Simple Affair

This summer has been challenging. I have not seen Josh much. He is always working, and when he is around, he is cranky, miserable and to be honest I begin to cherish the time that I have away from him. When we are together, it is as if he is always looking for something, anything to argue about, it could be as small as a dish being left out that sets him up for nagging. I hate it, dread it, and sometimes wish I could just leave, step out of my life, and never return, though that thought quickly leaves my head because I wouldn’t know how to just leave. I created a life with Josh and half of what we have created together is mine. Sometimes I wonder if he even loves me anymore. How can someone be so mean to a person that he hardly sees? The extra job he is working he says it is for us but honestly the change in him with being so tired and so moody, working all the time for a little extra money isn’t worth it.
Our relationship wasn't always like this. The man I had fallen in love with was once happy and outgoing. He was the one that would grab everyone's attention in a room and make others smile with his silly sense of humor. He was a kid at heart and most people when they first meet him end up liking him once they understand his playful manner.
I met Josh after graduating college with a diploma in computer science. My first job in the technical field was where I met Josh. I was training for an entry-level job in technical support, and he was a senior support staff and was a mentor for all of the new hires. At first, I took no notice of him, well I did notice him because I wasn't afraid to ask for help when I needed it but what I meant to say was at the time he was just another tech guy in the office, a handsome one, always well groomed, dressed nice and I didn't think anything more because he was a colleague.
Over the weeks as I progressed with the job, my questions slowed as I got more comfortable with my work, but Josh's presence was still as if I was on my first days. It wasn't long before we shared our breaks together. At first, it was just spending time together in the office cafeteria then it turned into trips to the local coffee shop and eventually turned into hanging out after work. First, it was at the local bar and grill but eventually it turned into sleeping over at his home.
Long story short, we were engaged after three months of dating and married within a year of meeting. We were hopeless romantics and crazy about each other back then. I wish that our relationship could take a step back in time so that I can feel that passion that we had once more.
Now the weeks are tiresome, we get up early, get ready for work and Josh begins the morning ritual with a, “Would you please do this first or why did you put that there?” It always sounds negative instead of a simple, “Good morning.”
I can’t take it. I just grind my teeth and do what he is nagging about so that I don't have to waste another moment with him. Almost seven years and I wonder how much longer I can deal with this, with him. Should I deal with it? I could leave him; I wonder sometimes what would my life be like if I left? I catch myself asking these questions often. Do I even love him anymore?
This morning we took separate cars to work, which is to my relief. I can enjoy the radio and the solitude. My mind starts to wander away from Josh as I make the commute to work along the highway. I should write a review for Devon, yes, I’m going to on my lunch break, why not, it was a good start to his story. It turns out it was just a sample of a few chapters, what a great tease. I should use Wattpad to sample my own work.
Lunchtime comes and I remain in the office. I write and publish a positive review. I wonder if Devon is notified of the review right away. I should send a message to make sure he sees it and if he hates it, I can remove it right away.
Excited to share my thoughts with Devon, I instantly sent him a text, “Hey Devon, I finally finished reading your sample and wrote a review. Take a look and let me know what you think. If you’re not happy with it, I can remove it.” I wondered how often he checked his messages, but I had work to address, so I focused on my overflowing work email.
After an hour or so, I decided to take a short break and checked my phone. To my delight, I saw a response from Devon. “Oh, hey Jordan, thank you so much. I just saw it. Can I ask you something?”
Curious, I replied, “Sure, what’s up?”
“Would you mind if I posted your review on my website?” he asked.
“It’s your review, so I don’t mind at all,” I replied.
“Thank you!” He expressed his gratitude.
Thinking about the captivating female lead character in his story, I couldn’t help but ask, “So, I have to ask, is the main person in your story based on your girlfriend?”
Devon chuckled and clarified, “Ha ha, no, she’s just a fantasy girl that I made up—my fantasy girl. It would be nice if my partner read my book, but she just isn’t interested. It’s a shame. What about you? Does your husband read your book?"
His question caught me off guard, reminding me of our ongoing conversations and flirtations over the past couple of weeks. With a tinge of disappointment, I reluctantly began discussing Josh. “No, well, he started to read my book, but he couldn’t get into it and eventually put it down. It just wasn’t his cup of tea. It’s too bad because I did base a couple of my characters on him.”
Devon empathized, saying, “Yes, that is a shame. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. I’m just really happy that you enjoyed my sample. I genuinely believe it’s going to be my breakout novel. In the New Year, I’m planning a trip to Victoria. That’s where I based my story. I’m going with my brother.”
“I’ve been there,” I replied. “You should visit the harbor, ride the ferries, and even though I’m from Canada, the west coast feels like another country.”
Curious, Devon asked, “How is that?”
“In my city, we have a bilingual culture, English and French. But on the west coast, there’s a vibrant Asian community,” I explained.
“Sounds like a visit overseas?” he pondered.
“Precisely. It’s funny how you can feel like a foreigner in your own country. I experienced the same feeling when I visited the United States. Even though I’m exposed to American television, being there is an entirely different world,” I elaborated.
Curious to understand more, Devon inquired, “How so?”
Smiling, I responded, “Well, for starters, I noticed people riding motorcycles without helmets. How is that even allowed? And then there’s the fondness for guns and the abundance of chicken joints.”
Devon burst into laughter, typing back, “Oh my god, girl, you’re cracking me up here at my desk!”
Devon’s laughter subsides as he responds to my question. “The chicken, you’re funny, girl. Smart and funny. And I’m going to say it, even if it’s out of line, you’re beautiful.”
My heart skips a beat at his compliment. “Thank you, you’re a handsome guy.”
Blushing, Devon thanks me and continues, “How old are you?”
I smile and decide to be honest, hoping my age won’t scare him away. “Thirty-one. And you?”
“Forty-two,” he reveals.
I feel a moment of disbelief, carefully examining his photo again. He doesn’t look forty-two. “You must use some really great anti-aging cream.”
“Ah, thanks. You’re too kind,” he replies.
Laughing, I say, “I would have guessed you were in your twenties or early thirties.”
Devon appreciates the compliment, responding, “You look younger too. I would have thought you were twenty-four.”
I chuckle, “Ha ha ha, no, I wish. So, tell me about yourself. Do you have kids?”
“Yes, I have a boy. Well, he’s twenty,” he shares.
“Wow,” I react, surprised by the revelation. “Yes, I know. I had him young. What about you?”
“No kids,” I reply.
Devon elaborates on his situation, “I love my boy, but he lives with his mother.”
Curious about his son’s future plans, I ask, “Is he going to be going away to school soon?”
“Yes, I’ve supported him all his life, and I’ll continue supporting him until he’s of age. So, one more year. I love him, but his mother sprung this on me. Honestly, I had sex with her once, and that did it. Sorry, that’s too much information.”
Devon has no idea about the struggles I’ve faced over the summer, which are the opposite of what he’s gone through. I sympathize and respond, “No, it's okay. I don't mind the chat.’ You must have some really good swimmers.”
He laughs at my comment, replying, “Yes, they know how to find the egg. No problems there.”
Curious about his past, I venture to ask, “So, how long have you been divorced? You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal.”
He reassures me, “No, it’s okay. It’s been years. To be honest, she just used me. She had a baby to get out of her parents’ house. I hate to say it, but she admitted that to me years later. I love my boy, it’s just that I hate that I felt manipulated by his mother. Anyway, how long have you been together with your husband?”
That is low, to feel used by the woman who brings his son into this world, my poor guy. I respond to him, “It is going on seven years.”
“He’s a truly fortunate man to have someone as extraordinary as you. I hope you don’t mind me saying, but you’re not just beautiful, you’re intelligent and funny too.”
Devon’s compliments never fail to make me smile. A true Southern gentleman, I wonder if all men from that region possess such charm. A part of me fantasizes about a future with him.
I sense a genuine interest in his words, and my intuition tells me that something is shifting. In my nearly seven years of marriage, I’ve never entertained the thought of another man. But now, everything is changing. It both excites and unnerves me. I find myself drawn to Devon, even though our connection is solely through chat and a few photos from his websites. The attraction is undeniably mutual; I catch myself often gazing at his pictures.
Shaking off my daydreams, I remind myself to keep the conversation going. “Tell me more about yourself. I read some of your other books. Have you had experience in combat?”
“I was a combat helicopter pilot during the Gulf War.”
His words hit me like a wave, and I can’t help but feel a surge of excitement even while I’m at work. I’m conversing with an extraordinary person.
“I’ve never met anyone quite like you. It’s incredible to think that you’ve been out there. Sometimes, those positions, like combat pilots serving their country, feel like they only exist in movies.”
“They’re very real. I started off fueling them up, then underwent training and ended up flying them for four years. I spent twenty-nine days in air combat.”
I can’t contain my enthusiasm. “I’ve always joked that if I ever won millions, I’d buy a helicopter and a tropical island. Now that I know about your experience, maybe you could be my personal helicopter pilot.”
He replies eagerly, "I would absolutely love that and would be thrilled to visit your tropical island. You have no idea.”
He knows exactly how to capture my heart. Alright, I should wrap up this conversation. A smile spreads across my face, despite being at work. “Devon, I have to get back to work now. Thanks for the delightful conversation. You’ve truly made my day.”
“Likewise. Talk to you later.”
I am just smitten. I hardly know him and there is something. I am all smiles for the rest of the day thinking about him. I know that I shouldn’t be but who cares. As long as it’s my secret it won’t hurt anyone.
I am curious about him and now I am crushing hard. He keeps me company even though it's just through a virtual world and not real life. Maybe I could trade in my husband for this southern man. I have to stop thinking about it. This is so unrealistic. The rest of the day floats by and I am in my daydreams wondering. The evening proves to be another lonely one of doing some housework and a bit of writing. Josh is working late again tonight.