Don't Trust Everything You See

It's been a few weeks of the tour and neither Brian or I had spoken a word to each other, what could we possibly say? He found someone that made him happy and I was alone, i was the one crying myself to sleep because of how much i put into the relationship. Matt could tell something was off the moment we played the first show, we wouldn't go near each other, and when we did it was like the mood of the entire arena was brought down. I tried my best to seem cheerful and happy so people wouldn't ask questions but it never worked, i was still miserable. Johnny tried sitting me down to talk but i wouldn't budge, i couldn't. Knowing that if Bria found out he'd kill me with his bare hands, and i don't think Matt would want that. I just told him nothing was wrong, just thinking about some personal things lately. Luckily for me he dropped the subject and continued to take shots with me. Brian seemed more tense when i was around the guys though, as if i would tell them about our old relationship. I had wanted to originally but decided against it. I couldn't hurt him the same way he hurt me. I did get to meet the person who stole his heart though, Matt's girlfriends, sister Michelle. She was gorgeous, it was no wonder he wonder why he wanted to date her, she was everything he wanted while i wasn't. I shook my head and rolled over turning the volume up on my ipod. Music and booze were the only things that were beginning to help anymore, i just had to keep it under control. I just wasn't sure i could do that for much longer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Zack come on, let's go shower and get some food" Johnny was sitting near me by the small couch.

We had pulled up to our venue not even twenty minutes earlier and being on the bus for three days without showering was beginning to kill us all. So i sighed and gave in, at least i can get clean and eat something without Brian being around.

"God this feels so good" The heat from the water was slowly loosening any knots that were in my shoulders and back. The stalls were long enough that no one could see in if they walked by. More privacy if you needed some private time.
"I know, i was starting to grow mold on my feet" Johnny laughed as he washed his hair. Of course he'd try and make it sound more gross than it actually was.
"I wouldn't be surprised gnome" That caused me to snort and laugh. He always hated that nickname.
"Oh shut it Baker" Johnny rolled his eyes at my laughter and rinsed himself off. Finally, time for some food.
"Did you have a place in mind where we could eat without being hounded by fans?" I loved our fans, they were sometimes the coolest people, but being able to eat in peace was nice once in a while.
"There was a little diner down by the beach, looked small enough to keep us hidden" Sounded like a good place to eat, no one would think to look there if we left.

I nodded and rinsed off, now i just needed to dry off and get dressed.

"Brian told me about your relationship" Johnny was quiet after.

Brian fucking told Johnny but i got chewed out for asking to tell them? Was this for real?

"It's over, he found Michelle and he's happy" I could feel the tears building up, of course i'd start crying like a bitch, i always did.
"Zack, you know he cares" Johnny's voice sounded sincere, I just couldn't believe him.
"He doesn't even talk to me anymore, he doesn't care" My tone was more bitter than i was expecting, i was pissed though.
"Just ignore him then, if it'll make you happier" I frowned, i was drowning myself with booze just to feel happy.
"That's all i've been doing since he moved out, I just wish he'd stop acting like a dick" I grabbed my towel and began to dry off, i needed to get my mind off Brian before i broke down completely.
"He will eventually, i think he just needs time to realize that you guys aren't just bandmates" Leave it to Johnny to make me feel like shit and better all at the same time.

I pulled on the clothes i brought with me and walked out of the stall, now time to brush my teeth, go eat, and get ready for the show. I couldn't help but turn when the door opened, please don't be Brian. Of course luck wasn't on my side and it was him. He narrowed his eyes as he saw Johnny walk out of his stall with most of his clothes on except for his shirt. I wanted to slap him as hard as i could, i swear he was trying to piss off Brian.

"Hey, we were just about to go get lunch" Johnny was still standing there shirtless, why did he have to be an asshole now.
"Well have fun, i already ate on the bus" I could tell Brian wasn't speaking to me, he wouldn't even look at me.
"Okay" Johnny glanced at me and pulled on his shirt, i just wanted to get out before the awkwardness of the situation smothered me.

When i glanced over Brian was still glaring at Johnny, why? He's our best friend, he must've known that Johnny told me about his little secret, well two can play at that game.

"Come on dude, let's go eat so we can actually get a table before the show" I refused to look at Brian now, i didn't need to be nice to him.
"Sounds good, i'll grab my wallet and we can go" Johnny walked out before i could even get to the door, shit.

Brian had already gotten into the stall and started the shower, i couldn't help but let my memories flood back in. Stop! I don't want to remember him like that, i want to hate him for all the horrible shit he did to me. I wanted to be able to play on stage without being stuck on my own side because he hated me. I sniffled and wiped at the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't look away as Brian stepped out from the shower, only a towel around his waist. Shit, don't look, don't give him any satisfaction that you're unhappy. I picked up my bag and walked out before he was able to wipe his face off, at least he didn't see me crying for once. I lost number of the amount of times he had caught me crying in my bunk, i never heard him though. I'd listen to music as loud as i could without disturbing everyone and just cry til i fell asleep. No wonder he didn't want to look at me, he didn't want to see me cry like a baby. Shut up brain! Luckily for me Johnny was getting off the bus as i arrived, at least now i could get away from it all, even if it was only for a few.

"So how's everything at home?" I needed to talk about anything but myself, i didn't want to even think about myself and all the shit that was happening.
"It's all good, Jimmy and Matt keep trying to get me to go out and find someone for myself since i'm 'so old' now" I couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped, he was the only single one besides me now. Except he had been single longer than i had.
"What about that girl you were talking to before?" I was curious, i couldn't help it.
"She was trying to piss off her ex with me, didn't work out and Matt kicked his ass anyway" Johnny was grinning while we walked, of course Matt went to the rescue, he protects all of us.
"Of course he did, he doesn't like people fucking around with us" I smiled softly, slowly slipping to a frown.

How would he feel if i told him how Brian was treating me while we were together? No, he wouldn't find out. He'd never find out.