Sequel: Deeply Bound ›
Simple Affair
Forgetting About Troubles
A couple of weeks pass by and Devon is a breath of fresh air that I needed. This morning Josh and I had a bit of a falling out again. It is the typical things that he does with nagging about absolutely nothing. Well, in my mind it is nothing. See here is the deal my Doctor prescribe a couple of massage sessions prior to the fertility treatment to help me relax and with a prescription it means that the session is free. The thing with insurance is you have to pay for the sessions first and then fax over the receipts to them and the insurance will send a check to cover the amount. The insurance is quick but for Josh he wasn't happy that he had to pay for anything first and accused me of being selfish and self indulgent. I don’t understand him, it's not like I am just going for a massage for the sake of it. I am doing it so that this next treatment may work, but you can't tell Josh that. Needless to say I was happy to get to work so that I could be away from him and forget about the troubles at home.
Speaking about work, my productivity has taken an upswing. At least here, I can focus on things that are engaging like being able to speak to Devon and keep my mind distracted and this week with the anticipation building with being able to see him, I have a bounce in my step, I'm all smiles and others seem to be taking notice.
I feel on top of the world and soon it will be time to go home. Right now, I am just at my work computer plugging away at the email requests when I receive a message from my secret southern man. He sends it to my work email. We had exchanged email not long ago in a small light hearted conversation.
Hey Jordan,
Just wanted to say hello and see how your day is going?
-Devon
Emailing each other is easier for me. I don’t want it to look like I am constantly playing with my phone and raise suspicion in my co-workers, I respond to him.
Hey Devon,
Things are great. I am so excited to get to actually see you tomorrow!
-Jordan
I click send and I know it will be a few moments when I receive his response so I answer a quick work related email. Sure enough, his response comes back but he has switched to text messaging.
Devon explains, “It will be an early run to the airport, then after 9:00 AM, I’m yours. I believe she is still going for two weeks. When does Josh leave?” His wife is a trooper because in the time leading to her departure, she actually had a bit of an accident at their home and twisted her ankle while doing some yard work earlier in the week. For a few days the plans to video chat with Devon were still up in the air, because we weren’t sure if Sara would cancel her flight.
I answer him, “I’m not sure when Josh leaves for work, but I will likely be available by that time. You can text me on Facebook and if he’s still with me you will know if I don’t answer right away.”
Devon answers, “No worries. He comes first. I got it.”
I don’t know why I do this, I hate this about myself, but I have to off load because I know that I need to and Devon is a caring shoulder to lean on, “Josh has been such an ass today, so unfortunately yes, he comes first. I think he is jealous that I get a massage and he doesn’t. If I tell him it’s a man giving me massage that will piss him off.” I add a devil face at the end of the comment.
“I hear you. My partner and I haven’t had an argument in over seven years. Laughing over here, well I’m sure you will take care of that. What a lucky massage guy, too funny.”
How the hell do two people live together and not have an argument in that length of time? I say back to him hoping that he opens up, “That’s nuts, must be nice to not argue.”
“There is nothing to argue over. We are not perfect people, we just get along. Like I said roomies, but love one another without the wonders of the good stuff.”
It’s not perfect his situation, he is right, it sounds a bit like an emotionless relationship, however for my own circumstance I think I would prefer that compared to the meaningless fighting with Josh. I answer, “Oh wow, I get grief on everything like dishes, and with what happened last night, our dog had an accident in his cage. I put the dog outside and took his cage downstairs to clean. As I was doing that, Josh got mad at me for not giving the dog a bath first.”
I think that I explained the circumstance fairly and Devon says, “That’s not right. I don't want to say anything, but he has two arms and hands, right? He could do it too. He could wash dishes etc.”
I explain further, “Josh did eventually but not without giving me a hard time. I had reason to do what I did in the order that I did. I put the dog out so that he could finish his business. Anyway, I know that I'm not perfect either, but wow, I feel like he focuses on the smallest things.”
Devon gives me his words that I need to hear. With Josh, I always feel like I am somehow in the wrong especially after he gives me an ear full of crap and with Devon he supports me, “Yeah, there are better things to deal with.” To not dwell on it any further Devon switches gears that changes the mood of the discussion to a better one, “I am so going to enjoy talking to you either by chat or video. You have no idea, and it will be clean too. Not thinking badly as you might think I was.” He adds some laughs.
I smile at the enthusiasm that is shining through with every word he has shared and laugh to myself at the fact that he has to mention that he will keep it clean. Our chats have become intimate; I answer him, “Can't wait to talk to you for real. I hope we have no technical issues when setting it all up.” I add a smile.
Devon asks, “So are you nervous about meeting me? You can be honest. For me, I am, but itching to see you live instead of photos. But photos are good too. Like I said before the camera likes you. Maybe it is because Canada is in the background. It makes for great pictures, chuckling, I am just being silly. I so desire and can't wait to meet you.”
I smile, I think that he is a little nervous and I send my response to him. “At first I was a little nervous, but now I can't wait. This is so not like me, but it feels like you are a family member that I haven't seen in months and I finally get to see.” These words that I send him are so incredibly true to my heart. Why does fate play with our hearts so much? This man feels like family to me and it still doesn't make any sense. I have tried to rationalize it, tried to fight it, but I can't. I can't fight with my heart.
My daydreaming gets startled with another text message from him. “I feel like I meeting an awesome person, really.”
My heart melts. If he was here right now all I can say is wow, the things that we would do. I send a follow up to his message. “Same here, okay well, this is going to be a long night. I will see you tomorrow and I’m sending you some hugs and kisses.”
My southern gentleman with all of his charm that I love so much gives me something for my heart to enjoy until we speak again, “I don't ever want the feeling that I have for you to go away, but I know it has to be just a friend and secret. It is okay, but while we are in that mode, I think of you as mine. Okay, hugs and kisses back at you.”
Oh I just melt, but I can’t leave it like that. I need to know what is specifically happening tomorrow so that we don’t get each other in trouble.
Okay Jordan, get your head out of the clouds for a moment. I need to call Josh and find out for sure when he leaves. My heart sinks with knowing that I need to call him because where we left off this morning wasn't good.
I send him a text, "Hey Josh so for tomorrow what time are you heading to work?" I click send and wait.
I work through some emails and check my phone’s screen for a reply from him but get nothing and I sigh. Like what is with him? What is the point of having a phone? He never seems to check his messages. I know he is not ignoring me. That is not Josh. If I was to take a guess he probably has his phone tucked away in his bag.
I answer another work email and check my phone one more time but to my disappointment there is nothing and so I have to resort to calling him on his work phone.
He answers, "Hello, Josh Speaking."
"Hi it's me."
"Are you calling to apologize?"
I huff, "Josh you know why I am going for a massage so why would I have to apologize for something that the doctor prescribed?"
"Well, because it is costing us money that we don't have."
I roll my eyes, not that he can see and try desperately to keep my voice down so that others don't listen in on my side of the conversation, "Josh its not costing you a thing. Sure we pay upfront but all we do is fax in the receipt and we will be reimbursed. I don't understand why you are so hung up on this?"
There is a moment of silence and he says, "I will hold you to it."
"Josh what are you talking about?"
"To faxing in the receipt, just do it as soon as you get home."
"I will. So I was calling to find out what time you were heading in to work tomorrow."
He asks, "Why?"
I lie of course, "I was thinking of meeting up with my mom and sister during the day to go for a walk."
"Are you going to drive to your parents' house?"
I roll my eyes again even though he can't see me, "Yes."
"Jordan we have no money for gas, can’t you stay home?"
"Seeing that I will be alone for pretty well the entire day I would prefer to spend that time with family. It's a twenty minute drive that’s it."
He sighs into the phone as though I am asking the world, "Okay but don't make it a habit. You have to understand that I am working these extra hours for us."
No your not, if you were doing anything for us and for the sake of this relationship you would quit your stupid part-time job to be with me. I am not going to get into this conversation of what he is doing and instead just say, "Okay well I wanted to confirm your time so that I can give them a heads up on when I would be meeting with them. So what time are you going in?"
"I am leaving the house at 9:00 AM."
"Okay thanks. Talk to you later?"
Josh says, "I love you."
I don't understand him if he loves me why is every little thing that I do questioned by him? I answer back just to not cause anymore discussion, "I love you too."
I hang up. I hate him, I hate how he is and just sigh staring blankly at my work computer screen in an attempt to decompress.
My mind returns back to Devon, oh I almost forgot and send an email to him this time just to confirm.
Hey Devon,
So for tomorrow, my husband will be gone by 9:00 AM, my time. Just to be safe let's aim for 10:00 AM. I will be available by then and pretty well have the entire day.
-Jordan
He replies within moments.
Hey,
Okay that works for me. I am dropping my spouse off at the airport in the morning and should be back by then. Sounds good, we can text each other when we are ready to set up.
-Devon
It’s approaching the time to leave for home and I send my final email to him before I pack up and go.
Hey Devon,
I'm just getting ready to start the weekend, packing up now. Talk to you tomorrow!
Bye, hugs and kisses
-Jordan
I shut my email down and pack up; it's time to start the weekend. Normally, I would be pretty bummed about this sort of weekend because it is being spent in town. My parents didn't make plans for a trip to camp and Josh is working pretty well the entire weekend. This gloom doesn’t faze me because I gather Devon is going to keep my weekend interesting.
-------------------------------------------
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Speaking about work, my productivity has taken an upswing. At least here, I can focus on things that are engaging like being able to speak to Devon and keep my mind distracted and this week with the anticipation building with being able to see him, I have a bounce in my step, I'm all smiles and others seem to be taking notice.
I feel on top of the world and soon it will be time to go home. Right now, I am just at my work computer plugging away at the email requests when I receive a message from my secret southern man. He sends it to my work email. We had exchanged email not long ago in a small light hearted conversation.
Hey Jordan,
Just wanted to say hello and see how your day is going?
-Devon
Emailing each other is easier for me. I don’t want it to look like I am constantly playing with my phone and raise suspicion in my co-workers, I respond to him.
Hey Devon,
Things are great. I am so excited to get to actually see you tomorrow!
-Jordan
I click send and I know it will be a few moments when I receive his response so I answer a quick work related email. Sure enough, his response comes back but he has switched to text messaging.
Devon explains, “It will be an early run to the airport, then after 9:00 AM, I’m yours. I believe she is still going for two weeks. When does Josh leave?” His wife is a trooper because in the time leading to her departure, she actually had a bit of an accident at their home and twisted her ankle while doing some yard work earlier in the week. For a few days the plans to video chat with Devon were still up in the air, because we weren’t sure if Sara would cancel her flight.
I answer him, “I’m not sure when Josh leaves for work, but I will likely be available by that time. You can text me on Facebook and if he’s still with me you will know if I don’t answer right away.”
Devon answers, “No worries. He comes first. I got it.”
I don’t know why I do this, I hate this about myself, but I have to off load because I know that I need to and Devon is a caring shoulder to lean on, “Josh has been such an ass today, so unfortunately yes, he comes first. I think he is jealous that I get a massage and he doesn’t. If I tell him it’s a man giving me massage that will piss him off.” I add a devil face at the end of the comment.
“I hear you. My partner and I haven’t had an argument in over seven years. Laughing over here, well I’m sure you will take care of that. What a lucky massage guy, too funny.”
How the hell do two people live together and not have an argument in that length of time? I say back to him hoping that he opens up, “That’s nuts, must be nice to not argue.”
“There is nothing to argue over. We are not perfect people, we just get along. Like I said roomies, but love one another without the wonders of the good stuff.”
It’s not perfect his situation, he is right, it sounds a bit like an emotionless relationship, however for my own circumstance I think I would prefer that compared to the meaningless fighting with Josh. I answer, “Oh wow, I get grief on everything like dishes, and with what happened last night, our dog had an accident in his cage. I put the dog outside and took his cage downstairs to clean. As I was doing that, Josh got mad at me for not giving the dog a bath first.”
I think that I explained the circumstance fairly and Devon says, “That’s not right. I don't want to say anything, but he has two arms and hands, right? He could do it too. He could wash dishes etc.”
I explain further, “Josh did eventually but not without giving me a hard time. I had reason to do what I did in the order that I did. I put the dog out so that he could finish his business. Anyway, I know that I'm not perfect either, but wow, I feel like he focuses on the smallest things.”
Devon gives me his words that I need to hear. With Josh, I always feel like I am somehow in the wrong especially after he gives me an ear full of crap and with Devon he supports me, “Yeah, there are better things to deal with.” To not dwell on it any further Devon switches gears that changes the mood of the discussion to a better one, “I am so going to enjoy talking to you either by chat or video. You have no idea, and it will be clean too. Not thinking badly as you might think I was.” He adds some laughs.
I smile at the enthusiasm that is shining through with every word he has shared and laugh to myself at the fact that he has to mention that he will keep it clean. Our chats have become intimate; I answer him, “Can't wait to talk to you for real. I hope we have no technical issues when setting it all up.” I add a smile.
Devon asks, “So are you nervous about meeting me? You can be honest. For me, I am, but itching to see you live instead of photos. But photos are good too. Like I said before the camera likes you. Maybe it is because Canada is in the background. It makes for great pictures, chuckling, I am just being silly. I so desire and can't wait to meet you.”
I smile, I think that he is a little nervous and I send my response to him. “At first I was a little nervous, but now I can't wait. This is so not like me, but it feels like you are a family member that I haven't seen in months and I finally get to see.” These words that I send him are so incredibly true to my heart. Why does fate play with our hearts so much? This man feels like family to me and it still doesn't make any sense. I have tried to rationalize it, tried to fight it, but I can't. I can't fight with my heart.
My daydreaming gets startled with another text message from him. “I feel like I meeting an awesome person, really.”
My heart melts. If he was here right now all I can say is wow, the things that we would do. I send a follow up to his message. “Same here, okay well, this is going to be a long night. I will see you tomorrow and I’m sending you some hugs and kisses.”
My southern gentleman with all of his charm that I love so much gives me something for my heart to enjoy until we speak again, “I don't ever want the feeling that I have for you to go away, but I know it has to be just a friend and secret. It is okay, but while we are in that mode, I think of you as mine. Okay, hugs and kisses back at you.”
Oh I just melt, but I can’t leave it like that. I need to know what is specifically happening tomorrow so that we don’t get each other in trouble.
Okay Jordan, get your head out of the clouds for a moment. I need to call Josh and find out for sure when he leaves. My heart sinks with knowing that I need to call him because where we left off this morning wasn't good.
I send him a text, "Hey Josh so for tomorrow what time are you heading to work?" I click send and wait.
I work through some emails and check my phone’s screen for a reply from him but get nothing and I sigh. Like what is with him? What is the point of having a phone? He never seems to check his messages. I know he is not ignoring me. That is not Josh. If I was to take a guess he probably has his phone tucked away in his bag.
I answer another work email and check my phone one more time but to my disappointment there is nothing and so I have to resort to calling him on his work phone.
He answers, "Hello, Josh Speaking."
"Hi it's me."
"Are you calling to apologize?"
I huff, "Josh you know why I am going for a massage so why would I have to apologize for something that the doctor prescribed?"
"Well, because it is costing us money that we don't have."
I roll my eyes, not that he can see and try desperately to keep my voice down so that others don't listen in on my side of the conversation, "Josh its not costing you a thing. Sure we pay upfront but all we do is fax in the receipt and we will be reimbursed. I don't understand why you are so hung up on this?"
There is a moment of silence and he says, "I will hold you to it."
"Josh what are you talking about?"
"To faxing in the receipt, just do it as soon as you get home."
"I will. So I was calling to find out what time you were heading in to work tomorrow."
He asks, "Why?"
I lie of course, "I was thinking of meeting up with my mom and sister during the day to go for a walk."
"Are you going to drive to your parents' house?"
I roll my eyes again even though he can't see me, "Yes."
"Jordan we have no money for gas, can’t you stay home?"
"Seeing that I will be alone for pretty well the entire day I would prefer to spend that time with family. It's a twenty minute drive that’s it."
He sighs into the phone as though I am asking the world, "Okay but don't make it a habit. You have to understand that I am working these extra hours for us."
No your not, if you were doing anything for us and for the sake of this relationship you would quit your stupid part-time job to be with me. I am not going to get into this conversation of what he is doing and instead just say, "Okay well I wanted to confirm your time so that I can give them a heads up on when I would be meeting with them. So what time are you going in?"
"I am leaving the house at 9:00 AM."
"Okay thanks. Talk to you later?"
Josh says, "I love you."
I don't understand him if he loves me why is every little thing that I do questioned by him? I answer back just to not cause anymore discussion, "I love you too."
I hang up. I hate him, I hate how he is and just sigh staring blankly at my work computer screen in an attempt to decompress.
My mind returns back to Devon, oh I almost forgot and send an email to him this time just to confirm.
Hey Devon,
So for tomorrow, my husband will be gone by 9:00 AM, my time. Just to be safe let's aim for 10:00 AM. I will be available by then and pretty well have the entire day.
-Jordan
He replies within moments.
Hey,
Okay that works for me. I am dropping my spouse off at the airport in the morning and should be back by then. Sounds good, we can text each other when we are ready to set up.
-Devon
It’s approaching the time to leave for home and I send my final email to him before I pack up and go.
Hey Devon,
I'm just getting ready to start the weekend, packing up now. Talk to you tomorrow!
Bye, hugs and kisses
-Jordan
I shut my email down and pack up; it's time to start the weekend. Normally, I would be pretty bummed about this sort of weekend because it is being spent in town. My parents didn't make plans for a trip to camp and Josh is working pretty well the entire weekend. This gloom doesn’t faze me because I gather Devon is going to keep my weekend interesting.
-------------------------------------------
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