Rattled Bones

“Your name?”

“Rose Margaret Everett.” She responded, sitting uncomfortably in an all-white room. It was strange to her, everything from the rug on the ground to the odd figurines sitting on the flawless white desk were bright white. She stuck her hands under her knees, as she shifted in her seat. It had been three weeks of intense therapy sessions to regain her memory and for the most part is was proving to be quite responsive except for when it came down to one topic; Bucky. There were missing pieces when it came down to him, she’d remember the places but never him. She could see herself laughing with someone but the face was etched smooth. It was hard for her, she was desperate to feel those emotions that she replayed in her head.

“Your favorite color?”

She thought for a moment, “Red, er, yellow?” Shaking her head, she swallowed hard as she focused on her memorization skills. Rose liked the color red but yellow was more aesthetic to her eyes. Looking into the dark skinned man’s eyes, she winced. “Can I like both?”

“Of course, Miss. Everett.” He scribbled on his notepad, settling back on the brunette. “Favorite drink?”

A smile was placed on her lips, “Strawberry milkshakes.”

“Good, good. What was your mother’s name?”

A pang of sadness rolled through her limbs as she spoke her words softly, “Florence Everett.” A memory of her mother flashed behind her eyes; she was about ten or so, the two of them were running in the rain, splashing in every puddle they could find. Her mother was beautiful, bright green eyes and dark locks. Mother like daughter.

“How does that make you feel, Rose?”

She flashed a look towards the Wakandan doctor, even though she had accepted her name, it still felt foreign to hear it. “Sad.” Inhaling deeply, she pulled her hands out from underneath her knees, clasping them over her lap. “I see these things and I want to believe that they’re real and I know they’re real. But, I want them to feel real. I am only feeling-what did you call it-empathy to my own memories.”

The doctor nodded, the sound of his pen scratching against the notepad made Rose want scream. The silence in the room was unbearingly uncomfortable and the constant scratching was driving her insane. “Tell me about your time with Arnim Zola.”

Her body tensed as she associated the face that went along with the name. Just the thought of him made her skin crawl. “What is there to tell?” She asked through gritted teeth. Her head twitched as her eyes closed with the remembrance of the man who ruined her.

“Start by telling me things you haven’t shared.”

Again, her body tensed. It only seemed logical that the man in front of her would know that every night new memories would surface and she’d lie awake trying to make them go away. But, she still hoped he wouldn’t bring up the nightmares that haunted her. Inhaling deeply, she turned her head towards the mirror that hung on the wall, her eyes meeting with her own. She’d stand in front of her reflection for hours trying to find some kind of solace but it never failed to disappoint her. “I remember being captured.”

“Captured?” The doctor leaned forward, intrigued. He had spent several hours with Steve and Bucky separately in hopes to be able to guide the young woman’s memory towards their end goal. Reviving the Rose the two knew before was absolutely necessary. “Explain that time for me.”

“I was walking home from a bar,” her eyes shifted as she replayed the memory, “I think I had gone to meet someone because I was wearing a rather pretty red dress.” Rose paused, trying to dive deeper into her brain, “I remember feeling happy-but-sad at the same time. Like I was missing someone….my heart hurt?” She swallowed, desperately trying to remember who she had been missing, “I felt like someone was watching me….like someone was following me too.” Rose looked up to meet the man’s intent eyes. “I was almost home when three men blocked my alley and then someone grabbed me from behind and blindfolded me.”

He nodded, a sound emitting from his throat as he scribbled some more. Looking up from his paper, he tilted his head, his eyes narrowing lightly. “Anything else?”

Rose inhaled, “I remember him trying to make me forget someone.” Closing her eyes, she brought both hands to her face. “I can’t remember who and I know what you’re going to say-“

“-Are you sure that the name James Buchanan Barnes doesn’t ring a bell?”

“Yes. I’m sure.” Pulling her hands away from her face, she abruptly stood up. Her eyes found the clock that hung above the doctor, “Our session is over now.”

“Tell me, Rose, when these memories of your past haunt your dreams. Can you not place his face in them?”

Her green eyes darkened, “I don’t even know him.”

“Yes, you do.”

Rose gritted her teeth, her hands trembling from anger. She was tired of being told she knew Bucky, she would love more than anything to believe them but with him not appearing in her images, she couldn’t believe their words. It was just that; words. There was no proof other than stories. She wanted to believe, she truly did. She hadn’t spoken much to Bucky since her sessions but she knew that there had to have been some sort of connection between the two. “All I know is the name Barnes. That’s all I know. Not James, not Buchanan, or Bucky; just Barnes. I can’t even find his face in my brain. If I know him like everyone says I do, then it’s locked up tight somewhere and Arnim most likely succeeded.”

“Succeeded in what, may I ask?”

She toyed with her hands, her teeth tugging at the corners inside her mouth. The words I will see to it that you will never remember him on your own ringing loud as day in her head. Rose closed her eyes, her lips trembling, “If what everyone tells me is true,” opening her green orbs, she locked onto the doctor, “I will never remember Bucky.”

The doctor shifted in his seat, his eyes studying the brunette that stood, a pained look housing her beautiful face. “I am confident that we will be able to revive these lost memories-“

Rose scoffed, shaking her head as she headed for the door. “-I appreciate the confidence, doctor.” Placing her hand on the doorknob, she frowned as she wished that for just a moment that she could find Bucky’s face in her thoughts. She had so many blurred memories of her being so happy with this so called Bucky. Of course she wanted to believe the mystery man in her visions was the metal armed soldier but that was the thing; anyone could convince her that the man in her thoughts was any man. Rose needed proof. It was essential for her, she needed it. “But, I’m afraid that it’s no use. I’ve spent hours listening to those tapes you gave me,” twisting the handle, she sighed. “but nothing else resonates.”

“Don’t be quick to give up, Rose.” The doctor stood up, straightening his white coat, “When he spoke to you after we awakened your voice, it unleashed a very strong string that I am certain we can grasp. It will take time, patience, and drive. I can only do so much, my dear. The rest is dependent on your will to believe it is him that’s haunting you.”