Shuffle

My Aunt Emma greeted me at the airport. She was a short, plump woman with a friendly face. She had curly red hair just like my mother’s. Obviously she was my mother’s sister.
Opal and I lived in Gloucester with her. She obtained primary custody after our mother had passed away and our father could no longer care for us. She was the closest thing I had to a mother. I wrapped my arms around her familiar figure, resting my heavy eyes on her shoulder.

“Rhuby…are you okay?” She frowned, aware of my residual tears. I nodded, smiling to myself.

“I’m just glad to be home.” I lied. “Is Opal with you?” I questioned, recalling her promise that she’d meet me as soon as I returned. She bit her lip, shaking her head.

“We have a lot to talk about…it’s been a long month.” She sighed. I looked at her with concern as we headed to the car. Luckily, we had a long drive ahead of us.

“I don’t know how to put this lightly…Opal is no longer living at home.” She stated. I looked at her, astonished.

“Excuse me? She can’t provide for herself…how could you let this happen?!” I hollered, anger replacing sorrow.

“She’s not on her own. Your father and I decided to place her in a residential program with an agency who specializes in individuals with special needs. She’s with people her own age who are like her.” She explained. I still boiled with rage. “I can’t take care of you girls like I used to. I’m not a young sprite!” She frowned, “Besides, Opal likes it there. She’s making friends, and gaining independence.”

“She needs to be with her family…not in an agency!” I growled. “She’s my family, and I promised I’d take care of her!”

“Rhu…you need to lead your own life. Opal isn’t your daughter. I understand you took on a lot of responsibilities growing up since my sister passed away, but Opal is not your responsibility. You’re of the age now where you need to be out dating, having a good time. You shouldn’t be raising your sister.” She sighed heavily.

“She’s 14! She needs me! How do you think she feels?! She probably feels like we abandoned her!” I cried, imagining my young sister alone and afraid in an unfamiliar house. I never should have went to Japan.

“As I said, she likes living there.” She repeated. “She has friends, and consistent staff. She’s increasing her communication skills, and meeting new people. She’s not alone. Besides, we can visit her at any time. I go to see her at least once a week, and she calls every night.” She explained, “We’re going to visit her tomorrow after you’ve settled in.” She assured me. I shook my head, imagining a home without Opal. Her clumsy little body and delicate laughter wouldn’t be there.

“How is dad?” I frowned, recalling the last time I’d seen him. He was in a drunken stupor, passed out on the couch. I hadn’t even bid him farewell after he’d put that scar on my shoulder.

“He’s having a hard time.” She finally answered. “You should probably stay with me for a while.” I take it his drinking had gotten worse. I rubbed my temples, considering the mess I was returning to.

“What time are we seeing Opal?”

“4:00pm tomorrow. We’ll take her out for dinner.” I nodded my head in understanding, looking out the window in silence. I’d heard enough for one day.



I sat at the kitchen table, staring down at Rhu’s soft hand writing. The note in my hands felt heavier than what a normal piece of paper should weigh, perhaps I was just feeling my emotions.

Saya,

Before you say it, I know, I’m a bitch. How many times should I say sorry before you will accept my apology? Let’s just say I’ll be saying an infinite number of apologies. I am so sorry for leaving everyone the way I did. I’m terrible. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me over the past month. I’m so glad I finally had the opportunity to meet my closest friend. You’ve always been there for me. You’re like a mother, sister, and BFF all wrapped up in one. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ll come back again someday, so until then I know you’ll keep in touch. And please consider accepting my apology : )

Love,

Rhu

I never realized how much lonelier Japan could feel after losing one person.

Footsteps circled around me-they were Die’s. He paced around the island in the kitchen, much like a lion in captivity. I glanced up at him, finding a similar expression to my own captured on his face. He gripped Rhu’s note tightly, paper wrinkling from the pressure. She had written a farewell note for each of us.

“What the fuck is this?!” Die huffed, he gaze meeting mine momentarily as he shook the letter.

“I guess she couldn’t bear to say goodbye.” I frowned.

“So you didn’t know about this at all?” He glared. I shook my head, resting my elbows on my knees.

“Did you read mine?” He questioned. Again, I shook my head. I only read mine. That was hard enough.

“I don’t understand…” He continued, rubbing his head in frustration. He dropped to a squat, eyes skimming what he held in his hand. “She was just in my arms this morning. And the letter…She told me she loved me…” He whispered. I turned my attention to him. He looked solemn, and broken hearted.

“Did you know?” He questioned, his eyes boring into mine. “About her feelings I mean…” I took a heavy breath, nodding my head in response. Die frowned, shaking his own head.

“So I was the only one who didn’t know?” He laughed to himself, his palm moving to his forehead.

“What are you going to do?” I questioned. He glanced up at me, furrowing his brows.

“What can I do? She made her choice…She wants to be with her family…not me.” His shoulders dropped before he stuffed the paper back into his pocket. I stayed silent. He was right. Rhu had to go back home. She didn’t belong here. She had school to finish, and a family to care for. But still, it didn’t feel like a home without her.

“See ya.” Die grumbled, waving as he headed for the front door. I returned the gesture, placing her note back on the table. I moved to my bedroom, showering quickly before dressing in my scrubs for work. I didn’t even feel like going in today after everything that went on this morning.

“Where are your keys?” Toshiya’s voice questioned. I jumped, unaware that he’d entered the room.

“Um…in my purse. Why?” I questioned.

“I need the car today.” He answered matter-of-factly.

“What’s wrong with your car?” I questioned. “I need to leave for work now.”

“It’s in the shop. Just take the bus.” He suggested while grabbing my purse. I narrowed my eyes. The nearest bus stop was 10 miles away-he knew that.

“I’ll never get to work on time…can’t you drop me off?” I asked as he rummaged through the bag, quickly stuffing several things into his pocket.

“No.” He answered firmly, turning and leaving the room. Speechless and livid, I snagged my purse. I pulled my hair into a ponytail as I followed after him quickly. He was already out the front door and beside my car.

“Where are you going that you can’t just drop me off at work?!” I hissed, storming to his side. “And I need my work keys!” He ignored me, hopping into the driver’s side and turning the ignition.

“TOSHIYA!!!” I hollered, punching the hood of the car as he peeled out of the parking pad and sped down the road. What had gotten into him?! I fumed, searching for my cell phone in my purse and pockets to no avail.

‘Great, he took my phone too.' I thought to myself as I began the 10 mile jog to the nearest bus stop. How could today get any worse?

“Saya? You’re over an hour late…” Dr. Nado frowned, ebony hair bouncing at her shoulders. I frowned, bowing in apology.

“I’m so sorry…Toshiya needed my car and I had to walk to the bus stop.” I explained.

“You didn’t call…we already called in a replacement for you today.” She sighed.

“…I lost my phone.” I lied. She exhaled sharply, shaking her head.

“Well, we could use you in the free clinic today.”

“Yes ma’am.” I bowed again.

“Don’t let it happen again Saya. You’ve already exhausted all your vacation and sick days.” She warned. I nodded, quickly heading in the direction to which she indicated. Today somehow managed to get worse.



“Opal! I’ve missed you!” I beamed, happy to see her joyful face. I’d spent the night at Aunt Emma’s instead of returning to my father’s.

“Rhu!” She squealed, pointing to me. She had dark hair and pale skin like myself. Her eyes were bright green like my mother’s. She was beautiful. She would have been a healthy baby had her placenta not detached in the womb during the last days of my mother’s pregnancy. She didn’t catch it until it was too late. It had caused my mother to hemorrhage and deprived Opal of oxygen. Neither of the two recovered. As a result, Opal was mildly mentally challenged and had limited motor functions.

“Rhu! Missed you!” She exclaimed. I wrapped my arms around the tiny girl. She swayed happily in her wheelchair, a smile plastered on her face as usual.

“I brought you some presents.” I grinned. Her mouth formed an ‘O’, arms clumsily outstretched for her souvenirs. I chuckled, handing her the bag of gifts. She went through it slowly, inspecting everything. She beamed wildly when she found the Hello Kitty and Friends phone case. She was her favorite.

“Are you ready to eat?” Aunt Emma questioned, attempting to hurry her along. I shook my head, warning her not to pressure her. She liked to take her time examining everything. Her face grew red with anger as she pondered over what Emma had said.

“Take your time.” I assured Opal. “I have all the time in the world.” She smiled at that.

“Are you coming to my graduation?” I smirked, recalling it would be in only four short days. Opal nodded quickly, smiling wide. “Did you get me a graduation gift?” I teased as she narrowed her eyes.

“Too old for presents.” She countered, sticking out her tongue.

“Ouch!” I groaned, feigning a broken heart. She laughed before turning her attention to a staff member.

“Eat!” She grinned, handing her bag to the girl.

“I’ll put this in your room.” The girl informed her, Opal nodding in response. Soon we were headed to one of our favorite restaurants. As much as I loved the food of Japan, it was nothing compared to the dishes you grow up loving. I helped Opal eat as I shoveled down my own meal, already unfamiliar with using a fork. It’s funny what one month will do to you.

“So, do you like your new house?” I asked Opal. She thought for a moment before nodding quickly.

“New friends. No Rhu.” She frowned.

“I’m back now.” I assured her. “Do you want to come back home with me?” I questioned, Aunt Emma giving me a look of disapproval.

“No!” Opal protested. I was surprised. “No dad!” She huffed. She never did care for our father. She grew up witnessing him drinking, yelling, swearing, and occasionally becoming violent. I was glad that Opal was happy where she was now.

“Pictures?” She questioned, noticing my phone light up on the table. She wanted to see pictures of my trip.

“I have tons.” I assured her, “I’ll show you when we go back to your home.” I smiled.

And I did as soon as we returned. She loved looking through the photos on my phone. I knew she would love the colors of Japan. I reminisced while she flipped through the images, recalling what had been taking place during each photo.

She eventually came across a photo of Die and I. He was kissing my cheek in it. She looked at me, smirking devilishly. I blushed immediately, swiping past the photo. She only moved it back. Damn the day when I taught her how to use a smart phone.

“Who?” She pressured. I groaned, rolling my eyes.

“Okay okay.” I laughed. “I met a man named Daisuke while I was in Japan. He was very sweet. He played in a band, and was so handsome.” I giggled, “He took me sightseeing in Kyoto and Tokyo. He kept me company while I was alone.” I mused.

“You love him?” Opal smiled. I blushed, scratching my head.

“Yeah…I do love him.” I admitted. She beamed wildly, but I sighed continuing. “…I’m not sure if he loves me though. I never gave him the chance to.” I frowned. Opal copied my face, furrowing her brows. She held my phone to me, gesturing for me to call him.

“I can’t ask him.” I sighed, “I live here in Boston with you, dad, and Emma. He lives in Kyoto with his family. He’s on the other side of the world…it’s not fair to love him.” I hadn’t realized there were tears in my eyes until Opal pointed them out. I quickly wiped them away, taking my phone back.

“Go.” She whispered. I glanced at her. She was a smart girl. I shook my head no.

“I couldn’t leave you behind…” I frowned. She rolled her eyes, waving me away. She pointed to herself, then flexed her arms. I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’d really be okay if I went back to Japan?” I chuckled, “I guess I should expect that much. And here I thought you loved me!” I play pouted. She smiled resting her hand on my arm.

“You be happy.” She sighed.

“What about dad?” I questioned. She rolled her eyes, moving her hand over the wound dad had inflicted on my shoulder. She didn’t care what made dad happy or sad. She didn’t care about someone who would hurt someone else. I heaved a sigh, pulling Opal into a tight hug.

“I missed you.” I whispered. She hugged me back, nodding in agreement.

Aunt Emma and I returned to her home after that. It was odd not leaving with Opal, but I felt better knowing she enjoyed her new home.



It was past 11:00pm when I shift finally ended. I worked later to make up for the hours I’d missed. Outside, rain drizzled like a heavy mist. I sighed, sitting at the bus stop while I waited for the next available line. Headlights came into view, followed by a familiar cherry red car.

“Need a ride?” Die questioned as the window rolled down. I smiled, taking him up on my offer.

“How did you know?” I chuckled, hopping into the passenger’s seat.

“Toshiya asked me to pick you up since he had your car.” He shrugged, “Although he told me you would have been ready over an hour ago.” He added sarcastically.

“Sorry.” I scratched my head, “I wanted to make up my hours.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled, “Did you eat dinner?”

“No.” I frowned. I was so busy in the free clinic the last thing I’d had was breakfast.

“Good. I’m starving.” Die laughed, quickly racing down the highway toward a local diner.

“So…have you talked to her?” Die questioned, munching on a burger.

“No.” I frowned. “I lost my phone.” I shrugged. “Have you?” I sipped on broth, forcing noodles into my mouth.

“I don’t know what to say to her…” He muttered.

“Saying Hi would be a good start.” I teased. He rolled his eyes.

“Very helpful.” He groaned. I chuckled to myself, finishing the last of the broth.

“She’s not expecting you to show up at her balcony professing your undying love for her…but I’m sure losing a friend is something she’s not expecting.” I spoke, his eyes resting on the ice cubes in his glass. His lips turned into a frown as he fidgeted with his straw.

“Yeah. I guess I could figure out something…why do you have to give me such extreme examples?” He grumbled, his chin resting in his hand.

“Well I don’t know how your mind works!” I tutted, waving a finger at the man. He recoiled slightly, still lost in thought.

“I just can’t get her off my mind.” He sighed. I smiled to myself, setting my empty bowl down.

“Well then…perhaps you should take the first of the extreme examples?” I smirked. Die eyed me warily before finishing the last of his beverage.

“Maybe I should go to someone saner for advice?” He teased, lips twisting into a devilish grin. I narrowed my eyes at him before he paid the tab. Soon, we were on the road again.

“Thanks again for picking me up and feeding me.” I smiled.

“Any time.” He grinned.

“And don’t forget…Hi.” I winked before exiting the car. I caught him rolling his eyes before I made my way to the front door. Toshiya was there to greet me.

“You’re home late…” He muttered.

“I worked late to make up for the hours I missed because you took my car.” I hissed, shoving past him. “And I almost got fired because of it!” I quickly added, turning to glare at the man. “AND give me back my phone!” I snapped, arm outstretched.

“What makes you think I have your phone?” He mused.

“I put it in my purse this morning and it wasn’t there after you had it!” I rolled my eyes.

“So you really think I would take your phone?” He laughed, moving away from me and up the spiral staircase. I followed behind him, body full of rage.

“Yes! I know you did!”

“Look, it’s there on the nightstand where you left it this morning-still plugged in.” He snickered, entering our bedroom. I followed after him, spying it there. I know it was in my purse. I didn’t even charge it last night-it was still fully charged before I went to bed.

“You put it there.” I fumed. He snorted behind me, his hands trailing down my arms as he pushed me closer to the bed. My body felt as though it was on fire-I was livid.

He turned me to face him, pushing my body into the bed and crawling overtop of me. His lips collided with mine. His clammy fingers held my hips in a vice as he moved to my neck. He tugged my bottoms down, allowing them to fall against my ankles.

“Stop Toshiya. I’m not in the mood.” I hissed, heart racing with rage.

“That’s okay.” He tittered, “I can put you in the mood.” His lips whispered against my neck as his fingers moved between my legs. “Just pretend I’m your little blonde singer.”

“Wha-” I started before his hand clamped over my mouth.

“I know you’re cheating on me.” He hissed, beady eyes narrowing. “I just want you to admit it.”

“I’m not…” I squirmed beneath his hand. His black eyes looked back at mine, narrow and threatening. He pulled something from his pocket, placing the cold, slender object against my thigh.

“I’m going to make sure you hurt the way I do.” My skin suddenly burned as he dragged it in quick, slashing motion. I could feel blood blossoming from beneath the razor line.

“This is what you like, isn’t it? Or is he the one who likes it?” He cocked his head. His voice was like venom, lips twisting over his crooked teeth in a sneer. “How does it feel Saya?” I stared at him, bursting with tears. I kept my mouth shut after that, eyes squeezed closed tightly. His touch was revolting, but I knew better than to struggle against him.

I deserved this much.