The Last Time

I had known Tyler for two years now, and I knew right away I was going to fall in love with. I also knew from the moment I met him he was going to break my heart. I met him the day after he was traded to Dallas. The newspaper I worked for asked for me to interview him about being traded and what opportunities he thought Dallas held for him. I was surprised at the interview when he asked me out. From our first date on we formed a friendship that led to us sleeping together and attempting to have a serious relationship. We tended to break up and continue being friends, and then randomly get back together.

I stood in front of him watching as he chugged another beer, I knew when it hit his blood stream and he made some stupid comment it was going to lead to us fighting. I was still drained from my flight back from Canada the last thing I wanted to do was fight with Tyler tonight. I had had a busy week, I had to spend a week in Canada covering a fashion event they were having. Tonight was my first night back in Dallas, and I really didn’t want to be at this party.

I stared at him talking to Jamie with a huge grin on his face. I just wanted to roll my eyes at him looking like an idiot. I just wanted to leave this stupid party that Jamie had decided to throw for no reason, I didn’t even want to come but Tyler had begged me to. How much I wish I could say no to Tyler, I was never been able to.

“You look like you want to go over there and smack the smile of Tyler’s face,” a familiar voice said walking up behind me snapping me out of my thoughts. I didn’t say anything I just turned to find Jordie giving me a friendly smile. “I don’t think you realize how much Tyler cares for you.”

He was right I didn’t really know how much Tyler cared for me. He was a never a person to go around telling me that he loved me or that he cared for me. He just always told that he liked when I was around, and that he hated sleeping alone, but neither of those statements led me to believe that he cared for me over loved me by any means.

I let out a heavy sigh as I kept my eyes still locked on Tyler, “you’re right I don’t know how much he cares for me.”

He rested his hand on my arm causing me to bring my gaze to his, “what’s going on with you guys?”

I stared at him not knowing what I should say to him, I didn’t know what Tyler and I were. I loved him so much, and weren’t really friends with benefits. I thought we were dating, and I considered him my boyfriend, even if he didn’t consider me to his girlfriend. I knew he didn’t love. Some twisted part of me thought it was okay that he didn’t love me. We had broken up a few times over the fact he didn’t believe in love, but for some reason I always go back him.

“I don’t know, he doesn’t love me,” I sighed wanting to cry at the fact I was admitting that he didn’t love me. “I don’t think he’ll ever love me either.”

Jordie’s expressions soften and his eyes filled with pity, “you don’t know that.”

“But I do, and that’s why I think I need to end this all for good for once,” I said looking away from him and over towards Tyler who was now talking to some brunette twig.

“That’s nothing,” Jordie said knowing that I was probably hurt to see him flirting with some random chick.

“I know it probably is nothing, but I’m tired of having to worry about when it’s going to finally become something. I’m also tired of waiting for him to love me,” I wanted to cried at just the thought of finally ending things with Tyler for good.

“So are you going to break up with him?” Jordie asked looking at me as if he already knew what I was going to say.

I nodded my head looking down at my feet, “I don’t want to get hurt anymore, and I just need to let him be free.”

“He’s not going to take you ending things well,” I think he was trying to convince me that I shouldn’t break up with Tyler.

“He’ll be fine; he’s always fine when we end things,” I said more trying to convince myself I was making the right decision.

I looked over at him to find him pushing his eyebrows together, “yeah because he always knows it’s not long before you’re back together.”

I watched as Tyler tossed his beer in the trash and started walking towards Jordie and I, I didn’t say anything more to Jordie. I could feel Jordie’s eyes burning into me as I watched Tyler walk towards me grinning. His cheeks were glowing pink like they always did when he drank. I knew tonight one of us was going to bed heartbroken.

“Molly where’s your drink?” he asked wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him. I could tell just by the way he was acting he was only buzzed, he wasn’t drunk like I thought he might be.

I glanced over at Jordie who had a concerned look on his face, “Molly do you want me to give you a ride home, Ty can stay at the party?” I knew he was trying to convince me not to break up with his friend.

I shook my head as I looked back at Tyler who was pulling me closer to him, “I think we should go home,” I said hoping he wasn’t going to fight me on leaving.

“Why babe?” he asked probably confused on why I wanted to leave out of nowhere.

“Tyler I don’t want to be here any longer, and I think we need to leave so we can talk about some things,” I pulled my body away from his and watched as a confused look formed on his face.

“What do you want to talk about?” he asked reaching down and grabbing my hand. I wanted to pull my hand away from his, but I didn’t want to cause a scene at the party.

“We should talk about it your house, and not at this party.”

I saw concerned look form in his hazel eyes, “alright.”

We walked through the crowded house and made our way outside; I reached into my purse and pulled out my keys. I always was the one who drove up to parties so Tyler was able to drink. Neither of us said anything as we silently drove to Tyler’s place that was too far away from Jamie’s house. I pulled into the driveway and looked over at Tyler who was just staring out the window. I could tell by the concentrated look on his face he was trying to figure out what I wanted to talk about. We walking into his house, I stopped in the living room an sat my purse down on the couch and watched at Tyler walked off towards the kitchen. I sat down on the edge of his large leather couch waiting for him to come back into the living room.

He walked back into the room with two water bottles in his hand. He reached over handing me a bottle and sat down next to me on the couch. “I’m going to assume I’m not going to like whatever you want to talk about,” he said speaking up for the first time.

“No,” I said quietly. I didn’t even like what we were going to talk about.

“Just say whatever you want to say,” he said as he twisted the cap off his water bottle.

“This isn’t working out for me anymore,” I said looking over at him. I watched as his eyes saddened. “I can’t sit around and be in whatever this is with you anymore. Like I consider you my boyfriend even though you won’t call me your girlfriend, like Tyler I love you, and I know you don’t love me.” It hurt me to say everything I was saying.

“So you want this to end?” he asked with no emotion in his voice.

“Yeah, you don't know how hard it is to be in love with someone who doesn't love you,” I said as tears started to brim my green eyes.

“Is that why you’re ending things?” he said running his fingers through.

I nodded my head not sure what I should say to him.

“I do care for you, I you mean a lot to me,” I could tell he was trying to say he didn't love me in the nicest way possible.

The tears started sliding down my cheek slowly. I didn't want to cry I wanted to stay strong, but I just couldn't help it. “You don't love me, and I understand that. I can't be mad at you for not loving me. I just can't sit around and be in love with you, while you don't feel the same way.”

I looked over into his hazel eyes and could see sadness, he ran his hands down his face before looking back over at me. “I can't change your mind can I?”

I shook my head, “the only thing that will change this is if you wanted a serious relationship and if you loved me.”

“I want to so badly to tell you I love you, but I don't know that I know what love is,” he sighed looking down at his feet.

I pushed the tears off my cheek and stood up messing with the bottom of my dress. I looked over at him to see staring at me like he knew this was the last time he would probably ever see me again. “Tyler I can't do this anymore,” I said wanting to understand we couldn't get back together.

“So we’re done for good?” he asked standing up in front of me. I nodded my head as he stepped closer to me. “There's nothing I can do to change your mind?”

I shook my head, “I’ll always love, you” I whispered as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.

He rubbed his hands slowly up and down my back. I closed my eyes tightly, as I felt him press his lips to the top of my head. “So I guess this is goodbye,” he whispered.

I pulled away and looked into his hazel eyes, “goodbye.”

I walked out the front door and felt the tears just pour down my cheek. I didn’t want this to ever happen, and here I was leaving broken hearted. I walked towards my car with my knees feeling shaky, I wanted to just collapse on the floor and just sob, and I was walking away from the guy I was in love with. I reached into my purse desperately trying to find my car keys. I searched and searched wanting to scream that I couldn’t find my keys anywhere. The tears just continued to slide harder down my cheek as I looked at the front door hoping maybe he was going to come outside and just confess he loved me, but instead I just found the front door shut. I looked back at my purse and found my keys buried at the bottom.

I reached over and unlocked my car and got in quickly. I just wanted to get home as quickly as possible. I just wanted to get home and cry myself to sleep. I wanted to forget all the pain tonight had caused me. I knew that I didn’t have to end it, but I couldn’t string this on any longer. I knew if he didn’t love me now, he wasn’t ever going to love.



I sat on my living room couch trying to wrap my mind around everything that had just happened. I ran my fingers through my dark hair trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Molly had ended things with me. I knew it always bugged her that I wouldn’t commit one-hundred percent to her, and that I couldn’t bring myself to say I loved her. I knew eventually that was going to be the downfall of us, but I didn’t expect it to happen tonight.

I closed my eyes tightly as I heard her car pulling out of my drive way. I looked down on the coffee table where I had my phone sitting. I saw a new text message pop up. I picked up my phone to see a message from Jamie.

Jamie: where did you go?

I wondered if I should even bothering telling him that Molly broke up with me. He would just think that she ended what he thought was our friends with benefits relationship. He didn’t understand that our relationship was a lot more than that. Even though I could bring myself to call her my girlfriend everyone that knew me knew that she was my girlfriend. Jamie and Jordie told me all the time that I was a dumb ass for not just making it official.

Tyler: I left with and then Molly she broke up with.

I got up off the couch and walked over into the kitchen. I walked right over where I kept the whiskey. I knew I was going to need something strong to help me forget tonight. I reached into the cupboards and pulled out a glass and pour probably three shots worth in the cup, and just started chugging. I pulled my phone out of my pocket when I felt it vibrate.

Jamie: She finally got tired of you never fully committing?

His text felt like a slap across the face, because I knew it was true.

Tyler: Yeah, she said it hurts too much to be in love with someone who isn’t in love with her.

I sat my phone on the marble counter and just started chugging down the strong liquid. I wanted it to hit my system fast so I wouldn’t have to sober deal with the fact I was sleeping alone for the first time in a while. I finished off the last drink of whiskey and sat my cup down on the counter and saw another text from Jamie.

Jamie: You fucked up man. Are you alright?

I knew that was a loaded question I was far from alright. I was hurt, and if I didn’t know any better I would even say heart broken.

Tyler: I’m hurt, I’m also mad at myself of hurting Molly.

I poured myself another glass of whiskey trying to make it take affect quicker. I sat the bottle back down on the counter and started chugging again. I felt my phone vibrate but I didn’t want to put the glass down until I had killed all the liquid in my glass. I took a deep breath as I sat the glass down. My throat burned from the whiskey. I picked my phone to see another text from Jamie.

Jamie: why don’t you come back over and we can talk?

I shook my head to myself knowing that there was no way I could drive that all the whiskey I had just drank was going to be hitting me soon.

Tyler: I just drank way too much whiskey. I’m going to head to bed now.

I made my way through my large house; I just wanted to go to bed and forget tonight had ever happened. I walked into my bedroom and tossed my phone on my bed, and worked on stripping off my clothes. I was caught off guard when I heard my phone start to ring.

I rolled my hazel eyes when I saw Jamie’s name on the screen. I answered the phone and waited for him to say something.

“Are you fucking stupid Tyler?” he almost shouted.

I sat down on the edge of my bed knowing this was going to be a long phone call, “I guess.”

“Why don’t you go after her and tell her you love her?” Jamie asked me the question I was mentally asking myself.

“Because I don’t love her,” I felt like an asshole already and this conversation wasn’t helping any.

“You don’t realize you love her,” Jamie sighed on the other line.

“I don’t even know what love is,” I said lie back down on my bed.

“Yeah that’s fucking obvious, so should I come over in the morning to take care of your hungover ass?”

“Yeah probably,” I said already starting to feel the effects of the whiskey. “Jamie you can yell at me tomorrow, I just want wallow in my own self-pity tonight alone.”

“I guess I’ll see you in the morning,” he said before handing up quickly.

I locked my phone and looked down at my lock screen to see a picture of me and Molly kissing. I knew I should change it so every time I looked at it I wouldn’t get the same sinking feeling I had right now, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maybe I deserve to suffer by looking at it for a while, for breaking Molly’s heart.

I closed my eyes hoping that whiskey would erase the heartbroken look on Molly’s face that was burned into my brain. I just wanted to go to bed and forget tonight had even happened.