Shuffle

I woke to the warm rays of sunlight dancing on my exposed skin-over my shoulders, arms, and face. It was my favorite feeling to wake to. I was still engulfed in Die’s satin sheets and scent. I took a deep breath, smiling to myself as I recalled the events of last night.

Had he crawled in bed with me? I glanced over, noticing the fumbled mass of sheets. There was no Die. I guess I imagined it. I frowned slightly, stretching my limbs before crawling out from the bed.

The smell of rice and eggs filled my nostrils. I followed the aroma to find Die in the kitchen. His hair was damp and messy, as if he’d just left the shower. My cheeks flushed as I imagined him showering. What was wrong with me?

“Good morning.” His voice greeted, accompanied by a friendly smile.

“Morning.” I grinned making my way to his side.

“I hope you like eggs.” He chuckled.

“Oh yes-sunny side up especially.” I added.

“Did you sleep well?” He questioned. I nodded, recalling my dream.

“Did you?”

“Eh, not at first.” He shrugged, “The couch wasn’t entirely too comfortable. I was much happier at your side.” He smirked, adding a wink.

“So that wasn’t a dream?” I blushed, feeling surprised. I could have sworn it was. He grinned, nudging my side.

“Do you have any plans today?” He questioned. I thought to myself.

“I have some lesson plans to work on and exams to grade…but they shouldn’t take me all day. Why do you ask?”

“Perfect.” He grinned, quickly delving into a drawer behind him, fishing out an envelope. “Here, this is for you.” He handed me the dense package.

I looked at him, obviously surprised. He urged me to open it, waiting to gauge my reaction. There were two thick, laminated pendants accompanied by waxy cardstock…concert tickets. Two VIP backstage passes to Dir en Grey’s show tonight. I stared wide eyed. Seriously?!

“This is awesome!” I squeaked.

“So you’ll come?” He beams.

“Of course! I’ve always wanted to see you guys live!!!” I stared at the contents a while longer, still unbelieving. I assumed the second pair were for Saya. “Thank you!” I squealed, wrapping my arms around the man without a second thought. He chuckled, his arms locking around my torso.

“I wanted to do something more with you today, but we’ll be busy practicing and setting up most of the day.” He frowned.

“Are you kidding me? This is more than enough! I never expected this!” His fingers trailed through my hair, eyes on my face. I was ecstatic.

“Maybe we can do something after the show.” He mused, letting go of me to return to his cooking.

“We don’t need to-I’m sure you’ll be exhausted.” I reminded him. He only shrugged in response. Soon, Toshiya and Saya rose from their own slumber, groggy with hangovers. Saya appeared to be in the worst shape.

“There’s Gatorade in the refrigerator.” Die offered her. She gratefully accepted his offer taking small sips.

“Is the rice done yet?” She questioned, peering into the steamer.

“Almost. Help yourself to whatever you want.”

“Saya, check out what Die gave me.” I grinned, brandishing my gift.

“Awesome.” She nodded slyly. “Sounds like someone has a thing for you.” She giggled, wriggling her brows. I blushed, glancing toward Die who had a smug look on his face as he turned off the burners. “I noticed a certain someone disappear in the middle of the night too.” She teased, nudging Die’s side.

“I needed to use the restroom-I fell asleep on the toilet!” He lied. Saya didn’t believe him for a second.

“I’m glad you two are getting along so well.” She giggled, helping herself to the eggs in the skillet. She heaped a pile of rice on top of them as well, eagerly mashing the two together. The rest of us followed suit, enjoying Die’s breakfast.

“We should get going.” Saya frowned, “You guys need to practice.” She sighed. Toshiya nodded silently, nibbling on a piece of toast. I wasn’t sure if it was just my imagination, but things seemed tense between them.

“I guess I’ll see you later tonight.” Die winked, dropping a hand onto my head and interrupting my thoughts. I turned my attention to him, noticing the million watt smile plastered on his face. My heart thrummed wildly, mind reeling.

“I guess you will.” I nodded with a smile. My heart still fluttered, every time I looked at him. Every time I heard his voice or felt his touch. I’d hoped I was just imagining things…I couldn’t be falling for him…could I?

Saya and I returned home. I had been in a daze, lost in my own mind. I fought to push those ridiculous thoughts from my mind, but they still tugged at the corners of my thoughts. I struggled with my lesson plans, unable to concentrate. Growling, I tapped my forehead in frustration.

“Stop thinking about him.” I hissed to myself.

“What was that?” Saya murmured, attention leaving the television. We were both crowded around it. I was surrounded in a slew of papers and books, struggling to come up with next week’s assignment.

“Nothing…I was just talking to myself.” It wasn’t a lie. Frowning, she muted the television.

“Rhu…you’ve been staring at a blank sheet of paper for 45 minutes now. What’s on your mind?” She narrowed her eyes. I only sighed, dropping my head into my lap.

“It’s Die…” I started.

“What? What happened?! Did he do something to you?!!” She huffed, quickly on edge. I turned to her, confusion evident in my face.

“No!” I squeaked. “It’s nothing like that…it’s just…I can’t stop thinking about him!” I groaned. She was wide eyed for a moment before erupting in laughter.

“It’s not funny!” I whined, playfully shaking her.

“You’re too cute Rhu!” She chuckled, sweeping her blonde hair out of her face. I huffed, crossing my arms.

“I think I’m falling for him.” I sighed, falling back into the cushions. “He’s amazing.”

“Rhu…no offense…but you just met the man.” She fought to contain her laughter. I narrowed my eyes at her. Yes it sounded ridiculous. I did just meet him. But still, I couldn’t keep my mind off of him. And the way I felt around him-like I was floating! I couldn’t be imagining it.

“Listen. I know Die. Yes he’s a great guy. And he’s a fun guy!” She started, “But…he’s not a serious guy.” She explained, furrowing her brows.

“Great.” I groaned. “In other words…he’s just in it to hit it.” I frowned. I was such an idiot. Of course that’s all he wanted. He already kissed me without permission…and he crawled in bed with me! He was just toying with me!

“It’s not that he doesn’t care about you.” She quickly added. “I’m sure he sees you as a friend. Just…a friend he wants to be very close with.” She emphasized the ‘very,’ assuring that I knew what she was insinuating.

“He wants to be fuck buddies?!” I blushed. Saya scratched her head, considering her response.

“I mean, if that’s how you want to put it.” She shrugged. “He’s a celebrity…he’s kinda used to that.” I wasn’t sure how I should feel. Angry, used, special…I felt everything at once.

“What would you do?” I asked.

“Me? Well…I’d follow my heart.” She shrugged. “I wouldn’t be with Toshiya now if I hadn’t. And this is probably the only time you’ll be in Japan. You’re making your dreams come true! You’re a teacher. You get to see the place where your family grew up. You got to meet one of your oldest friends! And now you’re hanging out with celebrities…and one of them is interested in you! Do you realize how lucky you are?!” She laughed. “This is seriously a once in a lifetime experience. Enjoy it! Stop over thinking things!” She chuckled. I had to admit…she had a point. Several in fact.

I had a lot of heart-thinking to do.

“Thanks Saya.” I smiled. Now I had an all new concern weighing on my mind. But somehow, I felt less foggy. I returned to my lesson plans, finally able to concentrate on them.



Kyo stood in front of Rhu and I. He was crouched on a crate, growling into the microphone. He had removed the gauze from his wounds, but all his movements caused them to reopen. I sighed, shaking my head. It was a good thing I brought more glue with me. At least he wasn’t self-injuring tonight.

Fans swarmed around us, jumping and screaming in beat with the music. Rhu had her fist shoved into the air, singing along with Kyo. I smiled to myself. I’m glad she was enjoying herself. The pit stunk like sweat, and it was brutal to breathe in. My ears rang, numb with the noise of the crowd and vibration of the amps.

Sweat trickled down my face as the hot sun beat down on us. Soon it would set. A cool breezed lapped over us, spreading the mists from stage over our steaming bodies. I’d had enough of this.

“Last song!” Kyo screeched, one finger pointed into the air. The crowd mirrored him. The show was just about over.
“Seriously?” Rhu whined, eyes on me.

“There will be an encore.” I shrugged. There was always an encore.

I leaned over the railing, spotting Yoshiro’s thick bald head. He was one of Dir en Grey’s regular staff, and my uncle. He wore a heavy pair of sunglasses and had his arms crossed over his bulging stomach. I flagged him down, and he quickly ushered Rhu and I backstage, along with all other VIP members.

The guys were all scrambling frantically backstage, whipping clothes off and changing into anything not caked in sweat. I spotted Kyo by the sink in the corner. He was splashing his face with cool water.

“Looks like it opened again.” I frowned at his side. He glanced up at me, water dripping from his sticky, blonde hair. His roots were showing.

“Hey.” He smiled as I fished supplies from my bag.

“Bathroom.” I instructed, taking his hand. We didn’t have much time before the encore would begin. “You’re moving too much on stage.” I hissed, quickly cleaning his wound. His chest heaved, struggling to collect air. His body was drenched in sweat.

“I’m not going to let a little cut hold me back.” He huffed. I shook my head, rage boiling.

“It’s more than a little cut…” I muttered. “Just please, take better care of yourself.” I pled, glancing up at him. He rolled his eyes as I bandaged him.

“Why do you even bother coming to these shows?” He growled. “You don’t like our music, you don’t like what I do on stage, and you don’t like taking care of me! So why are you here?!” He snapped, picking me up off the floor by my shirt. He had me pinned against the wall with his own body. I glared back at him, pushing his hand away.

“You think I hate Dir en Grey?” I started, “Well you’re wrong! I don’t hate Dir en Grey. I hate YOU…I hate YOUR music.” I growled. Kyo narrowed his eyes at me, his face inches from mine.
“I hate your fucking lyrics, Kyo!” I continued, pressing my finger into his chest. “I hate the way you feel about yourself! I hate watching you suffer! I hate the way you want to die! And I hate fixing your self-inflicted injuries!” He breathed heavily, face red in anger. But he kept his lips sealed. He knew I wasn’t done yet.

I took a deep breath, “And the only reason I come, is because you don’t do it when I’m here.” I glared at him. His almond colored eyes bore into mine, his breath falling on my face. My body shook with rage.

“Encore! Encore! Encore!” The crowd cheered, muffled by the walls of the bathroom.

“…I’ve gotta go.” He growled, pushing away from me and throwing the bathroom door open. My heart continued thrumming angrily in my chest. I took a deep breath, leaving the room to find Rhu.



A crew member ushered us backstage. It was a madhouse, and already, Saya had disappeared. I found a corner to place myself in. I’d be out of the way here. Everyone was rushing around frantically. I had no idea so much went on backstage. I hardly noticed that Die had stepped in front of me. That is until he clocked me on the head, a permagrin plastered on.

“I thought I saw you hiding over here.” He teased, a towel around his neck and bottled water in hand.

“I followed the crew guy.” I pointed his way, Die’s gaze following.

“Oh! That’s Saya’s uncle.” He chuckled. “I saw you in the crowd by the way…prettiest girl out there.” He smirked, taking my hand to place a tender kiss on it. I’m sure my face was the shade of a tomato. A really ripe tomato. I couldn’t get a word out.

“We’re on!” Kaoru shouted, stuffing his pockets full of pics to toss.

“Gotta go!” Die piped. His eyes momentarily met mine, and before I knew what was happening he gripped my chin in his calloused fingers and planted his lips on mine. He pulled away with a smirk. “Thanks for the luck princess.” He whispered before running on stage. My stomach was yet again full of butterflies, fighting to escape.

“Don’t think I didn’t see that.” Saya sniggered, joining me at my side.

“I’m still in shock.” I breathed, her laughing in returning.

“Come this way, it’s easier to see.” She instructed, leading us to the side stage. She was right. And at this angle I felt like I was Dir en Grey, singing to a crowd of thousands. The stadium was full of screaming bodies. Time and time again, I couldn’t believe I was the one picked from the crowd by Die. He could have any of these girls, but here I was. I must be dreaming.

“So, how did you like the song?” Die breathed after leaving stage, his hands on my shoulders.

“The song? Which one?” I questioned.

“The last one silly! It’s brand new! You were one of the first people to hear it!” He chuckled ruffling my hair. I went wide eyed. In all my gawking and daydreaming…I’d forgotten to listen! Oh my god! “Don’t tell me you were too distracted by my brilliance to even listen?” He teased.

“Play it for me again!” I plead, fingers on his sleeve. He laughed, throwing a sweaty arm around me and squeezing tightly. I couldn’t believe myself. I was such an idiot.

“Are we still on for tonight?” He questioned, eyes meeting mine.

“You still want to take me sightseeing?” I questioned, stunned. He nodded, making my heart jump. “Well…if you’re up for it.” I muttered bashfully feeling my cheeks tinge pink. I chalked it up to the heat of the venue.

“Absolutely! After we finish this after-show autograph session, you’re all mine.” He winked before disappearing beyond the curtains. I’d never felt this way before. No one has ever made my heart beat this wildly or my head spin so carelessly.



“So you’re not from Kyoto?” I questioned, surprised at this information. Die shook his head. We were walking around the streets of Kyoto, hand in hand. We’d both showered after the show, and he was now wearing a pair of slim fitting jeans and a jacket. He had a scarf thrown around his neck and hat sagged on his damp head.

“Nope. I moved to Kyoto because I thought it was so beautiful. I’m actually from Mie. We’re going there next.” He grinned.

“What? You’re not done touring?” I went slack jawed. I was sure tonight was their final night.

“Not yet. This is the Japan leg of the tour. We still have Tokyo, Osaka, Mie, Hyogo, and Nagano…it’ll be about two weeks until we’re back for good.” He frowned.

“…I go back to Boston in May.”

“Next month?! So soon?!” He exclaimed. I nodded, head down.

“I’m only supposed to be here for a month.” I sighed. Die was silent, but squeezed my hand gently.

“Well, I guess a month with you is better than no time at all.” He grinned crookedly, his eyes shining brilliantly.

We had stopped in the street, lights twinkling around us. It was chilly enough to still see our breath. I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I wrapped my arms around his neck, reaching up to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around my torso, holding me tightly to his warm body. Our lips moved tenderly, tongues tangling together as he deepened the kiss. I eventually pulled away, catching my breath. My head spun with delight.

“So…do you like tofu?” He questioned, pointing out a restaurant called Tosuiro.

“I love it.” I grinned.

“Come on then, it’s getting chilly out!” He shivered, opening the door for me. I followed his lead as we were sat at a table. They had so many dishes on the menu. I had no idea tofu had so many options.

“I guess I’ll have the yudo.” I ordered, feeling chilled from the weather.

“I’ll have the same actually.” Die grinned, returning the menus. I folded my hands together, slowly warming my body so I could begin peeling off layers of dressing.

“It’s so cold at night.” I shivered. He nodded in agreement. “It’s nothing compared to day time.” I chuckled.

“Sorry we couldn’t be out in the daylight.” He chuckled.

“Oh it okay…this is somehow more romantic.” I blushed. What was wrong with me? Die smiled sweetly, taking my hands in his beneath the table until our dishes arrived.
He started with his bowl first, slurping down a spoonful of broth and tofu. I waited for my dish to cool to an acceptable temperature, catching Die’s interest.

“You don’t care much for hot foods, do you?” He questioned. “I noticed at Hafuu Honten.” I couldn’t help but blush.

“You noticed?” I chuckled. He grinned in response. “I get stomach cramps when I eat something that’s too hot. I know, it’s weird.” I laughed. He nodded in understanding, setting his bowl down to wait for both our dishes to cool.

“I can’t have you eating alone now, can I?” He smirked, the butterflies returning to my stomach. We eventually ate our meals when they cooled to a reasonable temperature. And you know what? It was some of the best tofu I’d ever had. I was beginning to think that it was the company, rather than the food. After all, Kyoto’s food couldn’t all be this delicious, could it?

It had been a long night of walking and sightseeing. My feet ached, and my eyes grew heavy with sleep. We returned to Die’s home. I was too exhausted to drive back to Saya’s. We were on his couch, fingers interlaced as our lips danced together. Die was on top of me, his free hand weaving through my hair. Dark crimson tufts of hair swept over his gentle eye lids. There was still make up residue left on his skin from the show. I tenderly moved the hair from his face as he broke our kiss, his lustful eyes staring into mine. His supple lips parted ever so. They were a soft pink color. I could get lost just looking at him.

I ran my finger along his narrow cheek bone, across his tight jawline, and rested my thumb on his chin. My heart beat into my throat. My entire body burned in a way it never had before. I yearned for him. My cheeks flushed at the thought. The two of us tangled up together in eachother’s bodies to the point where we didn’t know where one started or ended. The thought of sharing everything with him-my body, my moans, my pleasure.

His lips sealing to mine broke my thoughts. His tongue slid along my lower lip, pleading for entrance. I granted it. His fingers toyed with the hem of my shirt, moving to trail along the smooth skin of my stomach. His calloused touch raised goosebumps. He moved his lips to my neck, nipping and sucking tenderly. My core ached for him.

“Daisuke.” I purred as his fingers tenderly caressed my breasts, delicately stroking the pink nubs. He moved his kisses lower, his tongue forcefully circling my nipple between the thin fabric of my shirt. My mind was becoming foggy as he continued touching me. One hand travelled lower on my body, disappearing between my legs to caress the area my pants covered.

My mind raced. Was this what I wanted? He began pulling up my shirt, exposing my stomach to his lips as his hands fumbled with the buttons of my pants. I let my eyes fall shut, recalling the rugged feeling of his hands on my skin. I wanted him to explore further. I needed him to.

His fingers stroked my outer folds hidden beneath my thin panties. His lips were on my hips, teeth nibbling at the tender area. My breathing caught in my throat. I wanted to feel him inside of me, somewhere no one else had been. I wanted it to be him. I want it to be him.

So why were my hands pushing him away? Die’s dark eyes were on mine, concern in his face.

“Rhu…are you okay?” He whispered, his hands moving away from my body.

“I-I’m a virgin.” I stuttered, embarrassed. Die frowned, tugging my shirt down and wrapping his arms around me.

“It’s okay if you’re not ready. I’m not going to force you.” He whispered, “So please, don’t cry Rhu.” I hadn’t even realized there were tears in my eyes until he said something.

“Thank you.” I choked throwing my arms around his neck. I buried my face into him, heavy eyes falling shut. Soon, he carried me back to his room where we shared a heavy, dreamless slumber.