Shuffle

I woke to the faint sounds of the emergency room. The bright white of everything made me want to keep my eyes closed. My body felt like it was floating. They must have had me on some intense pain killers. Die’s scent lingered in my senses. It was the last thing I recalled before passing out.

And it was still here. He was here.

My eyes fluttered open as I came to the realization.

“Rhu?” A familiar voice questioned. It was Aunt Emma. Three figures stood in the room, surrounding me.

“Rhu.” Opal cried, her tiny hands on mine. I faintly felt her tight grasp. I squinted, coming to in the bright white. The third figure stood at the end of my bed. I was sure it was Die, but as my eyes adjusted, it was the form of a short, plump man. My father’s neighbor-the one from the train.

“Rhuby!” The man’s voice filled the room, disappointing me as I realized I’d mistaken his cologne for Die’s scent. Die wasn’t here.

“How are you feeling?” Emma questioned. I stared up at her, slowly becoming aware of the swollen, aching feeling that encompassed my body.

“Like hell.” I groaned, moving my hand to my face. If I hadn’t known better, I’d say my cheeks were stuffed full of acorns. I could barely see out of my left eye-it was nearly swollen shut. I’m sure I looked like Quasimodo.

“You look like hell.” Opal sniggered. I attempted to glare down at her, but my facial muscles were too swollen to function properly.

“Your father was apprehended. He’s with the police.” Emma grunted, moving my hand away from my face. I glanced up at her, noting the disapproving look on her face. “You’re lucky Mr. Watson was nearby. I should never have let you go there alone.” She shook her head.

“It’s not your fault.” I whispered, my jaw aching with each minute movement.

“On the bright side, the doctors okayed you to go home today.” Mr. Watson smiled from the end of my bed, his fingers resting on the rail.

“Your nose is broken, and your fingers and arm were stitched up. But there is no sign of infection.” Emma sighed, relieved.

“How long have I been asleep?” I questioned.

“Yesterday.” Opal chimed in.

“Since yesterday?!” I squeaked. “My graduation!” I didn’t care how bad my face hurt.

“You missed it.” Emma frowned. I missed it? My college graduation? I felt my blood boil. I’d gone to school for four years, worked my ass off to maintain my grades, and struggled between working, class, and family…to miss my graduation?! I was seething.

“I spoke with the chancellor-he is aware of your situation. He agreed to allow you to walk at the spring ceremony.” Emma sighed, petting my hair. “He also read your speech. Everyone was moved.” She added with a smile. But it didn’t faze me. I stared down at the lumps of my body. I felt nauseous again. I shook Emma’s hand away, throwing my legs over the edge of the bed as I sat up. My head spun.

“Bathroom.” I gagged, hand covering my mouth. Emma quickly propped me up, rushing us to the toilet. I barely made it, dry heaving into the disgusting thing. My body ached.

“They must be giving you your medications on an empty stomach.” Emma frowned, rubbing my back gently. Opal wheeled herself over to the doorway, while Mr. Watson slipped out of the room uttering his farewells.

“When can we leave?” I questioned, resting on the floor as I wiped my mouth.

“Whenever you feel up to it.” Emma sighed. I nodded, pushing myself up before moving to the sink. I swished water through my mouth, quickly rinsing my face. The cool water felt great on my swollen features. I closed my eyes so as not to look at myself in the mirror.

“I want to go. Now.” I grumbled, returning to the main room. Emma nodded, gathering my belongings.

Soon, we were on the silent journey back home. Opal’s tiny fingers rested on my arm, her head tilted back as she snored away. Driving always put her to sleep. I pulled her body so that it was propped against mine. I closed my own eyes, holding my chin in my palm. The gentle hum of the van lulled me to sleep as well.

“Someone is on the porch…” Emma’s weary voice woke me from my slumber. I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep. Sitting upright, I peered to our doorway. She was right. A man sat hunched over on the ramp. His black hair was pulled into a messy bun. He held his face in his hands. His jeans were full of holes, and he wore a thick, olive green jacket. His presence made my heart race unnaturally.

“You girls stay here.” Emma whispered, about to exit the vehicle.

“No.” I quickly sounded out. My own voice sounded foreign to me. “I-I know him.” I uttered, forcing open the van door. I’d almost forgotten to unbuckle myself. The man twitched, suddenly aware of our arrival. I fussed with the seatbelt, hardly managing to get it unlatched before bolting from the vehicle.

His familiar gaze met mine, as soft and bright as ever. His perfect lips twisted into a grin as I drew closer. He stood, moving to meet me with his strong arms outstretched. His delicious scent filled my senses as I barreled into his warm, inviting embrace. He held me tightly, his chin resting atop my head. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks, and was fully aware of my sobs.

“Daisuke.” I choked, squeezing him tightly.

“I missed you Rhuby.” He whispered against my hair. What was he doing here? “I thought I’d lost you.” He let out an exasperated sigh, his fingers tenderly entwining with my own. He pulled away slightly, his gaze meeting my own. I realized my hideous, swollen face was probably the last thing he wanted to see-but I couldn’t tear myself away from his stare. I wanted to lock this moment away in my memory. Nothing could ruin it.

“What are you doing here?” I breathed. He blinked slowly, gathering his thoughts. I noticed his hold on me loosen as he left our embrace. I wasn’t ready for it to end yet…why did I have to ask such a stupid question?

“I was so angry at you for leaving me like you did.” He started. “You didn’t even say goodbye… It was totally selfish Rhu.” He frowned, releasing my hand. “Did you even care how I felt?” I averted my gaze, feeling like a child being scolded.

“Of course I cared.” I grumbled. “Didn’t you read my letter?”

“Your letter? That paragraph of fluff?!” He fumed. “Yes I read it. Over and over again. I know how you feel, you made it clear! You fell in love with me, despite every attempt not to.” His fierce gaze held mine. He’d never looked at me this way before. “Rather than letting yourself be in love, you returned home alone-to take responsibility of your family. You didn’t say goodbye to your friends. You didn’t say goodbye to the man you loved. You gave away your opportunity for happiness, to take care of your father and sister.” He had a look of longing in his eyes.

“You don’t know how badly I wanted to stay angry with you.” He continued, “I thought I could eventually forget you if I continued being mad…but…” He held my chin with his thumb and forefinger, angling my face back to his. “You’re such an amazing woman, Rhu. I couldn’t be angry with someone who would put their family before themselves. I don’t want to forget you. I don’t want to forget the way you make me feel. I don’t want to forget the way you smile and laugh around me, or the way you blush with embarrassment at any moment. I don’t want to forget the way you fit so perfectly in my arms, or how proud I was to hold your hand in public.” He paused. I felt myself filling with emotion, my heart racing as he moved closer. His breath fell over my lips, my body growing hot in response. I longed to taste his kiss again.

“I want to remember waking up with you every morning.” He continued, his beautiful eyes shining. “I want to remember every freckle covering your body. I want you with me Rhu. I’m allowed to be selfish too.” He whispered, his fingers skimming my curves. His eyes left mine momentarily to settle on my lips. I couldn’t help but to blush with embarrassment. He let his eyes fall shut as he gathered more words. His lips parted, words hanging off the tip of his tongue.

“I followed you here, because…” He exhaled, resting his forehead against mine. His body closed in on mine, holding me in place. His dark pools opened, revealing that glimmering light. “I love you too Rhu.” His voice breathed.

I stared in disbelief, but my heart fluttered at his confession. His fingers moved to cup my cheek tenderly, his face moving closer to feather his lips against mine. I let my eyes fall shut, moving my lips along with his, losing myself in his embrace. Butterflies escaped from my body, overflowing and enclosing the two of us. Tears streamed happily down my cheeks as he tenderly held me closer, his other hand on the small of my back as our kiss deepened. His tongue caressed mine, tasting our kiss. Both his hands moved to my hips, holding me firmly as he pressed my body into the handrail. We fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces.

“Ahem.” Opal’s familiar throat clearing interrupted our exchange of affection. Die was the first to pull away, pink tinting his cheeks for once. I glared down at the girl, who had a smug look plastered to her face. Her gaze moved to Die and then me, and then Die again, and then me. Her lips twisted into a smirk as she wriggled her brows.

“Do you mind if we cut through?” Emma questioned from behind Opal, her hands on her chair. She kept her stare averted. I noticed Die quickly made room for the two, his hands still on me, as if I may disappear if our contact ceased. Opal and Emma slid by, leaving the two of us alone on the porch.

“…Now where were we?” Die teased, eyeing me coyly before lifting me up onto the thick hand rail. He rested his hands on either side of my hips, moving between my legs with a devilish look on his features. My face grew hot with embarrassment.



I was alone at Die’s place. He went to Boston after hearing that Rhu was in the hospital. I wasn’t sure where he disappeared to until I got a text late the night he left.

‘What’s Rhu’s address?’ It read. I cocked my head to the side, considering the idea that Die had literally fled to Massachusetts after hearing Rhu was in the hospital. I sent him the contact information for her aunt’s home-that was the only address I knew of. And that was the last I’d heard of him.

I was proud of him. He’d finally worked up the courage to tell her. I was also relieved to learn that Rhu would be okay. She had several major bumps and scrapes, and even a broken nose, but she went home today. I could kick back, knowing she was in good hands.

Shinya and I had made plans for tonight, but I still had several long hours until we’d agreed to meet. A new series played on the television as I flipped through various tabs on my tablet. We had a busy evening planned. I’d decided to color my hair tonight-with Shinya’s help. Originally, I’d wanted to go back to brown. However, now that I was no longer employed, I considered a more drastic change. Something I’d wanted for a long time.

Today was going to be a day of major changes. The kind I wanted to make for myself-not what someone told me to do. I’d also made an appointment at a local tattoo parlor. Kaoru had suggested it, as he’d had several pieces completed there. For years, I wanted ink. But I didn’t know until now what I wanted done. I wanted a fresh start to my life after Toshiya. He’d nearly destroyed me, but I wasn’t so fragile. I would rise again. And I wanted something to serve as a reminder.

The perfect image was lit up in fiery orange and red before me. I felt my lips turn in a smirk, nodding to myself as I saved the file. I set the pad down, throwing my legs over the coffee table as I turned my full attention to the TV screen. Today would be the day I become a new woman. I only had to wait a few more hours.



“I missed you!” I groaned, greeted with his smiling face.

“Where have you been?” His low voice chuckled, ushering me inside. Miyu jumped at my heels, eager to be scooped up and loved.

“I’ve been around.” I shrugged. He nodded in understanding.

“So, what are we doing first?” Shinya questioned as I nuzzled Miyu.

“My hair.” I beamed, bag of necessities in hand. “I don’t want the dye getting on my newly tattooed skin!”

“You have a point.” He chuckled. “So, what color are we going with?”

“Teal.” I bit my lip, batting my lashes. The man threw his head back, groaning in distaste. “Oh come on! It’s not your hair!” I whined.

“Yeah yeah. I know.” He sighed. “I just hope you’re not going to regret it…because it’s not going to come out.”

“I’ve wanted this for a long time.” I nodded.

“Okay. Well, I will not be held accountable for any bad dye jobs!” Shinya exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

“I wouldn’t trust anyone else.” I assured. About an hour passed, and my once blonde locks were now an ombre of dark teal to pastel blue. I’d shaved a good bit of my left side also, showing off my 7/16” wooden plugs.

“I love it.” I grinned, playing with it in the mirror.

“You certainly don’t look like a Barbie anymore.” He chuckled, ruffling my roots.

“Just in time too! My appointment is in 30 minutes!” I beamed, urging him along to the tattoo parlor.

“What’s with this sudden change anyway, Saya?” Shinya questioned as the tattoo artist placed the pattern on the left side of my neck, “It’s not like you to suddenly want something so drastic.” I glanced sideways toward the man, unmoving as the template was peeled away.

“I haven’t felt like myself in a long time…and I think it is past due I express myself.” I nodded, moving to a mirror to examine the placement. “Perfect.” I grinned to the artist. He nodded in agreement as I returned to the chair, making myself as comfortable as could be as needles jabbed into my skin. Shinya didn’t look thoroughly convinced, but went along with it regardless. He was a true friend.

My chest burned, throat on fire after three hours. We’d stopped for a few short breaks, but I was eager to have the piece finished. Shinya chatted about music with the artist-he too was in a band. Their voices were a welcomed distraction. Finally, the words I’d been waiting to hear were uttered.

“I’m finished.”

“Oh thank god.” I exhaled, letting my eyes fall shut in relief. I felt like I’d gotten a terrible sunburn. But the pain was well worth it. The reds, oranges, and yellows of the phoenix on my neck contrasted perfectly with my teal hair and eyes. “I love it.” I choked, resisting the urge to cry. It was perfect…well…nearly perfect.

“I feel like I’m missing one thing…” I murmured.

“Oh what now?” Shinya rolled his eyes. I scrunched my nose at the man, turning to request one last item.

“Wow…I’m exhausted.” I laughed as Shinya and I walked home, drinks on our tongues.

“You’re exhausted? I’m exhausted just looking at you! Doesn’t your nose hurt after getting that bull ring shoved in it?!” He teased.

“It’s a septum piercing!” I retorted, “And yes! It does hurt!” I huffed, acknowledging the burning of my nose and neck. It was a good pain. Pain meant change, and I was happy to finally become the person I wanted to be. Shinya shook his head, throwing his lanky arm around my shoulders.

“Are you crashing at my place tonight?” He questioned, “I’ll make pancakes in the morning.” He winked, knowing I couldn’t say no to that.

“You’re amazing.” I grinned. We’d made it to the front door of his condo, and immediately I searched through my bags, finding a pair of pajamas I’d purchased during our outing. Shinya disappeared into his bedroom, and so I took the opportunity to slip out of my clothes, sure that he wouldn’t be returning anyone soon. I was mistaken.

“Here’s a blanket if you-Oh…!” Shinya exclaimed. “Sorry! I didn’t think you’d be…well…” He trailed off.

“I didn’t think you were coming back!” I squeaked, quickly covering myself. I caught his eyes returning to me, travelling lower on my body. I knew he wasn’t staring at me, but at what I was covered in-the marks from Toshiya. He looked away again, his lips forming a line.

“Um…I know it’s not really my place, and I’m certainly no expert…but if you need someone to talk to…” He uttered, turning away from me as I tugged my pajamas over my head. I stepped into the shorts, clearing my throat so that he knew I was decent. He returned his gaze to me. It was concerned.

“Maybe Kyo would be someone to talk to…since he does the same thing…” He paused, not meeting my gaze. He thought I did this to myself…

“Please don’t say anything. Especially to…Kyo.” I murmured. “I’m okay now.” I grinned crookedly. Shinya nodded.

“Well…if you ever need to talk, I’m here.” He smiled.

“I know. Thank you. I’m going to get to bed now!” I yawned, stretching my arms above my head. He went to leave, but quickly turned to toss me the blanket.

“Sweet dreams.” He wished, disappearing into his room. Miyu followed at his ankles, surely crawling in bed with the man. I made myself comfortable on his couch, letting my eyes fall shut into dreamless slumber. I was grateful for the night I’d had with Shinya-I felt better tonight than I had in many years.



I woke to the smell of pancakes and the sound of Shinya tapping a beat off the stovetop with his spatula. I sat up, scratching my head before glancing toward the man. He had his eyes closed as he hummed merrily to himself.

“Morning.” I grunted, running my fingers through my unruly hair. He jumped slightly, surprised to find me awake.

“I didn’t wake you did I?!” He exclaimed. I grinned, shaking my head. “Your delicious cooking woke me.” I chuckled. “How long until it’s ready?”

“I have a plate keeping warm in the oven-this is the last of it.” He nodded.

“I’ll shower after eating then, if that’s okay?”

“If you don’t mind smelling like man.” He teased, referring to his shampoos, conditioners, and soaps.

“You always smell nice.” I laughed, joining him in the kitchen. I moved to set the table, starting the coffee pot quickly. I sat, waiting as patiently as I could. I caught him stealing glances at me here and there.

“I can’t get over your transformation.” He mused, sliding the finished cakes on a plate. He pulled the others from the oven before joining me at the table. “The new color really makes your eyes pop.” He added.

“Terachi Shinya, are you hitting on me?” I smirked mischievously before shoveling food into my mouth. His face grew red, hands in the air.

“No no no!” He squeaked, “I was just surprised is all! I’m not used to seeing you this way!” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“This is really good.” I complimented, pointing to the dish. He took a bite, nodding at his own accomplishment. Soon, we’d finished breakfast and I cleaned up in the shower. The hot water felt great on my skin. I noticed that the marks adorning my pelvis were beginning to fade. That was good news. As I hopped out, I realized I’d left my clothes for the day beside the couch.

“Shit.” I cussed aloud, towel drying my hair before wrapping my body with it. “I’m not decent! No staring this time!” I exclaimed, darting out of the bathroom to retrieve my clothes. I entered the livingroom, only to find myself face-to-face with the last person I expected to see in this compromising situation-Kyo.

His almond eyes stared into my gray ones as I clutched my towel tighter. His gaze shifted from my face to travel the length of my body. He met my eyes again, cocking his head as he rested with his hands in his pockets. Shinya stood at his side, wide eyed and mouth agape.

“S-sorry…I wasn’t expecting Kyo to stop by…” He stammered.

“So you’re slumming it now too?” Kyo scoffed, eyes narrowed toward Shinya. My mouth dropped to the floor.

“Kyo!” Shinya hollered, “What has gotten into you?! Saya and I were hanging out last night. She crashed on the couch.” He quickly explained. “I think you owe her an apology! She’s done nothing wrong!”

“It’s fine Shinya.” I sighed shaking my head, collecting my things. “I know he doesn’t mean it anyway.” I narrowed my eyes at the shorter man. He snapped his head back at me, fuming. “I’m going to get dressed and head back to Die’s. I want to hear how Rhu is doing.” Kyo still stood in place, his fingers lingering on the doorknob. He still held my gaze. I turned from the two, returning to the bathroom where I dressed and fixed my hair and makeup.

“Thanks for having me!” I waved to Shinya, making a beeline for the door.

“Wait Saya.” He quickly stopped me. I exhaled sharply, assuming he had something to say about Kyo. Judging by his expression, I was right. I held my breath, furrowing my brows. Lay it on me.

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad…but I told him. I thought he could be someone you could talk to about it…” He stammered, eyes downcast. I glowered at the man. He was referring to the scars.

“I’m sure you meant well…but you had no right.” I snarled. Shinya nodded solemnly as I threw my bag over my shoulder. I turned on my heel, quickly disappearing out the doorway. Exiting his condo, I wasn’t surprised to find Kyo’s car still in the parking lot.

“What did he do to you?” His voice questioned lowly. He moved in my peripheral vision, his body stooped low against a brick wall. A cigarette hung loosely from his lips before he pulled it away. I turned my attention to him, his golden flecked eyes on mine.

“When did you suddenly start caring about slum like me?” I scoffed, quoting the man. He stood, moving closer to me. He glowered down at me.

“I will kill him.” The words escaped his lips, as menacing as the bloodlust in his eyes. He meant it. I looked away from him, letting my bag fall to the concrete. I weaved fingers through my hair, my eyes falling shut.

“I don’t want to talk about it…” I opened my eyes, meeting his. “Ever.” I emphasized. Kyo moved closer, his breath falling on me. He flicked his cigarette to the ground, crushing it beneath his foot.

“You didn’t tell me not to kill him.” He whispered, his intensity somehow growing. I stared up at the man.

“That’s true…” I mused. Kyo bit his lip, nodding to himself before dropping several steps back. He kept his hands in his pockets, fishing out his keys.

“Okay.” He murmured, hurrying to his car. “I’d offer you a ride…but I have somewhere to be. And I know you’d decline my offer.” He trailed off. I picked up my bag, walking down the stairs to Kyo’s side.

“You’re right.” I shrugged, continuing past him toward the train station.

“You look good by the way!” He shouted, “It suits you.” I couldn’t contain the smirk from my features. But I wouldn’t look back. I moved forward with only my destination in mind.