Lovely Sad

Poppy hadn’t noticed how hungry she actually was until Bridget placed a bowl of popcorn onto the coffee table in front of her, her mouth instantly salivating. The two best friends were alone in Bridget’s apartment, so Poppy made no attempt of self-control as she grabbed a large handful of the freshly popped treat and shoved it into her mouth, causing crumbs and extra kernels to fall onto her shirt and onto her lap.

Under any other circumstance, Bridget would have provided some snarky comment about Poppy’s state, but Bridget was too preoccupied shoving an identical handful of popcorn into her own mouth.

It was Thursday, the girls’ usual night to catch up and unwind while they watched television together. The pair’s preferred show, Grey’s Anatomy, wasn’t due to start for a little while, so Bridget relaxed back into the couch, turning her head to glance over as Poppy shoved another handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” Bridget stressed, earning a laugh from Poppy.

“I’ve just been a bit busy. But you should be used to that by now.”

“Right, work.” Bridget mused, earning a laugh from Poppy. Bridget was used to Poppy’s crazy work schedule, but she also knew it wasn’t work that had kept the blonde girl so preoccupied over the last week. While Poppy had been incredibly busy at the office, any and all free time she had managed was spent with John, including their trip to a drive in movie theatre the night before. Granted, the pair had spend most of their time together making out in the back of John’s Jeep rather than follow the plot of the movie.

Poppy felt like she was a teenager in love all over again, falling head over heels on silly dates. It was simple, it was fun and most of all it wasn’t serious. It was exactly what Poppy needed.

“How is the boyfriend then?”

Poppy shook her head, taking a drink from the water bottle Bridget had left out on the table for her. “He’s not my boyfriend.” She corrected, “We’re just hanging out.”

Whatever relationship was forming between Poppy and John wasn’t complicated, but she had a nagging feeling that if she were to get any more involved with him it was about to. She was holding back, worried that her Adrian secret that sat on the tip of her tongue at all times was about to slip out if she got any closer with John.

“Bull shit.” Came Bridget’s response as she rolled her eyes at her best friend. “I know you’re head over heels for the guy.”

Poppy felt her phone vibrate in the pocket of her jeans, knowing it was probably a text from John she ignored it to spare herself any further teasing from Bridget. “Yeah, it’s alright.” Poppy downplayed.

“Alright?” Bridget repeated, narrowing her eyes slightly as she skeptically looked over Poppy. “Seems more than alright to me.”

Seems was the key word there, as despite the fact that the pair had seen each other nearly every day at this point, Bridget had yet to have been introduced to John. She had met him previously before setting the couple up on their blind date, but he had been so quiet and reserved she didn’t really remember any of their interactions vividly. She knew her best friend well, though, and knew that if something was wrong Poppy would speak up and tell her right away. For Poppy and Bridget, no news always meant good news.

But she also knew Poppy could get a little bit picky over the smallest details and pass over good guys for no reason at all.

Poppy was quiet for a moment too long and Bridget immediately sat up straight, her eyes wide. “No!” She accused, pointing a demanding finger at Poppy. “You’re not doing your usual ‘Oh, I’m Poppy and I’m so desperate to sabotage every good thing that’s happened to me so I’m planning on breaking up with him over absolutely nothing’.”

Taken aback by Bridget’s outburst, Poppy opened her mouth to reply but couldn’t articulate a real response. “No, that’s not it!” She sputtered out, swatting Bridget’s hand away from her face.

“Then what are you holding back for?”

Poppy shrugged once more, unsure if she wanted to tell Bridget.

Everything was going perfect with John, but she was holding back out of fear that he would find out about Adrian. It was something she had always worried about, having to explain to potential suitors that she had been there and done all this before, with one failed marriage already under her belt before she was even old enough to experience a quarter-life crisis. It embarrassed and worried her enough on its own, but now having to explain to John that not only was she a divorceé, but her ex-husband was currently very present in her life made her head spin.

Bridget was going to tell her she was being stupid, that Adrian and John were too very different people, and John wouldn’t care.

At least, that’s what Poppy hoped as she adjusted her position on the couch. Tucking her legs up under her she turned so she was fully facing Bridget, gaining the full attention of her copper-haired best friend. Bridget set the popcorn bowl onto the coffee table in front of them, cautiously turning so she was in a position that mirrored Poppy’s.

“I’m just nervous.” Poppy’s voice was small as she spoke, avoiding eye contact.

“Pops, can’t you just let yourself fall for the good guy for once?”

That was it. John seemed like he was the good guy, but Adrian was also that way too.

“It’s not John that has me nervous, though.”

“Okay?” Bridget’s frustration with Poppy’s vague answers was beginning to show through as she spoke.

“I may have left out a few details.” Bridget didn’t say anything, just raised her eyebrows in a motion to encourage Poppy to keep going. “It’s Adrian.”

The words were out of Poppy’s mouth before she could rethink her actions.

She probably could have just lied and laid low for the next few months until Adrian was gone and then live happily ever after with no lectures from Bridget and no judgement from John. Did that count as lying, though? Poppy didn’t care about lying to John, they were just friends so she was allowed to have her own secrets, right?

Bridget’s reply came after a few moments of silence, and she spoke slowly making it obvious to Poppy that she was choosing her words very carefully. “What exactly about Adrian?”

“He’s back.” Poppy kept her eyes glued to her hands in her lap, nervously picking at the over-priced nail polish that covered her finger nails. “He’s the new client. Him and his new fiancee.”

The lecture that Poppy was expecting never came, instead Bridget sat quietly for a few more moments before shrugging. Poppy had prepared herself for yelling and a lecture, it was what Bridget had done during the many conversations the pair had had over Adrian previously. But Poppy was pretty sure that the silence she was receiving was much worse.

“If he’s engaged then I don’t see the problem here?” It sounded cold, but Bridget was being realistic. It would only be natural for Poppy to be a little upset to find out an ex had moved on, but Poppy was doing the same thing. It shouldn’t have any effect on Poppy’s relationship with John, unless there was more going on than Poppy was letting on. As skeptical as Bridget was, she wasn’t going to press too hard into the matter, she still believed that if anything were happening her best fried would be honest with her about it.

“There is no problem, and that’s the problem.” Poppy was sure she sounded crazy at this point. She didn’t know how to convey what it was she was feeling, and she knew her words weren’t doing her thoughts any justice. Having Adrian appear back in her life, especially so suddenly, was supposed to be a problem. Plus there was the way he had just shown up at her office unannounced the other day to tell her how pretty he thought she was. Surely that was not normal behaviour, and it should be a red flag. “He’s just been so nice and keeps telling me how he’s missed me and such.”

It was an edited version of the last few days’ events, but Poppy needed a pep talk, not a disciplinary lecture from her best friend.

“Shut it down.” Was Bridget’s reply. Her tone cold and stern, Poppy immediately knew not to argue or try and defend his actions. “He’s getting married; you’re with John. It’s over.”

“I know-“

“If you know, then start acting like it.” Poppy flinched as Bridget raised her voice to emphasize her point. Bridget had been the one to have to pick up the pieces of Poppy when Adrian left town the first time, and she wasn’t going to sit back and do it again. “Be the bigger person here.”

“It’s not like that, Bridget.” Poppy pleaded. Honestly, it wasn’t. Poppy had no intentions of giving in or revisiting old feelings with Adrian. All of her nerves and uneasiness over the situation came from her fear of John finding out. She had done a good job so far keeping her personal and work lives separate, but she really liked John and wasn’t so sure how long she could keep up that act for.

“So if you’re not pining over Adrian, what does he have to do with you and John?”

“Nothing. I just don’t want him to find out.”

“Then don’t introduce them?” Bridget spoke as if this was the most obvious answer in the world. And while it was the obvious answer, it just didn’t sit right with Poppy. She still couldn’t put her finger on what it was that was making her so uneasy, but having Adrian back in her life had completely thrown her off balance. Or maybe it was how new and foreign her relationship with John was that was making her feel this way. At this point, Poppy just wasn’t sure of anything.

“I’m just nervous, it’s nothing. Let’s forget this.” Poppy pleaded, turning back towards the table and pressing the unmet button on the television’s remote. As the sound of the television filled the room, it signalled that this conversation was formally over.

No matter how much Poppy insisted they were just professional, Bridget knew that nothing between Poppy and Adrian was ever civil. He was manipulative and always took advantage of how much Poppy liked him. The idea of him being back in Poppy’s life didn’t sit well with her. As much as she wanted to switch off the tv and lecture some sense into her best friend, she knew her words would just fall onto deaf ears. She could only give the same speech so many times before it lost it’s effectiveness.

However everything Bridget had said, Poppy already knew. But it was nice to hear it from someone else instead. It made the advice a little more real, and sometimes that’s the little push you need to do what you know you have to. And for Poppy, that was to focus on John and keep her head down with Adrian so she could get through this job with her sanity and pride fully intact.

______

In typical Poppy and John fashion, she had called him as soon as she had returned home from Bridget’s apartment that night. Curled up in bed with as many blankets as Poppy could find in her apartment to battle the frigid overnight temperatures of the Arizona desert, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to the though of how her bed wouldn’t feel quite so large and cold if John were here to occupy it with her. She contemplated telling him that, but it seemed a little too forward.

Her phone resting on the pillow next to her head, John’s sleep-filled voice filled her bedroom as she left him on speaker phone.

“I need to see you tomorrow, Poppy.”

They had seen each other nearly every day at this point, but the urgency in his voice still made Poppy blush. Even though he couldn’t see her, Poppy bit her lip to try and suppress the smile that was tugging at the corner of her lips. This was the honeymoon stage, and she knew these nerves and butterflies were only temporary, but Poppy was going to soak it all up while it lasted.

“Name a time and it’s a date.”

“I’ll get my packing out of the way early and then we’ll have all evening together tomorrow. So don’t plan any late night Friday meetings.”

“Pack?” Poppy repeated, unsure if she had heard his words correctly. It was only the end of February, John had told her repeatedly that his band wasn’t leaving to tour until late March just before their new album came out. He still had weeks before he had to leave why would he be packing so soon? Poppy was supposed to still have weeks of John all to herself before she had to share him with the fans.

“Yeah, I leave for California on Saturday morning. I swear I told you?” He had most definitely not told her this. “I’m just going to visit some friends out there for a bit.”

“Oh.”

“It’s only a short trip, I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You say that a lot.” She mumbled, scowling at her phone as if John could see her.

It seemed to be his favourite line when discussing business meetings or leaving for tour. Everything he did was accompanied by a promise that he would be back before she knew it. Every time she heard it now it began to feel more and more like a go-to line he used rather than a genuine promise. He was going on vacation when he had promised to spend as much time with Poppy as possible before he left for tour. He hadn’t even left yet and he was already breaking promises.

Poppy shook her head to rid these thoughts as soon as they entered her mind. She was being crazy. She was probably just in a bad mood after her conversation with Bridget earlier about Adrian. She needed to take a step back and relax.

Poppy was jumping too far into this, when John clearly wasn’t that invested. He had completely forgotten to mention he was going out of state for awhile, a detail Poppy considered to be pretty major. She needed to get a hold of herself and get her head out of the clouds.

“What was that?” John had failed to catch Poppy’s snarky comment, and she silently thanked whatever power above her had granted her that pardon.

“I said how about dinner tomorrow?” Poppy lied.

“Whereabouts were you thinking?” As quickly as the trip to California had been mentioned, it was forgotten just as fast.

“My place. I’ll cook.” Poppy caught herself, silently warning herself to back off. She couldn’t put in more effort than John was willing to put in, that’s how you end up burned at the end of a relationship. Poppy squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a breath she hadn’t noticed she was holding. “We’ll keep it casual.”

“Sounds perfect, darlin’.”