Silencing Alice

I followed Rowen down a long corridor. Portraits of stern faced figures stared down at me from the walls and I tried to ignore the feeling of their expressionless eyes watching me as I walked. The corridor suddenly wound left and emptied into a large room filled with antique furniture. A sweet musky smell greeted my nose and I was reminded of an old antique store I had once visited when I was a child.

A group of strangers huddled in the musky room and turned to look at us as we entered. They smiled at me encouragingly but I could see the wariness in their eyes. Taking a step back I avoided their scrutinizing gazes by taking shelter behind Rowen’s large form. My hand reached out and lightly gripped the tail of his shirt afraid that he would move away and leave me exposed and vulnerable to this room of strangers.

The room was silent as everyone waited for Rowen to speak. My heart thudded in my chest as I tentatively peered around Rowen’s broad shoulders at the small crowd gathered. They were a rough group with unkempt hair and wolfish smiles. Their faces were tanned and smudged with dirt, their feet bare as if they had recently dashed through the woods. Disheveled as they were, they exuded power with their tall lithe forms, their unusual presence making them appear larger than life. At a glance I knew that these people were not people of my world, they were people born of the forest with the power of nature coursing through their veins.

When inquisitive muddy brown eyes met mine, I quickly retreated back behind Rowen shying away from the intensity I saw in her gaze.

“Everyone,” Rowen’s rough voice suddenly broke the heavy silence that had settled around us. “This is Alice. She is my mate.” He announced and the room filled with a palpable tension.

“But she is human!” A voice cried. The way he said human made it seem a vile and unholy thing. As if I had committed a sin by just being it. I released my grip on Rowen’s shirt and took a step back as the air around him suddenly grew cold. My protective shield known as Rowen was morphing into something dangerous and I instinctively shrunk away from it.

In one fluid movement Rowen strode across the room to face the man who had uttered his protest. It was a well-built man with muscled arms and broad shoulders. Rowen towered above him causing the normally large man to appear small and childlike in comparison.

“Are you saying that she is unworthy?” Rowen asked and I could see the other man swallow as my own fear built in my stomach. Gone was the gentle and soft Rowen I had glimpsed in the bedroom I had awoken in replaced by this giant and his poorly masked ice cold fury. The rage in his storm blue eyes cut through the heavy silence like the steel of an unforgiving blade making the man he questioned squirm with discomfort.

“N-no my liege. F-forgive me for speaking out of turn.” The man forced out as his eyes darted around refusing to meet the steel of Rowen’s gaze. A few more tense seconds ticked by and the uneasiness continued to build in my chest as Rowen’s unwavering gaze continued to bore into the man’s face. Finally, after what seemed like ages of tense silence Rowen stepped away from the cowering man and returned to my side.

“Does she know yet?” the woman with the muddy brown eyes asked and my breath caught in my throat when I realized I was the ‘she’ she spoke of.

“Not everything.” Rowen said begrudgingly and my curiosity grew. I had my suspicions as outlandish as they were but I knew better than anyone that outlandish things were very possible. Still, it was another thing to have them confirmed. Something I wasn’t quite sure I was ready for.

Rowen suddenly turned to me looking me in the eye for the first time since we entered the large room of strangers and I watched in fascination as the steel grey of his eyes melted into a softer shade of blue.

“Would you like to know what we are Alice?” his voice had taken on a tender quality compared to the frigid voice he had used with the others. It lacked the biting harsh edge he had used on the man moments before. Encouraged by the softness I saw in his eyes, I hesitantly nodded knowing that I couldn’t run from the truth forever. His face melted into a tender expression but then snapped into a stern stoic mask when he took in the small crowd that had gathered around us.

“Leave us.” He commanded and I flinched at the ice that coated his voice. The people who watched us quickly bowed their heads and retreated from the room leaving me alone with this handsome giant and his secrets.

He appraised me quietly as I fidgeted and avoided his eyes before he finally voiced what I had been thinking all along.

“I’m a werewolf.” Rowen wasn’t one to beat around the bush I was learning. He cut right to the chase. Although I was learning to like his straight forwardness, it was at times like this that I would have probably appreciated a little extra ‘fluff’ to soften the blow.

I took a step back, my mind automatically wanting to reject the impossible statement that reached my ears, but my memories reminded me of all the impossible things I had seen thus far and forced me to acknowledge that the existence of werewolves could be just as possible as the existence of ghosts.

Rowen silently watched me battle my emotions as they danced across my face, curious to see how I would handle the news. I’m sure he expected me to deny it, to demand proof but I already had proof. I had seen him transform into a snarling beast deep within the forest and I had other proof. Proof in the form of the empty lost looks of the spirits who plagued me and the sinister smiles of the shadow men. There was more to the world than humans and I had simply found another piece of a world I already knew existed. A world of creatures that were not human.

Finally, after I was confident I had digested the news and settled the shock twisting in my gut I tersely nodded my head. Rowen looked taken aback by my response, as if he had been expecting a more dramatic reaction from me.

“Do you want me to show you?” He asked. Although I had gathered enough evidence already to support his claim and my sense of logic was telling me that there was no better more reasonable explanation for the impossible last 24 hours I had experienced, I still wanted to see for myself again the large black beast I had seen in the forest. I needed to confirm it for myself with my own two eyes so that I knew I hadn’t hallucinated it.

Rowen waited patiently for my reply as I battled the part of me that was scared of confronting the truth and the other part of me that was curiosity. Finally, I nodded informing Rowen of my desire to witness his deepest secret.

“When I am in my wolf form my senses do not leave me. I can understand everything you say. Although my form changes, my mind always stays the same.” Rowen said and I relaxed a little when I realized that when Rowen shifted, I wouldn’t be left alone with a wild animal with only the simple mind of a crazed predator. Not like the wolf I saw in the forest I said to myself.

When Rowen realized I had successfully digested what he had told me he took a step back giving himself more room to transform. I had to quickly avert my eyes when he began slipping off his clothes but then my curiosity overcame my embarrassment and pulled my eyes back to where Rowen stood. Blood rushed to my cheeks probably staining them pink but I needed to see the entire transformation to be sure. I trained my eyes on Rowen’s face taking in the scar that marred his brow and the light scruff that dusted his chin in order to prevent my eyes from wondering elsewhere.

The storm blue of Rowen’s eyes suddenly captured my gaze and I became aware of the light amber that slowly devoured Rowen’s sky colored irises. I jumped when the room filled with a sickening cracking sound and inwardly cringed when I realized that it was the sound of bones breaking and reforming. Rowen hunched forward as his body twisted in an abnormal and grotesque way, his skin darkening and then lengthening into the black pelt of a beast. The man who stood before me moments before now stood looking out at me through the amber eyes of a large black wolf. He towered above me giving the once large room a smaller and much more cramped feeling.

I took a step back in momentary shock while Rowen’s wolf continued to appraise me with an intelligent and calculating gaze. I wanted to call out Rowen’s name, to see if the beast before me answered but the words got tangled up in my throat like they always did forcing me back into the prison of my silence. I needed to know though. I needed confirmation that he was Rowen.

Gathering up my courage I tentatively took a step forward. Encouraged by the wolf’s stillness and lack of aggression I took another step forward until I was close enough to smell the woodsy odor emanating from his coarse black pelt. With a shaking hand, I reached towards him eyeing him wearily as my fingers slowly wove through the thick fur on his shoulder. The wolf tilted his head to the side as he curiously watched me and a small smile tugged at my lips when I was finally able to identify Rowen’s distinctive intelligent gaze behind the quiet appraisal of the wolf’s amber eyes.

The coarse fur beneath my fingers suddenly shuddered under my touch as wave like ripples rolled across his shoulder. The sharp sound of bones breaking filled the air and I took a step back in surprise when my fingers brushed bare skin again. I quickly turned away in embarrassment while Rowen pulled his clothes back on. I jumped when I felt the warmth of Rowen’s hand touch the small of my back, but then turned to face the mystery of Rowen’s storm grey eyes.

“Are you afraid of me now love?” He asked and I tugged on my bottom lip with my teeth unsure of how I should answer. I would be lying if I said he didn’t scare me a little. He had kidnapped me after all and could rip my throat out with his bare hands in a matter of seconds if he so chose, but something in the gentle way he looked at me threw me off. They were like two orbs of swirling shifting ash that held within them the heat of lightening and the deep blue waters of the ocean. A long time ago, someone once told me that the eyes were the windows into the soul. For the first time, I understood what they meant.

A troubled look crossed Rowen’s face when I didn’t immediately reply and I could feel him closing off from me. Slowly, I reached for him and clasped the clenched fist at his side. His tense fist loosened and relaxed in my grasp until I was able unclench his fist and weave my fingers through his. When his eyes met mine again they were filled with a relief I suddenly understood. I finally realized why his gaze moments before had momentarily thrown me off. It was a look I sometimes gave my reflection in the mirror. Rowen and I had more in common than I had originally thought. We both shared the gut wrenching feelings of shame about who we were and the fear of rejection that accompanied it when we looked into the eyes of our loved ones.

Having no voice for so many years forced me to adapt in new ways. I learned different ways of expressing myself. Every look, every smile, every touch had a different meaning. If my expressions were words, the look and the smile I gave Rowen that day would have been a new word entirely. I couldn’t see it, but I was sure it was a look I’d never given any one before.

When the worry melted off of Rowen’s face and his gentle lopsided small smile reappeared, I knew that I had said the right thing.