Something's Gotta Give

Twenty four floors separated Jack Barakat from the ground.

Sure, it was terrifying to be up so high, but it gave him a rush, a rush he'd been dying to feel again. His eyes stung from the wind as he leaned over the edge, just barely taunting himself.

And he'd be done, just a single slip and he'd be gone, a memory.

Vaguely Jack wondered how people would reminisce about him, recalling how he'd acted and why he'd left. The thoughts were an adrenaline rush.

For years he'd tried to hide it, tried to live in the shell of himself to keep away from standards. In high school, it'd been easier. No one had found their true self and everyone was trying to fit in, just to make the mark society sets. By his twenties, though, it wasn't as easy.

Jack never thought himself of anything unique. He was average, nothing special. Throughout his whole life, he believed that he would make it work, eventually blending in and masking it.

Jack was demi-romantic. And though it didn't seem bad - after all, it was just a sexuality - it was horrendous at times.

He would only feel a romantic attractions toward people he'd formed a strong emotional bond with. And for Jack, that person was Alex.

He was everything to the younger man. He was a cool breeze in the humid mid-summer, he was a song after years of silence. Alex was a new adventure and Jack wished he could map out its course. But he couldn't.

He already blew his chance.

They dated back in high school, but it only lasted a year. Alex had broken it off, saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and wasn't ready to come out to anyone. Their secret remained a secret.

But nearly a week later, when Alex asked out the new girl, the younger knew his reasons were lies. Excuses. Jack hadn't ever been good enough for him.

Alex was an idealist. So when he met Lisa, he found that she was the perfect fit to his vision. She was average, not Jack. He was extraordinary, but that wasn't Alex's perfect picture. He'd wanted to grow up, get married to the pretty girl, have kids, giving up touring to settle down.

Lisa completed that image, not Jack.

The man - a teenager then - had convinced himself that he hadn't been enough, that he'd never be enough. He knew it was irrational. He knew he shouldn't have been beating himself up on a single relationship.

But Jack never found it in himself to get over it. Being demi-romantic, it was hard to find another with the same bond he had with Alex.

His sexuality wasn't gender specific, so he had even tried to befriend other girls along with males, but it was all forced. He'd never be attracted to anyone but Alex.

So there he stood, several years after he'd lost the best thing he'd had, twenty-four floors from the cement.

Jack Barakat was tired.

He'd gotten plenty of sleep, he wasn't physically tired, but he was mentally exhausted. He was tired of waiting, tired of trying and failing. And that was what pushed him to climb the stairs up to the roof, poised and ready to jump.

Everything Jack had to live for was gone. His parents had abandoned him many years ago, his brother and sister lived on the other side of the country, his relationship with Alex was over, and - as of yesterday - so was the band's career.

Yeah, the rumors of a breakup were true.

Alex had taken them out to dinner, sitting everyone down to 'talk'. Then and there, they all should've guessed trouble, especially because the eldest had paid.

He said they weren't the same anymore. He said he lost his inspiration, his muse had faded. He felt old, said he needed to settle down. Then he started to cry.

He explained that he couldn't do it anymore. If he went on any longer, he'd be under so much pressure that he would explode. At first, they had stayed quiet.

Then they questioned it.

Alex spilled the secret, saying that Lisa told him to. She told him she was tired of waiting around to get married and start a family. She threatened to leave, and that was when Alex started to fear losing his utopia of perfection and idealism. He agreed.

Zack asked if they could replace him.

That only made Alex cry harder, sobbing into his hand, because he really didn't want this. He wasn't ready to give up his childhood dream, but he had to. At least, that was what he told himself.

But Jack had stood up and said that they couldn't. He claimed that no one could ever have a voice like Alex's (although they probably could). He said that no other face could fit All Time Low like the four of them could.

But most of all, no one could replace his best friend.

Fifteen years they had been Jack and Alex, Alex and Jack. Fifteen years they had stuck to each other's sides like they were glued. Fifteen years they had taken care of each other on bad days. Fifteen years they'd supported each other, as best friends, and even as boyfriends. Fifteen years, they'd done it all together.

Together.

Now because of Alex's damn expectations, they'd be ripped apart and left to fend by themselves. Jack couldn't do that.

And that was what set Jack off, screaming at Zack through tears because he just didn't understand. He never would. Not only were they best friends, Jack loved Alex. He'd never stop.

Alex calmed him down when they both weren't as upset. Despite the comfort, Jack wouldn't ever be okay. The band was the last thing he had to live for. And now that was gone, thanks to the person he loved more than life itself. What did he really have left to live for?

Nothing.

The roof was the best option, twenty four floors up. Alex promised him that tomorrow would get better.

But tomorrow would never come again. At least, not for Jack.

As he stood at the edge, the reality set in. Never would he live another day.

Never would he play another show, release another album, eat another meal, or sleep another night. He would never cuddle with Alex during movie night, nap on his shoulder. He'd never see the elder smile again, never hear his laugh.

Sad was an understatement about how Jack felt about this. He'd miss the little things about his love wherever he was headed. Jack wasn't confident in his beliefs of what happened after death, but he guessed he'd find out.

Life hadn't been easy on him, and years of being in unrequited love were taking their toll.

Leaning over the edge, Jack took his last deep breath, stretching his leg just to let his foot hang over the edge.

"JACK!" A familiar voice screamed, and said man whipped around to see his best friend standing there, a horrified expression painting his face. Tears welled in his eyes and his cheeks flushed. His brown hair was tousled due to the wind.

"Why- What are you...Jack?" He stammered, horrified. Jack didn't know what to do. He wasn't exactly sure how to tell his best that he had pushed him toward suicide, but it was the truth. If hadn't fallen in love with him, if he hadn't disbanded All Time Low, if he hadn't helped him...

But the back of his mind told Jack that he had helped. He had tried. And maybe that was all he could gave.

Yet, it was expected that Jack would stick up for Alex. He always did, always had, always would. Even though this was his last chance.

"You weren't going to... were you?"

His words were a strangled whisper, barely heard by Jack through the whipping wind, but he just managed to catch them and nod solemnly. He couldn't lie to Alex. He'd know.

"Oh god, Jay," he whimpered, slowly walking over to the man and staring him in the eye. "Why?" Alex could see the pain etched into his features, sad tired eyes accompanying a frown on thin lips.

"You."

The elder just stared at his best friend in surprise. But then his look settled into relief and he started to tear up again. Hot droplets spilled over exasperated barriers and he just attached himself onto Jack in a tight hug.

"I don't want to settle down with her, Jack." He admitted, burying his face into the soft cotton while the taller wound his arms around his waist. They sighed simultaneously in relief, enjoying the safety.

"I know, Lex. You love the band and-"

"No, you don't understand. I don't want to settle down with her... I want to settle down with you. I wanna be able to call you mine and kiss you and cuddle with you and someday marry you. I don't desire that with her anymore. I tried so long to force myself to believe that that was what I wanted. It's not. I want you, and I always have. Jack... I love you."

Jack couldn't suppress the huge grin on his face, and the kiss he pressed to Alex's lips, whispering one last thing in his ear.

"I don't want to die tonight."
_