands repeatedly. I think it’s to assure herself more than anything.

“He’s called Alex. Mum and Joe have been pestering me to see him for a while now. To say thank you. Just haven’t got around to it.” I lie. The pure reason I hadn’t asked was that I was a cowered. I didn’t want to confront that part of my life again. But I really should. I need to thank him.

Or I should be pissed at him still for stopping me.

“Do you know how to find him?”

“I know where he lives, but it’s too close”

“Too close to what?” Jess asks, but I’m pretty sure that she knows the answer already; she just doesn’t want to look as if she’s jumping to conclusions.

“The bridge.”

After I say that, it results to Jess taking a large gasp of air; immediately bringing my attention back down to her instead of the plain wall. She’s crying. Tears are staining her cheeks. I can’t bare to think that me being so foolish; and in hindsight selfish, has caused such a great person to be crying over me. As I’ve mentioned earlier in this story; I’m not worth it.

“Please don’t cry, Jess.” I say, taking a hand away from hers to bring up to her cheek and wipe away the tears. “You’re too pretty to cry.” I smile sadly, whilst I couldn’t help but think that I shouldn’t be the people who has such a beautiful, kind, loyal person to call mine.

“Think how I feel Jack!” She begins, sounding incredibly exasperated. “You’ve not told me something so important whilst you’ve known me for nearly two years now! Do you know how bad I feel to have not even noticed that you were keeping something so important all cooped up in your head? No wonder you’re getting ill again. Jack, I just want you to be you to be happy.” She cries; collapsing her head down onto my knees. I stroke my hand through her long locks of brown hair trying to calm her; but also trying to calm myself too, as I’m currently crying silent tears.

After 15 minutes or so sat like this and we had calmed down a little, Jess looks up to me and smiles weakly. “We need to break up,” she says simply. As soon as the words leave her mouth, my eyes blow up, and my mouth hangs like a dead fish. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to be the bad person and let her down gently. Not like this. I’m not upset. Just shocked that she’s doing it so abruptly. Is it because of what I told her? By her reaction I don’t think so, but girls are confusing as fuck, so I wouldn’t know.

“Like, I love you, don’t get me wrong. But don’t you feel as if we’re more like, ya know, just really good friends. We both needed someone at a particular time and we were there for each other; but now we need something different. We just need a really good friend. Please say you agree with me on this, because I really don’t want to upset you even more than you are already.”

“I completely get where you’re coming from.” I smile weakly, “That doesn’t mean you can just ditch me. I still need you. You know me best out of anyone in the world; even more than my mum, and you know how close we’ve got in the past year. But yeah, I just really need you as a friend. A best friend, and nothing more than that.” I say, pulling her up by her hand which is still attached to mine, so she is now sat on my knee curled up.

“I like the sound of that,” she says. “We have one problem though.” She admits, and I feel myself freeze, running through all the possibilities which could be wrong. “Don’t worry you asshole, it’s just that we only have one bed in the flat. Like, I’m just assuming that we can still live with each other right? Like, we both payed for this place so it’d be a waste to just sell it after a year. I can sleep on the sofa if you want? Like before we get a bed which one of us can have it the office thing.”

“Shut up, Jess. Just share with me until we get all that sorted out, okay? It’s a cheap shitty uncomfortable sofa, and you’ll hurt you’re back. It isn’t worth” I say, where she just nods. “And it isn’t as if we haven’t seen each other naked or anything,” I joke, which earns a laugh from her. “So just friends?” I ask.

“Yup, just friends. Best friends though. Screw Livvy, she’s gonna have to deal with being second best.” That earns a laugh from both of us. “Do you want some pizza? I’ll pay.”

“That is exactly what I’m digging right now. Please. You know what I like so move that ass of yours and go get it,” I say, pushing her off jokingly. Once she’s off my knee, Jess turns around to me, grinning. “What?” I laugh.

“This is just so much more chilled out. Like what, we’ve gone by the definition of best friends for what, 3 minutes? and I feel like it suits us better, being friends and all that.”

“I get you completely, but if you don’t get that pizza ordered right now I’m going to have to demote you to second best friend.” I tease.

“And who exactly is going to be number one then?” She asks with a smirk, placing her hands on her hips.

“I’ll ask Caleb. I’m sure he’ll say yes.”

“Damn, you were ready for that one. I really don’t want to loose the title of best friend to him, so you’re right, I better get moving.”

As Jess leaves the room to go to our room, I sigh whilst smiling at the same time. That couldn’t have gone any better. She was completely understanding of the situation, and didn’t blow up at me. And as she didn’t ask too many questions, like any other person would have, I don’t feel as if my privacy has been invaded. I presume what’s going to happen now though; is that now I’ve let the big secret spill, the reasons as to why etc. will just slip out. And I’m fine with that. I trust Jess with my life. She’s great. And I’m pleased we were on the same line about not being together, but just friends. I thought that at least one of us were going to be upset. But it didn’t happen like that. We both just took it, and admitted it was right.

“Right,” Jess says entering the room, “ One margarita and one pepperoni ordered. Also a large bottle of coke, and a box of cookies, because why the hell not,” she shouts grinning.

“God, we’re going to put on about a half a stone by the end of this.”

“Oh well, it’ll be worth it. Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Home Al…” I begin, to only be rudely disrupted.

“No.”

“What, why?” I exclaim.

“Because, Jack, we’ve watched that film so many fucking times that even I know nearly all the words, and I don’t even like it.”

“You’re lying.” I say shortly.

“Nope.”

“Yes you are. No friend of mine would do that too me.”

“Guess you’re going to have to call Caleb then aren’t you,” she says, trying hard not to laugh out of the corner of her lips whilst she looks for a movie on the large bookshelf which also holds the majority of our books DVDs and CDs.

“Good plan.” I turn over so I can grab my phone from the back pocket of my jeans, where it usually lives. Looking up smirking at Jess, I press the speed dial number to Caleb and bring the phone to my ear. Like I did, she looks like a fish out of water. Then she glares teasingly.

“Hey, Jack, whats up?” Caleb asks after a couple of rings before picking up the phone.

“Do you want to be my bestest of best friends?” I ask, whilst Jess pulls a series of rude hand gestures in my direction.

“I thought I already was, dude? Why do you ask?” He says, sounding a little concerned.

“Sorry, I had to automatically demote you to second best when Jess and I broke up because she took you…”

“What, you and Jess broke up? But you two were like perfect for each other? Jack, dude! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it happened about…” I say, looking to the clock which is on the left wall to where I’m now sat on the sofa. “half an hour ago.”

“But you sound so chill about it,” he exclaims.

“That’s because I am.” I say slowly to try and get it through to him. “So yeah, we decided to just be friends, but best friends; hence you going down to second place. But then she said that she didn’t like Home Alone.”

“That was a bad move!”

“Exactly! So yeah, she told me to ask you to be my number one bro again. You chill with that?”

“Of course, just don’t tell Dan though. He’ll be mad that he didn’t get the offer.” Caleb explains, which makes me nod slowly.

“Fair point. It’s our little secret.” I laugh.

“You’re such a child,” I hear Jess say to me jokingly as she walks past me as she hears the door bell ring with what I presume is our food.

“Shut up, Jess.” I call out to her, which jut results to her middle finger being thrown in my direction.

“How rude!” I dramatise.

“Deserve it bitch.” She retorts.

“So yeah,” I begin with Caleb again, “Jess and I broke up. But it’s chill no hard feelings whats so ever.”

“That’s good. At least you’re happy with the situation between the two of you, I couldn’t care less. But got to go now. Got a hot date.”

“Oooooo,” I tease. “Tell me after!” I say excitedly.

“You’re like a fucking girl man, but shall do. I’ll see you soon okay?”

“Yeah, see ya,” I laugh, before hanging up the phone, and looking up to Jess who’s carrying the boxes of food as well as the large bottle of coke being held between her arm and body. “Oooo, food!” I exclaim excitedly clapping like a little kid before running over to her to grab some of the items so she doesn’t drop them.

“Thank you,” Jess smiles.

“You’re very welcome” I reply whilst we sit down, opening both boxes of food and placing them on the coffee table in front of the sofa we’re sat at. “Now what about Home Alone 2?” I query, which just earns a slap from Jess.

“Shut up, Jack.” She says incoherently due to the mouthful of pizza she just at. “I want to talk a little still.”

“About what,” I slowly say.

“Alex. And you know full well which one I’m talking about.”

“Pffft, Alex? Who’s that?” I try and lie, which earns a glare from Jess, making me cower back a little in my place. “Sorry…” I mumble.

“You need to see him. I know you admitted that to me yourself, but no joke, we both need to thank him.” She smiles, before having another bite of food. “Like he saved your fucking life, for gods sake. You don’t even have to see him any other times, just once. I think it’ll help put that chapter of your life away finally.”

“When?” I shortly say.

“Well we’re both free tomorrow, so are there any issues of then?”

“I don’t think so. What do I get out of this, though?”

“Seriously?” She looks at me with both eyebrows raised; but I just nod dumbly. “Don’t you think the satisfaction of actually going that close to where it happened will be strong? And the weight off your shoulders for thanking him? That’s what you’ll get out of this. And if you’re not completely satisfied with that, tough luck. I’m not going out of my way too much for you. You’re a grown man.” She says, with a hint of harshness, but I know she speaks the truth, and that if she didn’t I would be an even bigger wreck than I already have been recently.

“Deal. So tomorrow?” I ask.

“Tomorrow.” She confirms with a nod.

God, I hope this goes okay.
♠ ♠ ♠
This is late, I'm fully aware of that, but I've been really busy recently.
But for all you asking about Alex, please have some patience, I know what I'm doing
But thanks to those who commented on the last chapter :)
And to those who haven't, please do! It's greatly appreciated

Emma xx