Status: You can find more of my stories & poems on DA! http://HVVStudio.deviantart.com/
Still Just a Machine
Still Just A Machine
I stood with my head hanging as the warm water ran down my slender spine, eyes closed as the steam covered my face. Leaning with my hand against the cold grey concrete colored wall, I wondered why must everything be so dull. Along the wall cracks ran like spider webs throughout its never ending naturalness. Still unable to relax I stood staring at my feet the water trickled down upon them before swirling momentarily and disappearing into the depths of the drain and into the unknown. Watching the journey of the water flow in the same never ending cycle as the water poured continuously, witness to a beginning, an end, and a new journey into the abyss.
When will it all be over? One battle after another. Nothing ever changed. Still fighting for survival. Still clinging to the edge of the drain desperate to remain in the warm, safe environment that we are born into but are helplessly thrown into the darkness which now consumes us all. From which there is no escape. When... when will the end come? Is it all for nothing? Will mankind be caught in this never ending spiral forever? If so then what’s the point, it might as well end here and save others from suffering the same fate who were fortunate enough to not yet know of this pain and sorrow for they have yet to exist. Yet to exist... My thoughts swirled on hearing myself think those words. A new life. One untouched by the vile and decay of this world.
Stupid Judgment Day. Stupid machines. Stupid humans.
My long wet hair moved around the base of my back as I slammed my fist against the wall. The jerking motion caused it to swing in front of me and slide between my breasts almost as if it needed to comfort its self. Nothing tender to hold onto. Just cold emptiness. So young when Judgment Day came, in some ways I still am that child. Crying desperately to fulfill a need to be cared for, almost the way an infant needs a mother and father. But its not a mother and father that I need. I need a machine. I have a mother and father wherever they might be. I'd like to think they are still alive. Out there somewhere. So long since the T-101 Series took me. It was my own personal home computer that tried to kill me. And I though I was much safer in the house away from the world and its disease of corruption. So much for being a nerd. Even then I had a need for machines just not in the way I do now.
Conflict swelled within as I dwelled upon the significance of my life when suddenly I was jerked out of thought by a sudden sense of presence. I knew I wasn’t alone. "Can't get lost in thought!" I scolded myself for having let my guard completely down in a very intimate and private moment. A swift motion floated right passed me and over to my farthest side from which the distant doorway stood, as if it were a ghost not making the slightest sound. It very easily could’ve been mistaken for a shadow if it weren’t for the wind that blew past from the motion it projected which froze my bare, skin worse than any icy breeze from Alaska, because this wind wasn’t just cold. It was fear. It griped me as I jumped in shock and surprise gasping for life. If it had been a snake it would've bit me.
The ghost now stood on my left just as still as it had entered. "For the love of God will you please not do that!" I shouted fiercely upon realizing what it was. I quickly turned my back towards it in attempt to cling to what was left of my dignity. Standing before me was the T-101 Series. The same model that aided John Chonor in surviving Judgment Day. The same model that defeated the T-800 Series Female Model. Chonor had somehow managed to salvage the CPU it had left behind from its remains after the fallout. After what seemed like decades of piecing it back together combining old parts with new, it was now able to exist like the rest of us. As one of us. His new mission was the same as the old, to ensure the survival of John Chonor and his Generals in the battle against Skynet. Only this time Chonor had managed to change its programming enough to give it 'free will', or as much free will as a programming could have. We all thought of it the same even if in our own way. It was friend to all of us. A part of our family. We accepted it as a life of it's own.
But more importantly, it was the same T-101 model that saved my life at the tender age of sixteen. He stood unaffected by time. Just as strong and as cold as he was the day we met. With my back still turned clinging to my vital body parts I demanded "What are you doing here?" He extended his arm towards me with a two-way military radio firm in grasp at full arms length, he leaned at me and spoke. "You have a phone call. John Chonor wishes to speak with you. I thought it would be most effective if you received this message as soon as possible." His naturalness and lack of understanding of the situation made me laugh uncontrollably. I doubled over grabbing my rippled stomach until tears formed in my ducts and air escaped my lungs unable to inhale. A full minute passed before I could regain myself. Catching my breath I turned towards him, face to face suddenly unconcerned about clinging to my vitals. My arms dropped to my sides without any concern as to where my clothes were. The water still pouring I spoke with a smile.
"Tell John if it's not a life threatening emergency I will get back to him at my soonest connivance, as I am rather indisposed at the moment." Still holding the phone at arms length he turned the mouth piece towards him and spoke "She will call you back." I laughed again. Still smiling I took his hand the phone was in and clicked it off with him still holding on to it, I lowered it to his side where it rested. "That’s very rude of you, you know." I told him softly. "I also don't like being scared." He stood silent the steam filled his sunglasses he always wore but of course he didn’t bother to wipe them or even comply to what I had said. I just stood smiling. I reached up and took off the glasses and folded them placing the item into his coat pocket for safe keeping. "Can you see better?" "Affirmative. But was not necessary since I know the feel of the building, I have been programmed with the blueprints John Chonor..." I smiled and interrupted him. "It's very rude to sneak up on someone while they are in the shower. It's a very private moment. Do you understand?" "If my presence is inappropriate I apologize. Do you wish me to leave?"
I hesitated at the question. The correct answer is 'yes' my commonsense told me, but something else told me different. I had to make a split second decision which would've been easy if it were made on the battlefield. He seemed to make the decision for me as he turned towards the door. He was there to deliver a message and the message had been received so it was pointless of him to stay in the room any longer. It must be a horrible thing to drift from place to place looking for someone to tell you what to do next to have a sense of purpose in life. A sense of accomplishment. A sense of existence. Even though he had free will he still had no emotions. Often in life we are motivated by anger, pain or love. He had none of those. "Wait!" I shouted at him urging not to leave. He turned and asked "What do you require of me?" "Come here." He did. "Stand in front of me." He did. "What do you see?" "I see General Spier, leader of..." I raised my hand to silence him.
Moving closer, I stood just inches away from him and ran my hand softly down his face. "Now what do you see?" "I see that you are naked." "Now we are getting somewhere." "I also see that you are cold. Do you require clothes?" "No, I have no desire to wear clothes right now. I understand you have no emotion but if you did how would you feel right at this moment?" "Your question is inappropriate and also illogical." "Touch me." He stood still just standing there. Unmoving. "See so you do have free will. Why did you not touch me even though I ordered you to?." "I can not comply." "Why can't you? Or do you not want to?" "I can not determine that at this time." "Because you have free will. If I order you to do something you will do it simply because I ordered it, so if I order you to touch me you will do so and for no other reason. You are after all 'capable' of further human interaction if so desired as your body is composed of flesh and some organs similar to that of a human male in appearance. Or is it not?" "It is." He replied slowly. "What is your mission?" I asked smartly. "To ensure the survival of John Chonor and his Generals in their battle against Skynet." "What else is your mission?" He looked confused even more than he already was which of course was an emotion caused by his bond and ties to those he was programmed to protect.
"Remember what John changed in your original programming?" "I am allowed to move about freely within this facility and do as desired." "So it is your free will that prevented you from touching me when I ordered it is it not? You didn’t touch me because..." I allowed him to finish my sentence. "It was inappropriate and illogical." it responded. "But it was not illogical after all after the facts I have just provided you with. Is it?" There was a pause momentarily and both stood in a still silence. After a time he spoke "I understand at the age of sixteen your life was in danger and being of John Chonor's Generals I was programmed to assist in aiding your survival. I now have come to understand that you have under gone a great amount of trauma at a time when your physical development was still maturing, thus the excitement and exhilaration of your then current situation created a heightened effect in your hormonal development which lead to infatuation of this model. Now in your adult years having failed to surpass such childish emotions you now believe you are in love but such thoughts are foolish as it can never be because the T-101 Series is not equipped with emotion. I can not love back. Your effort has been proven failure to change what can not be done. You are one of John Chonors Generals there for you realize your importance to this mission and will set aside all misguided emotion to better enhance your performance, increasing your chance of success which is vital to this mission and the survival of mankind.”
He turned and walked towards the door the same way he had entered and left the steamy bathroom. “John Chonor still wishes to see you.” he spoke just seconds before he disappeared out of sight. With a sigh General Spier reluctantly turned of the water and grabbed her near by towel to quickly dry as she dressed before making her way across to the other side of the facility. What does John want now? she wondered. It seemed he was always summoning either her or the team. She should be proud for having been so heavily relied on but in all honesty it was just an annoyance.
I stood with my head hanging as the warm water ran down my slender spine, eyes closed as the steam covered my face. Leaning with my hand against the cold grey concrete colored wall, I wondered why must everything be so dull. Along the wall cracks ran like spider webs throughout its never ending naturalness. Still unable to relax I stood staring at my feet the water trickled down upon them before swirling momentarily and disappearing into the depths of the drain and into the unknown. Watching the journey of the water flow in the same never ending cycle as the water poured continuously, witness to a beginning, an end, and a new journey into the abyss.
When will it all be over? One battle after another. Nothing ever changed. Still fighting for survival. Still clinging to the edge of the drain desperate to remain in the warm, safe environment that we are born into but are helplessly thrown into the darkness which now consumes us all. From which there is no escape. When... when will the end come? Is it all for nothing? Will mankind be caught in this never ending spiral forever? If so then what’s the point, it might as well end here and save others from suffering the same fate who were fortunate enough to not yet know of this pain and sorrow for they have yet to exist. Yet to exist... My thoughts swirled on hearing myself think those words. A new life. One untouched by the vile and decay of this world.
Stupid Judgment Day. Stupid machines. Stupid humans.
My long wet hair moved around the base of my back as I slammed my fist against the wall. The jerking motion caused it to swing in front of me and slide between my breasts almost as if it needed to comfort its self. Nothing tender to hold onto. Just cold emptiness. So young when Judgment Day came, in some ways I still am that child. Crying desperately to fulfill a need to be cared for, almost the way an infant needs a mother and father. But its not a mother and father that I need. I need a machine. I have a mother and father wherever they might be. I'd like to think they are still alive. Out there somewhere. So long since the T-101 Series took me. It was my own personal home computer that tried to kill me. And I though I was much safer in the house away from the world and its disease of corruption. So much for being a nerd. Even then I had a need for machines just not in the way I do now.
Conflict swelled within as I dwelled upon the significance of my life when suddenly I was jerked out of thought by a sudden sense of presence. I knew I wasn’t alone. "Can't get lost in thought!" I scolded myself for having let my guard completely down in a very intimate and private moment. A swift motion floated right passed me and over to my farthest side from which the distant doorway stood, as if it were a ghost not making the slightest sound. It very easily could’ve been mistaken for a shadow if it weren’t for the wind that blew past from the motion it projected which froze my bare, skin worse than any icy breeze from Alaska, because this wind wasn’t just cold. It was fear. It griped me as I jumped in shock and surprise gasping for life. If it had been a snake it would've bit me.
The ghost now stood on my left just as still as it had entered. "For the love of God will you please not do that!" I shouted fiercely upon realizing what it was. I quickly turned my back towards it in attempt to cling to what was left of my dignity. Standing before me was the T-101 Series. The same model that aided John Chonor in surviving Judgment Day. The same model that defeated the T-800 Series Female Model. Chonor had somehow managed to salvage the CPU it had left behind from its remains after the fallout. After what seemed like decades of piecing it back together combining old parts with new, it was now able to exist like the rest of us. As one of us. His new mission was the same as the old, to ensure the survival of John Chonor and his Generals in the battle against Skynet. Only this time Chonor had managed to change its programming enough to give it 'free will', or as much free will as a programming could have. We all thought of it the same even if in our own way. It was friend to all of us. A part of our family. We accepted it as a life of it's own.
But more importantly, it was the same T-101 model that saved my life at the tender age of sixteen. He stood unaffected by time. Just as strong and as cold as he was the day we met. With my back still turned clinging to my vital body parts I demanded "What are you doing here?" He extended his arm towards me with a two-way military radio firm in grasp at full arms length, he leaned at me and spoke. "You have a phone call. John Chonor wishes to speak with you. I thought it would be most effective if you received this message as soon as possible." His naturalness and lack of understanding of the situation made me laugh uncontrollably. I doubled over grabbing my rippled stomach until tears formed in my ducts and air escaped my lungs unable to inhale. A full minute passed before I could regain myself. Catching my breath I turned towards him, face to face suddenly unconcerned about clinging to my vitals. My arms dropped to my sides without any concern as to where my clothes were. The water still pouring I spoke with a smile.
"Tell John if it's not a life threatening emergency I will get back to him at my soonest connivance, as I am rather indisposed at the moment." Still holding the phone at arms length he turned the mouth piece towards him and spoke "She will call you back." I laughed again. Still smiling I took his hand the phone was in and clicked it off with him still holding on to it, I lowered it to his side where it rested. "That’s very rude of you, you know." I told him softly. "I also don't like being scared." He stood silent the steam filled his sunglasses he always wore but of course he didn’t bother to wipe them or even comply to what I had said. I just stood smiling. I reached up and took off the glasses and folded them placing the item into his coat pocket for safe keeping. "Can you see better?" "Affirmative. But was not necessary since I know the feel of the building, I have been programmed with the blueprints John Chonor..." I smiled and interrupted him. "It's very rude to sneak up on someone while they are in the shower. It's a very private moment. Do you understand?" "If my presence is inappropriate I apologize. Do you wish me to leave?"
I hesitated at the question. The correct answer is 'yes' my commonsense told me, but something else told me different. I had to make a split second decision which would've been easy if it were made on the battlefield. He seemed to make the decision for me as he turned towards the door. He was there to deliver a message and the message had been received so it was pointless of him to stay in the room any longer. It must be a horrible thing to drift from place to place looking for someone to tell you what to do next to have a sense of purpose in life. A sense of accomplishment. A sense of existence. Even though he had free will he still had no emotions. Often in life we are motivated by anger, pain or love. He had none of those. "Wait!" I shouted at him urging not to leave. He turned and asked "What do you require of me?" "Come here." He did. "Stand in front of me." He did. "What do you see?" "I see General Spier, leader of..." I raised my hand to silence him.
Moving closer, I stood just inches away from him and ran my hand softly down his face. "Now what do you see?" "I see that you are naked." "Now we are getting somewhere." "I also see that you are cold. Do you require clothes?" "No, I have no desire to wear clothes right now. I understand you have no emotion but if you did how would you feel right at this moment?" "Your question is inappropriate and also illogical." "Touch me." He stood still just standing there. Unmoving. "See so you do have free will. Why did you not touch me even though I ordered you to?." "I can not comply." "Why can't you? Or do you not want to?" "I can not determine that at this time." "Because you have free will. If I order you to do something you will do it simply because I ordered it, so if I order you to touch me you will do so and for no other reason. You are after all 'capable' of further human interaction if so desired as your body is composed of flesh and some organs similar to that of a human male in appearance. Or is it not?" "It is." He replied slowly. "What is your mission?" I asked smartly. "To ensure the survival of John Chonor and his Generals in their battle against Skynet." "What else is your mission?" He looked confused even more than he already was which of course was an emotion caused by his bond and ties to those he was programmed to protect.
"Remember what John changed in your original programming?" "I am allowed to move about freely within this facility and do as desired." "So it is your free will that prevented you from touching me when I ordered it is it not? You didn’t touch me because..." I allowed him to finish my sentence. "It was inappropriate and illogical." it responded. "But it was not illogical after all after the facts I have just provided you with. Is it?" There was a pause momentarily and both stood in a still silence. After a time he spoke "I understand at the age of sixteen your life was in danger and being of John Chonor's Generals I was programmed to assist in aiding your survival. I now have come to understand that you have under gone a great amount of trauma at a time when your physical development was still maturing, thus the excitement and exhilaration of your then current situation created a heightened effect in your hormonal development which lead to infatuation of this model. Now in your adult years having failed to surpass such childish emotions you now believe you are in love but such thoughts are foolish as it can never be because the T-101 Series is not equipped with emotion. I can not love back. Your effort has been proven failure to change what can not be done. You are one of John Chonors Generals there for you realize your importance to this mission and will set aside all misguided emotion to better enhance your performance, increasing your chance of success which is vital to this mission and the survival of mankind.”
He turned and walked towards the door the same way he had entered and left the steamy bathroom. “John Chonor still wishes to see you.” he spoke just seconds before he disappeared out of sight. With a sigh General Spier reluctantly turned of the water and grabbed her near by towel to quickly dry as she dressed before making her way across to the other side of the facility. What does John want now? she wondered. It seemed he was always summoning either her or the team. She should be proud for having been so heavily relied on but in all honesty it was just an annoyance.