Timebomb

By the time I wake up the next morning Alex's side of the bed is already empty and cold. I groan rolling on to my back letting my arm flop over my face.

Fucking John fucking ruining everything fuckety fuck!

"Well what am I supposed to do dude?!"

I freeze hearing Alex's voice coming from the next room through where our bedroom door isn't shut properly . He sounds pissed off.

"Yeah, but Jack! She's been lying to me!" he whisper yells and I don't need to see him to know he's tugging on his hair.

My insides twist uncomfortably making me feel sick. John still loved me, hopefully Alex did too.

When we got home last night Alex had gone straight into our bathroom to get ready for bed without talking to me and then curled up on his side, quilt pulled up to his chin and his bedside light out before I'd even taken off my makeup.

I feel bad for eavesdropping but I can't help myself, slipping out of bed and tiptoeing to the door.
Alex is pacing the living room in a pair of sweats and a black GK shirt, his phone pressed to his ear and his back to our room.

"Of course I love her don't be a dick man." he huffs out a breath dragging his fingers through his matted hair. "It' just like, if she hid this for two years, what else is she hiding y'know?"

My heart feels like its cracking in my chest. Oh god Alex.

I can't stand to hear anymore so I turn back into our room and start to get dressed.

[center *****

"Liv?" Alex calls out half an hour later as I'm just finishing up my make up. I hum an affirmative and he strolls into the room holding a steaming mug of tea.

"I er, wasn't sure if you were up, so I brought you tea?" he looks unsure, eyebrows furrowed on his handsome face. I smile up at him reassuringly making grabby hands at my mug but grabbing him instead when he gets close, pressing our lips together.

I hear the mug settle on my dresser and then his arms are holding me close.

"I love you, I love you, I love you Alexander." I murmur kissing every available patch of skin making him giggle and gently push me away. He's grinning when our eyes meet.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, I only found out John hadn't sorted out his shit that afternoon and I didn't want to ruin the day for you and I honestly didn't know he was coming, I haven't had contact with him in almost three years I promise."

Alex cuts of my rambling with another kiss.

"It's okay, I er, I think I overreacted." Alex says rubbing his eyes with his hand anxiously, perching on my dresser next to the forgotten mug of tea. "I just didn't expect him to be such a dick... Or so tall!"

I giggle, and he huffs out a laugh that's more breath than anything else.

"I'm not kidding Liv, he's a giraffe!"

He grins properly this time, lacing our fingers together.

"Is he going to be a problem, do you think?" he asks suddenly serious, chocolate eyes searching mine.

I frown.

John was many things, and annoyingly persistent was unfortunately one of them.

"God I hope not."



Things go back to normal for a few days, Alex is running around like a headless chicken getting ready for tour and The Wolf has been super busy with lots of local bands booking up shows.

Kennedy went back to Arizona on Monday but Garrett had decided to stay and had made himself very comfortable in our apartment and our life. It was like living back with Mom and Dad. Fighting over the remote and stealing food from each others plates at dinner. Alex, being an only child, found it hilarious.

It's Wednesday night and Alex is out with All Time Low rehearsing for tour so Garrett decides we need 'sibling night'.

We're spread across my leather sofa, me in a baby blue onesie covered in yellow ducklings and Garrett in a black and white skeleton onsie. The coffee table littered with half eaten pots of pringles and bowls of m&m's and gummy sweets. We've been watching zombie movies since around five and we're both starting to feel sick.

"Ughhh Liv, pass me the sour watermelons, I might be sick if I move." Garrett groans, one arm over his eyes, his other hand clutching his stomach.

I stretch my hand pathetically towards where the packet of sweets is hanging half off the table about a foot away from me.

"I can't reach." I moan, my outstretched arm flopping to the floor with a muffled thump.

"Ugh you suck!" he whines, shoving his onesie clad toe into my ribs.

I giggle involuntary sitting up dragging the pillow with me and smacking him with it.

The fight doesn't escalate any further because we're both exhausted from slobbing around all day.

We sit quietly for a bit shoving even more junk food in our mouths watching Nickolas Hault slowly turning back from a zombie into a human when Garrett's phone buzzes. It takes him almost five minutes to get it off of the coffee table and I snort at how lazy he's being. He sticks his tongue out at me and I do it back childishly.

"Oh."

I startle at his grumpy tone, his relaxed smile turning grim.

"What? I ask worriedly, sitting up slightly to see his face better.

Garrett screws his mouth to one side as if debating whether to tell me or not.

"Gary..." I say using my 'big sister voice'.

He sighs dramatically before answering. "It's John. He's still in Baltimore and he wants to hang out."

"Oh."

I lock my eyes on the tv seeing Garrett staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I'd been trying not to think about John since the night of my engagement party, I get a strange twisting in my gut whenever his name is mentioned.

"Have you err, y'know, talked to him since he... Since you saw him?" Gary asks nervously, shifting his body uncomfortably so hes sat cross legged facing me.

I sigh deeply knowing he's not gonna let this go until we've talked about it, I tear my gaze away from the tv and mirror how he's sitting.

I shake my head, no, since the engagement party I haven't heard a peep from him.

Gary frowns, his bright blue eyes troubled.

"Do you, do you ever miss him?" He asks quietly, "Miss what your life was like?"

The question cuts deeper then I thought it would, as deep as the fact that John hadn't ever moved on, deeper than the fact that I've still not dealt with the situation.

"God G, start with the easy questions," I try and joke, but it falls flat, my baby brother being serious for once, raising his eyebrows to prompt me into continuing.

I's stupid, John's not even here but just the thought of him has my pulse racing and my head spinning.

Did I miss John? Of course.

"Erm, yeah, I mean how could I not, he was my person y'know what I mean?" my gaze meets Garrett's and he smiles reassuringly, "I spent everyday for like four years with him and you guys, we did everything together, and then we went to Vegas and it was the most perfect few days of my life."

I can feel the tears prickling my eyes.

"What really happened? I mean I kind of know I was around you both the whole time, but the details have always been a bit... Sketchy?"

I huff out a defeated laugh, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Things started to go down hill when I got my job and you guys went on tour without me... It was like he didn't care. He didn't have any time for me, he was always distracted even when he was home. It was like he couldn't wait to get away from me. He'd pick fights over stupid things to the point where I wanted him to leave y'know?"

The tears start to over flow and I feel pathetic, Garrett tugs me to him, wrapping his skinny arms around my shoulders just like our Dad used to when we were kids.

"Then he missed my birthday, not even a text, and when me and you skyped and he was in the background having just the most amazing time by the looks of it I broke. He broke my heart and then when you got home a few days later I was off with him, he went mad. Called me an ungrateful bitch and went on and on about how we were tied together so tightly that he felt suffocated and blah blah blah. I couldn't take it anymore, I felt shit more than I felt good and... Well you know the rest. John went out with Eric that night, I packed all my shit and took it to Mom's, ignored him for three days then moved here."

"A fresh start." Garrett mumbles into my hair making me smile.

"Yeah."

We go quiet, Garrett rubbing my arm comfortingly whilst I fiddle with the leather bracelet tied around my wrist that I never take off, it has three charms on it, a tiny silver heart with an arrow through it, a silver Autobots symbol and a wolf with miniscule blue gems for eyes. It had been a present from John at our graduation and I could never bare to part with it, even after he broke my heart.

"I miss him so much some days I don't know how I make it through." I whisper, regretting it almost as soon as I say it.

Garrett shoves me back gently his eyes wide like a startled owl.

I shrug noncommittally. "If I went back in time I wouldn't leave, I'd fight, but I can't and even if I could, I never would have met Alex, and I love him G. I love him so much he's so good to me and I'm happy, properly happy for the first time since John. I need to marry Alex so I can move on for real, you understand that right? You see how unhealthy me and John were?"

Garrett sighs like the entire world sits on his shoulder.

"He needs to move on too Sis, but I just don't see it happening, you were it for him. I can tell from the way he looks at other girls that he's comparing them to you, the way he sits and fiddles with his wedding ring staring into space. I agree with you though, you two were always so intense, you were like obsessed. I'll talk to him, get him to sign the papers."

I smile a watery smile and hug my brother close, crying against his chest either in relief or sadness I wasn't sure, he held me for ages just letting me cry until I eventually fell asleep.

It's hours later when a soft voice filters into my sleep addled mind.

"Babe? Liv baby? You've got to get up so Gare can go to bed." I hum noncommittally refusing to open my eyes and I hear Alex chuckle softly.

"Wait, has she been crying?" he asks in a whisper.

"Yeah, I think everything's getting to her y'know?" Garrett replies just as quietly, his voice vibrating his chest that I'm snuggled on unable to shake sleep completely, "I mean what with John reappearing and you being angry with her-"

"I'm not angry with her!" Alex hisses, "I'm angry at your dick of best friend actively trying to destroy the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

They're both silent for a second but I can hear Alex's heavy breathing and Garrett defeated sigh.

"Lex?" I mumble still half asleep.

"Yeah baby I'm here." he still sounds tense and I struggle to open my eyes to look at him. The living room's pitch black save for the blue screen of the tv, the stark light casts Alex's face in shadow making him look gaunt, with dark circles under his eyes, and the three days worth of stubble on his crooked jaw.

"Mmbedd." I slur, sleep pulling me back under. I hear Alex and Garrett chuckle in tandem before I feel Alex's arms curl under my legs and back lifting me from the couch.

"Night dude, I didn't mean to yell at you, you've done nothing wrong, this John prick just gets under my skin." Alex says to Garrett as I curl against his chest.

I feel a kiss being pressed to my temple and know it's Garrett saying goodnight.

"I get it, John's good at that, but maybe you should have a beer with him, man to man, tell him to sort his shit out y'know? Might be good for both of you."

Alex mmm's and goes to reply but I'm already fast asleep.