What Hurts the Most

Our little meetings in Gram Forest continued for the next two weeks. We grew closer and closer. My friends were always wondering why I was so tired all of the time. Jake was my reason. After he brought me home every night, it would take me at least another hour to fall back asleep. I didnt want Jake to leave me. Why was I feeling this way? I mean, hes Jake! A dog! My best friend! He went way past Holly and Ryan. Funny, since Ive known them longer. I felt like I could tell Jake anything. Things seemed to go easier around him. And Holly was beginning to annoy me. Winter Formal was in two weeks and I still havent found a date. I kind of didnt want to go. I would rather spend the night with Jake.
"Nathalie, I have a date!" She complained. Holly was going with Peter Jackson. "I dont want to go with just him! I want you there, too!"
"Ryan doesnt have a date," I pointed out.
"That's Ryan," She said flatly. Ryan, who was sitting next to her, glared at her. Then he glanced at me and blushed. What was his problem? "We've been waiting since freshmen year to go to the winter formal. Now that we're juniors, we can!"
"By the way Ryan," I said to him, completely ignoring Holly. "We've got that French project due Monday. You wanna come over and work on it?" He nodded and smiled.
"Yeah! Sounds good," he said. "You bring your textbook. And the material. I'll bring me."
"Sounds like a plan!" I said with a thumbs up.
"Oh come on you guys!" Holly said angrily. "You need to focus less on school and more on Winter Formal!"
"That is the total opposite of what my dad would have said," Ryan chuckled.
"Ryan, do you want a date?" I asked him. He turned red.
"I don't want a date. I'm fine going solo or not going at all!" I said confidently. Jake's picture formed in the back of my mind.
"Then come solo!" Holly pleaded. "It would be no fun without my best friend there!" My heart pinged. Ouch. It was probably really mean of me to say that a dog was my best friend when she considered me her best friend.
"No thanks," I said again. "I have other plans that night." Ryan looked at me, a little sad.
"Really? With who?" He asked, a little too curious.
"no one," I said cautiously. They would probably be really mad at me if I said I was going to spend the night with a wolf. I looked up at the clock as the bell rang, signaling fifth period.
"Don't say another word about formal, ok Holly?" I said severely to Holly. She rolled her eyes and grabbed her books.
"Fine, lets go to history," she said huffly. "Then at least come with me Saturday to pick out a dress, ok?"
"Sure, no problem," I agreed, and we began talking about where to shop.
Ryan came over around 4. I hoped Jake wasnt going to come over early again. I dont think Ry would appreciate it if there was a ten foot dog helping us with our French project.
"What goes in this category?" I asked him. We were in my room with a large white poster board laid out across the floor. I was laying on top of it with my arms and legs sprawled out.
"'Colors,'" He answered, looking at his notebook. "Next to that is 'school supplies.'" I yawned and wrote colors and supplies in French under two separate columns.
"Break time!" I shouted, throwing my pencil behind me. Ryan stared at me.
"We just took a break ten minutes ago. Weve hardly got any work done! He said, chuckling. He looked at the clock and scowled. "Shoot, its 6:00. Look Nat, Ive gotta go. Lets work on this again tomorrow, ok?" I nodded and frowned.
We got a lot of, um, work done! I lied cheerfully. He laughed and rolled his eyes. I liked the way Jake rolled his eyes better.
"Well, see you tomorrow!" He said with a wave. I stood up and hugged him.
"Bye!" I said. He blushed a little and left. I cleaned up the floor around me and tried as best as I could to shove them back in my bag. Then the tap came and I smiled. Jake was sitting in his usual position near the window. But he wasn't standing there excited and happy like he usually was. I climbed through the window with my blanket wrapped around me and walked over to him concernedly, trying not to fall off my roof.
"What's wrong Jake?" I whispered. He snorted and turned around, waiting for me to hop on. "No. Not when you're angry like this." He turned and growled at me.
"What is your problem?" I asked angrily. He turned around again and waited. I reluctantly hopped on. By this point, I was used to Jake's speed, but today he was going faster than normal. And he wasn't enjoying it. We reached Gram Wood and I jumped off. I sat on my usual rock but wasn't joined by Jacob. He instead laid in a huff on the forest floor. I flared my nostrils and walked over to him.
"Why are you mad at me?" I practically screamed at him, not caring who heard me. He stood up slowly and glared at me. He gestured his head towards the directions we came from.
"My house?" I asked. "What was at my house? Oh wait, you mean Ryan?" He growled again and sat back down. Jacob was as tall as me lying down.
"Do you not like Ryan?" I asked, my anger dying down. I went over by his head and stroked his ear. He moved his head away from me.
"Are you, by any chance, jealous?" I asked, a small smile forming around my mouth. Jake didn't answer me. I couldn't help it; I started laughing. Was he seriously jealous of RYAN? He was just my friend! And he's an animal, it would never work out. It would be really awkward. Jake lifted his head up and turned towards me. His eyes were even angrier.
"Jacob, Ryan is my friend!" I explained through my laughter. It was probably really mean of me to be laughing at him. "We were working together on our French project." His brown eyes didn't change at first, but they slowly began to understand. He jumped up and barked. Jake ran over and tackled me to the ground. He was licking me all over my face.
"Alright Jake!" I said, still laughing. "I'm probably going to reek of dog when I get home." He moved away from me so I could stand up.
"Don't worry about any guys in my life, Jake," I said to him, standing up. "I really don't like anyone at the moment." This piece of news seemed to make him happier, for when he barked, it sounded more like a deep laugh. He seemed almost.human. I wanted so badly to go and hug him. I probably could, but it wouldn't be the same.
"I wish you were human Jake," I wished. "Then I could have a normal conversation with you. I could learn more about you. You would probably be my best friend." He stopped smiling for a moment and stared at the ground. I looked at him concernedly.
"I'd join a convent if it would make you happy, but that means I couldn't see you either," I joked. He didn't smile. He turned around and began to leave. I tried to follow him, but he growled his mean growl, so I stopped where I was. He walked around a bush so I couldn't see him. I hope he wasn't peeing. That would be embarrassing. I sat there next to the bush impatiently, secretly wanting to poke my head through the branches and see what he was up to. It would be so easy, just move a few branches aroundand my head was through the bush. I really hoped he wasn't peeing. I saw him walk to an open area in the forest and stop. He stood there for a moment, staring at the sky. It looked like he was debating something in his mind. Suddenly, he stood up on his back paws and his form began changing. I stared horrified as he changed from his lovable dog form into ahuman. He shed his rust-colored fur to reveal an extremely tan body of a man. He had long black hair that fluttered down to his back. I swallowed when I realized he was naked. I slowly pulled away from the bush, still in shock. Jake wasn't a dog or a wolf. He was a man. A man. Why didn't he tell me? I thought of him as my best friend! Realization dawned on me. He was the one opening my window when I wasn't around. He was probably going through my things. I bet he was only pretending to be my friend to rob me, or mug me! Horror ripped at my heart.
"Why Jake?" I whispered so quietly I didn't even hear it. Then I remembered that my phone was in my left pocket. I quickly pulled it out. My hands were shaking so hard I could barely dial the numbers. I called the first person that popped into my head.
"Hello?" Ryan asked. I swallowed before I answered.
"Ryan?" I asked, my voice shaking.
"Nathalie? What's wrong?" He asked, his voice raising.
"I need you to come pick me up," I said, my voice continuing to shake. "I'm at Gram Woods. I'll meet you at the entrance. And hurry." I hung up before he could say anything else. I put my phone back in my pocket and put my hands on my head. This was all too much. What was I gonna do? How was I gonna find my way out of here? What was I going to tell Ryan? And what was Jacob going to do to me? I heard a snap from behind and I whipped my head around. Jake was leaning against the tree casually, with a smug grin on his face. I was slightly relieved to see he was wearing an old pair of sweatpants.
"J-Jake?" I asked. His grin grew wider.
"Yep, it's me!" He said happily, taking a step towards me. I stepped back at the same time. His smile wiped away.
"Nathalie?" He asked. "What's wrong?"
"You, you were, um, now you're a, and I," I didn't know what to say. A million things were flying through my brain.
"Look, I know this probably comes as a shock to you-"
"No duh moron!" I shouted angrily, cutting him off. "I've, I've gotta go! Just leave me alone!" I backed up, and then turned around and began running. Jake was in front of me in an instant.
"Just let me explain!" Jake said, holding his hands up. I shook my head and turned the other way. I had a feeling he wasn't going to let me go. He put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around. His hands were so warm. I didn't even realize my blanket was on the floor. I was warmed up immediately. I struggled to get away from him, but he was just as strong as he was when he was a dog.
"Please," he pleaded. "Just talk to me for five minutes. If you still hate me then, then you can leave and never see me again. Actually no, that's a lie. I probably still wouldn't let you go. But still! Talk to me. Please." His eyes were the same brown as I remembered them. I sighed.
"Fine," I said quietly. He smiled and picked me up. I struggled and kicked at him so he would put me down, which was useless. He laughed at my feeble attempt to escape and set me down on my rock.
"Now Nathalie," He began, sitting next to me. Even as a human, he was still huge. He towered over me. Jake had amazing muscles, it was hard for me to look away.
"I know you're mad and upset at me. Fine. Go ahead. I don't care. Just hear me out. My name is Jacob Black. I am not from Illinois, but La Push, Washington. Now you saw me transform, right?" I nodded me head, glaring at him all the while. "I, 'didn't intend for you to see me.'" He said, using his hand to make air quotes. "You saw me accidentally. Now you know my secret." He smiled and put his arm around my shoulders. I pulled it off of me. What was he thinking?
"And now you know! I'm a werewolf!" he concluded. I snorted.
"Werewolves don't exist," I said disgustedly.
"Then how do you explain how I changed from a wolf into this?" He asked, gesturing to himself. He had me there.
"Nathalie, remember that day when I saved you from the drunk guys?" He asked. I nodded my head. "That was the first time I had ever seen you. I, I wanted to talk to you. To see you smile. To make you happy. Something about you made everything else in the world unimportant." I looked up at him, digesting the information he had just given me. He began pacing back and forth.
"After I saw those guys chasing you, I immediately wanted to rip their hearts out," He continued with a growl. "But I didn't want you to see that. So I settled for sharing the shit out of them."
"Jake, what are you trying to say?" I asked, looking down at the forest floor. He forced me to look at him with his strong hands.
"Nathalie, I think I am-" He stopped talking and dropped his hands when we heard shouting coming from behind us. I turned around and saw Ryan with a flashlight. He was breathing heavily. He looked relieved to find me, but then worried when he spotted my big friend. No, not friend. My big jerk. No, not mine. Just a big jerk.
"Nathalie, who is this?" He asked, staring at the two of us uncertainly.
"Thank god you're here!" I said and ran over to him. Jake crossed his arms. I knew this was going to make him jealous. I hugged Ryan and glared at Jake.
"Did he hurt you?" He asked angrily. I looked over at Jake, deciding on whether to lie or not. Jake looked really sad.
"No, he didn't," I said finally. "Just scared me. Can you take me home?" He nodded his head and took my hand.
"Wait Nathalie," Jake said suddenly. He hadn't moved from his spot. Ryan and I stopped, but didn't turn around. "Just so you know, I'll always come back to you. Even if you don't come back to me." I turned around but avoided his gaze.
"You're just a dog, Jake."