Shuffle

"Please enter your password."

Beep beep beep beep.

"You have...seven new messages. Twelve skipped messages. Press one to..."

Beep.

"First skipped message...Rhu, it's me. I'm sorry about what I said. We should talk. Give me a call back tonight. We don't go on until late. Talk to you later..."

Beep.

"Message deleted. Next skipped message...We're going on soon, and I'm not going to have the chance to talk to you later...pick up the phone!"

Beep.

"Message deleted. Next skipped message...I guess you don't ca-"

Beep.

"Message deleted. Next skip-"

Beep.

"Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Messaged deleted. Message deleted."

"First unheard message...Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted. Message deleted."

"No new messages."

I powered off my phone before tossing it back in the corner. I didn't even care what he had to say at this point. Two weeks had passed. Two long, aggravating weeks. Don't strain yourself. Don't leave if it's not necessary. Eat healthy-three meals a day. In other words, don't live. And if it wasn't Die, it was Saya.

I was over it.

"Still forwarding his calls?" Saya's voice broke my concentration. Her silhouette spied into my bedroom at my crumpled mess.

"Yes." I huffed, secretly desiring to slam the door in her face. She scowled, shifting the weight of the crate in her arms.

"It would probably be best to talk to him."

"He doesn't listen to reason." I grumbled.

"Do you?" She muttered under her breath as she turned away, figure disappearing from sight. I rolled my eyes, flicking on the television. It was getting late, and I had an appointment early tomorrow. The soft light always lulled me to sleep. But tonight, my mind wouldn't sit still.

I'd spent the last two weeks caged up in this house. I was supposed to be in California right now...Seattle tomorrow...It wasn't fair. I didn't even have Saya's company-she was too busy readying for her move. She had one week left to remain in Japan before she'd be out exploring the world. And I would be here, alone for over three months. Because my boyfriend won't let me leave.

The front door clicked shut, followed by the echo of footsteps in the hallway. Her shadow came and went time after time, passing my door.

"Can you at least shut the door so I can get to sleep?" I finally growled as she passed.

"Get it yourself!" She huffed, face red as she lugged another crate. "Lazy ass..." She uttered before disappearing from sight again. I felt my top pop, steam pouring out.

"Lazy?! Last I checked, I wasn't the one mooching off my friends! Living in their house, eating their food, using their utilities..."

"Excuse me?!" She hissed. "I pay rent! I clean! I work to support myself! So pardon me for accepting MY friend's invitation!" She screamed. "Why don't you stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and try to make something of your life?! Die is working his ass off to support both of you...but you're too self-absorbed to think about anyone but yourself! Think about him for a change!" She added before stomping away. I heard the front door slam shut before I was able to get another word in.

My entire body shook with rage. I glared around the room...Die's room. No matter what, I couldn't get away from him. Not for a second. Grabbing my phone, I threw on my coat and shoes, soon to follow.

Beep beep beep. Ring Ring....

"Hello?" Emma's voice sang.



"Was I too harsh?" I frowned into the receiver.

"I mean...someone had to talk some sense into her. But how would you like to be on the receiving end?" Kyo's voice shrugged. I exhaled sharply, grimacing as I fiddled with the last of my files in the office.

"I'm just so sick of seeing her practically using him! She just sits there all day, spending his money, eating his food, bitching about his house..."

"Does she really?" He seemed surprised.

"...Not all the time." I admitted. "Just recently..."

"Die isn't all too happy with her either...I think the two are just going through a rough patch. She's pregnant, hormonal, and alone...maybe this is the only way she knows how to deal?"

"By pushing everyone away?"

"Maybe she thinks she can handle things alone better?"

Maybe I was a bit too harsh with her...I was just so sick of the way she was hurting my friend. Yes, she was hurting too...but she was being so immature about the whole thing.

"When are you leaving?" Kyo interrupted my train of thought.

"Um...next week." I nodded, frazzled from all the packing, paperwork, and project finalizing.

"We have a show coming up in New York..." He started.

"I'll do my best to be there." I smiled, sensing the hesitation in his voice.

"It's not the same...you not being around..." He frowned.

"I know." I sighed. Kyo was silent. He wasn't one for words. His silence spoke measures. I couldn't imagine carrying on without his presence. "Come visit me whenever you can." I muttered.

"The same goes for you." He chuckled, forcing me to crack a smile.

"Saya, can you give me a hand over here?!" Toki's voice hollered, breaking me of my concentration.

"Yeah! I'll be right there!" I replied, moving the phone away from my mouth.

"I've got to go..." I frowned.

"Have a good night Saya." Kyo smiled. "I'll talk to you soon...be safe."

"Thank you." I smiled before hanging up. It felt incomplete. Something was missing. "I love you." I whispered to myself before hurrying to Toki's side, lugging another box into the elevator.

"This is the last of them?" He questioned. I nodded.

"Thank god." He sighed. I chuckled. It was a relief to have everything from the studio packed up. The only thing left were my belongings at Die's. I wasn't looking forward to returning there after my argument with Rhu.



"Rhu? Are you awake?" I questioned outside her door. It was late, but sometimes she was still up at this hour. "I brought cake." I added. Double chocolate with fudge frosting. It was her favorite. Technically, she shouldn't be eating it-far too much caffeine. But I felt like this was my only method of apology.

The silence that met my ears was disappointing. Sighing, I moved into the kitchen, placing the dessert in the refrigerator. I guess it could wait until morning. Morning...the thought of sleep was fantastic. Dragging my feet, I fell into bed like a ton of bricks. I let my eyes fall shut, ignoring the piles of clothing and belongings still waiting to be packed away. I was soon taken over by a dreamless slumber.

Beep beep beep.

"Ugh." I groaned, smacking the alarm in an attempt to snooze it.

Beep beep beep.

I couldn't seem to locate the button.

"Mother fucker..." I cussed, finally rolling out of bed. I could hardly open my eyes. I hardly remember even falling asleep.

It was already 9:30am. Time for work...at least it was a late day. I got ready quickly, rushing past Rhu's bedroom into the kitchen. I was surprised to find she wasn't already there. She was an early riser. Shrugging, I rummaged through the fridge and found something quick to eat. Returning to the hallway, spooning yogurt into my mouth, I peered into Rhu's bedroom.

"Rhu? There's cake in-" It was empty. "Weird." I murmured. Maybe she had an appointment today?

Beep beep beep.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, reminding me that it was time to catch the bus. Rushing to the stop, I caught it just in time.

"Only a few days to go..." I murmured as the city rushed by me. I was distracted by my phone buzzing yet again. Die.

"Good morning." I chuckled a greeting.

"It's the middle of the night here." He groaned, a slight slur to his speech.

"Did your gig just end?"

"A while ago. We went out with some fans to celebrate. I guess I had a few too many." He rambled. "Any luck with Rhu?" He questioned.

"No." I sighed. "We had a big fight yesterday before I left for work. When I came back she was already asleep and she was gone by the time I left this morning."

"Where did she go?" He asked, a concerned tone in his drunken voice.

"I think she has a doctor's appointment today." I shrugged. "If she would ever answer your calls, you would know that." I rolled my eyes at the thought.

"I hate this..." He growled.

"Me too." I frowned. "She's being completely immature. I wouldn't have wanted her to go on tour in her condition either!"

"How has she been feeling?"

"I don't know. I hardly see her. When I do, she's just lying in bed watching TV. I've been so busy readying for my move that I don't have time to talk to anyone. Look how long it's been since I talked to you!" I huffed, irritated with my schedule. Part of me wishes it had taken a few months longer to secure a position in New York. The other half was relieved I'd be away from Toshiya before he even returned to Japan. I almost missed what Die had said due to my inner monologue.

"I feel like she's trying to break up with me...for child support or something."

"W-what?" I stuttered. "How could you say that?" I frowned.

"Doesn't it seem that way to you? All of a sudden we're fighting constantly, we never talk now...I'm completely out of the loop. What if she decides to go back to Gloucester? With our baby?" He stumbled.

"Rhu isn't like that." I assured. Although, I wasn't certain how true that was. Could she be pushing everyone away so that she could leave us all behind?

"I better get to bed..." Die uttered.

"Chin up." I pressed. "Things will get better once you're back. I'm sure of it." I smiled. "She's probably just pissed because you're out having a great time with your friends and she's stuck at home."

"...Maybe I should have just let her come." He sighed.

"I think you made the right decision." I nodded. "I would have done the same thing." His uncertain groan filled my ears. "Get to sleep nii-san." I smiled.

"Thanks Saya." He chuckled. "Have a good day." And with that, he hung up. My stomach churned uneasily. I had a bad feeling in the back of my mind.

And when I got home later that night, my bad feeling had become a reality. Rhu was gone.



"You have five unheard messages. First new message...Rhu! Where the hell are you? I haven't seen you since yesterday! Are you okay? You won't pick up for anyone! Call me back before I call the police!" It was Saya.

Beep.

"Message erased. Next unheard message...Rhu, Saya just called me. Where are you?! Would you answer your phone already?! I'm worried about you and the baby! Just call me back, please?!" Die. Beep. Message erased.

Beep.

"Goodbye." I wasn't in the mood to listen to the rest of them. I gazed out my own familiar window at the fall scenery. Leaves were already turning beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow. It was unseasonably cold for September. The leaves never changed this early.

"Rhu?" Emma's voice called out. "Saya is on the phone...I think you need to talk to her." She had a scolding tone to her voice. I could tell I was in for an earful later. Waddling down the stairs, I begrudgingly answered the phone.

"Hello?" I murmured.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN GLOUCESTER?!!!!" She screamed. "WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE?! EVERYONE IS WORRIED SICK!" I interrupted her before she could continue.

"I just...I needed to get out of that house..." I sighed, taking note of the scowl on Emma's face. It was obvious that she'd just discovered the truth...no one knew about my decision to return home. She wasn't happy. Saya wasn't happy. Die certainly wouldn't be happy...

"You couldn't have just gone for a walk?!" Saya shouted. "Rhu, you are five months pregnant and you didn't even tell the father of the baby where you went?! You shouldn't be flying in your condition! You do not have a normal pregnancy! Any physical or intense mental strain on your body could mean you or your baby losing your lives!" She continued.

"I'm fine Saya!" I huffed. "I was careful!"

"Obviously you are not careful or you would never have left! You need to be listening to your doctor's advice! You didn't even go to your appointment today!"

"Stop acting like my mother!" I hissed. "I'm an adult, capable of my own decisions!"

"Then maybe you should start acting like an adult, Rhu!" She snapped. "Talk to the people around you! We're all here for you!"

"No you aren't! My boyfriend was across the WORLD! My best friend is leaving next week! I was going to be all alone in that house for months! I had to get out of there! I needed to be with family! I need someone there to help support me!" I choked. "I don't want to be alone in this!" I sobbed.

"You're pushing everyone away from you, Rhu!" Saya continued. "You don't even talk to Die! He thinks you're just trying to use him for child support, and that you plan to go back to Gloucester! So far, you're proving him right!" She hissed. "I called him, by the way, since you won't. He's on his way over."

"W-what?" I stammered.

"They cancelled their Texas show so that Die can come talk to you. He's on a plane now."

"You had no right!" I growled.

"Die has the right to know, at least, where his child is. Since you aren't planning to tell him, I decided to! Get your act together Rhu! You're going to be a mother! You can't just run away from your problems! You need to face them head on!"

"Like you do?" I scoffed. That hit a nerve. I could sense her anger hit its peak.

"I'll talk to you later Rhu." She exhaled before the call ended. I let out a shaky breath, glancing up at the set of tired looking eyes staring at me.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, Rhu." Emma frowned, taking her phone back. I sighed, dropping my gaze to the floor.

"Can it wait until later?"

"I don't think so." She shook her head, ushering me to the couch.



Ding dong. The doorbell rang, sending my heart into summersaults. I knew who was on the other side of the door. I wasn't ready to face him just yet.

"Hello dear." Emma's voice greeted. "You look exhausted." She tutted.

"I am." Die's familiar voice replied.

"Come on in. Rest for a bit. I'll let Rhu know you're here." She invited. My body shook nervously. How angry was he? Would he scream? Should I ask Emma to leave?

"Rhu?" Noise carried up the stairway. "Daisuke is here..." Emma informed. I know.

"I'll be down." I sighed.

"I need to do a bit of grocery shopping. I'll be back later. Do either of you need anything?" She questioned. I guess she could sense the tension in the air.

"No thank you." I sighed. Her footsteps sounded out, followed by the closing of the front door. It was now or never, I suppose. Moving down the stairs, his figure came into view. I stared at his dark shoes, unable to make eye contact.

We were both silent, waiting for the other to start.

"...I can't keep doing this." He finally started, exhaustion evident in his tone. My eyes carried me to his. I was expecting to meet a pair of angry ones glaring back at me. They were heavy with a lack of sleep. Red and puffy from stress. His skin was pale. His hair was a mess. He looked as though twenty years had been sucked out of him. There was no familiar bright glow to him. He looked limp.

No sound escaped my lips. I hadn't registered what he said.

"I don't think this is working." He sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "You stay here with your family. It's where you belong..." His mouth hung open, as if attempting to form words that just wouldn't come out. "...Just, let me know what you need." He shook, eyes looking away from mine.

"Please take care of yourself." He added. Nothing was registering.

"A-are we breaking up?" I choked. His silence told all. "Is this what you want?"

"Of course not." He spat. "I want this to work! I knew it would be hard! But I don't think you understood what you were getting yourself into! My lifestyle doesn't suit you. And, unfortunately, I can't change that. You couldn't find a way to fit in...so you left. You left again, Rhu. I can't make something work with someone who doesn't want to stay with me."

"I want to be with you..." I sobbed.

"If you wanted to be with me, you wouldn't be in Gloucester right now." He was right.

"I-I just didn't want to be alone..." I stuttered.

"Then you should have called me." He narrowed his eyes. "Actions speak louder than words." He was right, again. I dropped my gaze to the floor, noticing how heavy tears dropped to the ground to stain the hardwood. They barely made it past my round belly.

"What about the baby?" I whimpered.

"...I'll make sure you're both taken care of. Just let me know what you need."

"When will you see her?" I shook.

"As often as you'll let me. They're not going to grant custody to someone who is out of state seven months out of the year. You'll have her." His voice cracked, and I finally gazed up to see the tears in his own eyes.

"I don't want it to be this way." Tears rolled down my face as he shook his head.

"You won't be lonely anymore." He assured. "You'll have Emma and Opal this way. I could never be there for the two of you the way you need me to be. It's not fair to you...you're better off here." He took a step closer as I wrung my fingers together, looking for the right words to say. But he already said them all. His fingers rested on my cheek, craning my face to gaze up at his own. His eyes shook. "Please take care of yourself...and our daughter. I'm sorry I couldn't make this work." He cracked before placing a kiss on my forehead, his fingers tenderly stroking my belly.

Was this really it? Was this the end? Was this right? Meeting Die always seemed too good to be true...like a fairytale. But fairytales weren't real. There would be no 'happily ever after' for me. This was reality. In reality, there is no such thing as living happily ever after. There was just living.