From Paris With Love

Monday morning I walk through the doors of Bretton High, breathing in my first breathe of high school air in three months, wanting to start the school year the purest of intentions. It kind of wreaked of B.O., but in all honesty it wasn't much different from the junior high. And I love school, as far as the learning aspect, so it shouldn't be that bad. Learning is something I've always loved, it's just some the people there I dread. I can't stand them really, and never could.

I peer down at the print on my notecard trying to make sense of where my homeroom might be, and pass familiar faces, acknowledging the people who acknowledged me. I'm on a mission though, so I don't have much time to socialize. I just kept praying I would run into my best friend and that we will have home room, the whole time I wassearching for room 223. I was only familiar with the freshman wing, from last year which were the 100's.

I don't see Cindy in the sophomore halls at all which worries me, but when I walk into homeroom I see her sitting there gabbing away to someone next to her excited about the new school year. I silently slip into the empty seat beside her.

"Paris!" she squeals, hugging me so tight it feels like my insides are going to becomeoutsides.

"Eep! You're squishing me Cindy!" I squeak, out of breath. A few heads turn at my outburst in such a feminine voice. I frown at them sticking out my bottom lip a little. I couldn't help that sometimes such a tiny person makes such high pitched noises.

Cindy let's go of me and says, "I'm sorry! I've just missed you! I haven't seen you since May!" It's true, Dad didn't let me do much over the summer and her mom definitely had Cindy locked up.

"It's okay," I say surprising myself at how soft and childish my voice sounds. I never speak like this at home. It is simply not done.I add,"I missed you too!"

"Ahw! So do you know any of your classes yet?" She asks with enough enthusiasm a car salesman would flinch away from.

That's the thing about Cindy, no matter what she's always positive. It really makes Damon unhappy to be around her, but Justin I feel feeds off her energy. I shoot her a look and ask in a joking tone, "If I knew do you think I would be in here?"

"Hmm. Good point, but Paris if we don't have at least one class together and-oh my God lunch, we have to have lunch together or I'm going to die!" she exclaims being way over the top. Sometimes it takes time for me to get used to her after being away from her and at home.

I get lost in thought trying to concentrate on being myself and not Dad's perfect little robot really hard, so I don't hear it when HoustonWeeks walks into homeroom. But I sure do feel it when he bumps into my back hard, throwing all of his weight into my small frame. It hurts, but I say nothing. I Just drop my head, because when I look at him little needles prick at my tummy, and I don't want to make things worse by saying anything. He doesn't like me, and hasn't since it became apparent I had stopped growing.

It’s perfectly understandable. I mean why would anyone like a pansy like you. I don't understand how Cindy can stand to be around you, you pussy, the harsh voice of Damon sneers in my mind.

You don't listen to him. Cindy is lucky to have a friend as good as you. Remember how you always have her back, that's a valuable quality, Justin retaliates sweetly.

"Why wouldn't I," I ask myself barely audible and very sadly. I never named Damon and Justin, they just sort of appeared when I started high school and they don't always chime in, but today they were on a roll apparently.

You have to if you don't want to be such a waste of life, Damon says encouragingly, but it has very dark vibe about it. I can help you not be such a fucking loser. I can help you be popular, and make your dad love you.

No, don't listen to him, Justin warns in almost a scream. He is just trying to get you into trouble!

I lay my head down on my desk and whimper, feeling a headache coming on. Houston snickers, more than likely thinking it was his fault, it wasn't; it was the voices in my head arguing. Keeping Cindy's positive attitude in mind, at least I have Justin to keep myself esteem from plummeting. Jimmy just wants to drag me down, into a deep depression, and keep me from being the happy person I am.

"Don't let Houston get you, he's got 'roid rage!" Cindy says touchingmy forearm, trying to bring me out of my, not so lovely, reverie.

"It's not him," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. I don't want anyone to hear me and draw more attention to myself. Cindy never worries about that kind of stuff though.

"Then what is it?" she asks concerned, not giving up that easily.

"I just have a lot going through my head," I meekly offer, it's vague enough to not be a lie. I know even though Cindy is my best friend she will think I am some kind of psychopath if I tell her the Little Angel and Devil on cartoon character's shoulders actually exist inside my head.

"Well, okay," she says a little discouraged and then adds, "if you want to talk you can!" smiling, but I am too busy focusing on the door to pay attention.

There's one last person I am hoping to have homeroom with. And as if on cue the most gorgeous human being walks through the door, causing me to sit up straight, and a familiar warmth to spread through my body. They're only crush I've ever had in school and I smile as I look at him.

He has a perfectly muscled chest, I know because he shows it off around campus all the time, a smile to die for, and tanned skin I could only dream of having. His large frame makes me look even smaller, and as much as I want to, I couldn't imagine me in his arms because they would entrap my tiny body and then some. But he has always been with the popular crowd, he plays soccer and gets away with mediocre grades, he dates all the prettiest girls. I don't really stand a chance, but that has never stopped me from being infatuated with him.

I continue daydreaming about him as he takes the seat behind me. My skin feels like it's going to melt off and my heart drops into my toes. A big wide smile crosses my face and I bit my lip considering sneaking a peek at him, but before I can Ms. Stewart, as the name on my cardinformed me, walks in just as the bell rings and plasters a smile on her face so fake she looks like an aged Barbie.

"Good morning, homeroom. How are you all this morning? I'm Kenna Stewart and I will be your homeroom teacher for the rest of the year, so hopefully I will learn your names quickly!"

I catch several people roll their eyes, no doubt they feel the same way about her I do, but some people mumble 'fines'. I do not like her already, she tries to hard to look young, but it's obvious under the heavy makeup she's old enough to be the mother of a college student. She takes in the class's reaction as a whole as if she expected it and powers through with her fake zeal.

"Who wants their schedules to find out what classes they will be taking this semester?" she asks sitting on the edge of her desk crossing her legs, very delicately, and picks up the stack of stock card our schedules came on every semester.

"I do!" Cindy says, practically bouncing out of her seat. I smile because her energy is infectious. She is genuinely so excited for all life has to offer.

"I'm glad someone shares as much enthusiasm for this new school year as I do," Ms. Steward says smiling another fake smile. This woman deserves an Oscar, for being able to fake this much enthusiasm at 7:00 in the morning, at least with Cindy it's real.

She starts handing out schedules on the opposite side of the room and my classmates begin swapping them immediately to see who has what with whom. I have AP calculus, AP chemistry, AP English and eleventh grade history. I still can't get over the fact that I skipped a grade and am still allowed to take advanced placement classes. But I work so hard for Dad, I want him to be proud of me for something. Hopefully he will notice that I am doing exceedingly well to be in all these classes.

Why would he, you're just a fucking nerd. Anyone can take AP classesin this shitty excuse of a school, Damon jeers, making a valid point.

There were better schools in my county. I shake my head, trying to block out Damon,no Justin in sight to counter him. I turn around when I'm sure he's gone for the moment and ask, "What classes did you get?" with my hand stretched with my schedule for my crush to see.

"Here you go," he says handing me his slip of stock card with calloused hands. We study each other's schedules and my heart pounds out of control when I see we have History and English together. I really hope he can't hear my heart beating, as loud as it is.

I smile, trying to keep calm on the outside. Everytime I talk to him it feels like the first time, not that I was real familiar with him."It looks like we have two classes with each other,"I say trying to hold the excitement down a notch.

"And lunch together," he points out with his index finger on my schedule.

I bit my lip to keep my insides from coming up in excitement and say as nonchalantly as I can, "We get to suffer through that horrible food together."

"Yeah," he says sounding distracted.Maybe he thinks I'm hitting on him. I hope not, I mean I like him, but we are barely even in the Friend Zone. I don't want to freak him out so I turn around in my seat.

The bell rings and I sigh, not wanting homeroom to end just yet. He, on the other hand must feel differently because he jumps out of his seat and hurries out of the room. I just sit there staring after him like a moron, until I'm interrupted.

See he doesn't like you. You freaked him out. Just leave him alone, Damon urges,everyone knows that he likes pussy anyway. Guess yours isn't good enough for him, he taunts just being cruel.

You don't listen to him, maybe his locker was on the far end of the school, you've talked to him dozens of times before and this was the lon gest! He even seemed excited to have class with you, Justin suggests encouragingly.

"Maybe," I agree half-heartedly under my breath.

"Aw, you got to talk to him!" Cindy gushes. I know it had to be killing her not to interrupt the two of us talking to find out of her and I's schedule matches up any. I'm actually pretty proud of her.

"Yeah," I say dreamily, a small smile plays at the corner of my lips.

"Do you have any classes together?" she asks in a coo, I have literally made her day. She has been pulling for us to get together ever since she found out I had a crush on him.

"Yeah two, and lunch," I report as Cindy get's up from her desk. I follow her out of the door and we walk side by side.

"Aw! That's so perfect!" Cindy squeals, clapping her hands together,"You're going to be able to get so much closer to him now!"

She's lying. She's only saying this because she feels sorry for you, you pathetic piece of shit, Damon laughs, managing to successfully kill my high.